Lila's Wolf (Out of Time Book 1) (16 page)

“Medicine from Gaul?” Jared asked. He had to stick to their cover story of him being a Briton.

Mischa smiled. “Yes,” he lied easily. “Our healers are much more advanced than these Saxon animals.” He checked the dressing, nodded at Lila, and stood, gathering everything back into his bag. “There is food on the way, and more water for bathing. The chieftain will be back at sunset.”

Lila

Minutes later, after the next servant left, we finally had the room to ourselves. A deep bucket held steaming, fragrant water with rose petals floating on the surface and a cloth draped over the side, along with a small bottle of herbal-scented oil. We’d also been delivered a clay pot of stew—the heady aroma making my head spin—and a pile of fresh, clean clothes. The servant had brought men’s breeches for me, explaining that it would help my escape if I disguised myself as a young man.

I stared at the items spread before us, feeling unaccountably shy in Jared’s presence. I sneaked a look at him. He sat cross-legged on the floor, scratching at his beard, his gaze unfocused. As though he knew I watched him, he lifted his head and looked back at me.

“Why did you lie for me, Lila?” I shrugged, all words disappearing from my brain when he reached out to stroke my face. “It’s making trouble between you and your
ghardian
. I don’t want that.”

“I panicked.” Heat flared in my cheeks. “And now everything is even more complicated. What have I done, Jared?” He caressed my jaw line, and I pressed into his hand. “All I needed to do was tell them I made a mistake. That I’d been angry when you left me and I’d assumed you were a runaway. Finding you here as a slave, we learned the truth. They couldn’t convict you for my error.”

“But if you do that now, they won’t know what to believe. Your professional reputation will be in shreds. Lying to a
ghardian
isn’t a great idea, even if you meant well.” His voice softened. “You did it so that I could stay here.”

“Isn’t that what you want?”

Emotion flickered in the depths of his eyes. “I thought it was.” He sounded guarded. I waited, but he didn’t say any more. His gaze locked onto the window, staring at the darkening skies beyond. “It’s very humid today. I wouldn’t be surprised if we had a thunderstorm later.”

I ignored the way he sidestepped around his answer. “What do you mean, you
thought
it was?”

A muscle ticked in his jaw, and his hand stilled on my face. He turned his head back and met my gaze, the odd-colored eyes boring into me. “I want to be with you.” He raised his voice slightly when I opened my mouth to speak. “I
know
you’re planning to make a commitment and I know I could never be allowed to do that with you.” He lifted his other hand and cupped my face, staring at me intently. “Even if they believed us and I were free, I couldn’t stay there and watch you with another man. Not now. Not when I want you so badly.”

“If I didn’t commit to Marc?”

A crooked smile emerged fleetingly, and then disappeared, chased away by his frown. “He can give you a future. A family.”

“What if I didn’t care about those?”

“Your reputation. You have to be a clear-headed academic. If you start showing signs of being emotional, they won’t let you jump. Your research will be over.” He took a quick breath. I wondered who he was trying to convince. “Your career will be over.”

I placed my hands over his and felt a tremor run through them at my touch. “So if we carried on as we are and spent all our jump time together, wouldn’t that be enough?”

“We jump twice a year at most. For no longer than two weeks each jump.”

Silence hung between us. There was only one logical conclusion to this, yet I still shied away from it. The enormity of this decision stole the breath from my lungs. If I couldn’t say the words, I could
show
him what I wanted. Throwing caution to the wind, I leaned closer and slipped my arms around his neck. I blinked with the sheer pleasure of skin-to-skin contact.

No playing this time. I reached up to kiss him and let him guide me, his hands still curved around my face, angling me. Soft, warm, and gentle. His kiss was everything I’d dreamed of, every summer day rolled into one. I felt his tongue flicking against my closed mouth and I smiled as I opened to let it in, to tangle and dance with my own. He kissed me so hard I forgot to breathe and wondered why I became lightheaded. Jared backed off a fraction as I gulped in air, already feeling the loss.
There was something I had to say.
His lips closed the distance again, and I groaned when our mouths joined. Dear God, why had nobody ever told me it could be like this?

