Lilies and Lies (10 page)

What was it like to grow up immersed in the kind of turmoil Gunnar and his siblings had endured? Maddie couldn't fathom. His words put everything in perspective, and she thought of her life up to this point as warm and fuzzy while Gunnar's had been a ride through coarse sandpaper. Sure, the home she grew up in was busy and crowded, but it was a good kind of busy, a warm kind of crowded. Her family was close-knit; they shared more than meals together. They shared secrets and worries, heartache and laughter, hopes and dreams. Yes, it was sometimes difficult to be the only girl in a brood of brothers who had a penchant to annoy and to dote. But what was the real harm in that, besides an occasional bruised ego or frazzled nerves? Maddie knew without fail, through good days and some not-so-good, that she was loved beyond measure.

Had Gunnar ever felt that kind of love? Maddie's heart ached as she thought of the expression that plastered his face while he'd continued to spill his heart,

“I stumbled around in the darkness for the next several years, numb and tangled from losing Morgan and then, soon after, Mom. I sank so low and felt I had nowhere to turn. Then one day I was in Wal-Mart, and as I moved toward the check-out, I passed a display of atlases. I don't know why, but I snatched one from the rack and began to thumb through it. That's how I found Clover Cove. That same evening, I got in my truck and drove. I traveled straight through the night, all the way here. I'd been in town a few hours when I met Mrs. Johnson while I was paying for my gas at the Pilot station. She invited me to Clover Cove Community Church. I can't explain why I went, because I hadn't stepped foot inside a sanctuary since I was thirteen, but the next Sunday, I settled into the back pew.

“That morning, through the songs, I heard messages that brought me to tears…Isaiah 41:10, 13
‘fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand … For I, the LORD your God, hold your right hand…I am the one who helps you.'

“And Psalms 61:1-2 ‘Hear my cry, O God, listen to my prayer; from the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
'
”

“I memorized all of them, word for word. They were fuel for my soul.”
Gunnar had reached for Maddie's hand, lifted it and flattened her palm to his chest. There, she felt the steady beat of his heart through the cotton fabric of his shirt.

“It was as if the music spoke straight to my heart, Maddie. For the first time, I didn't feel alone. I knew there was something more…something good to look forward to. I changed deep inside that day, shed the skin that was long-dead. Instead of feeling torn apart, I felt the first pieces of my future melding together.”

Maddie had smoothed her hand across his chest and up along the dips and plains of his shoulder, following the muscled curve to his jaw. Gently, she stroked his cheek, her gaze locking with his as tears blurred her vision. She'd spoken with a calm resolve that bubbled from deep in her soul.
“I believe God takes broken pieces and puts them back together in ways we can't begin to fathom.”

“That's beautiful, Maddie. I never thought of it that way.”

“He has a plan for you, Gunnar. You have to trust that.”

“I know, and I do.”
He'd lifted her hand from his cheek, dipped his head to kiss the tip of each finger. The gentle gesture had sent a wave of heat dancing up her spine.
“I'm trying my best to listen, to be aware—”

“Here's the last of them.” Reese's voice startled Maddie from her thoughts. She turned to find her brother poised at the truck's open hatch, one hip pressed firmly against the frame. Dirt clung to his faded jeans and his ever-present cowboy boots looked as if they'd been through the Civil War and then some. “Do you think these will suffice for the remainder of the season?”

Maddie swiped stray strands of hair from her cheek and felt the flush of heat her memories had elicited. She turned her head away slightly, hoping Reese wouldn't notice the splotchy tone of her skin that she knew accompanied the warmth. She struggled to control the tremor in her voice. “They ought to, but it's probably a good idea to keep the distributer on standby, just in case.”

“Will do.” Reese brushed soil from his T-shirt. “Are you OK? You look flushed. Maybe you should drink some water.”

“I'm fine.”

He rounded the truck to the passenger side and flipped the lid on a cooler. He grabbed two bottles of water and tossed one to her. “You don't look fine. Drink up.”

