Light This Candle: The Life & Times of Alan Shepard--America's First Spaceman (67 page)

page 359, “a bastard” and “the enforcer”: Robert Sherrod, unpublished manuscript (NASA archives).

page 359, “He didn’t make a lot of friends”: Author interview with Walter Cronkite.

page 359, “the mental anguish”: “Alan Shepard: Oldest, Richest of Astronauts,”
Washington Post
(January 3, 1971).

page 360, “Al could be friendly”: Barbree et al.,
Moonshot,
p. 178.

page 360, “just mad at the world”:
Moonshot,
Turner Home Video.

page 360, He had little tolerance: Ibid.

page 361, turned down an invitation: “Subject: Alan Shepard,” Federal Bureau of Investigation (1971).

page 362, [Cape Colony sale]: Landwirth,
Gift of Life,
p. 147.

page 362, “the Loan Eagle”: Author interview with James Lovell.

page 362, “swindling” him: “Subject: Alan Shepard,” FBI.

page 362, [Oil-drilling venture and cattle ranch]: Ibid.

page 363, Shepard once reprimanded: O’Leary, The Making of an Ex-Astro
naut,
p. 165.

page 363, “I didn’t deliberately try to intimidate him”: Shepard, unpublished interview with author Robert Sherrod.

page 364, “the shrewdest of the bunch”: Collins,
Carrying the Fire,
p. 59.

page 364, Cunningham . . . “dollars”: Cunningham,
The All-American Boys,
pp. 170–171.

page 364, “losing our lunch money”: Ibid., p. 173.

page 367, A typical astronaut day . . . : Ibid.

page 367, “week in the barrel”: Collins,
Carrying the Fire,
p. 93.

page 368, “He never talked about it”: Author interview with Chuck Friedlander.

page 368, “bulging eyes” and “stare right through you”: Author int
erview with James Lovell.

page 369, “A very cold person”: Author interview with Lola Morrow.

page 371, [Shorty’s drinking and reassignment]: Author inter
views with Jay Barbree and Paul Haney; Shorty Powers, oral history (NASA).

page 372, “a monster”: Author interview with Wally Schirra.

page 373, [Gallup polls and Picasso]: Burrows,
This New Ocean,
p. 380.

page 374, “This is the worst spacecraft I’ve ever seen”: Shepard,
oral history interview, Roy Neal.

page 374, “misgivings”: Barbree et al.,
Moonshot,
p. 193.

page 374, lemon . . . “a piece of crap”: Ibid; Betty Grissom and Henry Still,
Starfall
(New York: Ty Crowell Co., 1974).

page 374, [North American’s problems]: Richard S. Lewis, Appointment on the
Moon
(New York: The Viking Press, 1968); Burrows,
This New Ocean.

page 375, “sloppy and unsafe”: Barbree et al.,
Moonshot,
p. 199.

page 377, “Did we lose anybody?”: Author interview with Chuck Friedlander.

page 377, “I’ll never forget the pain in Al Shepard’s eyes”: Author
interview with Lola Morrow.

page 377, “I hate those empty-slot flyovers”: Author interview with Paul Haney.

page 378, “the conquest of space is worth the risk of life”:
From the Earth to
the Moon
(HBO Studios, 1998).

page 378, A lengthy follow-up report determined . . . : Lewis,
Appointment on
the Moon,
p. 388.

page 378, “downright criminal”: Burrows,
This New Ocean,
pp. 410–413.

page 378, “But Al was worse”:
Moonshot,
Turner Home Video.

page 379, congressional report . . . “overconfidence” and “complacen
cy”: Lewis,
Appointment on the Moon,
p. 396.

page 379, “Deke and I insidiously became part of the problem”: Shepard,
oral history interview, Roy Neal.

page 379, Shepard got even tougher: Ibid.

page 379, “He was mad at the world”: Author interview with Gene Cernan.

page 379, “Don’t you think you’re being a little tough . . .?”:
Moonshot,
Turner Home Video.

18: “Captain Shepard? I’m Charles Lindbergh”

pages 384–385, [Josiah Bartlett’s story]: Donald Lines Jacobus, ed.,
The
Shepard Families of New England,
Vol. III (New Haven: The New Haven Colony Historical Society, 1973), p. 52.

page 386, “I convinced myself it would eventually work itself out”: Ted Wilbur, “Once a Fighter Pilot,”
Naval Aviation News
(1970).

page 388, “aloof” [entire scene]: Author interview with Walter Cronkite.

page 388, “Get me a flight to the moon”: Barbree et al.,
Moonshot,
p. 253.

page 389, “a stroke of genius”: Ibid.

page 390, “the most beautiful, heart-catching sight”: Ibid., p. 233.

pages 390–391, made Cooper “furious”: Cooper,
Leap of Faith,
p. 178.

