Linda Kay Silva - Delta Stevens 3 - Weathering the Storm (5 page)

“You make it sound like that’s all you can do. You’ll never know unless you try.”

“I’ve never tried bungie-jumping, but I know I wouldn’t like it. Come on, Connie, you know as well as I do that Henry is just trying to get in good with Internal Affairs. No one said he had to follow their recommendation. The choice is his and he’s burning me.”

Connie folded her arms across her chest. “Captain Henry doesn’t strike me as the kind of man who sucks up to other people.”

Delta cocked her head. She knew by Connie’s tone of voice that her impression was based on some good old fashioned dirt digging. “You’ve been checking him out?”

Nodding, Connie pulled a slip of computer paper from her pocket and unfolded it. “You think I’d have let you go in there today if I thought he was going to crush you? Oh, Delta Stevens, sometimes you forget the wonders Eddie and I are capable of.”

Taking the notes from Connie, Delta suppressed a grin. At first, when she heard that Connie named her computer Eddie, she thought Connie was half a bubble off. It was only after they became friends that Delta realized she was wrong. Connie wasn’t half a bubble off...she was a few bubbles shy of level. That was one of the things Delta loved most about her; she was the most eccentric person Delta had ever met. But what Delta admired most about Connie was her ability to crack open any computer and retrieve virtually any piece of information on a microchip. Once, on a dare, someone bet that Connie couldn’t access NASA’s files to see the physical image of the space shuttle Columbia. After pocketing some $250 worth of bets, she smiled proudly as she pulled the information from the computer. Even Delta had been amazed—amazed and a little nervous about the levels of security Connie had breached. But she did it, and any doubters left as poorer believers. What Connie could do with a computer was of mythic proportions, and more than once, her expertise had saved Delta’s life.

“You’re something else,” Delta said, touching her lightly on the shoulder.

Connie nodded. “Yes, I am. But just what, we may never know.”

During the Zuckerman case, when Connie’s life was on the line, Delta broke more rules than Evel Knievel broke bones to insure Connie’s safety. Connie would do the same if necessary. Hell, she already had. That’s what made them such a great team. There was a give-and-take to their relationship and they never kept score. In all of Delta’s life, her relationship with Connie had always been the most important one. Delta might disappoint her own lovers, but if Connie ever needed her, Delta was always there. Always.

Scanning the paper, Delta saw a number of commendations for Captain Henry for his strategy and calm under fire.

“Look here. Says he was given a commendation by the mayor when he talked down a hostage-taker. All civilians went unharmed. Not bad.”

“I’m telling you, Del, he looks good.”

“Yeah, well, he could stroll in here wearing a Purple Heart for all the good that’s gonna do me. He may look good on paper, but he’s a politician just like the rest of the high mucky-mucks.”

Taking back the paper, Connie folded it and slipped it neatly into her chest pocket. “Did he say why he was making this decision?”

“Well, not in so many words. He said he wants me to `mellow.’Can you believe it? Mellow. What kind of word is that?”

Connie sat next to her on the bench and smiled. “Oh, now I get it. He thinks that having you teach someone how to do it the right way will force you to do the same. Model correct procedure for the student to obtain correct behavioral modification for both.”

“Exactly. I think.”

Eyebrows furrowed, Connie rubbed her chin. “At the risk of further pissing you off, I’d have to say it’s not such a bad idea.”

“What?” Delta said incredulously. “Whose side are you on, here?”

“You know I’m on your side. I just don’t think you’re seeing this as clearly as you might.”

“What’s there to see? Because of my file, I’m being railroaded into a position I’m probably not qualified or ready for. How much clearer can it be?”

Connie took Delta’s hands in hers and squeezed. “Want to know what I honestly think of all this?”

Delta looked down at their hands and ignored someone knocking to come into the bathroom. “If I say I don’t want to hear it?”

Connie grinned. “I’ll tell you anyway.”