Maddie uncapped the bottle and drew a generous sip. She swallowed, swiped her mouth with the back of her hand. “Reese, do you ever wonder what our lives would be like if we didn't have the nursery…if Mom and Dad never took a chance on starting this business?”

“What brings this on?” Reese took the cap from his own bottle, drained it in one long swig.

“Just asking.” Maddie sipped again. “What if they were one of the fifty—almost sixty—percent that didn't make it, that ended up divorced? Do you ever wonder where you'd be…where we'd all be if their faith wasn't so strong…wasn't the center of our lives growing up?”

“I'll admit that taking the marriage plunge made me examine things pretty closely. No one plans to—or wants to—end up on that side of the fence.” Reese shook his head as his voice trailed off. “But life's way too short to let the what-if's paralyze you. I'd rather focus on the positive and be grateful for what I have.”

“An amazing sister, right?”

“That's right. You're on the list.” His gaze drifted to the office. “Wyatt's busy in there crunching numbers. Since he found out he's having twins, he's been like a man possessed trying to get everything in order—as if he hasn't already done that around here. Talk about worrying over the future…with a guy as organized as he is, even triplets wouldn't put a blip on the radar.”

“I wouldn't go that far. Even Wyatt has his limits.”

“Speaking of our illustrious older brother, Wyatt asked one of us to deliver mums to the church this morning for the grounds crew. They're working on decorations for the fall festival planned for next weekend. Would you mind to take half-a-dozen flats over there? Peyton needs me for lunch.”

“For lunch?”

“That's right.” Reese winked conspiratorially. “Maybe we'll have an announcement of our own soon.”

 

****

 

Guitar music drifted from the sanctuary of Clover Cove Community Church as Maddie made her way down the hall. The temperature outside registered unseasonably warm for October and unloading the flats of mums from the truck had left her winded. Air conditioning rushed from overhead vents to chill her flushed skin while she paused at the double doors leading into the sanctuary. She sipped water from what was left in a bottle she'd carried inside. Though the liquid was now lukewarm, the wet still eased her parched throat.

Through the glass, she watched Gunnar strum his acoustic guitar with such ease that it seemed the polished instrument might have been an appendage. He leaned toward a microphone and his voice carried through the glass, low and soulful, as he segued into a modern version of “Amazing Grace.” While the words hit home, he lifted his gaze toward the ceiling. In that moment Maddie knew that his chains were gone, just as the words of the song assured those who heard them. Despite what he might have asserted as he'd spilled his story to her last night, Gunnar knew where he'd been…and was confident of where he was going.

Yet, clad in faded jeans, with unruly dark hair skimming the collar of his black T-shirt, he looked the part of a seasoned rock star. Maddie wondered how he could at once seem so reserved, yet exude a masculinity that tossed her insides like a garden salad.

She tugged on the door, slipped into the sanctuary, and settled into a pew near the back of the room. The scent of flowers drifted, and Maddie noticed an arrangement of orange-splash Gerber daisies that adorned a welcome table to the right of the entranceway. Peyton must have stopped by earlier to place the fresh display in preparation for tomorrow's services. Her creation proved to be, as always, beautiful.

Maddie was swept away in the music. She closed her eyes and settled back against the seat, drawing a deep, cleansing breath. To calm the anxious rush of her pulse, she began to hum along with Gunnar.

“You two sound good together.”

Maddie's eyes flew open to find Mrs. Johnson seated beside her, like an apparition come to life. Her rheumy-brown eyes held a hint of mischief, and her cheeks were flushed. Maddie guessed she'd come in from the side yard, where the gardening crew was hard at work, to cool off for a spell. At once, Maddie felt as if she was in fifth grade again. She fidgeted in the seat.

“Gunnar sounds good. I was just…humming along.”

“Sounded like more than humming to me.” Mrs. Johnson fanned herself with a hymnal. “Why don't you go up there, join in with Gunnar.”

“Oh, I couldn't.”

“Sure you could. The two of you are sweeter together than Oreos and milk.” Mrs. Johnson gave Maddie a little push. “Go on. Indulge an old woman. You used to sing up there every Sunday, Maddie Cutler, you and your daddy together. I'm not so old that I don't remember your sweet voice.”