He pulled back and traced a finger across my upper lip.

As I tried to control my racing heart and ragged breathing, I blurted my question. “What if I stay here with you?”

Jared

It couldn’t happen. Jared wouldn’t
let
her stay there in that dangerous time, where every day would be a constant struggle just for survival even without the constant threats from the advancing Saxon warlords. He also had a glimmering of how much she meant to her
ghardian
, much as it pained him. She’d be safe and well cared for, maybe even loved, and one day she might be happy with that.

Jared’s time with her was shrinking, reducing to just a matter of hours. He could almost hear the countdown inside his head. He claimed her lips again, hungry for her, needing to store up his memories before they were all he had left. This might mark him as the most selfish bastard ever, but he’d take all Lila offered in these final moments they had together.

The growling of her stomach made him pause, and he drew back, angry at himself. “I’m sorry. You must be starving.” He tucked her into his side, picked up one of the spoons and dug it into the food, before lifting it to her mouth.

She laughed, and the sound washed over him followed by an aching need that would have taken him to his knees if he’d been standing.

“I can feed myself. And you must be hungry too.”

How could he explain he might never get this chance again? “Let me.
Please
.” She must have heard the urgency in his words, for she hesitated then nodded. One spoon, and then another, choosing the finest morsels and the most succulent parts of the rich stew.

Too soon, she lifted a hand to pause him. “No. You have some as well. We eat together.”

They ate in silence, Jared making sure that Lila took more, even though she glared at him when she realized he was only picking at it. “I’m used to not eating much.”

A smile broke over her face and she pressed a quick kiss against his cheek. “I hope to change that soon. I don’t know how good I shall be as a cook, but I won’t let you go hungry.”

He would never feel sated with Lila near him, tantalisingly close, and he couldn’t keep his eyes away, storing up every tiny detail to think about later. Not that there would be much
later
. He planned to go out in a blaze of glory, taking as many Saxons with him as possible. Rowena for one.

Lila touched his arm, startling him. “How long do you think we have left?”

Not long enough
. He tried a smile. “Before sundown?” She nodded, her fingers curling around his bicep. “An hour, maybe two.” Her free hand reached for his face, and he gazed in wonder at the pink flush settling over her cheeks.

She cleared her throat before speaking in a husky voice. “We should get cleaned up.” She didn’t move though, and they sat there a moment longer, eyes locked, before Jared forced himself to break away.
God
. If she carried on looking at him that way, as though she thought they had a future together, he’d…he’d…

Rational thought vanished.

He slid his arms around her shoulders, and took her lips. Lila gave a little sigh and nestled against him, hands flat against his bare chest. He wanted to bathe her. He wanted to make her clean and dressed and safe. Need overruled logic. Her lips were soft, delicate as the rose petals he’d compared them to, her tongue keen to duel with his.

Jared poured himself into the kiss, slanting his mouth, pulling her so tight to his body he could scarcely breathe. Why did it have to end like this? All those years wasted.

Time stopped. Memories of Lila cascaded through his brain in a shimmering rainbow of images. Watching her as she worked in the library, bent over an artifact and lost in thought…the moment when he’d say her name and she’d look up to meet his smile, a quizzical expression on her face… Those stolen moments when he’d carried her in his arms, held her hand.

When did he realize that he loved her? There’d been no thunderclap, no searing revelation. She’d always been there for him,
with
him. From their earliest days in school it had always been Jared and Lila. Lila and Jared. He’d known, as though it was written into his DNA, that they were two halves of the same whole.

For a second, sadness threatened to overwhelm him. How often had he imagined them making love? Losing their innocence together.

That was impossible now. He’d been brutalised. Had his virginity ripped from him, and been forced to pleasure Hilde in order to survive. His chest hurt, just thinking about it.

He wasn’t even fit to wash Lila’s feet, let alone kiss her.

She trembled in his arms and the ache in his heart intensified.

She was perfection. Everything he ever wanted.

Everything he couldn’t have.

