Lion's Bride (21 page)

Of course, that was what she meant, Thea realized with relief. The child had an uncanny perception, but she would never think of Thea in any carnal connection. “Yes, we transplanted five young trees on the green at the rear of the castle. Lord Ware is thinking of going into the silk trade. I promised to show him how to use the trees.”

“Are they doing well?”

“I think they’ll survive.”

“Then we’ll be able to leave soon. Since you owe him a debt, I can see how you’d feel obliged to stay until you gave him what he needed.”

The heat deepened in Thea’s cheeks. She had not given him what he needed. She had yielded to him her body, but she had not bestowed on him a child.

Selene nodded with satisfaction. “If the trees are flourishing, you won’t have to stay.”

“No, I won’t have to stay.” The thought brought a deep, wrenching pain. She had told Ware everything was different, and he had accepted it. She must do the same. She must forget about him. Selene and she would get on with their plans and their lives. They would be free, doing work they loved. It was what she had always wanted, the goal for which she had worked all her life. She should be soaring with happiness.

“What’s wrong?” Selene’s gaze was on her face.

“Nothing.” She gave her sister another quick hug before she set off down the hall. “It’s just that one becomes accustomed to a place, and Lord Ware has treated me with kindness.”

“He doesn’t look like a kind man—but, then, people are often not what they seem.”

Ware looked rough and hard and as dark as Selene had judged him. But he was also generous, protective, and intelligent. “He can be kind.”

“You like him.”

“We’ve grown accustomed to each other.” She would not evade the question; he deserved better from her. “Yes, I like him very much.”

“Perhaps he can visit us in Damascus.”

“No, that’s not possible.” Once she left Dundragon, she must cut the bond that had grown between them. Ware was safe at Dundragon; she would not see him endangered for her sake. The pain within her was growing deeper with each passing moment. She should have realized this would happen. She should have stopped the coupling; perhaps that would have lessened the bond. Too late now. Too late for anything but farewells.

“I’ve opened the windows and freshened up your chamber.” Jasmine was coming down the hall toward them. “You’ll be sleeping in your own room tonight?”

“Yes.” Thea gestured to Selene. “This is my sister, Selene. Jasmine has been helping me care for the trees.”

Jasmine nodded. “It’s good she is here. When do you leave for Damascus?”

Jasmine was as eager for her to leave Dundragon as was Selene. “Soon. But there’s no hurry. Selene has just arrived from one journey. We’re expecting a wagon of silk to arrive from Acre. We must be here to accept it.”

Jasmine nodded reluctantly. “But you must not tarry too long.” She moved past them toward the staircase.

Selene watched her before turning back to Thea. “She wishes you to go?”

“I’ve promised her a place once we have our own house. You’ll grow to like Jasmine.”

As Thea herself had grown to like her. She had developed a fondness for all these strange inhabitants of Dundragon. Jasmine, Abdul, even Tasza. And there was Haroun….

The pain was returning and it must be banished. Her life here was over. She must stop thinking of anything but her hope for the future. She opened the door of her chamber. The shutters were still open, and the room smelled fresh and cool and familiar.

“It is very grand, isn’t it?” Selene whispered, her eyes wide as her gaze traveled around the room. “This is all your own?”

“None of this is ours. It’s pleasant enough, but we don’t belong in castles.” She moved brusquely forward to close the window. “We’ll find a place far less grand for our own in Damascus.” She paused, looking down at the green where she had joined with Ware in passion earlier that day. How long would it be before she could subdue this aching regret?

“What are you going to make of the length of silk I brought you?” Selene asked. “A tunic?”

She was being foolish and weak. She must tie up all these painful, tattered ends and walk away. She firmly closed the shutter and latched it. “No, not a tunic. A banner.”

The linens of his bed still breathed of Thea, Ware realized as he lay in the darkness. Soap and lemon and the woman scent that was distinctly her own. He inhaled deeply, letting it flow into him. He would remember that fragrance if he lived a hundred years.

Not that there was a chance of that. He had beaten the odds too long. He would be fortunate to live another year. Every day was a gift.

As she had been a gift, beautiful and loyal, filled with life and vitality.

A gift he had taken and now must return.

No!

He closed his eyes and fought the rejection. He had known this moment would come, but he had not known it would be this difficult. He must smother this impulse to reach out and grab and hold on.

Once more. It would do no harm to have one more time before he sent her away.

Christ in heaven—no harm? When he lay here treasuring her scent on the sheets like a boy with his first woman? Let her go, you fool.

Let her be safe.

Let her live.

“Let me have that.” Kadar took the bucket of water from Thea and opened the door. “You should have one of the servants do this sort of task.” His gaze went to the cluster of mulberry trees. “I was surprised when Selene told me that these trees were here.”

“You’ve seen her this morning?”

“I made the mistake of promising her I’d show her my falcons. She was pounding on my door before I had a chance to break my fast.”

“She told me she was eager to see them.” She started down the path. “But, then, she was eager to see everything. I was going to start embroidering this morning and let Jasmine care for the trees, but I told her to show Selene the castle instead. I can begin on the silk this afternoon.” She shot him a glance. “Why are you surprised we planted the trees? The silk trade is very profitable.”

“As I saw in Constantinople. But Ware is no merchant.”

