Line Of Scrimmage (9 page)

So
me days I was pissed about her suicide attempt other days I was numb. Mostly I felt guilty for my part in Tess’ anguish, despair and inevitable relapse.

I entered the living ro
om of Kari’s house. She was standing there glaring at me. I know she suspected something. I have been distant lately. I had been an ass. I haven’t seen or talked to her in seven days. Although that may not seem like much, I communicate with this woman every day. She wouldn’t dare call my phone or text me. She only returns the texts and calls that I initiate. 

Is it possible that she has already distanced herself from me?
Has she protected her heart from the unavoidable? Who the hell is going to protect my heart?

I’m here. I owe Kari that much. I owe her this face to face. I owe her my happiness and she will always have my love.

I planned to have a strong will but Kari is not Tess. I haven’t rehearsed what I will say. I haven’t come up with any lies to make her feel better. In my mind and body I am resolved to stop this right here and now, no matter what. No matter what my evil twin says about it. I will not continue to wreck my life and the lives of those I love. I can’t imagine my Kari with another man but I can’t go on hurting her and pushing the pause button on her life as if it belongs to me. I love her too much for that.

Kari’s eyes were on me. She was scrutinizing my every move. This made me nervous as shit. Mostly I’m just
miserable. I wish someone had drugged me. I had to do this. I had to end this game before it went into overtime.

“This isn’t going to work. I can’t see you anymore.
It’s over between us.”

She was silent
, motionless, composed. I was waiting for her to Jap out. She just stood there and glared at me like she was Cruella de Vil. A very beautiful Cruella de Vil but Cruella de Vil just the same. Kari could be in the same fog I’m in. Minutes seemed to pass between us before I decided to say something, anything to expedite this finale.

“Kari?”

“Yes, Mason.” Her voice was cold, just as cold as mine.

“I cancelled the Visa.” That was true but I put five thousand dollars in her bank account. It was a severance package of sorts. I felt guilty and I thought
I had to do something. I’m not going to tell her I put the money there. Next time she checks her savings account she will see it and maybe she won’t think I’m such an asshole.

Her eyes burned into me. My heart was on fire. Her glare was crimson but empty.

“Kari, do you hear me?”

“Yes Mason. I hear you. What do you want me to do, CRY?” Shit, she said cry like it was a profane word.

“No. I want you to listen and understand.”

“I’m listening and I’m not stupid. I understand every single word coming from your mouth.”

“Good.”

“Great.” She crossed her arms under her breast. I tried not to look at them.

“Great.” I mocked.

“Oh I get it. You want me to go off on you. Cuss you out! Talk shit! Get extra black. That would make you feel better, right?”

“Do and say whatever you want? I feel fine.”

“I doubt that.”

“I’m cool. Are you okay? You look like shit.”

“Okay here we go. You really want me to go off on you so you come feel less guilty about fucking me over, lying to me, making me believe you would never leave me. This is pathetic. You are pathetic. If it’s over, just leave.”

“Fuck you, Kari.”

“Yeah,
you did fuck me and I was the best you ever had.”

“You think so?”

“I know so.”

“Fuck you!”

“No boo-boo, fuck you! What are you waiting for, a police escort? Go! Get the fuck out!”

“Fuck you! I will leave when I feel like leaving.”

We were acting like children but I needed this to move on. I walked the few steps it took to be face to face with her.

“You want me to show my ass but I won’t give you the satisfaction.” She chuckled
then twisted her lips at me.

This infuriated me beyond words. She was right. I wanted the drama. I wanted her to make me
feel like shit for abandoning her.

“You don’t have to show your ass sweetheart I’ve already seen it.” I thought I was so clever but my white boy words just weren’t cool enough.

Kari rolled her eyes at me and turned to walk away. I brutishly grabbed her forearm and swung her around. My fingers were like a vice grip around her arm. She looked down at my hand and I could see she was appalled. I released her with a rough push and she fell onto the couch. Damn. If the couch wasn’t there I would have pushed her down on the floor. What the fuck is wrong with me?

“Are you mo
therfuckin’ crazy?” Her haunting brown eyes peered up at me. “You pushing me around now? What next? Are you going to hit me when yo’ dumb ass no my brother is the NAGA fighting champion?”

So what, her brother knows that Brazilian jiu jitsu bullshit
. Am I supposed to be scared?

“I’m not going to hit you.” I reassured Kari. “You know I would never do that?”
Her tirade was calm and controlled. God, she was being mean.

Kari stood and marched right up to me. She dumped my chest and
looked me dead on. “Then what? Are you going to call me a nigger?”

WHAT THE FUCK!
I thought she knew me. “I would never do that! I would never say that!”

“You’re a liar. You said you would never leave me. You said we would be together forever. You said you care
d about me. You said I was yours. You said alotta blah, blah, blah bullshit. Your words are just words. You are a coward, lying motherfucker. Please just leave, kick rocks.”

Da
mn! She told me. Fuck, what now? “Kari, c’mon. I don’t want us to end it like this.”

“Okay how ‘bout
we end like this.” She cut her eyes at me. I felt the lasers as the beams burned through the air.

Kari had the devil in her eyes and I had a feeling her next words would rip me a new asshole.

“You and that ugly anorexic bitch you married deserve each other. I didn’t have any problems fucking you after that big tooth bitch didn’t bother to speak to me at any of the fucking games. Fuck her and fuck you.”

Damn! I guess I got what
I asked for. I, I was royally fucked up. Her words sliced my legs off at the knees. I wanted to walk to the door but she had chopped my legs off with that samurai sword she calls a mouth.

I don’t care what she says to hurt me. I still love her and this is the worst pain I ever felt next to the death of my father. I hate this life. I was holding my breath and when I realized it I took in all the poisonous air in my vicinity.