Lila

I didn’t want to wait a minute longer. Pulling my head back a fraction, I whispered against his skin, my words muffled and unclear. “The escape. It’s going to be dangerous, isn’t it?”

Jared’s chest heaved, the flesh rippling with each great breath he took. “Yes. I won’t lie to you.”

Any remaining doubts vanished. I felt eerily calm, my fears receding. “This might be the only time we have together.”

“God. Don’t say that.” He held me tight, but I pushed back. I wanted to see his face, see if he felt the same as I did.

“Jared. We might never have this again. I want you to make love to me.”

The moment the words left my mouth, I was flooded with doubt. What if he didn’t want me that way? He’d been a body slave, used for sex by his captors. What if he never wanted to be intimate with a woman again?

“Lila,” he breathed, “I can’t take your virtue. It wouldn’t be right.”

I may have been an innocent, a virgin, but I knew how to tell when a man was aroused. With a confidence that was entirely false, I placed one hand over his loincloth and gasped at the hardness beneath. Jared hissed at my touch, jerking beneath my hand, heat blazing from his eyes.

I
could
do this.

“If we escape,” I said, “we have the rest of our lives together. But if we die tonight, I don’t want to add this to my list of regrets.”

“I don’t know what to say.” He stroked my face with his fingertips, light and gentle. His tenderness didn’t signal desire.

My cheeks burned. “You don’t want me.” I threw the words at him, wanting to retreat, to hide behind convention and protocol. I began to wriggle out of his embrace, but he wouldn’t let me go. Time hung between us.

“I want you more than anything.” His voice roughened, his eyes darkening as he moved closer until his lips brushed my temple. Hot breath fanned across my throat, and he kissed a burning trail down to my shoulder. “You deserve better than this. Better than me.” His words were at odds with his actions.

I shivered when his hand cupped my breast, the thumb flicking across my nipple. Tingles coursed through my body, a series of electric shocks zinging up and down. He was setting me alight from the inside.

“Take this off.”

I hardly recognized his growl. Dazed, I hesitated and then understood; he meant the slave shift I’d been forced to wear. I helped to tug it upward and wrenched it over my head to leave me naked. My shyness was met with wonder.

“Jesus, Lila, you are so beautiful.” He tangled his hand with my own, pulled me to the bed and then gestured to the steaming pail of water. “Let me wash you.”

I shivered, nervous and excited all at once, and sat down. What to do with my hands? I crossed my arms over my chest, relaxed them, settled them into my lap, dropped them to my sides.

He just smiled at me, a look of awe on his face, and then dipped the cloth into the water, wrung it out and knelt before me. He worked gently, butterfly-wing delicate over the bruises on my face, and paused for a kiss. I melted instantly. He teased with his tongue, nipped at my lips again, and then pulled back and continued to wash me.

Summer scents drifted up from the steaming water. Rose, lavender, and something herbal, intoxicating and fragrant. The cloth stroked warmth across my skin, soothing and easing the tension, wiping away the stink of slavery.

A gentle nudge against my shoulder caught my attention. “Lie down, baby.”

He washed my arms, spending time on my wrists, punctuating each wipe with a tiny kiss. Slow and tender movements, but his eyes glittered with desire, and I shivered with anticipation. My breath hitched when he stroked the damp cloth along the sides of my breasts. He would not be hurried. Rinse, wring, wipe, kiss. With each touch, I burned hotter for him. My nipples hardened under his caress, but he skirted away from them to smooth the cloth over my collarbone instead.
Teasing
.

I knew the mechanics of lovemaking. I’d read the books and seen paintings of naked people copulating, but nothing I’d seen could have prepared me for the reality. When Jared closed his mouth around one swollen, aching nipple, I arched my back and moaned aloud, intent on one thing only: having Jared do the same to the other one.

Jared

Jared’s life had been planned and measured until he’d been enslaved. Actions had been considered, decisions weighed, and nothing left to impulse. There’d been only one other time he’d acted purely on instinct, and that’d been his crazy attempt to get Lila to safety when the village was attacked. Now, as she lay beside him, eyes bright with desire, he knew he’d take her, and to hell with the consequences.