Like a Lover (7 page)

Josh wasn’t
stupid. He knew this wasn’t a real date. But it was something different to what
he usually allowed himself, and he was going to take it.

It was a
glorious sunny afternoon as he left the house to meet Rupert. The sky was the
deep, perfect blue of early summer with just a few puffy white clouds. Warm,
but not too hot. Josh’s spirits rose like the seagulls riding the air currents
above him as he walked.

He spotted
Rupert waiting outside the Arts Centre for him, and his heart did a happy
little skip as Rupert smiled and raised a hand to greet him. When Josh reached
him, Rupert drew him into a hug and brushed a swift kiss over his cheek.

“Hi.”
Rupert looked as awkward as Josh felt, and that was oddly reassuring.

“Hi.”
Josh’s cheek still tingled where Rupert’s soft lips and rough stubble had
touched it.

“Shall we?”
Rupert held open the door for Josh.

Inside, the
gallery was quiet and cool. They strolled around admiring the display of glass
items and sculptures, all handblown by a local artist.

“These are
gorgeous,” Rupert said. “I think my mother might like something like this.” He
pointed to a glass sphere about the size of the palm of his hand. It was
displayed in a place where it caught the light coming through the window and
lit up the patterns of blue, turquoise, and white that rippled and swelled
inside the clear glass. “It looks like waves, and she loves the ocean.”

“It’s
beautiful,” Josh agreed.

“And it’s
unique. I think it’s perfect.”

Decision
made, Rupert went to talk to the person at the desk about purchasing it.
Meanwhile Josh carried on looking at the other items on display. Lost in
admiring a piece of stained glass that depicted a vase of flowers in shades of
red, orange, and yellow, he didn’t hear Rupert approach. He started at the warm
hand on the small of his back.

“Sorry,
didn’t mean to make you jump.” Rupert didn’t take his hand away. Instead he
slid it around Josh’s waist as he stood close beside him. Josh leaned in a
little and carried on staring at the colours where the light poured through.

“It’s so
pretty,” Josh said.

“It’s made
your face multicoloured.”

Josh turned
and found Rupert staring at him rather than at the stained glass. Rupert had
patches of bright colour on his skin from where the sun shone through the
glass. “Yours too.”

They smiled
at each other, and their gazes locked and held. The warmth in Rupert’s
expression made Josh’s breath catch.

Rupert was
the one to break the spell. “Are you ready for lunch?”

“Yes.” Josh
moved to put a little distance between them. “Lunch sounds great.”

CHAPTER SEVEN

They
managed to get a table by the window. Rupert gave the menu a cursory glance,
but was distracted by Josh watching him read down the list of food. Josh’s dark
hair flopped over his forehead and he pushed it away. He looked tired, his face
was paler than usual, and he had violet shadows under his eyes.

“What do
you fancy?” Rupert asked.

Josh
glanced up and gave him a small smile. “Um… I’m not sure.”

“How about
we get the platter of stuff to share?”

“Yeah, that
sounds good.”

“And to
drink? Do you want beer? Oh no…” He flushed, cursing himself for not
remembering. “Sorry. I forgot you don’t drink.”

“Lemonade for
me. And no worries. I’m used to people thinking it’s weird.”

“It’s not
weird, and I should have remembered. Okay, I’ll go and order.”

He didn’t
have to wait long to order at the bar, and he returned a few minutes later with
two bottles of still lemonade and glasses on a tray.

“Thanks,”
Josh said as Rupert passed one to him. “You could have had beer if you wanted
it. I don’t mind other people drinking.”

“No, it’s
fine. I don’t usually drink at lunchtime anyway.”

Josh took a
sip of his lemonade and then stirred it with his straw. The ice cubes clinked
in the glass as he said, “I started drinking when I was thirteen and quit when
I was seventeen. I haven’t touched it since.” He didn’t meet Rupert’s eyes.

“What
changed?” Rupert asked.

“I drank so
much vodka one night that I ended up in hospital having my stomach pumped. They
told me I could have died. It was a wake-up call.” His tone was light, but a
muscle ticked in his jaw. He finally met Rupert’s eyes. “It was the best thing
that ever happened to me.”

“Yeah?”
Rupert prompted gently.

Josh had
rarely told Rupert much about himself. He was opening up today in a way that
was new, and Rupert wanted to do everything he could to encourage it.

“It got me
to where I am now,” Josh continued. “I realised I was turning into my dad, and
I didn’t want that for myself. So I stopped drinking—and doing any drugs
I could find—and I went back to college.”

“Good for
you.” Rupert was worried he sounded patronising, but he meant it. “It can’t
have been easy. I’m glad it worked out.”

Josh gave
him a small smile. “Thanks. Me too.”

Their food
arrived then, diverting them from the serious turn the conversation had taken.