“See how you are?”

“How I am, my friend, is extremely supportive of you and your life. Ever since Miles was killed, you’ve taken it upon yourself to be the law even when you’re off duty. Delta, our last escapade put stitches in your leg, had my lover kidnapped, and left me emotionally and physically drained. I woke up in a sweat for a week straight before it was all over. I kept seeing him over and over again. I kept hearing his insane laughter pierce through my sleep. I know how it affected me and I know it touched you as well. Hell, it still does. Give yourself a break. Let someone else take the point for awhile. Let someone else put his ass on the line every night. Take a minute to smell the flowers. You’ve earned it.”

Releasing Connie’s hand, Delta slowly rose and walked over to the sink. Yes, the Zuckerman caper nearly cost them their lives and the lives of the women they loved. In the same way she had relived it every day since it happened, Delta painfully remembered a little girl’s broken body and saw her cold, dead eyes, staring up at her through the haze of an unwanted memory.

Affected her? She had been afraid to go to sleep at night for fear of having yet another nightmare. Elson Zuckerman may be dead, but he still haunted the living. He had left his share of scars on her; some were physical, most were emotional, but they were scars she would carry with her for the rest of her life.

“I’m not sure I even know how to slow down.”

Connie rose and joined her at the sink. “Hasn’t counseling helped at all?”

Delta winced. She and Megan went into therapy shortly after the Zuckerman case. She thought they were going in for couples counseling, but when they started to delve into their relationship problems, it became clear that it was Delta’s half of the relationship that needed the work.

“Slowing down, mellowing, taking a break—no matter what you call it, it amounts to the same thing: I only know how to go full speed.”

Connie reached up and lightly touched Delta’s cheek. “Right. And those of us who love you just don’t want to see you crash.”

“You think I will?”

“I think it’s time you really focus on what you and Meg are trying to do in your sessions and use this opportunity to get a handle on both your relationship and your career. If you’re not careful, Storm, you may lose both. Then where would that full speed get you?”

Delta nodded. “I hear you.”

“Do you? Then hear this. I’ve never seen you take an assignment you can’t handle. You can do this, and you know it. You just need to put your heart into it. Whenever you do that, you’re unstoppable.”

A grin forced its way to Delta’s face. “Flattery isn’t your style.”

“And quitting before you begin isn’t yours.”

“Touché.”

“Wouldn’t it be better than being behind a desk?”

Delta nodded. Anything was better than pushing paper. “Yeah.”

“Then give it your best shot. Some rookie is going to be awfully lucky to have the Delta Stevens as his or her teacher.” Delta grinned sheepishly. “Thanks.” Touching Delta’s shoulder, Connie unlocked the door. “Look, I’ve

got a ton of work to do. Meet me at Harry’s after work? If you’re still in doubt, we can discuss it more then.”

Delta nodded. “Only if we can agree on one thing.”

“And that is?”

“I may slow down, I may even take a breather, but I will
never
mellow.” Connie turned and hugged Delta tightly. “Good. I’d hate to have to change your nickname to Sprinkles. Somehow, that just doesn’t fit.” Tossing her head back and laughing, Delta nodded. Storm it was, and Storm it would always be.

Pulling into Harry’s Bar, the newest cop hangout, Delta turned off the truck’s engine and laid her head down on the steering wheel. She knew things would be different when she came back after her suspension, but she never imagined just how different. Driving over to Harry’s, all Delta could think about was working with someone who would ask too many questions, try too hard to impress her, and generally make a nuisance of himself. She couldn’t envision herself explaining to every rookie why the shotgun was always her weapon of choice, why vans were one of her greatest fears, or why she called Connie whenever she needed information that was not readily available on the streets. She couldn’t picture herself stepping aside to let some rookie fumble his way through a procedure she could do with her eyes closed. And worst of all, she could not see herself opening up and being honest with someone who was just a temporary partner. It would be like having a stranger in the car every night. The way Delta saw it, temporary partners were like scab laborers; they had no real investment or loyalties and they would be the first to bail out when the heat was on. And she didn’t need that.

