Lingering Touch - A Story of Young Love (19 page)

Closing my eyes slowly, I began banging my head on the steering wheel. Not hard enough to give myself a bruise, just hard enough that it really hurt. Soon I had a headache, but I kept on banging.
That sounds really dirty…
I thought to myself, giggling.

There was a tap on my window, and I screamed, banging my head extra hard due to fright. "Damn," I muttered to myself, rubbing the sore spot and squinting at the window. The cranky old janitor stood right outside, glaring and pointed a crooked finger at me. I held my hands up in surrender and started up the car. Muttering to myself, I backed up slowly, and drove home, trembling because I was scared. I knew what I was about to do, and I knew I definitely didn't want to do it.

Trevor's POV:

Ari… loved me? No, this could not be happening. The idea was ridiculous. I pinched my arm. This was a dream, and I had to wake up. And so what if I loved her, too? I mean – I didn't – I couldn't –

I have a girlfriend,
I thought to myself sternly. Oh, what was the use? Ari was basically perfect, I don't care what anybody said about her or the things she does. But then… how could I? And after she invaded my privacy like that… I sighed and rubbed my forehead. Why the hell are girls so confusing? I was hit by a sudden flashback:

"I think I love you, Sarah," I whispered, stroking her soft, raven-black hair.

"Wha-what?" She stuttered, drawing back to look at me. "It's a little early for that, don't you think?" She giggled nervously, but her eyes twinkled mischievously. "What do you love about me, then?"

I gazed at her perfect features. Gorgeous, long, black hair. Bright, cunning green eyes. Soft, pink, bow-shaped lips that curved up the slightest bit. "I love your hair, and your laugh. I like that you're so confident in yourself. I love the way you treat me, like I actually mean something to you. I love that you can find the positive in every situation. I love that you're so strong, with everything you've been through and still manage to keep a smile on your face. I love that I can talk to you. That I can tell you anything without fear of being judged or ridiculed. I love that you're so honest with me, and not only can I tell you things, but you trust me enough to confide in me, as well.

"I love your sense of humor, and your good nature. I love the way you think about everyone else before yourself. I love all your cute little quirks, like the way you can't stand when people touch your feet. Or that you can only eat cereal if it's after 9 in the morning, and that you love chocolate chip and banana pancakes. I love that you've been there for me since the day we met. Really, I love everything about you." I said gently, and kissed her.

She was my first. And last, as far as I was concerned. "Listen, Trevor," she said to me the next morning. She was using her pity voice, which meant this was bad news. My heart sped up and I clutched the now cold sheets, watching as she pulled on her pants casually like last night wasn't the best night of my life. "That was a fun. And you're a really sweet guy and all, but four months is long enough, don't you think? I mean, I get that you wanna be all serious now, but I got my whole life ahead of me. I never meant for us to last this long."

I could literally feel my heart crack in two. I heard the clean, sharp snap. She couldn't be serious. Sarah, my best friend and only real girlfriend was breaking up with me? After we just had sex for the first time? After I just told her I loved her and bared my soul to her, she's just going to walk away?

"Trevor, baby, don't be sad about this. We were good for each other, but you know good things can't last. And now it's time for us to move on. I will always love you, and maybe someday after I've traveled the world and we've both grown and matured, we'll find each other again. And then we'll know it's meant to be." Sarah said, finally sitting down beside me and looking at me. Her eyes held no regrets; no sorrow. It was then I realized our whole relationship was a lie. I may have loved her, but she never loved me.

I watched helplessly as she stood up and walked out of that room – and my life – without so much as a backwards glance.

I was snapped back to reality by my vibrating cell phone. Ariana.
Hell
no. She was the reason for that painful memory. I pressed the reject button probably harder than I needed to. But now that I was already on that topic, I thought about Sarah. My first love. My first heartbreak. As I sat on that bed alone and disregarded that day, my heart tore into little pieces. I swore to myself I would never love again, as long as I lived. The pain was not worth it. I may have got around a little bit after the incident. I became known as a 'player' at my school, because I messed with so many other girls' hearts. I really didn't mean to hurt anyone, but after what Sarah did to me, can you blame me?

