Lilli's Quest (2 page)

Two

Even before the girls are out of bed, Gerda comes whirling into their “eagle's nest,” as Lilli has sourly come to call it. The
Fuhrer,
or Nazi leader, as Adolph Hitler is called, has such a retreat in the form of a chalet on the top of an Alpine peak, where he holds secret conferences.

“Only
he's
up there to dominate the world,” Lilli has remarked, “while our attic may as well be a dungeon.”

What Lilli meant was how restricted their lives had become, hers and Helga's, because of the many anti-Jewish laws that either came into effect or were strengthened following
Kristallnacht
last November. Jews in Nazi Germany may no longer own radios or typewriters, travel on public transportation, go to the theater or the cinema, to parks or beaches, or to restaurants other than the few cafes still operated by Jews. They must carry ration books stamped with the letter
J
, limiting the kinds and quantities of food or other goods they may purchase, and can only live only in apartment blocks that bear the Star of David symbol
and the letter
J
above the entrance. So, in effect, the girls are being hidden away in the Bayer household.

But there's little use reviewing these familiar obstacles this morning, as Gerda bustles around, clapping her hands and ordering “Up, up!” She is of uncertain age, gray-haired and dumpling-cheeked, with a body like that of a sturdy wooden doll. For Lilli and Helga, Gerda has come to be Grossmutter Bayer's daily emissary.

The girls never address the proud older lady with the informal “Oma” that they used with their wizened, loving Frankfurter grandma before her death. Nor do Lilli and Helga, although living under the roof of the same austere gray-stone house, see much of the elder Bayers, who keep Elspeth close to them in the lower quarters. Grossvater is a more cheerful-looking character than Grossmutter. He appears to be a jolly fellow of the old school and still wears side-whiskers. But he is always hurrying off on “official business,” so the two older girls feel they hardly know him.

“You are to take special care with washing and dressing this morning,” Gerda instructs. “You are going on a shopping outing with your grandmother. Everything must be immaculate. And you are to wear your best clothes.”

Helga and Lilli are speechless. How can this be? It has never happened before. Grossmutter has lavished lots of care on Elspeth and has even shown her blonde little angel off to her women friends. But she has not
taken Helga and Lilli anywhere since they have come to live with her, or even appeared to be very concerned with their secluded daily life.

True, she did engage a tutor for the two older girls, because Mutti is now working at a job in a fashion house (as she did before her marriage to Papa). So Mr. Anton Hess, with his sharp-tipped nose and
pince-nez
eyeglasses, comes every weekday to give Helga and Lilli instruction in science, history, and English. “Enough German grammar,” Grossmutter decreed aloud soon after the girls moved in.
“Englisch!”

Helga has never questioned this peculiarity. In view of the fact that England is declared to be Nazi Germany's chief target of destruction, why would Grossmutter Bayer want her granddaughters to learn English? “Perhaps,” Lilli remarks slyly, “she is training us to be spies!”

Helga finds this “crazy,” but Lilli insists it could be true. “Once we know English, the Hitler secret service will smuggle us into England to send them signals about the English war plans. But instead, while there, we could escape the Nazi clutches and become free.”

“Yes,” Helga mocks, “and send for Mutti and Elspeth, and get Papa out of Buchenwald, and live happily ever after. You read too many books, Lilli, all of them fairy tales!”

The mention of Papa returns Lilli to the somber mood that underlies her every conscious minute these
days. Yes, there has been some mail from him. The first was a postcard, written from Buchenwald about three weeks after his arrest, which raised everyone's hopes.
My loved ones, I am fine and thinking of you only, as I wait for my case to be reviewed. You cannot write to me, but I will write you again. Do not worry. I send my love to you, Martina, and to my three treasured girls. Josef/Papa

Hope began to fade, however, after a second and a third postcard arrived, bearing the same message in Papa's handwriting, but with a later date. What could this mean? Only last week a fourth post card of the same kind arrived. “It's as if Papa wrote these cards all at the same time, but dated them several weeks apart,” Lilli had commented to Mutti. “Why would he do that?”

Mutti had shrugged sadly. “I will try to inquire,” she murmured.

