Lindsay McKenna (11 page)

Did he want to love Cat?
Hell yes.
But was it the right thing for her? Funny, Talon mused, that he was even considering what she needed versus his needs. Before, women had been plentiful at the Coronado base. He never wanted for female companionship. All he had to do was walk into one of the SEAL bars on Coronado Island, and there they were, eyeing him, telling him they wanted him in bed. It had been that easy.

So what had changed? Maybe he had. Since the capture and torture. Hayden dying. Grief scored Talon as he thought of his best friend. And just as quickly, the warmth of the woman in his arms eased that anguish. Just her soft breath across his chest soothed his grief. Just her trust. Talon swallowed hard, caught up in such a foreign feeling. Cat brought out all of his protectiveness. All his need to care for her, make her happy, see her smile. He ached to see her lustrous blue eyes shining with joy. He
wanted
to make Cat happy. She came first in his life, not second.

Cat stirred. She reluctantly eased from Talon’s arms and sat up, wiping the dampness from her cheeks. The silence weighed between them as she looked at Talon, really looked at him. His eyes were clear and he wasn’t hiding how he felt. At all. Her pulse quickened because she sensed his powerful protection and care and that, yes, he wanted her. No question. To her surprise, Cat wanted him just as much. Talon lifted his hand and moved it along her shoulders, a gesture of caring. Not sex.

“How are you doing?” His voice was thick with emotions he still didn’t understand. A bolt of need went through him as she watched him. He knew in that instant he could take Cat to bed, love her, make her feel incredible pleasure. He could give her that gift. And God help him, he’d never wanted to pleasure a woman more than Cat. Her innocence felled him. Made him breathless.

“Better,” Cat admitted softly. “You’re good medicine for me, Talon.” She reached out shyly, her fingertips barely grazing his sandpapery cheek. He’d shaved this morning, but his beard had grown enough to emphasize the hard lines of his face. It made him dangerous looking. Exciting. Frightening. Her body, however, was completely trusting of Talon, his mouth taking her lips with heat and promise, his touch upon her making her flesh contract and skitter with fire.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked her, tucking a few strands behind her ear. Talon couldn’t...didn’t...want to keep his hands off Cat. She was okay with his contact and, God knew, he wanted to touch her.

Everywhere.

Cat sat back, folding her hands in her lap. She stared down at them. “I’m just not used to talking about stuff.”

He grunted. “Yeah, I know that one.”

She eyed him coyly. “We’re a lot alike.”

Talon nodded, moving his fingers across her shoulders. “Like Miss Gus would probably say—two peas from the same pod.”

Cat chuckled, nervously knitting her fingers. “I’ve never cried in front of anyone until now.”

His heart turned to mush. Powerful, aching new emotions flooded Talon as he held her unsure gaze, her eyes moist. “I don’t cry in front of anyone, either, if it makes you feel better.”

“You want the truth?”

Talon’s hand stilled on her shoulder, and his voice dropped with emotion. “I always want to know what you’re thinking, Cat.” He saw a flush move across her cheeks and she tucked her lower lip between her teeth for a moment. Heat soared through his lower body. He’d kissed that lush mouth of hers, tasted her inner sweetness, felt her shy, hot response.

Cat forced herself to look at Talon because he deserved her courage, not her fear. “It felt good to be held by you... I felt safe.” And wonderfully kissed, but she couldn’t go there. At least, not yet. For Cat to even admit this was monumental.

Talon lifted his arm away from her shoulders, sat up and turned toward her. He framed her face with his hands. “Babe, you deserve to be held, to be protected.” His voice grew husky. “There’s something good between us. And I want to explore it with you, Cat. At your pace. What feels right for you.”
Because I need you. I need to crawl into your arms and be held when I have a bad nightmare. I know you can heal me. I know that in the depths of my miserable, fractured soul.

Talon stared hard at her, saw the shock register in her Cat’s glistening eyes. At the same time, felt her warm, damp fingers curve around his forearms.

“That’s more than being friends,” she managed in a choked voice.

“Yeah, I know it. Are you game?”

The words leaped of her mouth before Cat could even think. “I need time....”