Yes, of course you can. I blame myself. But it seemed the only way to avoid falling in love again. I felt horrible, every time I said to a girl what Sarah said to me. I'd see the pain in her eyes, reflecting exactly what I was feeling. I was such a dick! But after I started my 'player' ways, I couldn't exactly take it all back, so I continued doing what I did best: screwing girls and breaking hearts.

When I moved here to Arizona, I decided it was time to stop. I couldn't keep being such an douche all the time. I was quiet, I tried not to get in any trouble. But then I saw
her.
Ariana Luke. Probably the hottest girl on campus. Her huge green eyes were mesmerizing. They almost seemed wide and innocent, but they held a mischievous glint that kept you wondering. Her round face had a light sprinkling of freckles, and her copper hair went just past her shoulders and had natural, blonde highlights that complimented her eyes. She was lean and fit, and when she laid on the table at lunch and her shirt rode up, I noticed she had awesome abs, but then I had to scold myself on inappropriate thoughts.

I would never have a chance with her, so I wrote that awful letter, just so that I could get it all out. Her friends made fun of her for it. She brushed it off like she got letters like that every other day – which she probably did. I figured I could sit near enough to her that I could quietly observe her from a distance at lunch. So I wandered around empty tables until I found one mere feet away. Occupying the table was a group of girls and guys, none too attractive or popular, so it seemed like a safe place to sit.

"Excuse me," I asked in what I hoped was reserved and polite, "Is this seat taken?"

The girl sitting nearest me looked me up and down, considering. She sneered and made brief eye contact with her friends. "No, but you're not going to sit here anyway. New kids sit alone, or with other loser kids, so get lost!" She grinned as if that was funny. I inspected her thick, wavy blonde hair. She was pretty, but not drop-dead gorgeous or stunning as Ariana was. She stared back coldly, and I turned to take one last look at Ariana before finding a quiet spot to be alone.

And she was already staring.

My eyes widened a little bit, did she know I wrote that cheesy letter? Shit! But then she closed her eyes and lay back down, acting as if the whole exchange never happened. I released the breath I must have been holding in a huff.

"Interested, huh?" A guy asked quietly. I looked down sharply, but everyone else at the table was absorbed in what the pretty blonde was saying.

"Interested? I don't know what you're talking about, man." I scoffed.

He glanced at Ariana and back at me with a quirked eyebrow. "Don't waste your time, bro. She doesn't go for guys still in high school, she's all about college dudes or somethin. But daaamn, she is fine." He said suggestively, looking at her in a way that made my stomach churn. Something about this dude reminded me of who I used to me, and I narrowed my eyes at him.

"I never said I cared, but thanks,
bro."
I snapped, and walked away swiftly. I was planning on forgetting her. But then she started talking to me in calculus. We couldn't be friends, not if I was starting to
like
her. Why was she being so nice to me? The fat teacher droned on and I wasn't paying attention, until she announced she needed to speak to both me and Ariana after class. I gritted my teeth and looked down. Out of the corner of my eye I saw her flush and shrug nonchalantly to our staring peers.

The teacher called me out for being stupid and failing the class. Honestly, I wasn't that bad at math. I got almost straight B's in my last school. But I never felt like actually participating here, I had no reason for being smart here.

"Trevor," the teacher began, looking down at me sternly. "I understand you just moved here, but you were in calculus at your old school, too."

I shrugged and said, "Well yeah but I wasn't so good at it then, either." I could feel Ariana's eyes on me, and I refrained from rolling my eyes or doing something stupid in front of her.

"Well you won't be failing me class if I can help it. Ariana here is the smartest girl in class, surprisingly enough." She added quietly, and I smirked at Ariana. "So I'm going to ask her to tutor you until your grade improves. If that's alright with you, Miss Luke?"

Ariana? Tutor me? My face fell and I found myself glaring at Ariana. There was no way in hell she would be teaching me math. I panicked. "But Miss Carter, I can try to work harder, really!"

"Carmandy." She subtly interrupted.