“From who? How?” Lilli challenged.

Mutti had turned away and reached for her handkerchief.

It is time for the trip to the
Kaufhaus
, the large and elaborate department store that is the pride of this mediumsized German city.

The façade of the store could be that of a palace, with many windows and carved stone decorations. It sits in the busiest part of downtown and has six stories and a basement that are served by electric elevators. Each
mirrored and gilt-trimmed moving car is run by a uniformed young woman, who calls out the number of the floor and the type of merchandise offered for sale.

Lilli says she can remember having been to the
Kaufhaus
before, when she was four or five. She insists to Grossmutter in a friendly way that she has often seen this “dream palace” in her sleep. Helga says that can't be true, while Grossmutter remarks that Lilli has a “too-strong imagination.” But Lilli remembers the ground-level floor, where they sell beauty accessories, ladies' gloves, handbags, silk stockings, and fine jewelry. She is certain now that she has been here with Mutti. Of course, she and her sister won't be lingering on this exotic ground floor—they are both too young for such frippery.

What are Lilli and Helga hoping for on this surprise shopping trip, on a sun-drenched May day that heralds warmer weather? They are visualizing cool summer frocks of cotton or linen, with short sleeves and a bit of smocking or embroidery, new underwear to replace their itchy winter garments, half-socks, and shoes with straps, not laces!

“Come along,” Grossmutter urges, as the girls' heads are turned by smartly-dressed women shoppers, and even some gentlemen and high-ranking officers who are sniffing perfumes, holding jeweled earrings up to the light, and examining incredible alligator handbags.

Who would have thought,
Lilli muses to herself,
that with all the rationing of everyday goods, such luxuries are still plentiful in Germany?

Now at last they are in the miraculous elevator, smoothly passing the so-named “first floor” of the great emporium, which is devoted to men's apparel ranging from formal wear to shooting jackets, and includes hats, shoes, sleepwear and whatever other garments the man of wealth and standing might require.

Lilli's heart gives a thump as the elevator slows for the second floor, women's and girls' apparel. Other passengers file past them and leave the car, but Grossmutter restrains Helga and Lilli, who look up in puzzlement.

More floors flit past them . . . china, silverware, and home furnishings on the third; radios, gramophones, toys, and souvenirs on the fourth. Perhaps they are going directly to the lacy glass-roofed tea room and restaurant on the sixth floor, known as the Winter Garden. Dainty sandwiches, tiny iced cakes, and chocolate torte with whipped cream are its afternoon-tea specialties.

It is two hours later and the girls are back in their attic room, with Gerda helping them to sort out their new clothing. Lilli had been so close to the Winter Garden that she could almost taste its goodies, but had never reached the
Kaufhaus
pinnacle. Instead, Grossmutter had ushered them out of the elevator on the fifth floor,
sports clothes and sporting goods for the entire family, and there they had made their purchases.

Then, at the very end of the shopping trip, Grossmutter Bayer had taken the girls down to the famed food court in the basement of the store. There, a tantalizing spectacle of gourmet specialties dazzled the girls' eyes. Smoked meats and sausages, cheeses, bakery delicacies of every sort, jams and preserves, and an array of chocolates and other confectionery, crammed the shelves. Small samples of some of the foods were offered to the roaming shoppers.

Lilli and Helga, hungry by this time, were permitted to help themselves to tiny squares of imported Norwegian goat cheese impaled on toothpicks. Helga gulped and spat the sweetish caramel-colored lump into her palm. Lilli managed to down hers, acknowledging that it was the most awful thing she had ever tasted. Grossmutter angrily muttered, “Manners!” and hurried both girls out of the
Kaufhaus
. It was the last time Lilli would ever lay eyes on the great store.

Without a word, Gerda clips the price tags from the girls' new clothing and neatly folds the drab-colored blouses, skirts, jackets, and high socks that are to be stored in the room's huge wooden wardrobe, presumably for summer wear. There are also new shoes, brown oxfords
with
laces, and high leather boots for each girl. The only really welcome item is the new cotton underwear that will replace the worn flannels of the seemingly endless winter.