“That was a lifetime ago, Mrs. Johnson, and Dad carried most of the tune.”

“A lifetime? Why, Maddie Cutler, you're a young woman. You haven't even written a full chapter among the pages of your lifetime. Besides, it's a shame to waste such an attractive voice. It would grieve your father to know you haven't shared a song in this sanctuary since the day he passed.”

“I…miss him.”

“I know you do. But rest in the assurance that death is only painful for those left behind.” She set the hymnal back in its holder. “And the pain is something we all share and can relate to.”

A shadow eased across the pew, blocking light that spilled from a stained-glass window. “Hey, there, Maddie.”

“Gunnar…” Maddie turned to him, her pulse skittering. “I didn't see you leave the front.”

“Well,
I
saw
you
.” He smiled as his grey eyes settled on her, and the skitter launched to a full-on sprint. “And you must be a mind-reader.”

“Oh?” She swallowed the lump of nerves in her throat as Mrs. Johnson looked on, her lips curled into an amused little smirk. “How so?”

“I was just about to take a break from practice to call you and see if you'd like to have lunch together…or dinner.” He grinned and shrugged in the carefree manner she was growing accustomed to. “Or, if you're feeling really adventurous and you don't have to get back to the nursery, both.”

“I'd like that.”

“Lunch? Dinner?”

“Both. But can you give me a minute?” Maddie pulled her cellphone from her purse. “I'll have to check in with Wyatt or Reese first. If I don't return to the nursery in a timely manner without giving someone a heads-up, one of my brothers is sure to think I've plowed the truck into a ditch again and call out the National Guard.”

 

****

 

“I heard you singing today, before Mrs. Johnson settled in beside you.” Gunnar said as he turned into the lot of Maddie's apartment complex later that evening. “I enjoyed sharing an impromptu duet of ‘Amazing Grace.'”

“I didn't realize I was singing, but I've had a lot of practice in that arena.”

“Oh? How so?”

“Belting out tunes in the shower.”

“One of those, huh…a closet crooner?”

“Don't fault me.” Maddie burst into laughter. “The acoustics are perfect.”

“That's true.” Gunnar enjoyed watching the twitch of her lips, the gentle curve of her jaw as laughter tumbled through the cab like the soft tinkle of music. “But I overheard Mrs. Johnson say you used to sing on Sundays with your dad.”

“That was a long time ago.”

“Even so, you shouldn't hide your talents. If you don't want to join in on Sundays, I may have to rope you into at least helping out with the Wednesday night youth group. The girls can use a strong female influence, and I can use the help. How would you feel about that?”

“How big is your lasso?” She poked him in the ribs. “I can run pretty fast. My brothers gave me a lot of practice, chasing me through childhood with worms and other beady-eyed, creepy-crawly insects.”

“I'll bet they did.” Gunnar caught a loose curl, tucked it behind her ear. “Man, that's a vision, you bounding through the grass with the three of them on your heels. Can we talk about it, though…the helping at church part?”

“Maybe…if you feel like coming in for coffee.” Maddie unlatched her seatbelt as he eased the car into park. “I'm willing to let you try to persuade me over a mug of hazelnut vanilla.”

“I'm still flying solo tonight. Kyle's not due back until the morning, second service at the church.” Gunnar checked his watch. “So, unless you turn into a pumpkin at midnight, I've got plenty of time.”

“No pumpkins here. But, I have to warn you, I'm pretty good at deflecting.” She opened her door, turned to exit. Gunnar, rising to the challenge, reached for her. He drew her gently back to him.

“Before we go in…” He shed his seatbelt, leaned across the console that separated them. Suddenly, the cab sweltered though the air outside held a hint of autumn chill. “I have something to say, not necessarily with words.”

“Gunnar…” Her breath warmed his cheek as he eased in, dipped his head to claim her lips. His hand inched up her back to cradle the nape of her neck, and he felt the flutter of pulse along her jaw. He lingered, savoring, before he sat back to capture her gaze. The gentle gasp of her breath spoke volumes in return.