Linda Goodman's Sun Signs (56 page)

You may bump into a Capricorn who has open contempt for his relatives, or who has bitterly cut family ties and never looked back—but scratch the surface of his independence and you'll find a deep, emotional wound in his past that originally caused such untypical behavior. Many Capricorn men live at home long past the age when their friends are out enjoying the delights of a bachelor pad. They usually fall in love later than most men too—and they seldom marry before they're settled in a career.

With an eye for pedigree and perfection, they'll look around pretty carefully. The goat will pick a woman who will be a good mother. It also wouldn't hurt if she was a good cook and tidy around the house. After that, she'll have to dress well, be able to impress his business associates and friends, and preferably be a cut above them in background, manners, breeding and intelligence. Last of all, he'll make a quick check to see if she's beautiful or if she appeals to his physical senses. You can see right away it's no big deal if your hair is droopy, your perfume bottle is empty or your legs aren't the kind to make the current Miss Universe hate you. Just dig into the trunk for those D.A.R. papers and show him the family Wedgwood. Take his mother to lunch once a week, and let him see how practical you are with your budget. Invite your four-year-old sister along on your next date. If you're an only child, rent a neighbor's toddler. Wipe her little nose gently and frequently with a proper linen handkerchief, talk about your desire to be on the mayor's committee for civic improvement, walk sedately, drop a few French phrases and gurgle when you see a baby in a buggy. Be sure to respect his father as the wisest gentleman you've ever met, and make casual references to your great uncle, who helped Carnegie build his empire—or your ancestor who fought by George Washington's side in the snows of Valley Forge (it doesn't matter which). If you're pretty, so much the better. But glamour will never replace that afghan you made for his cousin Joyce. I can almost promise that he'll never marry you if you don't pass inspection with his family. There are exceptions, of course, but they're so rare you'd be downright reckless to gamble that your Capricorn man is one of them.

After his family has proposed—or rather after he has proposed—put your foot down. Firmly. Let him know you love his folks dearly, but he's the one whose bed and board you've chosen to share. Otherwise, you'll spend many a Saturday night cooking dinner for his Uncle Charlie or helping his young sister through her painful adolescence.

Since Capricorns are always slightly nervous in the presence of the opposite sex, an occasional one will awkwardly hint at off-color situations, fumble with attempts at innuendo, or appear to be rough, tough and callous. It's just his way of being one of the fellows, a typical method of hiding his embarrassment and curiosity about the purple passions of more aggressive people. Don't ever let it lead you into thinking he wants you to play Bonnie to his Clyde. You are not Mae West or Texas Guinan. You are a lady and don't ever forget it. He may cast a furtive, interested glance at a lady of the evening, but she's definitely not the kind of lady he marries. This may sound like advice from your spinster Aunt Abigail, but if you think it's square, go on and wear your teeny bikini and green mascara—pour on the perfume and kiss him in public. You may eventually walk down the aisle in a white veil, but it won't be beside a Saturn groom.

A nice gift for your Capricorn husband would be a book of poems, the more romantic the better. If you don't give hints early in the relationship about the art of affectionate expression, you may become a well-provided-for spouse, who's adored and warmly appreciated—with a perfect dear for a husband—but who is also emotionally starved. It won't do any good by that time to complain that he never tells you he loves you. He'll just look at you in injured innocence or grumbling disgust (depending on how strong Saturn was at his birth), and patiently explain that “You're crazy. I distinctly remember telling you I loved you when I gave you your engagement ring and again when little Alexander was born.”

He thinks you should know how he feels about you since he supports you, and pays you the tribute of allowing you to bear his children and be his wife. To Capricorn, mushy, verbal declarations are gilding the romantic lily. He may ask, “What do you want, George Clooney?” That's your cue to say “yes” loudly. It should startle him a little. He won't turn into George Clooney, but he may be shocked into realizing that a gently murmured “sweetheart,” at appropriate times won't harm his masculinity.

As a father, he'll be a Father—the literal personification of the word. He'll always be at the head of the table, and that goes for picnics, too. Even if he's the one sitting on the poison ivy, near the ant hill, around a paper cloth spread under the trees—the spot where the Capricorn daddy sits is the head of the table. He'll demand respect and obedience, and he'll insist on routine and discipline. But he'll repay it with honest devotion, even self sacrifice, probably approve of big, happy birthday parties and a very merry Christmas. Capricorn fathers are highly unlikely to spare the rod and spoil the child. He'll see that they go to the dentist and do their homework, with a few groundings when it's necessary. His own sense of organization and dependability will be emphatically conveyed. It certainly won't hurt the youngsters, though it might take a little starch out of them. Remind him that parenthood can be fun, as well as a serious responsibility. Think of him as a Charles Dickens type papa. Teach the children to give him generous goodnight kisses, and encourage him to take them to the ball game, fishing or swimming. If he's a little strict, remember that they'll profit in the long run, as long as he doesn't overdo it. When the grandchildren bounce on his knee, he'll turn shockingly permissive. Capricorn grandpas make great baby sitters. I even know one who roller skates around the block with his second generation offspring.

A Capricorn man will seldom marry in haste and repent at leisure. He's more apt to marry at leisure and repent in haste. Most Capricorn marriages are solid, but if the goat makes a mistake, he'll walk out abruptly, and his wife won't get a second chance. Capricorn abhors divorce, so it won't happen often, but when it does, it's final. To be blunt, when he's had it—he has had it.