Thinking back to her last counseling session, Delta shook her head. It seemed as if everyone in her life was asking her to slow down. They all wanted her to have a life outside of the beat. She thought she did, but clearly, she was the only one who thought so. Didn’t anyone understand that being a cop wasn’t just a job? To Delta, it was a lifestyle. It was a way of being, an attitude, a mindset. What happened on the streets in a night didn’t end when the shift ended. The images, the feelings, the sights, smells, and sounds stayed with her long after a crime scene was cleaned up.

And still, everyone wanted her to stand back and watch the action instead of participate in it. The captain wanted her to teach, Connie wanted her to smell the roses, and Megan wanted her to put their relationship first. None of them understood that Delta didn’t know how to do any of those things. All she ever wanted to do was be a cop. And once she put that badge on, once she made her first collar, she was hooked. Nothing felt like making a major bust. Nothing matched helping someone find their lost or kidnapped child. Nothing compared to a high-speed chase or busting open a crack house. She loved it more now than she did when she was a rookie, and she was damned good at it.

But at what expense?

After the Zuckerman case, Megan laid down the law: either go to couples’ counseling or give up the relationship. After only four sessions, Delta realized that her attitude about her work was the one thing that everyone agreed needed to change. Unless she put her badge away and became Megan’s lover at the end of a shift, Megan would leave. Who wouldn’t?

Life with a cop wasn’t easy. Every night, Delta put her life on the line, and every night, Megan would wonder if Delta was coming home. Cops hung out together, spoke in languages and codes that no one else understood, and shared grotesque and macabre images civilians only saw in the movies. They carried off duty weapons, didn’t hesitate to get involved off duty if someone was breaking the law, and carried their badges next to their credit cards. The hours were impossible, the days off erratic, and the overtime increasing. It came as no surprise to Delta that cops had the second highest divorce rate; second only to the entertainment industry. A cop’s spouse too often has to settle for emotional, if not physical, crumbs.

And Megan had made it clear that she wasn’t about to settle for that. Heaving an exhausted sigh, Delta opened her billfold and winced. She had forgotten to get cash and was left with only her credit cards.

“Way to go, Storm,” she grumbled to herself, hesitating before pulling her gold card from her wallet. One of the first assignments the shrink had given her was to try to feel comfortable leaving the badge in the truck.

“Take your wallet, Delta, but leave the badge. Be just Delta, not Officer Stevens. If a fight breaks out, or a crime is being committed, let the officers on duty take care of it. Be a person first. Can you do that?”

Ugh. Delta hated that question. She remembered fumbling for the right words, for any words, that could possibly convey how naked she felt without the shield. It was who she was. Leaving it behind was like leaving the best part of herself in the truck.

Plucking the credit card from the wallet, Delta closed the billfold and set it on the seat. Why was this so hard?

“Hey, Kimosabe. You going to sit in this truck all night?”

Startled, Delta turned to find Connie’s face peering at her through the window.

“Sorry.” Taking her jacket from the back, Delta laid it on top of her wallet and her nine millimeter off-duty weapon. She rarely went anywhere in the city without it, and now...

“Del, are you okay?”

Covering up the wallet and the weapon, Delta nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just...ah, hell, never mind.” Jumping from the truck, Delta checked to make sure both doors were locked. She felt like she was leaving a baby in the truck unattended.

Opening the glass and brass door to Harry’s Bar, Delta waved to Harry who was tending bar. Harry was a tall, beefy man with thinning red hair and a stomach that betrayed his love of Italian food. He had opened the bar for bikers, but when cops invaded the bar, few bikers stuck around.

Nodding to other cops who were belly-up to the bar, Delta grabbed a small table across from the pool table and waved the waitress over.