“Many lords dabble in the trade.”

“Ware is no dabbler.”

She shrugged. “You must be wrong. He wanted the trees.”

“Yes, he wanted the trees,” he murmured. “Curious.”

“I didn’t find it so.” They had reached the first tree, and she took the water from him. “It seemed very reasonable.”

“Because you’re blinded and dazzled by your silk.” He grimaced. “I saw thousands of worms devouring the leaves on the mulberry trees in Nicholas’s garden. I didn’t find it a pretty sight.”

“When you see what magic those worms weave…”

“I prefer to see the silk and not the process.” He watched her water the tree. “You are well?”

“Of course. Do I not look well?”

“Yes, I agree with Selene. You have a certain bloom.”

She quickly looked away. “I thank you for caring for my sister. I think you know what it means to me.”

“I told you I would care for her.” He smiled. “Besides, Ware tells me that you’ve done what I asked of you.”

“What did he say?”

He didn’t answer for a moment, and she could feel his gaze on her averted face. “Only that you had grown to know each other.” He paused. “What else is there to say?”

It appeared Ware had not told him of their intimacy. He would learn soon enough from the servants, but she found she could not confide in him. “Nothing.” She moved on to the next tree. “It was not an easy task you set me.”

“Retrieving Selene was not easy either. But we both succeeded in what we set out to do, so all is well. Isn’t it?”

She nodded. “And it will be better once we reach Damascus.”

“Ah, yes, Damascus. When do you intend leaving?”

“I have a task to complete here that should take no longer than a month. After that, we will leave.”

“What task?”

“I promised Lord Ware a banner. I cannot leave until it’s completed.”

“A month doesn’t seem long enough to fashion a banner.”

“I’ll do it. I can be very determined if I set myself entirely to a task.”

“I know that well enough.” His expression was thoughtful. “Why Damascus? Wouldn’t another place do as well?”

She shook her head. “I considered many towns before I decided on Damascus. It’s a place well-known in the trade, and fine embroideries are treasured there. Our silk house wouldn’t do as well in another city. It has to be Damascus.”

“I see.” He didn’t speak until she had moved on to the next tree. “There’s a possibility Ware may decide Damascus is not safe.”

“I’ve heard Damascus is a vast city. It should not be difficult for two women to lose themselves in such a place. I’ll take the chance.”

“But will Ware?”

“I’m a free woman now, with a free will. It’s my decision to make.”

“Well, there’s no sense discussing it at the moment. You still have a banner to create. Tell me, what device will you use? A dragon breathing flames? Or perhaps a bull for obstinacy? Either would be appropriate for our friend Ware.”

“He says he doesn’t care. When I sit down to draw the design, something will come to me. It always does.”

“An idea falls from heaven?” he teased.

She didn’t smile in return. “I don’t know where it comes from, but it comes. My mother once said she had heard it is so with all artists. I sit down with pen and let the whisper tell me what to draw and then guide my needle.”

“Whisper?”

“Not a real whisper. It’s inside my head….” She shrugged helplessly as she realized she was making little sense. “Or perhaps my heart. I don’t know…it’s just there. Whatever it is, it brings beauty. Isn’t that what’s important?”

“I can’t think of anything more important,” Kadar said gently. “I’ll be interested to see this banner.” He bowed. “But now I must join Ware. We had little chance to talk last night. I will see you at dinner?”

At her nod, he moved down the path toward the castle.

She felt a vague sense of unease as she watched him go. He had posed questions and stirred uncertainty in matters she had thought perfectly obvious. But, then, it was Kadar’s way to question everything and everyone, and she had been too filled with new and different emotions to think with any clarity.

None of it mattered anyway. The trees were here and growing strong. Let Ware do what he willed with them. After today she would give them into Jasmine’s care and concentrate on Ware’s banner.

A strong, beautiful banner, a banner to raise the heart and bring memories of—

Memories of her? Was she so vain that she would use her gift in such a cause? she wondered in self-disgust. Memories came from the soul, not from a piece of silk. She did not need a banner to remember Ware. All her life she would—

Dear God, let those memories dim. Leave the sweetness, let regret fade.

But Ware would know regret. She felt she would have known if life stirred within her. The one gift he wanted, she would not give him.

But she could give of her talent and her labor. She would empty her heart of everything but the whisper and the man himself and give him the most glorious of banners.

Ware stood gazing out the window when Kadar strode into the Great Hall.

“Did you take Thea to your bed?” Kadar asked without ceremony.

Ware glanced at him before returning his gaze to the courtyard. “Is that what she told you?”

“She told me nothing in words, but her manner…Did you?”

Ware turned to look at him. “What did you expect? You know what I am. You asked her to bear me company.”

“I didn’t tell her to become your whore.”

“She’s
not
my whore. I won’t have you—” He broke off and shrugged. “It’s done. I won’t ask her to come back to my bed.”

“And what if she’s with child?”

“Then I’ll find a way to protect her and the babe.” He glared at him. “Do you think me so lacking in responsibility that I’d not consider that?”

“And what if she won’t permit you to protect her?”

“She will have no choice.”

Kadar shook his head. “There is always choice when one has strength.” He paused. “You’ve not told her that she cannot go to Damascus.”