Lights Out (30 page)

Piper spotted him, stood up, and walked over to meet him.

“Joe,” she said.

“What are you doing, Piper?” His expression was tense and angry.

“What?” she said, confused by his tone.

“Talking to her,” he said, his head nodding in Meghan’s direction. Piper turned to look back.

“Meghan? I just met her. She stopped by for coffee, says she knew you from when she was young, said she grew up with you. I was coming to bring you over to her.”

“It’s not necessary,” he said, turning and leaving, moving toward the front door.

“Wait. Where are you going? We haven’t gone over the schedule for this week. When do I pick up Shane?” she said, taken aback by his abrupt behavior.

He turned and walked back to her, getting right up in her face. He was angry, a look she couldn’t remember seeing on his face. He glanced over her shoulder toward the back of the room.

“What, Joe?” she asked, staring into his eyes.

“She is my sister. Shane’s mother. She’s been calling for the last month, trying to worm her way back into Shane’s life, to disrupt it again. That’s not going to happen,” he said. His voice was firm.

“The last month?” she asked, glancing back at Meghan.

“Yes.”

“Were you even going to tell me?” she asked.

“It wasn’t your concern,” he said.

“Not my concern,” she said.

“No, not your business,” he said again in case she’d missed it the first time. “I don’t appreciate you going behind my back, Piper.”

“I didn’t know she was your sister.”

“I’ll get Shane today,” he said, stepping back from her. “I’ll call you if I need your help,” he added before walking through the door.

Piper stood at the window, watching him get into his car, totally perplexed by the news and by his behavior. This was Joe’s sister? She turned to look back across the room and met the woman’s eyes. They were sad. Piper sighed and walked back over to her.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come. I thought you could help, but I can see he hasn’t talked to you,” she said, standing up and reaching for her purse, making Piper feel superfluous.

She shook her head. “No, he hasn’t.”

“It’s okay. Same old Joe, I see,” she said, her voice disappointed. “Sorry to put you in this position. Joe and I need to talk.”

“Can I help?” Piper said.

“No, it’s Joe that I need to talk with. I haven’t forced anything. Thought I should go slow, but maybe that wasn’t the best course.”

“Maybe not,” Piper said, her eyes on Meghan.

“Again, I’m sorry. Maybe I’ll see you again,” she said, shouldering her purse and walking toward the exit to the shop. She knew it would be unlikely Joe would forgive, especially if he was as quick to judge as he used to be.

Piper watched her leave. Her emotions were all over the place. She was turmoil personified, and she didn’t know where to begin to get herself back under control. WTF? was the best she could come up with.

* * *

A few days later Meghan walked to Joe’s front door. She’d driven by his house a thousand times, hoping to catch a glimpse of Shane. He hadn’t answered or returned her calls.

She squared her shoulders and rang the doorbell. It was morning. She knew Shane was at school. Piper had told her sometimes she could catch him at home. Sometimes he’d swing back by his home after dropping off Shane. This had been her third attempt in as many days after seeing him in the shop that time.

Piper had been nice to her. Meghan had gone back to Lights Out the next day. The need to apologize was heavy on her heart for putting Piper in this spot with Joe. They’d talked for a while.

It seemed like she was forever apologizing for the choices she made in her life, part of the making amends process, of owning what she had done to herself and to others, digging through the rubble of her past.

God, help me to get through this. Allow me to let you guide me, to surrender to your will here. Only you know how hard this is for me, but with you by my side, we can get through this. This was always her prayer when she was determined to go forward, remembering to give it over to Him, always, when it became too much for her. He who’d been there for her when no one else had, who’d seen her at her lowest point, the point where she’d given up, and who had taken over. It was a good thing because she couldn’t have helped herself. She was so glad that he was with her today.

She rang the doorbell again and then turned to leave, giving up for now. It opened, and there stood Joe, her big brother, who’d tried to help her, not knowing that it was beyond his power to do so.

“Can I come in?” she asked, calmer than she’d expected of herself; she had surrendered this over to God.

“Sure,” he said.

She blew out a huge breath and followed him in. He remained standing by the door.

“Do you mind if I sit?” she asked.

“No, I don’t mind,” he said, watching her walk over to his couch.

“This is a lovely home,” she said. “You’ve done really well for yourself. I’m not surprised by that, either. I knew you would. You were always determined that way.”

“So what can I do for you?” he asked.

“I wanted to say I’m sorry first. One of the steps is to make amends for wrongs and hurt you’ve done to others. So I’m here today to try and make amends, Joe, to tell you how sorry I am for the hurt that I’ve caused you in the past. I’m sorry,” she said, looking at him. He hadn’t moved. “I also wanted to thank you for taking care of Shane for me both times.”

“Where did you go?” he asked.

“Not anywhere good,” she said, watching him but not seeing any signs of forgiveness. “But I’m better now. I wanted you to know that. I’ve been sober and clean for the last eighteen months. I’m living in Austin. I met and married a wonderful man, Aaron. He is fifteen years sober. He’s a minister of a small church here in town, over near Eleventh Street, east of town. He’s also a part-time counselor, giving back to others like us.”

“I’m glad for you,” he said. She could see that he meant it.

“I would like to see Shane,” she said and watched him close up. She continued anyway. This was too important. “I understand your need to protect him, and I’m willing to work with you on this, to give you as much time as you need to get used to the idea of me, of having me around in your life and in his. To show you that I mean it this time.” She took a deep breath and found his eyes again.

