Lilah's List (10 page)

Instead she pulled out of his arms as her feet came back to the ice, and they pulled to a halt at the wall.

“Well, I could buy you lunch. I skipped breakfast this morning, and it's just past noon. Do you have time?”

Tyler hid his disappointment behind a grin. “Absolutely. I'm off the rest of the day. It's one of the perks of being the boss.”

Of course he'd be up to all hours of the night making up lost time, but it would be worth it. This was the first time since Lilah had come to New York City that he wasn't going to be the third wheel.

T
he café Tyler chose was intimate. Lilah felt as though she'd walked into someone's living room. A large fireplace set in the brick wall was the focal point, with a mound of pine-scented wood stacked on the hearth. Scattered about the room were clusters of big armchairs and dainty antique tables. They found a spot near the coffee bar where people lounged with their laptops. The place had a warm homelike feel that Lilah loved.

After discussing the menu and placing their orders, Lilah felt an uncomfortable silence building up. This was the first time that they had truly been alone together. Why did she suddenly feel like she was on a first date?

Lilah searched her brain for something to say. She didn't want to talk about Reggie again. It seemed rude, as if to imply she was only interested in Tyler's company to get closer to his brother. In his position, that probably happened a lot. For her, it may have started out that way, but it certainly wasn't true now.

Tyler had his own attributes. Who knew that he would turn out to be such a beautiful skater? And while Lilah had never envisioned ice skating as a turn-on, it was the way he did it.

On top of that, he was the kind of guy who made her feel like things were under control. He gave off an air of confidence and capability.

Lilah realized that every time the two of them were together, they talked about her and her list. Was there any way to ask him about himself that didn't seem like she was fishing for information about Reggie?

She smiled across the table at him, feeling strangely nervous. After all, they'd already kissed. They weren't exactly strangers.

“Um, when you're not working, what do you do for fun?” Lilah bit her lip, immediately convinced that was a lame question. Before coming to New York, she couldn't have answered that question herself. She'd worked. That was it.

Tyler thought for a moment. “Good question. Being your own boss has its perks, but it also has its drawbacks. It's hard to know when to quit. I try to keep to a schedule though.” He hesitated again.

“What do I do for fun? Eat out in nice restaurants. On rare occasions, I go to movies. More often than not, I have to combine my work with my fun. I see a lot of live music.”

“So…you're saying your work is your fun?”

Tyler frowned. “Did I say that? I don't know if that's quite true.”

Lilah studied Tyler's face. He was so different than she'd remembered him. When she'd known him years ago, she'd found him intimidating. Reggie had often complained that he was a self-righteous do-gooder trying to save the world single-handedly.

Back then, he'd sat across the kitchen table from her in Earth Day T-shirts debating liberal issues.

“You know, I never would have predicted that you'd get into the entertainment industry. You always seemed so keen on social work and environmental protection,” she said.

A pained look crossed Tyler's face, and Lilah immediately realized her mistake. “Of course, I'm not trying to imply that your work isn't important. What you're doing now is exciting and…competitive…”

Had she just fixed things or made them worse?

“No, you're right. I'd always envisioned becoming a public defender or starting up a legal advocacy group, but that's not where life has led me. I have some volunteer projects that are close to my heart. But there's still so much more I would have liked to do.”

Lilah felt her cheeks stinging with embarrassment for putting him on the spot. “I didn't mean to make you feel like—”

He waved her off. “Don't worry about it. It's hard to make the idealism of your youth fit into the reality of adult life. The way I see it, keeping Reggie out of trouble is its own form of altruism.”

Lilah didn't know how to respond to that, so she did the safest thing she could think of. She changed the subject. “Speaking of Reggie, what's his schedule looking like for the rest of the week?”

“Reggie's schedule?” Tyler stilled, caught off guard by a sting of jealousy. He'd thought they were starting to connect. And yet, it seemed they couldn't go five minutes without talking about Reggie.

He got a reprieve as the waitress placed a large club sandwich in front of him and a bowl of clam chowder before Lilah.

After the food had been laid out, he answered her question. “This week is pretty hectic for Reggie.”

Tyler knew he had to be careful because if he painted Reggie out of the picture entirely, he wouldn't have much reason to see Lilah again. Unless he could get her to acknowledge what was starting to happen between them.

But every time he began to think she was living in the moment with him, he was reminded that her true focus was Reggie.

Of course it was. He was under no delusion that Lilah was here to be with him. She was in New York to complete her list, and dating Reggie was the number-one item. Maybe he should just let them get it over with. Once she saw that she'd be a part of a harem, she might be able to see past Reggie to him.