I want Kari. I want to love her. I want to fuck her right now. I don’t know what to do. Mike is outside waiting for me. I have to touch her. I have to ease her pain. I have to ease mine.

Her evil eyes were on me watching my every move. “Lock the door when you leave.”

She turned her back on me and she disappeared up the stairs leaving me deserted on an island I had discovered by myself. I was Christopher Coldumbus, dumb enough to think that I would be able to be with her without any repercussions.

I’m stuck in this spot. I don’t want to leave this place because when I do I can’t come back.
I didn’t even get to tell Trey bye. He’s going to think I just disappeared out of his life.

My phone vibrated in my pocket. I took it out. It was
a text from my brother. [We got to go]

I will text him back right away. I had been here longer than I thought. He doesn’t understand how hard this is for me. I texted him. [15 min.]

My phone buzzed in my hands before I could hit the send button. Another text from Mike. [Be strong]

I wish it was that easy. I paced the hardwood back and forth a few times. I walked to the stairs and just stopped at the bottom to look up. Mason don’t do it. Go! Go! Go home! Erase this woman from your life. Don’t keep playing wit
h her heart. Fuck! Mason, stop playing with your own heart. My hand reached up and grabbed the banister. I was aging by the second. I felt my forehead form four wrinkled lines. I gritted my teeth as if that would bring some clarity, some closure. 

I wanted to go up the stairs. I needed to see that she was okay. I had hurt her and she was right. I had lied.
I was motherfucking Pinocchio. I made promises that I couldn’t begin to keep. I was living in this fantasy world where unicorns and leprechauns exist. I am the biggest jackass on the planet, a selfish man without a brain in his head. I was the scarecrow. If I only had a brain and not this evil twin brother that booked me a room in this heartbreak hotel.

I looked down at my feet and I had already walked up eight steps. Two at a time
, I staggered to the top. I willingly tiptoed to her bedroom. She was in the bed laid on her stomach. I crept to the bed and looked down on her.

Kari’s face was smashed sideways into a pillow.
Her arms clenched close to her sides with her hands buried underneath her body. I noticed the diamond ring I bought her on the bedside table in front of the digital alarm clock.

I think she had been crying. Oh god no! I hurt her. Kari is the only woman I ever truly loved. This is what they mean when they say love hurts. 

She hates me. I stepped out of my shoes. I took off my shirt first. I removed my pants and my underwear. She hadn’t noticed I was in her room. I think. She may be sleep. She couldn’t be sleep this soon. I stood at the edge of her bed at her feet. I wanted to be inside her. I wanted to stay inside her; inside my Kari was the only place that I could forget all my troubles.

I knelt down on the bed with one knee. She was awake. I gently touched her calve and she tensed. Did I repulse her now?  I placed my other knee on the bed and ran my hand up the length of her smooth legs. I stooped and ran my palm over her beautiful
naked ass. The ass that I will never again get to taste, get to fuck, get to rub my hands all over. I only desire her. I truly desire her. I love her.

I stared down at the back of her old oversized New Edition concert t-shirt. The tour dates were printed down the back. I will n
ever get to see this again, her vast collection of concert tees. Just another thing I loved about her.

She didn’t warm to my hands all over her. She laid still and lifeless. This didn’t dissuade me.
I longed to feel her one last time before my life turned to shit. Before I spent the next few decades of my life in purgatory.

I had fucked Kari too many times to count. I knew her body better than my own. I knew what it felt like to fuck her. Something was different now. I wanted to make love to her. I craved her love, not the words but the intimacy.

I lingered over her motionless body and did a push up to kiss her on her cheek. Her eyes were slammed shut. She didn’t move. I rubbed my cock on her ass and pressed my body slowly into her. I rested all my weight on her and dug my hands underneath her body and underneath her t-shirt until I could reach her breasts. I grabbed one breast in each of my hands and massaged them with care.

I removed one hand to spread the legs that she had clamped together. She didn’t resist me but she definitely didn’t assist me. I couldn’t hear her breathing. Maybe she was holding her breath. I wanted to tell her to breathe but if I opened my mouth I would have fell to million tiny little pieces. Leaving her is hard for me.

I ran my palm in her sweet spot and closed my eyes as I slide one finger inside her. Even mad at me she still gets wet from my touch. My cock was starving to touch her pussy and chill within the warmth of her walls. I removed my finger and replaced it with my cock. I inched my way inside and sank within her dugout.

I slowly moved my pelvis in circles. I couldn’t open my eyes. She feels that good. I can smell the grapefruit shampoo in her hair.
She always smells like fruit. I will miss her delicious scent.

I traced my free hand underneath her body and opened her pussy lips to capture her clit. I pinched her clit with my thumb and forefinger. I massaged it in circles with our bodies smashed into the mattress as one.

God, she won’t move. She truly hates me. I love you please, love me back. Just this one time. I wanted to say it but I couldn’t.

I thrust deeper with my circular rhythm. This knocked a sigh from her lips. She was back to breathing now. Kari pushed her legs back together and locked them one behind the other. This made for a maddeningly tighter fit. My motion was rubbing her pussy lips and
my balls were mashing into them and driving me crazy. More crazy than I already am.

Oh! Shit! Kari closed her ass an
d held my dick hostage. She had closed her candy-coated walls around me and crushed my cock with the power of her pussy muscles. The intensity was unparalleled. I was going to cum then she abruptly released me. Thank god.

I removed my one hand from her breast and the other from her clit. I run my hands up the sides of her arms that were still closely laid to h
er sides. I took her hands in mine and raised them above her head on the pillow. My huge hands covered hers and pressed them deep into the pillow. Our sweaty fingers interlocked and hold firm in place.