CHAPTER ELEVEN

T
ALON
KNEW
HE
had to be patient but couldn’t help feeling some disappointment over Cat’s response. She was going to think about them. He didn’t want to scare her off.

Cat stood up, pacing the bedroom, turmoil in her eyes. He sat there forcing himself to understand that they had just kissed. Already, they were more than friends. And she’d kissed him back. That would definitely confuse her.

“Can you tell me what happened out there today?” he asked.

Cat turned and studied Talon. He seemed at peace with the fact that they’d kissed. Her whole body still felt hot and hungry. His gaze never left hers. He leaned forward, clasping his hands between his opened thighs. How could he look so calm, cool and collected after that life-altering kiss? She felt anything but! Licking her lower lip, Cat swore she could taste Talon on her mouth.

“It was a bad rollover accident out on the main highway,” she muttered. “I have a real soft spot for children.” Her voice dropped to an aching whisper. “The husband was driving drunk. The wife was holding her two-year-old in the front seat when he drove off on the berm and the car flipped. None of them were wearing a seat belt. By the time we arrived, the mother was dead, the child dying.”

She went to sit on the other end of the couch. Cat rested her elbows on her thighs, hands clasped. As she leaned forward, her black hair partially hid her profile from him, but there was no mistaking how she felt.

“I was the first paramedic on the scene with my guys. The child died in my arms.” Cat’s mouth quirked, her voice dropping with anguish. “Such a waste of a young life...”

The silence turned up in volume in the room. Talon pushed his hands slowly down his thighs as he straightened. “I’m sorry,” he said, seeing the tension in her.

“We were all upset. It wasn’t just me. Most of the guys at the fire department are married and they have kids of their own.” She pushed her fingers through her hair and sat up, looking up at the ceiling. “It’s just so tough on some days....”

Talon sat back, observing Cat. “How did the guys react?”

“Well, they certainly didn’t cry. They just jammed the pain deep down inside themselves. They’re fooling themselves, though. You can’t keep that kind of horror and trauma quiet within you forever.”

Talon winced, thinking about Hayden. His torture. His death, and Talon surviving the horror. “Maybe some of that stuff needs to never see the light of day,” Talon countered.

Cat lifted her chin and studied Talon. There was darkness in his eyes, a terror banked in them she’d not seen before. What was he hiding? Clearly, he was carrying trauma. “That’s why I cry.” She added wearily, “I go somewhere and hide and cry. I don’t do it front of others. But at least I know how important it is to discharge the awful stuff I see on days like this. I don’t want to carry that emotional crap inside me.”

Talon wondered if she’d cried as a little girl after her father abused her. Or had she run off to a closet or outside where no one could hear her sobbing the way she’d just cried in his arms? His heart contracted with pain for her. There were so many times when he felt how alone Cat was. Now Talon was beginning to understand why he was feeling it around her. No mother. A mean father. Running and hiding from him, from the pain he’d given her. He gentled his voice and said, “I’m glad you trusted me enough to hold you while you got it out of your system.”

Cat watched him with sudden serenity. “You’re the first.” Though she wanted to tell him how grateful she was, Cat was still flustered over their kiss.

The expression on his face was pure caring. “I’m here for you, Cat. Anytime you want to be held, I’m more than happy to do it.” And so much more, but Talon realized he had a long road to walk with Cat. She wasn’t like all the other women in the past who had orbited his structure. If anything, she was already rethinking their kiss, her crying in his arms. He wanted to say so much more but held off.

Cat got up, unable to remain still any longer. Talon’s voice was like him skimming his hand across her skin. It felt good. Wonderful, even. And she could see the sincerity burning in his thoughtful gray eyes. “All I did was get your shirt wet.”

Talon stood up and gave her a faint smile. “It’s okay.” He touched the dark splotch where she’d cried on his chambray shirt. “You’re worth it.”

She stood by the window, tense. “I just need some time alone, Talon. I hope you understand? Thank Val for the food, but I’m really not hungry. Maybe later.”

* * *

T
ALON
COULDN
’
T
SLEEP
.
The clock on the dresser read 2:00 a.m. Cat was on the other side of the door. He ached to walk in there and be with her, the kiss still lingering hotly in his mind, heart and body. Finally, he said to hell with it and quietly got up and went out to the kitchen for a glass of water.