He couldn't articulate why that mattered so much. Tyler wasn't in the habit of competing with his brother, but this wasn't about winning. It was about getting Lilah to give him a chance.

At that moment the truth of the situation became clear. If he wanted a fair chance, he had to keep Reggie and Lilah apart a little bit longer.

“He's trying to push the remix of ‘Love Triangle' in the local clubs right now, and he's doing a lot of radio appearances.” Tyler didn't mention that the radio gigs were early morning, and that Reggie wasn't hitting the nightclubs until the weekend. He would still have the next few evenings free.

“Wow, that does sound hectic,” Lilah said, gently sipping from her soup spoon. “I'll understand if that means he won't have any time to meet with me. It was a long shot anyway.”

Tyler sighed. He hated to see her looking so defeated. “Why don't you let me get back to you on that? Let me see what I can do.”

He just wanted these next few days for himself. Once he and Lilah had gotten a chance to spend some one-on-one time together, her meeting with Reggie wouldn't make much difference.

“That's nice of you. But I don't want to make a nuisance of myself.”

“Not at all. I love what you're doing with this list. I think it's great to allow yourself this experience. I want to help.”

Tyler was struck by the sincerity he felt in that statement. If he kept Lilah and Reggie apart for his own selfish reasons, then Lilah couldn't complete her list. What gave him the right to stand in her way?

“That was so much fun,” Lilah said as Tyler walked with her through Times Square toward her hotel. The weather was mild and she enjoyed walking through the city, despite the dense crowds on every sidewalk.

Lilah sucked in a deep breath. Her skin was tingling. She still felt every bit like a woman on a date. No, not a woman. She felt like a teenage girl who somehow managed to get the captain of the football team to walk her home.

It felt good to be in Tyler's company. She really liked him, and they seemed to have a strong chemistry pulling them together, but something was holding her back.

Was it Reggie?

Sure, she'd had a crush on him in high school. He'd represented everything that was unattainable in her life. Yet she and Angie had hatched plan after plan to get his attention to no avail. Even now, when the opportunity was presenting itself again, it seemed she couldn't even get him into the same room.

She honestly didn't have any grand fantasies of meeting Reggie and becoming his girlfriend. After her divorce, Lilah knew she didn't have any business dating anyone. But it would still be nice to look into the face of her high school crush and have him see the woman she'd become. Was she someone he'd take notice of this time?

Since she was going back to her life in D.C. next week, it was unreasonable to start anything with Tyler or Reggie.

But was she leading Tyler on or just living in the moment? Since their exchange of kisses in the nightclub, he hadn't made any overt moves on her. But a woman knew when a man wanted her. And all the signs pointed toward Tyler wanting Lilah.

She should come right out and tell him they shouldn't start something they couldn't finish.

Lilah craned her neck to see Tyler's face. As they turned the corner and began approaching her hotel, she slowed her steps. “Tyler?”

“I've been wanting to tell you something,” he started, drowning out her soft inquiry.

Lilah swallowed hard, hoping whatever came next wouldn't be some great profession of devotion that would dampen her upcoming speech. “What is it?”

“Watching you work through your list has made me think about the things in my life that I've always wanted to do.”

She felt almost giddy with relief. “Really? Like what?”

“I've always wanted to go to Africa. I've never tried skiing, and I want to become a part of the Big Brother program.”

“The reality show?”

“No, the organization Big Brothers Big Sisters. Your list has made me start thinking about the choices I've been making lately.”

Lilah couldn't hold back her smile. “That's really cool.”

“You've really inspired me, Lilah. You've reminded me that it's never too late to start making changes.” They both came to a stop in front of her hotel.

Lilah stared up at Tyler and felt an overwhelming desire to kiss him. Forgetting her earlier reservations, she stood on her tiptoes and whispered, “Thank you,” just before she pressed her lips to his.

T
yler looked out the window of his Park Avenue apartment without really seeing the landscape stretched out before him. The words he'd said to Lilah right before she kissed him echoed in his head.

This wasn't where he'd expected to be at thirty-two. Why was he still a bachelor living alone in a high-priced apartment building? Where was his single-family home? His wife? His kids?

He hadn't spent years in law school to become a managerial advisor to celebrities. He'd wanted to defend the innocent and the needy from those with more power and means.

His original plan had been to join the Peace Corps after law school. Before he started work, he'd hoped to spend some time getting in touch with the true people in need around the world.