The platter
was a wonderful mixture of bread, olives, different cheeses, and dips. Lots of
things that were delicious, but rather messy to eat. Once they’d tucked in and
tried a few things, Josh asked, “So, when’s your mother getting married?”

“In three
weeks’ time.”

“Will it be
a big wedding?”

“Oh, yes.
My mother doesn’t do anything by halves.” Rupert tried to keep his voice light,
but the bitterness seeped into his tone and Josh glanced up, brows raised.

“What’s her
fiancé like?”

Rupert
couldn’t hide his grimace. “He’s… difficult. I can hardly have a civil
conversation with him because he’s so incredibly right-wing. He suits my
mother, though.”

“She’s the
same?”

Rupert
nodded. “She’s not quite as extreme as him, but yes. My political leanings are
left of centre, like my dad’s were. He was a socialist, stayed true to his
working-class roots. He believed in sharing the wealth, prioritising education.
He was the first person in his family to go to university, and that opportunity
made all the difference to him. He always believed higher education should be
funded by the state.”

“God. I
wish.” Josh took another piece of bread. “Shame I wasn’t born twenty years
earlier. But I suppose having to work this hard for what I want means I’m
taking it seriously. That’s the only upside.”

When they’d
finished eating, Rupert ordered them coffees and they sat and chatted for a
while longer. Josh seemed in no rush to leave. In Rupert’s mind this was a
date—albeit a date by stealth. He’d been thrilled when Josh had agreed to
meet him for lunch, and was keen to prolong their time together as much as
possible.

“Do you
want to go for a walk or something?” Rupert asked when the waitress had cleared
away their cups. “It’s a gorgeous day today, and if you don’t have to get back,
I thought maybe we could walk along the harbour or get the ferry over to Mount
Batten perhaps?”

Josh seemed
to consider this for a minute, meeting Rupert’s gaze while Rupert waited.
Rupert could almost see the cogs whirring and wondered what thoughts were
involved in the decision-making process.

“Okay,”
Josh said finally. “That’d be cool.”

“You sure?”
Rupert didn’t want him to feel obliged. He wasn’t paying Josh for today, after
all… unless you counted buying lunch.

“Yeah. All
I’ve done this week is work. I need a break today. I can get back to studying
tomorrow.”

“Great.”
Rupert smiled. “Let’s go, then.”

They ended
up spending the whole afternoon together. They walked along the sea front and
got the ferry across to Mount Batten peninsula. Josh insisted on paying the
ferry fare. “No, it’s okay. I’ve got this.”

Later, he
bought ice creams too. Rupert didn’t argue. He sensed it was important to Josh
to pay for what he saw as his share today, and he didn’t want to make things
awkward by protesting.

By the time
they got the ferry back, it was getting close to dinner time. Rupert was
pleasantly tired from walking and his nose felt warm where it had caught the
sun. Josh’s fair skin had more colour than earlier too. The heat of the day was
gone, and the wind was chilly where it tugged at Rupert’s shirt and whipped at
his hair.

They stood
at the stern, leaning against the railings, as the boat chugged through the
water leaving a foamy white wake behind it. There were lots of small sailing
boats out today and a few people in kayaks, all giving the ferry a wide berth
to avoid the wash.

Rupert
looked sidelong at Josh, noticing how the green of his eyes caught the
sunlight. A few tiny freckles that Rupert hadn’t noticed before speckled his
nose. Maybe the sun today had brought them out. They stood close, their arms
brushing where they held on to the rail, and Rupert was suddenly hit with a
rush of longing. This afternoon had been wonderful, but he wasn’t ready for the
day to be over. He wanted more. He wanted Josh in his arms, and in his bed.

“Spend the
evening with me,” he blurted out. Josh turned, his brow furrowed, his mouth
open to speak, but Rupert blundered on before he could think better of it. “I
mean, I can pay you for it. Just like I normally do.”

Josh’s
frown deepened. “I’m not sure. I should probably get back and do some more
revision.” He folded his arms tightly around himself and turned to look back at
the water.

“But you
said you needed a break today. Please?” Rupert cringed at the neediness in his
tone, but his dignity was a small price to pay for more time with Josh. Rupert
knew he wasn’t behaving rationally. Josh was like a drug, making him desperate,
craving for more.

Josh’s
expression was still tense, but the frown lifted a little. “It’s short notice
to book the hotel, but I could phone them, I suppose.”

“You can
come to mine… I mean, if you want. It would save you the cost of the room.” He
waited, tension rising as Josh bit his lip. Josh’s tongue peeked out to worry
at the silver ring.

“Okay,”
Josh finally said.

Rupert let
out a shaky sigh of relief, a huge grin spreading across his face. “Cool.”