"Yeah, Carmandy, sorry. Listen, I don't need a tutor…"

Then Ariana interrupted me, grinning widely. "I'd be happy to do it, Miss Carmandy!"I glared daggers at her. I tried to protest but Miss Carmandy wouldn't hear it, telling us times and dates and shit. I worked at the shop Tuesdays and Thursdays, so we had to do it Wednesdays and Fridays. I wanted to do it during lunch, but Ariana wanted to do it after school.

"Why not lunch?" I asked. I didn't want to do it after school, because I didn't want to be stuck with her inside either of our houses.

"Why not after school?" She contradicted childishly.

I gave up, agreeing to whatever she said as her emerald eyes bore into me. And as we hung out weekly, I started liking her more and more.
Strictly as a friend.
She was fun, carefree, smart, humble, and when we played strip-arcade (her idea) and she took off her shirt… Damn. I was telling the truth when I said she had the perfect body. But then her dad came home, and her eyes got all huge and she looked absolutely terrified. He must be pretty scary to cause a reaction like that, but when I asked about it she got all defensive. I remember wishing I could hold her and tell her everything would be OK.

Eventually we became real friends, and I started hanging out with her and her friends more. It was a nice change from being alone with just my thoughts all the time. Then she set me up with some hot girl that looked a lot like Sarah. At first I didn't like her, due to that little fact. But Casey turned out to be a lot cooler than Sarah, and I did start liking her. I knew I could never start loving her, and so I was content to keep going out with her. She was sweet and funny, and I liked spending time with her, though I would rather be with Ariana.

And where was I going with all this? The little fact remained that I still liked Ari… a lot. Too much, if you ask me. When she came to my house after her dad hit her… it was like a tidal wave of emotion. I wanted to badly to comfort her, but how could I when she had a boyfriend and I a girlfriend? Then she got my mother to talk! At first I was a little jealous, I'd been trying to get her to talk to me for years. My mother is a great judge of character, so to talk to Ari had to mean something, right?

I sounded like some love-sick fool. Thinking about fate and love and shit. But she loved me, too. Didn't that count for something? Of course I could never go through with it. My heart couldn't take it if she were to up and leave like Sarah did. Screw Sarah, for screwing this up for me. I had been such an ass to Ari. I wasn't even mad about the whole newspaper, divulging my secrets anymore, I just was hurt that she would do such a thing to me. So I blew up in her face and stormed away like the wimp I am. Now here I was at the park we went to, looking into a little pond at my frazzled reflection.

Really, though, I looked like crap. My eyes lingered on the short hair I now wore, thanks to Ari. I ran my fingers through it a few times, remember that day we spent together. She was so broken. And now she was broken again, thanks to me. I sighed and threw a rock in, the ripples distorting the picture.

"She loves you, ya know that?" I heard a voice say behind me. It was Austin, Ari's boyfriend. I remember him from when we all went out, them, Casey, and me. That was my first date with her, how could I forget the way Austin and Ari kissed, making my heart thud irregularly and my fists clench beneath the table. That ugly green monster called jealously made me hate the guy.

"Whatever, man." I grumbled, turning slightly away from him.

After a few minutes of silence he said almost to himself, "She broke up with me."

She broke up with him because of me? I may have been a player, but I was
never
a woman-stealer. "I'm sorry," I said quietly, looking down and biting my tongue. I was screwing with everyone's lives. I should never have come here.

"It's not your fault, she would have never loved me, anyway. I don't know that she ever has loved anyone, besides you." Austin said, skipping a stone over the surface of the water. Against my will, my heart jumped in my chest at his words. I shook my head. "Dude, she told me herself. She was so excited to tell you or something. Give her a chance."

"I can't." I said, more to myself than him.

"Sure you can, she likes you, you like her, it's simple." He said and got up. Brushing his pants, he looked at me one last time. "You really ought to at least try." He said, walking away.

"Maybe that's so, but I don't know that I can risk it." I whispered to myself after he was long gone. Then I thought, hell, what am I risking? Breaking my heart again? Breaking her heart? Neither of which have never happened. So why not, right?