It pained him to look around his professionally decorated apartment with state-of-the-art appliances from heated towel racks to a talking stove. The monthly rent was enough to feed a Third World country.

Tyler had tried to console himself over the years with the fact that his brother needed him. He couldn't abandon him now that he was finally getting somewhere in his career. But there was still a little part of him that wondered if his constant support was holding Reggie back.

Maybe the kid would be forced to walk on his own, if Tyler wasn't always there for him to lean on. But Tyler would never be able to forgive himself if his brother drowned because he'd dropped him into the ocean and told him to swim. Maybe there would come a time when Reggie didn't have to rely on him so much, but that was going to have to happen slowly over time.

For now, Tyler had to look for other ways he could make some things happen in his life. He walked over to his computer and opened up a word processing program. At the top he typed, “Tyler's List.” And under that he added, “1. Join the Big Brothers program.”

As he was adding to his list, the doorbell rang. Tyler was tempted to ignore it. It was too early for Reggie to be popping over. But the doorman would have buzzed him for anyone else, unless…

Tyler pulled open the door. “Monique.”

The woman came forward so fast, Tyler was forced to back up hastily.

“Well now, I expected a warmer greeting than that, Ty.” Then she wrapped her arms around him and kissed him forcefully.

Tyler tried to extricate himself from the embrace as gently as possible. He hadn't had a date with Monique in almost two weeks.

“Where have you been,
mon cher?
I've been leaving messages ever since I got back from L.A.”

“Sorry, Monique. I've been in and out all week. I haven't had time to listen to my messages.”

“
C'est la vie,
I've got you here now. Let's make the most of it.” She reached down and started pulling up his sweater.

Tyler used to like her aggressiveness, but at the moment it was more annoying than her habit of peppering her speech with French. Her mother was from Montreal but as far as Tyler knew, Monique was full-blooded American.

Pulling away from her grasping hands, Tyler walked across the room, hoping he'd chosen a safe distance. The woman was five-nine barefoot and today she had on pointed-toed boots that made her almost even with his height. And Monique was not only aggressive, she had quite a temper.

“Why are you way over there?”

After spending several days with Lilah, he'd all but forgotten about Monique. They'd never gotten beyond a few dinners when she was in town and her spontaneous late-night visits.

Tall, dark Monique with her short spiky haircut was the polar opposite of Lilah's gold-and-honey compact curves. It was almost as if she'd cast a spell on him. Because ever since Lilah came to town, Tyler had started to realize that nothing in his life was as it should be.

“I'm over here because we need to talk.”

Monique gave him a hard stare. “Oh, the ‘we need to talk' speech? Really, Ty, aren't we above that? We're both adults. If you don't want to see me anymore, just come out and say it.”

Tyler eyed her suspiciously. “I don't think we should see each other anymore.”

Monique crossed the room. “See, now wasn't that easy?” Then she threw her arms around him and started tugging on his sweater again.

Tyler grabbed her wrists. “What are you doing?”

“Don't I at least get goodbye sex?”

“No. That's not a good idea, and you know it.”

“Nonsense,
mon cher.
All my ideas are good.” She leaned forward to kiss him and Tyler had to duck out of her embrace.

“Monique! I don't think you're hearing me. I've met someone else.”

She spun on her heel. “And what does that have to do with me? I've had a very hectic day. I want sex!”

Tyler stopped in his tracks to take in the irony of the moment. He actually had a petulant woman in his apartment, whom he'd just broken up with, begging him for sex like a four-year-old begging for a cookie.

The tension of the moment needed to be released somehow and Tyler couldn't hold back any longer. He started laughing.

Monique's jaw dropped. As Tyler's laughter subsided, he could read the mix of anger and embarrassment on her face. He wondered briefly if his life was in danger.

Then she grabbed her coat and stalked out of the room.

Tyler collapsed onto the couch, weak from his laughter. He couldn't help thinking he'd just dodged a bullet.

He couldn't explain how good that had felt. Breaking up with Monique was the first in a long list of changes he wanted to make.

Next on the list…Lilah.

He had to stop playing the sidekick and flat-out tell her what he wanted. He'd bought himself a little bit of time with her, and he couldn't afford to waste it.

It was time to take her out on a real date.

Thursday morning, Lilah sat in Rick's Café, the guest lounge in her hotel, knitting. She'd chosen a muted blue yarn for her third attempt. Her initial tries at first a sweater and then a blanket had been overambitious. But this time she was going to knit a scarf, and she was determined to complete it, for better or worse.

