Linda Ford (22 page)

It wasn’t only because of his offer to Margaret that he hesitated. His father didn’t like Mr. Edwards. His father had instructed Eddie to send Linette home. Actually he probably didn’t care where Eddie sent her so long as it got her out of the Gardiner sphere.

Eddie had been trying all his life to live up to the expectations of that name. Would he ever succeed?

“Your father would be proud.” “You’ve done a good job.” “You’re a good leader.” Words he longed to hear, but they hadn’t come from his father.

They’d come from Linette.

Linette who faced challenges fearlessly. Who played a sharp game of chess. Who painted and drew pictures that stirred his emotions.

Linette who showed kindness to all regardless of race and station in life.

He didn’t need to prove anything to her. She accepted him as he was, not because he was the son of Randolph Gardiner. Her approval was honest, open, free.

Why would he send her away and lose all that?

Morning came and he still couldn’t think clearly. He hurried from the cabin and saddled his horse. He meant to ride hard and far, but instead headed for the big house, approaching from the hillside so no one would note him. He strode into the house and went immediately to the windows overlooking the ranch.

He belonged here, was part of the developing country.

All his life he had worked for what he had here.

He knew who he was. Not a Gardiner by birth, but that no longer mattered. He was Eddie Gardiner, the man who built Eden Valley Ranch. The man who ran it successfully.

More than that, he was a man loved by God. Accepted by the One who created the mountains and plains. It was time he was honest to the depth of his soul. Here, in the wilds of northwest Canada, he had found acceptance such as he’d never before known.

One time he’d kissed Linette. One time only. But that one fleeting touch had been the most honest moment of his life.

He loved her. He wanted to share his life with her. He wanted to fill this house with a family they’d have together.

With every honest breath, his heart beat harder, more insistently.

He had one thing to do before he could ask her.

He must write Margaret and withdraw his offer then write his father and inform him he intended to follow his heart.

If that meant he had to give up running the ranch...well, so be it. With Linette at his side, he would start somewhere else.

His mind made up, he returned to his horse, rode to the barn, took care of his mount then hurried to the cabin and gathered up pen, ink and paper. The cabin was empty. He climbed the hill to the house and sat down to write two letters.

Before he began, he bowed his head and asked the Lord to guide him then he let honest words flow to the paper.

Finished, he sealed the letters and marched back down the hill. He found Slim and sent him to town with the missives.

Now to pick the right time to tell Linette of his decision.

It took determination to wait until after supper. “Linette, come for a walk.”

She stopped, her hands clutching the pot she dried, sucked in air and tucked in her chin. “Of course.” She put the pot on the shelf, removed her apron and hung it carefully on a nail by the washstand then reached for her heavy coat.

“It’s warm out. Your shawl will be enough.”

She rehung the coat and took her knitted shawl instead.

He held the door for her and fell in step beside her. He lifted an arm, wanting to pull her to his side, but she hurried ahead.

They passed the barn, crossed the bridge and went beyond the pens, up the hill to a spot they’d visited before. He knew she would welcome his offer. Hadn’t she come for the very purpose of marriage to him?

He caught her hand and pulled her to a halt beneath the aspens heavy with the scent of spring buds. The sun was nearing the horizon. He turned her to watch the sunset—flares and ribbons of mauve and pink, purple and orange filling the western sky. And then the sun dipped out of sight, leaving the sky orange in its wake.

“It’s so beautiful,” she whispered.

He rested his hands on her shoulders and watched a moment longer. Then he slowly turned her to face him.

Her smile slid sideways and vanished.

He touched her cheek. “Don’t look so afraid.”

She lifted her chin and faced him. “I’m not afraid.”

“I’m not about to tell you I’m going to send you home.”

Her chin dropped hard. “You’re not?”

“Linette, I want to marry you.”

She blinked. “Really?”

He had so much to say but the words stopped halfway up his throat. “Not just because you’ve proved you would make a good ranch wife. I want you to stay. I want you to be part of my life.”

The uncertain, surprised look in her face made him realize he was doing a poor job of saying what his heart felt.

“Linette.” He took her upper arms in his hands and bent closer. “I love you. I want to share my life, my dreams, my heart with you.”

