Limits of Destiny (Volume 1) (8 page)

Why did I let myself fall in love with the wrong man? Why?
These thoughts raced around my mind. I’d yearned so intensely for this before, but now I felt so lonely. I’d been seduced, used, and abandoned.

I barely managed to unlock the door to my apartment. I dropped my handbag to the floor and covered my face with my hands to suppress the tears. Then I went into the living room and put a recording of one of my mother’s concerts on the sound system. She was a famous violinist and had performed not just in the USA, but in Europe, Japan, and China. The tender sounds of her violin as she played Tomaso Albinoni’s “Adagio in G-Minor” filled the room. I wanted to be closer to her, and music was the only way. I threw myself on the couch and started to bawl like a small child, unable to stop.

God, my broken heart hurts so much!

Alexander wasn’t mine and he would never be. It had all been just one wonderful moment. The thought that we would never again be together was suffocating me. I wanted him. I wanted to feel his embrace once more, to breathe in the scent of his skin, to taste his kisses, to feel the touch of his warm hands, hear his soft voice, see his handsome face… I wanted him.

I didn’t know his cell phone number, but even if I did, I wouldn’t call him. I still had some self-respect. He’d promised to call me, that we would have lunch together, but he hadn’t kept his promise. He’d lied to me, given me false hope, made me think something could happen between us.

I cried so much that in the end, I had no tears left. I went into the bathroom and washed my face. My mascara had run and smeared all over.

I decided to make something to eat in order to put him out of my mind.

The doorbell rang. It was Lily. As soon as she saw me, she realized I’d been crying.

She hugged me tightly right on the doorstep. “What happened, for God’s sake? Did Alexander hurt you?

“We arranged to meet for lunch, but he never called me.” The tears started flowing down my cheeks again.

“Oh, Alexia, I’m so sorry. I’d never thought this could happen to you. You can have anyone you want. How did you manage to fall in love with the most unsuitable man?”

“I only want him, Lily, but he doesn’t want me anymore,” I sobbed and wiped the tears from my face with my palm.

“What a moron. He doesn’t know what he’s missing. By the time he realizes, it will be too late. Come, dear, I brought French red wine, Perrin et Fils Les Cornuds. It will relax you.”

The wine, with hints of red berries and cherries, was very nice. We got drunk, more than we ever had before, so Lily stayed over for the night.

*     *     *

In the morning,
I gave her one of my dresses. I was eternally grateful to her, for she had stayed and not left me alone in that state.

As people say,
a friend in need is a friend indeed.

I put on a classic black number to match the grief eating at me and went to work, arriving a little late. Roberto was already at his desk, looking at the computer screen and drinking a coffee.

“Ciao, Bella.” He turned to me and froze. “Mamma mia. What’s happened to you, Alexia? You look awful; your eyes are bloodshot.”

“Thanks, that’s so sweet,” I said sarcastically.

“Sorry, I’m just worried about you. Can I help you somehow?”

“Please, I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Okay… As you know, I suffer from dry eyes and use moisturizing drops. I bought these really good ones—in disposable packets and without any preservatives. Here, try them. Put a drop in each eye and voila—all better. Throw away whatever’s left.”

“Thanks, Roberto.”

“For you, always—you know that.” He winked at me, and I gave him a weak smile.

I took the drops and went into the bathroom to put them in. I caught my reflection in the mirror—I looked terrible. My green eyes were staring back at me, tired and quite red, and my face was as white as a sheet. I put a drop in each eye and felt them working their magic straightaway. Their coolness brought me some relief.

Thank God I was swamped with work and didn’t have the chance to constantly think about Alexander. I wasn’t in the mood to have lunch in the bank’s cafeteria or in some restaurant, so I decided to pop out quickly and buy a chicken doner kebab. My eyes stopped at two teenage girls who were looking at the free newspaper
20 Minutes
and discussing it loudly.

“See how cute he is and, ugh, that minger he’s with.”

I smiled at their comments and decided to see who they meant. I felt faint when I saw the picture—Alexander Kraftberg with some dark-haired woman. She had her arm around him and was saying something to him. I read the comment below the photograph.