“Such long faces,” Gerda remarks. “What did you expect? Summer frocks? Parasols? Dancing shoes?”

Helga is silent, but Lilli speaks up. “We will look like Hitler Youth marchers in these clothes, but without the swastikas sewn onto them. Where can we go on sporting trips? What can we do with hiking boots when we never leave this house? Why has Elspeth been dressed up like a doll in frills and hairbows?”

Gerda lowers her head and shakes it from side to side. “You must speak to your Mutti. That is all I have to say.” Then she disappears from the room.

Lilli has been lying awake for hours. Threads of various thoughts trail aimlessly through her head. It has been three days since the shopping trip and nothing has changed. In the silent, sleeping house, she hears a faint click, perhaps the turning of a key in a lock.

Mutti has been out this evening, as she often is lately, modeling the new fashions or perhaps attending a supper party. In the morning, she will be gone again. When will Lilli have a chance to speak with her?

Halfway down the dark stairway that ascends to the attic, there is a landing with a doorway to Gerda's room. Lilli creeps past on bare feet. It must be very late, perhaps two am. She can hear the sound of Gerda's snoring and prays it will continue.

Now she has successfully reached the landing of the
second floor, where the elder Bayers, Mutti, and Elspeth have their quarters. She pauses there, wondering if Mutti has yet gone to her room, or is still on the main floor of the house.

As Lilli listens, she becomes aware of the deep, droning vibration of a male voice coming from the drawing room. She temporarily pulls back in shock, then continues creeping partway down the main staircase to give herself a view of the space below.

Sure enough, the voice is
his
, that of Captain Koeppler. He sits beside Mutti, who is dressed in glamorous evening wear, a white fur around her neck and silver, high-heeled, T-strap evening sandals on her slender feet.

Lilli listens to words that at first make no sense to her and are, at the same time, terrifying. “I am sorry, Martina, I know I promised both. But there is only room for one, and probably not until late summer.”

Mutti murmurs a few words that are unclear. Lilli can tell she has been crying.

“The darker one,” Koeppler replies. “She is the most endangered. Be reasonable. You will come through much better than most. There will always be that black mark against you . . . and them.”

Mutti chokes back a sob. “Helga has not got the temperament for it. Even Elspeth would do better, spoiled as she now is. But I won't give up my littlest one. Never!”

There is movement now in the room below. The tall Nazi officer rises to his feet and pulls Mutti, limp and glittering, into his arms. Even at this horrifying moment, Lilli can't help admiring her mother's loveliness. She wears her thick pale-gold hair in a coiled bun at the base of her neck, exhibiting the beauty of her finely chiseled features.

Instantly, she pulls away from Koeppler and sighs deeply. Is the Captain just a helpful old school chum as Mutti has said, or is there something more between her and this hostile “friend?” Lilli is wracked with so much emotion that she fears she may cry out. Clapping her hand over her mouth, she turns and scampers rat-like up the stairs, past Gerda's room, and into her attic fortress.

It is the first time since Helga and Lilli have come to live with their Bayer grandparents that Gerda has informed them they are to descend to the small dining room for breakfast.

This news is amazing to Helga, even more so than the announcement of the recent shopping trip with Grossmutter. But to Lilli it is no surprise. Her swift retreat up the stairs from her hiding place in the wee hours of the morning had been detected in the drawing room after all. Mutti had followed her to her bedroom and tearfully explained that plans were being made for the safety of all three girls, plans which would be revealed in the morning.

Grossvater is seated at the table reading the morning paper. He is as cheerful as always, and he greets Helga and Lilli as though their presence at the family breakfast was an everyday affair. Grossmutter, who is solemnly pouring coffee, nods in a semi-friendly way and indicates where the girls are to sit. Mutti comes into the room, and Gerda is dismissed to take care of Elspeth, who isn't present.

Grossmutter places bowls of hot porridge before her granddaughters. Helga obediently digs in, but Lilli winces. Her breakfast choice is coffee and rolls. Mutti, who knows this, removes the porridge and sets bread and butter down before her. Grossmutter overlooks this and compliments Helga on her healthful choice of food.