She splayed trembling fingers over her chest. She looked so vulnerable. So uncertain.

Had he surprised her so much with his confession of love? “I know you look at marriage only as an escape. You weren’t expecting an offer of love. Maybe you don’t even welcome it. But it doesn’t matter. I love you. And if you can’t love me back, it’s okay. I’ll still love you.” He hoped somewhere inside her lay a tender feeling toward him. He prayed there was a tiny seed of sweet regard that, with nourishment, would someday grow into love. He intended to provide the nourishment.

Giving her time to refuse, rejoicing when she didn’t, he caught her mouth with his own, letting his kiss say all the things he felt, hoping, trusting she heard his silent promises. He lifted his head, smiled at the confusion in her eyes. “You will marry me?”

She nodded. “I told you you’d change your mind.”

Chapter Fourteen

L
inette’s breath stuck halfway up her throat.

He’d offered marriage. Exactly what she wanted. But he’d offered more than she bargained for. His heart.

She couldn’t decide what to think except it frightened her. She hadn’t expected love. Didn’t know if she was prepared for it. Love meant so much more than a marriage of convenience. It meant relinquishing her dreams in deference to his plans.

But in return, she’d get his devotion. The thought reached into her heart and squeezed it, flooding her veins with a combination of anticipation and caution.

“What about Margaret?”

“Let’s sit.”

They sat on the crest of the hill as the light faded from the sky.

“I wrote Margaret and my father, informing them of my choice.” Eddie’s laugh carried a note of regret and he took her hand between his. “Father suggested you might not be suitable to become a Gardiner.”

“I guessed as much.”

“Sorry. Remember my father isn’t sure
I
am suitable to be a Gardiner.”

Her defense on her own behalf died. “I can’t imagine always feeling the need to prove yourself. Besides, he is so wrong. He needs to visit and see for himself how well you’ve done.”

“He’d only see what he wanted to see.” His expression brightened. “But I came to a conclusion this afternoon. I know who I am. God made me and He’s in charge.”

“Amen. He holds you in His hand and directs your steps.”

“Like a good shepherd.”

She laughed. How often had they discussed the Twenty-third Psalm over the winter months, considering the differences between raising sheep and cattle?

But what would Eddie do if his father forbade their marriage?

“How soon can we be married?” he asked.

She hesitated but a second. “As soon as possible, I suppose.”

They talked about how their marriage would change things.

“What about Grady?”

“He’ll live with us in the big house.”

His ready answer gave her the strength to dismiss her fears.

They didn’t return to the house until late. At the door, she stopped. Did they kiss again? What were his expectations?

As if he’d read her mind, he gently turned her into his arms, allowing mere inches to separate them. “I’m willing to do things your way. Whatever you’re comfortable with is fine with me. I pray at some time you’ll grow to love me, but if you don’t, we can still have a great marriage. I promise.”

She sighed her relief and rested her head against his shoulder. He wanted her to say she loved him but she could not squeeze the words from her fearful heart.

“I’m sorry.” Love frightened her, but how could she explain it to him when she didn’t understand it herself?

“I’m not complaining.” He cupped his hand to the back of her head and held her gently. He pressed his cheek to her hair and she was almost certain he kissed the top of her head.

“I will be a good wife,” she murmured against his jacket front, breathing in his warm scent. “I’ll work hard.”

“Linette, you don’t need to prove anything to me. I love you just the way you are.”

He held her a moment longer then led her down the hill and shooed her away to bed.

In the dark, she whispered to Cassie, “He said he’ll marry me.”

Cassie bolted upright, making Grady murmur a complaint. She settled back down. “I don’t believe it.”

“It’s true.”

“Will we all get to stay, then?”

She found Cassie’s hand on top of the covers and squeezed it. “What would I do without you and Grady? Of course you get to stay.”

“I’m happy for you. It’s what you wanted.”

“Thank you.” She shifted to her side and stared into the darkness. It was why she’d come West—to marry a man who would allow her to escape her father’s plans. She hadn’t counted on him falling in love with her.

You don’t need to prove anything to me. I love you just the way you are.

Love? What was that? Didn’t it turn her into a pawn, the way she’d been as her father’s daughter?

Eddie was not like her father.

