Life's Blood (The Cordelia Chronicles) (5 page)

Suddenly, I felt the overwhelming need to choose.
Him
or
her
. I knew even before I’d finished the thought how this tug-of-war would end. I reached for Chaseyn’s hand and twisted my fingers with his. The gesture didn’t go unnoticed, and my mom quickly released her hold on me. She had Kevin and the baby. She would be fine. And so would I be. With Chaseyn.

***

“That’s it,” I said when the last of my boxes was loaded into the back of the pull-behind Uhaul trailer Chaseyn had rented the night before. “It’s time.”

“Oh, sweetie, how do I say goodbye?” my mom said, tears flowing freely from her eyes.

“You don’t,” Chaseyn replied, squeezing her shoulder as he hopped into the driver’s seat. “I’ve got her, Mrs. Baxter. She’s safe.”

That made her cry even harder. I gave her a quick hug and brushed away my own tears before promising to call her the minute we had arrived safely at our new home.

“I’ll see you next weekend,” I shouted through the window as we pulled out of the driveway. “Saturday night. You’re coming for dinner with Addie and Eli so we can show off the place.”

“Wouldn’t miss it,” my mom shouted. Then, she made a heart with her hands and mouthed the words “I love you.”  I blew her a kiss in response.

***

“We need to get food,” I said. “We’re not going to have anything at the cabin, and I don’t want to go out again later today. We should stop in Denver on the way.”

“Sure thing,” Chaseyn replied. “We can chalk up another first--grocery shopping together.”

He could be so sappy sometimes. But deep down, I was every bit as excited about the prospect. I just wasn’t as open to admitting it. Lucky Charms. We
had
to get tons of Lucky Charms. They factored heavy in my perfect image of our first breakfast together.

“Is there anything else you can think of that we might need to get?” Chaseyn asked. “Once we get home, not only do I not want to leave again later today, I don’t want to leave until the alarm wakes us up on Monday morning.”

“I think we have everything else we need,” I replied.

It felt a little bit like we were playing house, and I wasn’t really sure what that required. I didn’t really know what we were missing. I was sure there was a lot we would still need to get, but we’d have to learn by trial and error.

“No wait. I thought of something else,” I said, holding a finger in the air. “We totally need to get one of those battery powered-mop things. We’ve got a lot of floor to clean, and those things kind of look like fun. In the commercials, they come to life at night and hold parties with the brooms.”

“I don’t think there’s much chance of that happening,” Chaseyn laughed. “There’s no such things as talking cleaning utensils.”

“Just like there’s no such thing as vampires?”

“Oh, snap. Score one for the mortal.”

It felt like we had only been on the road mere moments--like I had just waved goodbye to my mother and Kevin--and we were already pulling into a parking stall at the Stop-n-Shop, a bog box department store with an oversized pantry section. We’d be able to find everything we needed and much, much more.

“What kind of milk do you want?” I asked, staring at the selection of color-coded cartons in the enormous freezer in front of me.

“Two percent,” Chaseyn called from across the aisle where he was looking wide-eyed at a wall of juice. Every time he appeared to make a decision about which one he wanted to buy, he would put it back in favor of a different one. Finally, he tossed seven different types of juices in the buggy and rolled his way to my side. “I had no idea there were so many options. If we have this many choices for everything we need to buy, we’re going to need another cart.”

“Just wait until you see the cereal aisle,” I chuckled.

“There’s an entire aisle?” he asked in surprise.

“Have you never been to a grocery store before?”

Chaseyn chose not to respond. Instead, he pushed the buggy around the corner to the next row--soup. This was going to be good.

When we had everything we needed--bath towels, door mat, rake, patio set, PS3, and the infamous mop--piled into
three
separate carts, we loaded up the Uhaul and completed the final leg of our trek.

“We’re home,” Chaseyn hollered as he pulled into the drive. My knees were shaking with nerves.

This was it, I was no longer someone’s little girl. I was all grown up, and I was moving in with a man. The thought made me giggle. Chaseyn--a man. My man.

“What’s so funny?”

“Nothing,” I smiled, taking his hand as we walked up the path together. “I’m just extraordinarily happy.”

“Me too,” he said, kissing the back of my hand that was entwined with his.

Chasyen had incredible stamina. It was late afternoon when we’d arrived, and we’d been unloading boxes for hours. I was so exhausted I could barely keep my eyes open. Chaseyn, on the other hand, was like the Energizer Bunny. He could keep going for hours and hours.

“Why don’t we take a break?” he said. “You haven’t eaten anything since breakfast.”

“I’m fine,” I lied, and I knew he could tell. I wasn’t very good at keeping my emotions hidden, especially from him.

“Let me take care of you, Cordelia. It’s what I want to do more than anything in the world.”

Then, Chaseyn took the chenille throw we’d tossed on the arm of the couch and spread it out on the floor in front of the wood-burning stove. He stoked the fire, which had been blazing long enough that the coals were burning red hot. When he petted the ground next to him, my body betrayed me, swaying ever so slightly as I struggled to stay upright. I would just rest for a minute, I thought.

When Chaseyn was satisfied I was comfortably seated, he made his way to the kitchen, where he quickly tossed some lettuce, tomatoes, and olives with a little feta and Greek salad dressing and poured a glass of pop.

“Here,” he said, handing me the bowl. “You need to eat something.”

“Okay,” I said. I was in no mood to resist, especially when he was being so thoughtful. I scraped the bowl clean and chugged the glass of pop. Feeling completely sated, I rested my head in Chaseyn’s lap and basked in the warmth of the fire’s glow. And that’s the last thing I could recall.

The next thing I knew, I was weightless.