Cat started when Talon walked into the kitchen. Zeke was at his side. She gave a little gasp, her hand flying to her chest. “God, you scared the hell out of me!”

Talon stood there looking at her dressed in a pair of lavender-flowered flannel pajama bottoms and a loose, long-sleeved lavender tee. Her hair was mussed and she still had remnants of a sleepy look on her face despite the fact that he’d just scared the hell out of her. Cat was at the stove stirring something in a pan.

“Sorry,” Talon muttered. “Couldn’t sleep, either?” He walked into the warm kitchen and went to the cabinet and found a glass.

“I was hungry,” she admitted. Cat felt her heart pounding in her chest. She frowned and tried not to be swayed by the fact he wore only a pair of light blue pajama bottoms, his upper body naked. The man was terribly good-looking. And Cat could see his ribs were not as pronounced as the morning she’d discovered him on the highway. Talon had a wide, clean set of shoulders, the muscles thick and tight, his chest dusted with dark hair. Just the way he moved, Cat knew he was in good shape. Once again, she noticed the scarring on his back as he turned and took the glass of water to the table and sat down.

Zeke came over to her, his wet, cold nose pushing against her thigh in greeting. She smiled at the dog and petted him. Zeke then went over to his master and sat next to his chair, watching her.

The kitchen was silent and warm. Talon wished he’d put on a T-shirt or something. He didn’t want Cat seeing the scars on his back, although he was sure she knew they were there, anyway. He just didn’t want her asking about them just yet.

Sipping the water, he absorbed her tall, lithe figure at the stove. There was something vulnerable about Cat in her flowery flannel pj’s. He smiled a little, feeling his body stir to life. She looked so young, not the serious paramedic he knew she was. Talon forced himself to stop remembering Cat in his arms. And that hot, hungry kiss they’d shared. The woman was certifiably sexy and sensual. She just didn’t know it.

“Hungry? What are you making?” he asked.

“Hot chocolate.” Cat smiled at him. “It cures everything. Didn’t you know?”

He grinned, moving the glass between his hands on the table. “So you say.”

“Well,” she said archly, “if you drink a cup before you go to bed, don’t you sleep better?”

“So far, that’s true.” Gus had needled him into drinking some every night before bedtime. Tonight, he’d forgotten.

“Did you have a cup tonight before you went to bed?”

“No.”

“See?”

Talon wasn’t about to tell her their kiss had kept him tossing and turning all night. He watched as Cat poured the mixture into her favorite mug. She had the bag of marshmallows on the counter and was dropping lots of them into the cup.

Zeke whined, his tail thumping as he eagerly watched Cat with the marshmallows.

“You know you’re spoiling him?” Talon drawled.
Like you’re spoiling me.

Cat grinned once again, brought over her mug and sat down at his elbow. Zeke’s large brown eyes were zeroed in on her. He got up and walked around the chair between them, his large black ears up and his face in begging mode. “One marshmallow? Come on, Talon, you can’t be that mean to your best friend, can you?” Cat picked one of her marshmallows out of her cup and made sure it wouldn’t burn Zeke’s tongue before she offered it to the dog.

With his long black muzzle, Zeke delicately took the small marshmallow from between her fingers.

Talon watched his combat dog chew enthusiastically on the tiny marshmallow, an unwilling grin tugging at the corners of Talon’s mouth. Zeke licked his chops, his long pink tongue relishing the sides of his muzzle.

“Traitor,” he told his dog.

Cat chuckled and held the mug between her hands, slowly sipping the steaming chocolate. Talon seemed much more relaxed, and her heart beat a little harder in her chest. The only light in the kitchen was coming from over the sink area, throwing deep shadows across the area. It made his face look even more lethal. She wondered what he was like in combat and decided she would never want to run into Talon if she were an enemy. It was the glint in his shadowed gray eyes that made her realize Talon’s constant alertness.

“Are you feeling better?” he asked, holding her softened gaze.

Cat set down the mug. She licked her lips and felt some of the foam on the corner of her mouth, wiping it away with her fingers. “Better,” she said. “I couldn’t sleep. Kept seeing the accident.” She shrugged. “Just another way to work out the trauma.”