page 391, “Deke and I are making crew assignments now”: Ibid., p. 180.

page 391, [McDivitt’s complaints]: Slayton and Cassut,
DEKE!,
p. 236.

page 392, “What could possibly be the difference”: James Lovell and Jeffrey Kluger,
Apollo 13
(New York: Pocket Books, 1995), p. 61.

page 392, “He paid his dues”:
Author interview with Chris Kraft.

page 392, “How the hell did he pull
that one off?”:
Moonshot,
Turner Home Video.

page 392, “Al was probably bitter at
times . . .”: Author interview with
Wally Schirra.

page 393, [Slayton on Cooper]: Slayton and
Cassut,
DEKE!,
p. 236.

page 393, “tiddlywinks players”: Cooper,
Leap of Faith,
p. 178.

page 393, “time for him to move on”
: Slayton and Cassut,
DEKE!,
p. 236.

page 393, “had little recourse: Cooper,
Leap of Faith,
p. 181.

page 393, “I’
m considerably younge
r than Shepard”: “Cooper, Ex-A
stronaut, Scores Shepard’s Selection as Skipper,”
The New York Times
(UPI) (February 5, 1971).

page 393, “He had to have what he wanted to have”: Author interview with
Gordon Cooper.

page 393, “it took me years to forgi
ve Al . . . I lost the moon”: Cooper,
Leap of
Faith,
p. 182.

page 394, “aloft in my own thoughts”
: Pat Hammond, “
Shepard Credits Teach
er, (Big) Bertha Wiggins,”
The New Hampshire Union Leader
(June 24, 1994), p. 1.

page 394, “My chest was beaten and t
he ground shook”: Collins,
Carrying
the Fire,
p. x.

page 395, Among the ideas on the table . .
. : Kraft,
Flight,
p. 192.

page 396, “a madman with a mission”: Kraft,
Flight,
p. 192.

page 396, “If Jack Kennedy had been older and wiser . . .”: Ibid.

page 397, [Aldrin peeing in space suit]: Col. Edwin E. “Buzz” Aldrin, wi
th Wayne Warga,
Return to Earth
(New York: Random House, 1973), p. 236.

page 398, diesel locomotives and dogs barking: Ibid., p. 241.

page 399, “big fucking deal” look: Gene Cernan letter to Alan and Louise
Shepard.

page 399, “he let me realize what a tremendous man”: Author interview with Gene Cernan.

page 399, “storing a few nuts away for the winter”:
Loudon Wainwright. “The Old Pro Gets His Shot at the Moon,”
Life
(July 31, 1970), p. 53.

page 399, “It’s something I believe in”: John Noble Wilford, “Apo
llo 14 Crew Is Fit and Ready,”
The New York Times
(January 9, 1971), p. 4.

page 400, [Training in Bavaria, Germany]: Author interview with
Gene Cernan.

pages 401–402, [Mexican prostitutes]: Ibid.

pages 403–404, [Apollo 13 scenes]: Lovell,
Apollo 13;
Barbree et al.,
Moonshot.

page 404, “quit worrying and get some sleep”: Barbree et al.,
Moonshot,
p. 270.

page 404, “forlorn and pitiful”: Ibid., p. 271.

page 404, “She was a good ship”: Ibid., p. 272.

page 404, “Anytime you want Apollo 13 back, Al . . .”: Author interview with James Lovell.

page 404, [Louise quiet, shy, and sometimes sickly]: Author interview with Dorel Alco Abbot.

page 405, “What do you expect from a sailor?”: Author interviews with Lola Morrow and Bill Dana; Schefter, The Race.

page 405, “ ‘How did an asshole like that get a queen like her?’ ” Author interview with Gene Cernan.

page 407, Shepard got dressed . . . and sneaked out: Author interview with Ed Mitchell.

page 407, “Okay, Al, you win. It’s your flight”: Cernan, with Davis,
Last Man on
the Moon,
p 261.

page 408, “the first and only time I’d seen Alan humble”: Author interview with Gene Cernan.

19: “What’s wrong with this ship?”

page 410, “I’m going to be leaving town”: “It’s the Astronaut’s Wife Who Suffers Special Agony,” Associated Press (February 7, 1971).

page 410, [Louise and Cary Grant]: Author interview with Peter Vanderhoef.

page 410, “I’m constantly aware of the moon these days”: “It’s the Astronaut’s Wife Who Suffers Special Agony,” Associated Press (February 7, 1971).

page 410, “Let’s get on with it”: Barbree et al.,
Moonshot,
p. 280.

page 411, “very smooth and strangely quiet”: Ibid.

page 412, Shepard told Roosa to “juice it”: Ibid., p. 289.

page 412, “It’s not working”: Robert Godwin, ed.,
Apollo 14: The NASA MissionReports
(Ontario: Apogee Books, 2001).