“Hmmm?” I moaned tiredly.

“Shhh, love, I’ve got you,” Chaseyn whispered.

I could feel my head bobbing and wondered why.

“Where?” was all I could manage to utter.

“I’m taking you to bed.”

That was all it took to jolt me awake. Bed. Why hadn’t I thought of that before?

***

It had dawned on me that we would be spending our first night alone together in our very own place. And we were engaged, which somehow seemed to erase the sinning part of the equation. Not that I was naïve to think engagements couldn’t be broken, but Chaseyn and I were bound to each other in a way that couldn’t be compared to other mortal relationships.

How had this not crossed my mind before? My stomach did a flip at the thought, and my palms started to sweat.

“Put me down,” I said animatedly. I literally sprung to life in his arms.

“What‘s wrong, love?”

“Nothing,” I lied for the second time that night. Little white lies didn’t count, I reasoned with myself. “It would just be really bad if I went to bed without washing my face. Make sure I never do that.”

I thought that sounded pretty realistic. I would break out if I didn’t keep up my skin routine, and the last thing I wanted was to start school with a face full of zits. But one look at the expression on Chaseyn’s face told me I hadn’t fooled him.

“Are you nervous?” Chaseyn asked.

“Why would I be?”

“I don’t want you to feel any pressure to do anything you’re not ready to do,” he replied.

Chaseyn was experienced. Actually, that was an understatement. Wordly? Was that the word for it? I’d heard my mother use that term before when she would talk about women who had “been around the block” a time or two. I tried to think of other clichés--anything to take my mind off the current topic of conversation--but my mind came up blank. And I knew it had been too long since I should have replied to Chaseyn’s declaration. I needed to say something fast or risk him feeling rejected--something I wanted desperately to avoid. Because if there was one thing I wanted more than anything in the world, it was to share myself with him in every way humanly--and a little bit inhumanly--possible.

“Um, okay. Thanks.”

Even as the words came out, I knew they were lame. Chaseyn tried his best not to look totally and utterly dejected, but I knew he was hurt. Not knowing how to make things better, I started digging through the box where I had dumped the contents of my pajama drawer for suitable sleepwear.

Addie would have planned for this. Why couldn’t I be more like her? She’d have known exactly what was coming, and she’d have gone to someplace where they sell lacy under things and purchased just the right statement piece for a night like this. Not me. The thought hadn’t even crossed my mind until now and so my only options were a cupcake patterned sleep shirt or two-piece flannel PJs. Both of which Chaseyn would recognize from any number of the nights he’d come in through my bedroom window and curled up beside me while I slept.

“It’s okay,” Chaseyn whispered as he wrapped his arms around me from behind. His lips grazed my ear, and I felt a flush of warmth creep through my cheeks. “Tonight doesn’t have to be
the
night.”

“I’m sorry,” I said softly, bowing my head so my chin nearly touched my chest. “I don’t want to disappoint you.”

“The only way you could disappoint me is if you did something you weren’t ready to do,” he replied, as he trailed kisses down my neck.

“But I don’t want you to think I don’t want--”

“Shhh,” he said, using two fingers to gently pull my face to his. I closed my eyes and melted against his chest as our lips met. “Not another word. Besides, you’re way too tired for what I have in mind when we’re finally together
that
way for the first time.”

He was right. I wasn’t sure if I was leaning in to him because my knees were weak from the effect he had on me or if I was so tired I could no longer stand on my own.

“Arms up,” he said, and then he pulled my shirt over my head, exposing my practical cotton bra. Not what I had in mind for the first time he undressed me, but I was almost too tired to care. Besides, before I could register what was happening, Chaseyn had pulled the sleep shirt from my hand and tugged it over my head. Then, he scooped me back up into his arms and carried me to the bed.

“Left or right?” he asked.

“What?”

“Which side of the bed do you want?”

I hadn’t ever thought of it before, but I knew the choice I made now was critical. It would be “my” side of the bed for the rest of my days on earth, so I had to make my choice carefully, but I was so tired. Then, I remembered the bedside table in my room at home--well, my mom’s home since this was my home now--was on my right. It was second-nature for me to flap my right arm in the general direction of the alarm clock each morning, so I decided it should stay that way.

“Right side.”

“Done,” He replied, laying me atop the mattress and pulling the duvet up tight around my shoulders. “Goodnight, love. I’ll be right beside you if you need anything. Not just tonight, but forever.”

Sunday morning was everything I had hoped it would be. Much like the morning before, I awoke to the aroma of coffee brewing. When Chaseyn realized I was stirring, he climbed the stairs to our room toting a wooden tray in his hands.

“Good morning, love,” he said, as he placed the tray across my lap.

“When did you have time to do all this?” I inquired, a yawn escaping my lips as I spoke the words.

“Never mind,” he replied. “Just enjoy.”

I had expected to see a lavish spread of blueberry pancakes or French toast, but instead, there was a single bowl in the middle of the tray. It was filled to the brim with Lucky Charms. A massive smile erupted on my face at the sight.

“You really do love me,” I said, patting the space beside my legs on the bed.

“More than you could ever know,” he said. “Did you sleep well? If the mattress is too hard, we can get a different one.”

“The mattress is just right,” I said, digging into my cereal, and feeling a little bit like Goldie Locks.

“How about the pillows?” he asked next. “And the duvet? You weren’t too warm, were you?”

“I don’t know if you noticed, but the fact that I sleep next to someone whose body temperature is about the same as a popsicle kinda inhibits my ability to be too warm.”

“So you weren’t warm enough?”

I should have known he would jump to that conclusion next and chosen my words more carefully.