A gust of
wind sent one of Rupert’s curls tumbling across his cheek, and he tucked it
behind his ear. Josh smiled back at him, but he still looked uncertain. Rupert
hoped Josh didn’t think he was some creepy stalker. He didn’t want to make Josh
uncomfortable, but he wanted to be with him, any way he could.

Rupert
unlocked the door to his flat and guided Josh in.

Josh
whistled. “Nice place. Is this all yours?”

“Yeah.”
Rupert felt an uncomfortable mix of pride and guilt. His flat was the first
place he’d owned, and he loved it. Thanks to his father’s legacy, he didn’t
even have a mortgage. He was very aware that to Josh, owning a flat like this
must make Rupert seem incredibly privileged. It wasn’t too
ostentatious—he could easily have afforded somewhere larger—but it
was luxurious. On the top floor of a new build overlooking the harbour, it had
two bedrooms and a large open-plan living area.

“It’s so
cool. One day I want to live somewhere like this.” Josh’s enthusiasm was
obviously genuine, and Rupert relaxed a little. “Can I go outside?” Josh went
over to the double doors that opened onto the roof garden.

“Of
course.” Rupert followed him out on the decking. It was only a small space but
had a great view.

Josh turned
and smiled at him, leaning back against the railings. “You’re so lucky.” Then
his face fell. “I mean… to live here. But shit, I’m sorry. I know it’s because
of your dad, so that was really insensitive—”

Rupert
moved a step closer. “It’s okay.” He put his hand on Josh’s cheek. “I know what
you meant.” He kissed Josh’s forehead. “Are you hungry?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, let
me go and see what I can rustle up.”

“Want any
help?”

“I’m not
sure yet. Depends what I’ve got ingredients for.”

Rupert got
them both drinks first. Forgoing the bottle of red wine he’d normally have
opened on a Saturday night, he had sparkling water with Josh. “Sorry I don’t
have any lime,” he said as he passed the glass to Josh. “If I’d known you were
coming, I’d have got some.”

“No
worries. Cheers.” Josh raised his glass, and they clinked them together.

Rupert
rummaged around in the fridge and found he had enough ingredients to throw
together a stir-fry. He was out of noodles, but he had rice. He set Josh to
work chopping onions, peppers, and mushrooms while he put the water on to heat
for the rice and sliced a steak into thin strips.

The sight
of Josh in his kitchen, helping him cook, made Rupert feel warm inside. It was
so domestic, and it felt utterly right in a way that was equal parts exciting
and terrifying.

He’s only here because I’m paying him
, Rupert reminded himself.

But Josh
had met him for lunch earlier and spent the afternoon with him. Maybe
eventually he could persuade Josh to date him for real? That didn’t seem like
such a complete impossibility after the day they’d just spent together.

They ate
out on the roof garden, enjoying the last of the evening sunshine before the
sun dropped out of sight. The warmth of the day had gone. Josh began to shiver
in his thin T-shirt, so Rupert excused himself and returned with a hoodie,
which he offered to Josh.

“Thanks.”
Josh took it gratefully and pulled it on, zipping it up and even pulling the
hood up. He grinned at Rupert, his face shadowed by the fabric.

Rupert felt
a fierce surge of possessiveness at the sight of Josh wearing something of his.

When they’d
finished eating, Rupert insisted on clearing the plates. “It’s okay, I can
manage. Do you want a hot drink? Tea, coffee?”

“Coffee
would be great. Might help me stay awake.” Josh’s tone was teasing. “I wouldn’t
want to fall asleep on you.”

“Again.”

Josh
laughed. “I told you, it was a compliment. I don’t fall asleep on just anyone,
you know.”

Rupert
grinned. “Glad to hear it.”

They sat
side by side on the bench seat and watched the sun set as they drank their
coffee. The sun painted the sky with streaks of pink and orange as it slowly
inched its way below a smear of dark cloud on the horizon. Josh was still
shivering despite the hoodie, so Rupert put his arm around him and pulled him
close. Josh curled into his side, his hands wrapped around the mug and his face
almost invisible because of the hood. It was a perfect moment, the ultimate
romantic cliché. If this were a film or a novel, Rupert would be brave now and
put words to all the things he didn’t dare ask for. But the words went unspoken
because Rupert was too afraid of what Josh’s answer would be.

When the
sun had finally gone and the sky was a deep blue fading fast to black, Josh
climbed into Rupert’s lap and kissed him. “Want to take this to the bedroom?”
he asked.

Rupert
didn’t. Well, part of him did, of course. He always wanted Josh that way. But
right then he was happy to be out there, cuddling and kissing and not taking
any more than Josh wanted to give him. Josh’s kisses were insistent, though,
and his arousal seemed genuine. He tensed and shuddered as Rupert slid cold
hands over the warm skin of his back, tugging him closer and grinding up
against his arse.