Are they just friends or is there something more between multi-millionaire Alexander Kraftberg and Vanessa Gras?

I dropped the newspaper into the nearest garbage can, as if it were too hot to handle. I sat on a bench in one of the side streets and put my hand on my chest—my heart beating so hard I thought it might explode.

An old woman approached me. “Are you okay? Are you feeling faint? You’re very pale.”

I stared into the distance, not really hearing her. Gradually, I came back to reality.

“I’ll be okay.” I took out a small bottle of water from my handbag and took a few sips. “I feel much better now, thank you.”

The woman smiled and went on her way. The picture had shattered any hope I had left.

*     *     *

No, Alexander, don’t!
What are you doing?

I woke up drenched in sweat, shivering all over, and realized I’d been crying in my sleep. I looked around, alarmed, until I established it had all been a nightmare, in which Alexander was passionately kissing the brunette from the photo and didn’t give a damn I was watching. It was six in the morning. I couldn’t get back to sleep, so I decided to take a bath. I turned on the tap, poured in some bubble bath, and left it to fill up. When it was ready, I slid in, lay down, and closed my eyes. The bubbles gently caressed my skin and the aroma of coconut and Hawaiian flowers gradually relaxed my mind.

I decided to wear my red-violet silk dress. I liked strong, bright colors because they somehow lifted my mood.

I’ll look sexy to spite Alexander…

I backcombed my hair slightly to give it volume and used hair spray to keep it in place. I put on my pearl earrings, then high-heeled black sandals, took my bag, and went down to the parking lot. I pondered whether I was too brightly dressed for a bank employee, but… who cared? The dress was stylish, sleeveless, above the knees, and not too tight around my waist—it fit perfectly.

Over time, I’d learned to drive in high heels with ease. My car wasn’t just any old banger, but a red Audi TT with a white leather interior. I loved sports cars and high speeds. My father had come over from Boston especially to help me choose this car.

When I got to work, Roberto hadn’t arrived yet. I logged into my computer and started to read the new emails. I left earlier the previous day, and quite a few emails had accumulated.

“Alexia, it’s nice to see you looking better.”

I’d focused on reading my emails so tightly that I hadn’t noticed Roberto had arrived. “Well, I feel much better too. Thanks.”

“I’m glad to hear that,” he said while sitting on his chair.

*     *     *

At noon, I
had lunch with Lily in the bank’s cafeteria. As always, it was full of my coworkers, but we managed to find two free seats.

Lily was wearing an elegant black skirt, combined with a fine beige sleeveless blouse. We often got the chance to have lunch together, as she worked in Credit Suisse, which was very near to my work at UBS.

“How are you?” she asked, concerned. Placing her elbows on the table, she cupped her chin in her hand.

“Better. When is Marco coming?” I wanted to change the subject to avoid the tears, which were already welling up at the thought of Alexander.

Her face brightened. “On Saturday. I’m really looking forward to seeing him again. Do you want to come with us for drinks?”

My best friend, always looking out for me.
Her concern warmed my soul.

“No, Lily. I don’t want to be a third wheel. Don’t worry about me. I’ll be okay. I just need a little more time.”

“You won’t get in the way, honest. And you’ll get to meet him.”

“I know very well I’d be in the way. You don’t need me to hold your hand and chaperone you, and to be honest, I’m not in the mood for bars and clubs. I’d be really happy to meet your boyfriend some day soon, though.”

“Do you know who I saw on the cover of
ELLE Men
?” she asked with a playful gleam in her eyes.

“Yes, I know—Daniel. He told me about the photos and the interview. I completely forgot to tell you I saw him Saturday.”

She regarded me, not hiding her surprise. “And you’ve not said a word.”

“He kissed me,” I said, smiling at the memory. Every woman likes to feel desired.

“Excuse me?!” she shouted.

“Shush!” I leaned toward her. “Speak more quietly please.” I didn’t want anyone to overhear our conversation.

“And you didn’t tell me.” She shook her head disapprovingly.

“I kissed him back, even if only for a second,” I quickly informed her, seeing her huge interest.

“Huh, how could you keep such juicy details from me!”

“He and I… We can’t be together. You know the story of our breakup.” I sighed.