Your Saturnine husband may regulate love-making to a schedule, along with shopping, correspondence, doing his banking, visiting museums or art galleries and washing and waxing his hybrid sedan. It may seem cold and unsentimental, but remember that the practical Capricorn is interested in the physical side of love long after other husbands resort to poetry to express their emotions. Interpreted, that means just what I said back at the beginning. Dessert last. After he's retired, he'll have more time to develop his technique of affection. That's better than insurance. And you'll have that too, with a Capricorn husband—insurance against a rainy day, insurance against loneliness and insurance against the blows of a sordid, ugly world. Any sensible female appreciates the value of Saturn devotion. He won't be a fiery lover who courts you with starry eyes and passionate, flowery speeches. But he'll protect you from all your feminine fears. He's a tough guy with a gentle heart. He'll chop the wood for that cozy fire, then sit with you in front of it and hold your hand tenderly. No matter how many gray hairs, extra pounds or wrinkles you add as the years slip by, to him you'll always look like the young woman who made him say “I love you.” When you stop to think about it, why should he say it again and again? Once is enough when it lasts that long.

There's no such thing as a typical Capricorn female. She can be a museum curator who wears wire-rimmed glasses, or she can be a dancer, who wears a glittering G-string. You'll see her crisply running a suburban P.T.A., serving BLTs in a coffee shop, or organizing the biggest Charity Ball in the city. A Capricorn woman may decorate the society columns, smile demurely behind a political candidate husband or pour mysterious liquids into test tubes. But whatever she's doing and whatever she's wearing, Saturn will rule her actions and her secret aims.

She can be ultra-feminine, flirtatious and charming enough to make a man feel like a giant grizzly bear who can protect her from the cold, cruel world. Or she can be icy, quiet and aloof, sitting securely on her marble pedestal and challenging you to be clever enough to win her superior hand. Whichever personality she projects, underneath her womanly wiles or her practical, sensible manner, she has the same goal—a steely determination to snag the right man, who becomes an equal partner, makes her proud and who can be a good father to her children.

So many Capricorn women are career-oriented, you might think love and marriage would always be a second choice. With love, you have a point. With marriage, no. The thing to understand is that the Capricorn goals are security, authority, respect and position. It makes little difference if these needs are supplied in front of a blackboard as a school teacher, behind a desk as an executive, or beside an ambitious husband whose social life and home she can manage with easy grace and careful planning. One way or another, the Capricorn woman will get her recognition. Some of them get it by writing books, lecturing, painting or composing music. It's surprising how many Capricorns of both sexes have unusual artistic talent. Perhaps it stems from an innate sense of balance and harmony, knowing what is pleasing and what is right or correct.

This is a little delicate, but even the Saturn females you find who become exotic dancers or engage in the world's oldest profession (there will be only a handful), will end up by marrying the top comic or the theater owner in the first instance—or the wealthiest client in the second. The goat must climb. Whether the starting position is high or low, the top of the hill is where she finds the view more satisfying. There's nothing flashy about the Capricorn female. You'll certainly never see her loudly or obviously pushing and shoving for first place; you may even think she's docile enough to contentedly take a back seat to her competition. Wait. See who gets the promotion.

Don't be misled into thinking she'll never sacrifice her career for marriage. Just give this woman half a chance to be a social leader and the head of a well-run household, and you'll see how quickly she loses interest in her job (one of the few things she'll do quickly). If you need her to, the Capricorn woman will gladly continue working to help you climb up the mountain of success—she won't be lazy. Otherwise, however, she's happier enjoying her position as your wife, provided the position is a good one, and there's enough financial security.

One of the most typical and delightful things about this woman is her natural breeding and grace of manner. You can meet a Capricorn female who was raised in a one-room shack across the railroad tracks, or whose father works the swing shift in a coal mine, but unless she decides to reveal her background (which she probably won't), you'll be convinced she comes from an old-line family, and was turned out by one of the best finishing schools. Such is the Capricorn built-in sense of social grace and conservative, conventional appearances.

Any man who's involved in a relationship with the female goat should learn a basic fact about this Sun sign. She seems to be more even-tempered and emotionally steady than she actually is. Her manner may convince you that she's as firm as a rock and nothing can ruffle her calm surface. The truth is that she's subject to many moods. All women are subject to moods, you say, but the Capricorn female can have some really black and long-lasting ones. If she feels mistreated or unappreciated, she'll brood for days, weeks, even months. She calls it being sensible or practical, but Saturnine gloominess, pessimism and depression is much more deeply rooted than that. It's triggered by fear of the future, worry about the present, shame over the past—or a suspicion that she's being made fun of or is inadequate in some way. These women do not accept teasing lightly. Keep it at a minimum. To be honest, they find it impossible to see the joke when they're the victims. You don't have to bury her in compliments constantly (she'll sense when they're insincere, anyway), but don't kid her about important matters, and praise her often enough to make her realize you know her true value.

It's hard for her to relax in romantic situations. There's plenty of physical desire under the cool Capricorn surface, far more than most people suspect, and it's never satisfied casually. Sitting around and wasting time with breathless hugs and ecstatic kisses while the future is still hanging unsettled, is definitely not her favorite hobby—yet once she's decided you're the right man and the finances are secure or your ambition is sufficient, she'll be as warm as a cuddly panda, affectionate, and even passionate. Capricorns don't believe in vague dreams that glide aimlessly through a misty, blue sky. They want to know where the ship of romance is taking them, and that it's sailing on safe waters. Build a firm foundation under your house, if you plan to carry a Capricorn over the threshold. Make sure there's plenty of insurance and the mortgage is paid off or will be soon.

She'll probably be something of a social butterfly, extremely aware of etiquette, and she'll lean toward quaint customs like engraved napkin rings and afternoon tea. Things must be correct and tradition must be observed at all costs. She may have an inconsistent habit of wanting to shop in the most expensive, exclusive stores, yet insisting on a bargain. She doesn't mind buying a dress that's on sale, as long as it bears the right label.