“I’m not looking to take Shane from you. I wish more than anything to have a chance to be his mother again, but I don’t want to hurt him any more than I have,” she said. “I would like you to consider allowing me to see him. I know you have temporary custody. Thank you for that. I’m hoping to prove to you that I am ready to be here, to be present in his life. That takes time, I know. I just want the chance to get to know him again, for you and him to see that I mean this.”

He was silent and still standing.

“I’ll think about it,” he said, walking over to the front door. “I’ve got to get to work, but I have your number. I’ll be in touch.”

“Sure,” she said, standing up and moving toward the door, too, touching his arm lightly.

“Thank you so much for the care you’ve given my son,” she said, walking through the door that he now held open for her.

“Call me?” she said.

“I will,” he replied, and watched as she turned and walked to her car, an older model sedan. She gave a tentative wave and he nodded. He watched as she pulled away from the curb.

* * *

Joe walked back into his home and sat down on the couch, reviewing what had just transpired, what she’d just said. She’d looked better than he recalled. She hadn’t ever really looked completely free of alcohol when she lived with him. After they’d left their parents and after she’d run away from the first foster home she’d been assigned to, he rarely saw her sober, even after she moved with Shane to Austin to live with him the first time. She’d never really quit, just hid it or tried to hide it.

Seeing her always reminded him of his past. He’d worked hard to put that period behind him. It hadn’t gone anywhere, but he thought of it less. Seeing Meghan again forced him to make the trek backward now to the old home on Edgewood Terrace, with his parents, fighting or finding his mother laid out on the floor drunk when he and Meghan would come home from school.

It shot through him, the feelings of fear that he’d failed his parents before he was old enough to learn that it hadn’t been his fault. It shouldn’t have been his responsibility at age ten to assume the role of the parent. But before then he’d felt the weight of them all, making sure he and Meghan were dressed, clothed, washed, fed, and homework done when it could get done.

He let it all come back and let it move him, remembering them being taken from their home, separated from his sister. He’d assumed the fault for that, too. He’d let his sister down again—the reason he’d tried so hard to help her and Shane.

He’d learned the hard way to depend on himself, only himself, alone. God, he hated it at first, but learned that it was only him he could really count on, until he moved to a new home. He was lucky to have found a set of parents who treated him like he was theirs, that had helped to heal some of his wounds.

And even then he hadn’t expected to find someone for him, but Amy had come along. She was hurt in her own way, and he’d thought he could help her. Another let-down and another hurt. He plowed into school, first undergraduate and then on to graduate school. The latter he’d completed while raising Shane. In spite of it all, life had worked out for him, scars and all.

He wanted different for Shane. Shane he would protect, he would fight for. He rubbed his eyes and sighed.

He hadn’t talked to Piper since the Meghan incident a few days ago. He avoided her calls, but he missed her. He was still angry at her, however irrational that anger was. She’d talked to his sister without his knowledge. She didn’t know, his rational self tried to argue, but he wasn’t listening to that part. He needed time to figure out what he wanted, if anything more, from her.

So maybe now was a good time to put a little distance between them. He knew her sisters would be leaving her soon. She’d told him that.

He would find a sitter for Shane. They only had another month and a half in school. He could swing that even if he couldn’t find a sitter for the last month. He could probably fall back on his neighbor, Mrs. Lewis. She would help temporarily, and then Shane could return to Reye’s for the summer.

Piper loved him, he knew that. She hadn’t said it, but you didn’t do the things she did for him unless you were in love. All the more reason he needed to back away, at least for a while. He didn’t want to hurt her more than he had. Sure, Joe, he said to himself, but let it go. When had he become a coward? he asked himself. He didn’t have an answer to that question. He needed time to sort everything out.

* * *

First week of April

Piper read through Joe’s text, and later his e-mail. Again. She’d read it fifty times if she’d read it once since he sent it to her on Monday, their normal meeting time. He was going to spend some time working out his issues with Shane and Meghan…blah, blah, blah…He would take care of picking up Shane from here on out. Thank you, I’ll be in touch. Okay…He couldn’t have told her that in person? He couldn’t work it out with her around? He’d even stopped coming to the shop.

Her feelings ran the gamut from anger to sadness, but anger predominated. She’d started for the door with every intention of driving over and demanding…what? That he love her? She ended up turning around. If she had to ask…

She was deeply hurt. The most painful time was at night before she fell asleep. She’d known the potential for that from the get-go, known exactly what Joe had or hadn’t offered. He never lied to her about that, and there was no use pretending that he had.

There was also sadness for him, and that had surprised her. Meghan hadn’t shared anything with her about their childhood, but she imagined it had to have been some tough junk for him to have created the wall he had around his heart. Joe and his sister’s lives didn’t sound like they’d been easy.

She had her dad, and although he may have been absent emotionally, she’d always felt safe and loved, taken care of by the women he’d chosen. Plus she had her Nanny and grandfather, who loved her beyond all reason.

Lastly, she’d felt more than a little awed by his ability to get beyond his beginnings and make a life for himself and for his nephew. He didn’t drink, he worked hard, raised a kid that wasn’t his—a stand-up guy altogether. Her stomach churned. She missed him.

The girls had moved into their parents’ apartment a week ago. As soon as her dad returned he’d wanted them with him. He drove them to and from school now, the biggest surprise of them all. She’d just about had her fill of surprises.

It was quiet in her home now. No music, no barking from McKenzie and Pepper, nothing but silence. She didn’t have much to do at the shops, either. She wouldn’t fire those college kids who needed the money just because she now had time on her hands.