But she couldn’t push away the fear of giving herself wholly and completely to another. Unless she retained control of her heart, she feared she would lose who she was to him.

The next morning, she accompanied Eddie to the cookhouse where he called for attention. “Linette has agreed to become my wife.”

Nice of him to put it that way when they all knew she’d come with the specific intention of marrying him. But it pleased her that he made it sound as if it had been his idea.

“Didn’t I tell you so?” Cookie exclaimed as she engulfed Linette in one of her massive hugs.

Eddie managed to keep his arm about her shoulders and protect her from some of Cookie’s enthusiasm, then she turned to pat Eddie’s back in congratulations.

Linette felt the thuds clear to her fingertips and feared Eddie would suffer internal injuries.

One by one the cowhands who were present filed by shaking Eddie’s hand and taking hers in a polite gesture. All of them said they were glad she was going to stay and help Eddie run the ranch. Even Ward offered his congratulations.

“Guessed you weren’t interested in my little ranch.”

At first she giggled at their comments then she began to squirm. “Eddie has done quite well without my help so far. I expect he could continue to manage without me.”

Eddie squeezed her to his side. “They know a woman’s touch makes all the difference. Especially a woman as wise and generous as you.”

She waited until they were alone to question him. “What did you mean about me being wise and generous?”

He laughed hard. When he noticed she didn’t join in his merriment, he sobered. “You really don’t know?”

She shook her head, not caring her fears and uncertainties likely showed in her face.

He took her hands and pulled her close. She tipped her head to search his eyes as he spoke.

“Linette, you show kindness to all, you try to help people no matter what their race or color or social standing. You speak your mind but in a way that causes people to respect you. You stopped my men from hanging an Indian who didn’t deserve such a fate. And brave? I never expected to see a woman stand up to the wolves the way you did.” He pressed a kiss to her nose. “I understand you think you have to prove you are something more than a beautiful woman who can be used as part of a business deal.” His voice deepened as if the words pained him and her heart did a slow tilt toward him.

“But my dear sweet Linette. You don’t need to prove anything to anyone. You are beautiful.” He kissed her on each cheek. “But you are so much more. And I cherish each and every bit of you—your personality, your faith and your...” He paused, eased back a few inches and touched her chest over her heart. “Who you are inside.”

She swallowed hard several times, struggled with a sense of breathlessness as his words washed over her, cleansing away self-doubt and fear, leaving her whole.

She loved this man for the gift he’d given her.

But when she tried to say the words, they stuck in her throat.

If he noticed her struggle he didn’t say anything, just pulled her close again and held her gently. “I need to go.” He caught her chin with his fingertip and lifted her face to kiss her sweetly and quickly. “I’ll be back later and we can talk more.”

But it was easy in the following days to talk about other things. She sensed his patient waiting but the knot in her throat would not let go. In fact, it seemed to extend to her heart and bind her feelings behind prison bars.

One day she glanced up to see a line of Indians riding by and realized winter had begun to relinquish its hold on the land.

Eddie came from the pens and stood at her side.

“They’re moving out to hunt for food. Unfortunately there is little left for them. Buffalo hunters have killed most of the huge herds. And now the people are confined to specific areas. It’s a tough life.”

“I hope they’ll be safe. I wonder how Bright Moon, Red Fox and their boys are.”

They watched the long line snake by. A man turned aside and headed down the hill toward them, a woman at his side. “It’s them,” Linette squealed, running to meet the family.

Bright Moon showed them the baby, wearing the sweater Linette had given him.

“His name Little Shirt.” A chuckle accompanied Red Fox’s announcement. “White woman give little shirt.”

Linette grinned, happy at their choice of name. The baby had put on weight. In fact, they all looked considerably better than last time she’d seen them.

“Mother has gift,” Little Bear said.

Bright Moon handed her a pair of baby moccasins, ornately decorated with beads.

Linette choked up. “Thank you,” she managed to say past the tears clogging her throat.

“You are great white woman,” Red Fox said, holding his hand out as if in benediction.

From the hill came a cheer. The whole tribe faced them.

Linette waved then thanked Red Fox and hugged Bright Moon and the boys. The family returned to the others and the Indians continued their journey. Linette watched until they were out of sight.