The trouble was, knitting was so relaxing that her mind tended to wander. And sure enough, before she knew it, she'd blown the pattern and was back at square one. She had to stay focused.

But it wasn't long before her thoughts floated back to Tyler. After all her mental self-talk about not getting involved with him, she'd gone ahead and planted one right on him.

What had she been thinking? She hadn't been. She'd been too busy feeling. Tyler had said he was inspired by
her
. It had been a long time since a man had made her feel good about herself without wanting something in return. She'd been so touched and flattered that kissing him had seemed like the most natural thing in the world.

He'd responded right away. Fortunately they'd come to their senses quickly because they were standing on a busy New York sidewalk. They'd said their goodbyes, and Lilah had gone to her room, wishing he had come with her.

She stared down at the blue yarn in her fingers. Lilah didn't know why she'd chosen that color for a scarf, it wasn't her color at all. But it was a shade that would look wonderful against Tyler's dark skin.

Maybe she should make it a gift for him. Tyler had gotten them past the door at Duvet and had shown her around the city. She should definitely give him the scarf.

She was only going to be in New York a short time, but that didn't mean that she couldn't make the most of it. Lilah hadn't let herself think about it, but there was at least one more item on her list that she could use Tyler's help with.

Lilah felt a hot blush stinging her cheeks. The idea of sleeping with Tyler made her body warm all over. Swallowing hard, Lilah tried to refocus her attention on her knitting. And not a moment too soon because she'd been repeating a crooked stitch and the pattern had become deformed, again.

Trying to fix her mistake and blank her mind with a zenlike focus, Lilah was startled when her cell phone rang.

She picked it up without checking the number, assuming the call was from Angie. “Hello?”

“Lilah, where the hell are you?”

“Chuck?” Lilah was so stunned to hear her ex-husband's voice on the line, all she could do was stare at the phone with her mouth hanging open.

“Where have you been? You don't answer your phone, your car hasn't been moved in days, and no one at your office will tell me where you are.”

“That's probably because it's none of your concern, Chuck. We're divorced, remember?”

“That has nothing to do with this. I was worried. How was I supposed to know you weren't hurt or killed?”

Lilah felt her ire rising. She wasn't going to give in to his guilt trips anymore. She'd divorced him so that she'd no longer have to placate his neediness.

“As you can hear, I'm alive and well. Don't call me anymore.”

“Are you kidding me? I'm supposed to stop caring about you just because you're no longer my wife.”

“You're definitely supposed to stop calling. You're supposed to stop driving by my house to see if my car has moved. And you're supposed to stop harassing my coworkers.”

“Wow, and here I thought we could try to be friends.”

Lilah was speechless. “Friends? Chuck, I wish you well. I really do. But I don't think friendship is a reasonable expectation. Move on with your life. I have.”

With those parting words, Lilah disconnected the line. Her knitting lay forgotten in her lap as she stared off into space for several minutes.

Finally she gathered up her things and headed toward the elevator. She no longer felt like knitting. And when she did, it certainly wasn't going to be a gift for any man.

Lilah's cell phone started ringing again as she entered her room. She was tempted not to answer it. It was so typical of Chuck to call right back after she'd hung up on him.

One thing was for certain, Lilah was through putting up with this kind of behavior. “Chuck, you've got to stop calling,” she said without preamble.

“Uh, Lilah, it's Tyler. Who's Chuck?”

Lilah's heart started hammering. Tyler.

“My ex-husband.”

There was a long silence on the line. Tyler probably hadn't known she'd been married. Well, so what? She had been and it was over. Talking to her ex-husband brought back all those intense feelings of unhappiness and frustration.

“Sorry. What can I do for you, Tyler?”

Chuck just reminded her how futile relationships could be. When she'd finally accepted that her marriage was over, she'd felt more relief than grief. Nothing in life should be that hard.

“I was just wondering if you had plans for dinner this evening.”

Lilah straightened. “Oh, wow, is Reggie free tonight, after all?”

There was a long pause. “No, Reggie's still on the move. I was wondering if you'd like to have dinner with me.”

Lilah swallowed hard, feeling her cheeks heat with embarrassment. “Oh, uh, I was going to say that I hope he's not free because I already have plans. I mean—it would be nice to have dinner with you, too, but…I mean, not ‘too,' I would love to have dinner but—”

Lilah couldn't seem to make herself stop rambling.

“That's okay, Lilah, I get it.”

“Um, what do you mean? Get what?” Oh no, she'd offended Tyler.

“That you're not free. Have a good evening.” He didn't wait for her to say goodbye before disconnecting the line.