“I know.” She took my hand. “Oh, if it weren’t for that job of his…”

I shouldn’t think of the past, as I couldn’t go back in time and prevent what had happened. Even though I didn’t want to admit it to myself, I still felt hurt by his infidelity, though not as much as when it first happened.

“Out of all my exes, I felt best with him, Lily. I really wanted things to work between us.” I shrugged. “But they didn’t… So the only thing I can do is look ahead.”

*     *     *

After lunch, I
had to drive to another building of the bank for work. I came out of the underground parking lot and joined the traffic, which wasn’t particularly heavy at that time of day.

I’d had a splitting headache all day. The pain was so strong it felt like someone was crushing my head in a vise. I couldn’t stand it any longer, so I parked the car for an hour in front of the pharmacy located near the building in which I worked. After buying the necessary medicine, I asked the pharmacist for a glass of water so I could take a pill straightaway.

I went back to work and started to deal with my financial report. I finished it and sent it to my boss. At six, I decided to go home. All I wanted to do was lie on the couch and listen to relaxing classical music. I needed to wind down and not think about anything.

Roberto decided to leave with me. We were just coming out of the bank’s glass doors when I saw him—Alexander Kraftberg stepping out of his Rolls Royce.

T
he heel of
my right shoe got caught in one of the small holes in the pavement in front of the UBS building. I flew forward and found myself in Roberto’s arms, for which I was very grateful. If it weren’t for him, I would have most likely landed on the ground face first. I pulled myself away from him and was just about to thank him when I saw Alexander Kraftberg standing in front of me. Hot waves washed across my body, my pulse quickened, and suddenly, I simply couldn’t get enough air. My entire body started tingling and my stomach twisted into knots.

He looked amazing in his expensive black suit, white shirt, and black tie with small, fine Bordeaux squares. His beautiful blue eyes watched me intently.

“Alexia,” he said, taking me by the waist and pulling me possessively to him. Then he gave my coworker a cold, withering look. It was obvious he didn’t like seeing me in another man’s arms.

What the fuck does he expect? That I will just throw myself into his arms… Yeah right…

He stretched his hand to Roberto so they could shake. “Kraftberg. I’m Miss Welson’s boyfriend.”

I froze, realizing my mouth was gaping in surprise.
Boyfriend, huh? What a boyfriend…

“Alexander Kraftberg, if I’m not mistaken. I’m Roberto Bottoni. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“We work together,” were the only words I could get out.

Roberto lightly touched my shoulder. “See you tomorrow. Have a nice evening, you two.” He nodded at Alexander and walked away in long strides.

I pulled away from Alexander. “What do you want, Alexander? Vanessa isn’t available today?”

Clearly, he didn’t like my question—he narrowed his eyes, clenched his teeth, and the muscle on his jaw started to twitch. “Don’t tell me you believe all the crap written in newspapers and magazines. If they reported the truth, I would have been married a hundred times by now.” His icy tone sent chills down my spine. “I had problems, which I can’t discuss. I had to go away—I wasn’t in Zurich.”

“To go away with her,” I said angrily. I was furious and very hurt at the same time.

“No, goddammit. I only saw her for a short while—she came to my office. Vanessa is just an old friend…”

“A friend for whom you can find time.” I interrupted. “Whereas for me, you can’t. You promised to call me, but you didn’t for three days. You could’ve simply sent me a text saying, ‘I’m busy. I’ll call you when I can,’ but no, you didn’t. You left me to wait and hope like some idiot.”

“I’m sorry.” I could see in his eyes he was being earnest, but the pain I felt was greater.

I closed my eyes, opened them, and said angrily, “I don’t need your apologies. I’m not going to let you toy with me again.”

Alexander stroked my face with the back of his hand, which made me take a step back. I knew I was weak and all he had to do was hug me to make me forgive him and let him mess me around again.

“Please… don’t… I don’t want to.” I looked up to stop the tears welling up.

My jealousy ate me from the inside. My heart was shattered into countless pieces. My state of mind was chaotic. On one hand, I wanted us to be together again, and on the other, I was afraid of getting hurt again. I couldn’t let it happen one more time.