“Crying some more?” He gripped the glass a little tighter between his large hands.

“That, too. It takes me days to get over something like this.”

“Does it happen often in your line of work?”

“Thank God, no.” Cat gave him a wry look. “You know how much of a softy I am. If my paramedic work was nothing but auto accidents like this type, I couldn’t stay in the career. I...just can’t take the emotional hits. Other paramedics get distance on it, but I never could.”

“You’re human. You have feelings,” Talon said.

She slid him a glance. “How did you survive what you did in the SEALs? Val said the kind of work you guys do is all about trauma.”

“We’re trained for it,” Talon replied gruffly, looking down at the glass.

Snorting softly, Cat sipped her hot chocolate. “Well, I’m trained, too, but some days are worse than others.”

He shrugged. “I can’t talk about it, anyway. It’s all top secret.”

Cat said nothing, enjoying the rich taste of the warm chocolate. Zeke whined and thumped his tail. The dog gave her a pleading look, begging for a second marshmallow.

She grinned down at him. “You are a real heart stealer. You know that, Zeke?”

“He doesn’t need another one,” Talon said.

“Meanie.”

Zeke whined, as if understanding English, and gave Talon a look that spoke volumes.

Talon shook his head. “Sugar is bad for you, big guy.”

Zeke glanced over at Cat. His tail thumped harder and he whined.

“He’s got your number,” Talon warned her, smiling a little.

Cat reached out, petting Zeke’s broad brown-and-black head. “Sorry, Zeke. Your master says no. But you are so beautiful.”
Like his owner.
Talon would probably not like to be described with that word, but he was a gorgeous male specimen. Cat had to stop herself from staring at him. The man could set her on fire with just a look. Or a kiss. “Do you think Jordana will deem you fit for duty tomorrow?” she asked, sliding her hand around her mug.

“I hope so,” Talon said. “My coughing is gone and I feel strong. Felt good to really work hard yesterday.”

Cat saw some concern deep in Talon’s eyes. “You can go see Sandy, then.”

Talon’s gut clenched. He was looking forward to seeing his mother. But he also dreaded it because it meant he had to face the fact she was probably dying. “Yeah,” he said, scowling, not wanting to look into her eyes. Cat was just as highly intuitive as he was. She felt a lot but said little about it to anyone. She was a paramedic. He was a warrior. They both lived in dangerous worlds where bad things happened all around them. The huskiness in her voice just brought up a lot of old grief, as if she understood that his journey with his mother from here on out would be bittersweet at best.

“I saw her yesterday,” Cat said, regarding him warmly. “I dropped over at noon and read to her on my lunch hour. She was counting the hours until Jordana declares your health good enough for you to visit her. I haven’t seen her this happy or hopeful in a long time.”

Talon nodded, his lips compressed.

Cat sensed his trepidation. “Sandy said you lost your father when you were ten. I imagine this brings up a lot of bad memories for you.”

“Yes and no. When you’re ten years old and your father is suddenly not there in the blink of an eye, it’s shocking. Hard to take. Hard to understand.” At least his father didn’t suffer and for that, Talon was grateful. A quick, fast death was better than a slow one in his world.

Without thinking, Cat reached out, laying her fingers across his lower arm. Instantly, his flesh tightened and she felt the muscles leap beneath them. Touch had such healing power. “Listen, you’re going to need some help. I’m here for you, Talon. Your mom and I are close and maybe I can help fill in the blanks for you in the years you weren’t here while she was sick.”

Talon wanted to pick up her hand, kiss it, draw Cat into his arms, but he quickly squashed all those thoughts. The look in her eyes was one of sympathy. Not lust. “Thanks,” he rasped. “There’s a lot I don’t know. It was tough getting leave to come and visit her. My life in black ops pretty much keeps me either in training or deployment overseas.” He called at least every couple of weeks when he was stateside.

Overseas, he managed a few emails to her, but that was all. And trying to get leave was next to impossible for him. Talon had wanted to visit his mother, but because he was single, the married SEALs got first dibs on leave while training. He didn’t like it, but there was nothing he could do about it. Hayden had been in a similar situation and they would bitch to one another about the unfairness of it all. He said they should get married to get leave, but Talon wanted nothing to do with that idea.