“The great white woman. I like that.” Eddie had his arm about her shoulders and pulled her close to rest his forehead against hers. “You are appreciated by men of both races. How does it feel?”

She considered his question. “It feels fine.”

He gave her a little shake. “And yet you still doubt. Linette, my love. When will you believe you are accepted and more...honored and loved?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know.”

He kissed her forehead. “I pray for the day but until then know this, I love you just as you are.”

“Sounds like a wedding vow.”

“It is. I am yours for as long as I live. You have my heart, my love, my everything.”

“Eddie...” Her voice broke. “I don’t deserve so much.”

He gave her another little shake. “But you do.”

She nodded as tears gathered in the back of her throat.

How she wanted to believe him. Say to him the words he wanted to hear. Was it stubborn pride that prevented it?

Lord, help me. I came for a marriage of convenience. That’s all I wanted. Now it seems I must choose if I want more. But something in my heart is stuck. Broken, even. Show me how to fix it. Please.

She was tired of the constant warfare between what she wanted to give Eddie and what she wanted to keep for herself.

Her heart.

* * *

Later that day Eddie went to Linette. “Let’s inspect the house.” He wanted her to see it as hers. He wanted to feel her joy in making plans. “It’s yours now. You can choose how to use the rooms, how to decorate them.”

They climbed the hill to the house and she went immediately to the window overlooking the ranch as he knew she would. “I want this to be our main room so we can enjoy this view every day.”

He chuckled. “Why doesn’t that surprise me?”

She would have stayed there, content to ignore the rest of the house, but he took her hand and drew her away. She inspected the kitchen as if seeing it for the first time. “I can see myself working here.”

“I expect it will be a pleasant change after the cramped quarters of the cabin and the tiny stove, which you’ve managed to cook very nice meals on.”

“I enjoyed it.” She faced him. “Are you sure about this?”

He looked at the wooden worktable. “Is something wrong with it?”

“What if I never say the words you want?”

She’d read his longing so clearly. He ached for her to say she loved him. Wondered what held her back. Not that he had any reason for complaint. She was gentle, loving and kind to him. Just as she was to everyone.

He pulled her to his chest, pressed her head to the hollow of his shoulder where he’d discovered it fit very nicely. He rested his cheek against her hair. “Linette, I love you enough for the both of us. Yes, I pray you will someday learn to love me, but so long as you can accept my love I’m okay with this arrangement.”

She wrapped her arms about his waist and held him tight. “You are a good man.”

It had to be enough for now. But someday, God willing, there would be more.

* * *

A few days later, Linette turned as Eddie strode into the cabin. Her lungs tightened with—

She couldn’t say what. Or perhaps she didn’t want to admit it.

“I’m going to help the men move the herd up to new pasture.” Eddie pulled Linette into his arms and searched her face with hope. But she couldn’t give him the words he wanted. Yes, he’d said he would wait. No demands. Yet she felt his longing as clearly as she felt the air fill her lungs. “Take good care,” she said, and boldly lifted her face and kissed him.

He hugged her tight then hurried away.

She watched him go then climbed the hill to the house.

The house was almost finished, but Eddie said he would complete the work before they were married. They hadn’t yet set a date. She knew he wanted to hear back from Margaret, officially freeing him from his offer. But she wondered if he also waited for a reply from his father. What if his father forbade the marriage? He would never choose her over his father’s approval.

She went immediately to the row of rooms upstairs. They were in a separate wing from the family rooms. Meant for the Gardiner family. But she saw them as suitable for an entirely different purpose. A place of healing and rest for the hurting and weary. She had already moved cots into two of the rooms and now she mentally furnished them and imagined them occupied.

Racing horses’ hooves caught her attention. She hurried to a window in time to see Slim race to the barn and throw himself from the saddle even before the horse stopped. The horse was lathered in a way Eddie would frown on. Slim raced to the barn and pushed the big doors open.

Something was wrong.

She dashed from the house and jogged down the hill in time to see Slim rattle from the barn in the wagon.

“Wait,” she called.

He saw her and shouted, “...hurt.” But he didn’t slow down.

Had he said Eddie was hurt? She was certain he had and she sank to her knees to watch the wagon bounce along the trail. She didn’t move until it disappeared from sight.