page 413, “a messy operation”: Shepard, interview with Burke; Godwin,
Apollo 14.

page 413, At the Cape Louise felt closer to Alan: “It’s the Astronaut’s Wife Who Suffers Special Agony,” Associated Press (February 7, 1971).

page 414, “really gave them hell”: Author interview with Dorel Alco Abbot.

pages 414–415, “too busy . . . not important”: Godwin,
Apollo 14.

page 415, “uptight” and “snappish”: William Hines, “Touchdown Time on Moon,”
Chicago
Sun-Times
(February 6, 1971).

page 415, “found it difficult to relax”: Godwin,
Apollo 14.

page 415, “Hot damn”: Barbree et al.,
Moonshot,
p. 294.

page 416, “This is really a wild place”: Ibid.

page 416, “the most stark and desolate . . .”: Ibid.

page 416, “What’s wrong with this ship?”: Ibid., p. 297.

page 417, “Done” Ibid., p. 298.

page 419, “We’re aware of the ground rules”: Barbree et al.,
Moonshot,
p. 301.

page 419, “If the radar doesn’t kick in . . .”: Ibid.

pages 418–420, [Entire radar malfunction moonlanding scen
e]: Barbree et al.,
Moonshot;
Godwin,
Apollo 14.

page 420, Conrad won $500 from Oriana Fallaci: Andrew Chaikin,
A Man
on the Moon
(New York: Penguin Books, 1994), p. 261.

page 421, “very finite . . . so incredibly fragile”: Barbree et al., Moo
nshot, p. 310.

page 421, “Now I’m on the moon”: Shepard, oral history interview, Roy Neal.

page 422, “We weren’t trained to smell the roses”: Buzz Aldrin, “
What It Feels Like to Walk on the Moon,”
Esquire
(June, 2001), p. 90.

page 423, “the only two living creatures on this dead world”: Edgar Mitc
hell and Dwight Williams, The Way of the Explorer: An Apollo Astronaut’s Journey
Through the Material and Mystical Worlds
(Audio Partners Publi
shing Group, 1996, audiotape).

page 423, “Why the hell are we whispering?”: Author
interview with Ed Mitchell; Shepard, interview with Burke.

page 426, [Apollo 14 scenes]: Chaikin,
A Man on the Moon;
Barbree et al.,
Moonshot; Moonshot,
Turner Home Video; Kapp,
To the Moon,
audio book; author interview with Ed Mitchell; Godwin,
Apollo 14;
Shepard interviews and oral histories.

page 427, “Good, good, they made it”: “Wife Sees Sh
epard in Promised Land,” Associated Press (February 6, 1971).

page 428, “granddaddy of space”: Press conference, Houston (January 9, 19
71).

page 428, “cut the mustard or you don’t”: “Alan Shepard: Oldest,
Richest of Astronauts,”
The Washington Post
(January 3, 1971).

page 429, “the most personally satisfying thing I’ve ever done”: Platt,
Florida Today.

page 429, “Given a disciplined self”: R. M. Henry, “Reaching for the Stars,”
All Hands
(April, 1982).

page 429, “old man Moses . . . made his promised land”: “Wife Sees Sh
epard in Promised Land,” Associated Press (February 6, 1971).

page 430, “something incomprehensibly big”: Mitchell and Williams,
The
Way of the Explorer.

page 430, “I did it, boss”: Ibid.

page 431, “divine presence”:
The Other Side of the Moon
(Discovery Communications Inc., unreleased review copy).

page 431, “He did his thing, I did my thing”: Author interview with Ed Mitchell.

page 431, “first two swings were embarrassing failures”: “Dinner Honoring the Apollo 14 Astronauts,”
Weekly Compilation of Presidential Documents
(March 8, 1971).

page 432, “As a planet, we are so small”: Author interview with Robert B
. Williams; Allen,
Yankee.

page 432, “It’s too bad . . .”: Allen,
Yankee.

page 432 drunken night with Lauren Bacall: Author interview with Dorel Abbot.

page 433, “My father’s example was he led a good life”: Allen,
Yankee.

page 433, “I was wrong”: Allen,
Yankee; Moonshot,
Turner Home Video.

PART III /// AFTER SPACE

20: “When you’ve been to the moon, where else are you going to go?”

page 437, named in a paternity suit by a Playboy bunny: Tara We
ingarten, “Crashing to Earth,”
Newsweek,
August 3, 1998, p. 46.

page 437, “somewhat in turbulence ever since”:
The Other Side of the Moon
(Discovery Communications Inc., unreleased review copy).

page 438, [Aldrin’s nervous breakdown]: Aldrin and Warga,
Return to Earth.

page 438, “the climax of my life”: Weingarten,
Newsweek.