Life After Death: The Shocking True Story of a Innocent Man on Death Row (32 page)

Another rule I abide by is no peppermint until November 1. I only eat peppermint between November 1 and January 6, because that keeps it special. If you don’t do things like that in here, then there’s nothing to look forward to.

A
PRIL
18

Many people have asked me why I cut my hair. The answer is because I didn’t have a choice. One day the prison decided it was a “security risk” if my hair were to touch my ears or my collar. If I refused to let them cut my hair, I would be thrown in the hole for thirty days, my visits would be taken for one year, and I would not be allowed to use the phone for one month. Same deal with facial hair. Sideburns that extend beyond mid-ear are “detrimental to the order and discipline of the unit.”

The whole purpose was to rob everyone of their identity. Dress everyone exactly alike, give them the same haircut, take away their name, and give them a number. To the prison system, I am not Damien Echols. I am inmate SK931. I still don’t let them cut my hair, though. I cut it myself, with a disposable razor. It’s a time-consuming process, but better than the alternative. The prison “barber” is just a prisoner they choose at random and assign to the job. It’s usually someone who has never cut hair in his life, and I don’t fancy being the training dummy.

A
PRIL
27

With every day that passes I feel more and more as if I’m playing Russian roulette. It’s nothing to do with the case, because I know that sooner or later someone will step in and correct this situation. The danger I feel comes from trying to survive in here. Every day the odds continue to stack up. Sooner or later the hammer will fall on a chamber with a round in it. Could be anything—diabetes, starvation, food poisoning, skull cracked by a bored guard, heat stroke, or about a million other things. I feel like the frog trying to cross the street in that old video game Frogger. Sooner or later he always gets squashed. The only question is how long you can prevent it from happening.

M
AY
1

The next execution is scheduled to take place in three days. Chances are high it will be called off, since the last one wasn’t carried out. There’s another one scheduled for May 24, but it probably won’t take place, either. Everyone seems to think they’ll be put on hold until after a hearing about procedure. Arkansas is the only state in the country that has a law that says the prison director can carry out executions in any way he sees fit. This means it’s legal for the prison to starve you to death. Or burn you alive. Or stone you. The law in Arkansas gives these people the power to do anything they want. What is legal and what is right are often two different things.

Even if the execution gets called off at the last minute, the man who is scheduled to die will never be the same. When someone comes back from the death house, they’re far, far older than when they entered. There’s no life in their eyes, they don’t talk much, and when the guards take them anywhere they shuffle like someone in a nursing home. It’s almost as if everything dies except the body. Guards are the opposite. When an execution date nears, they get a little pep in their step.

M
AY
5

Today I saw a campaign commercial for Fogleman. He hasn’t aged well at all. There is a tremendous sense of darkness about him. It was there when he was a prosecutor, but now it seems to have grown to horrendous proportions. Am I the only one who finds it repugnant that they began airing on May 5?

In the commercial he was bragging about how many years of experience he has. Anyone who wants to see that experience in action should just watch
Paradise Lost
.

I must admit that I was a little hurt that he didn’t mention us in his commercial. I mean, he could at least thank all the little people he stepped on in his climb up the political ladder. Seriously, folks—please don’t forget to vote on May 18. Don’t let this guy keep hurting people, or get away with such corruption.

Today was our first ninety-degree day of the year. The humidity is already suffocating. Summer is here. Over the past few days I’ve been cleaning my cell from top to bottom and throwing out tons of junk. I’ve decided I want to live my life as if I am leaving this place at any moment. From now on I will live in a state of joyous expectation.

M
AY
2010

I don’t want to be a nag, or drive this into the ground, but I do want to ask everyone one more time to vote on May 18. The Good Ol’ Boy Network, which includes everyone from the West Memphis police department to the
Arkansas Times
, is out there promoting Fogleman. They want to promote a man who not only helped condemn three innocent men, but has also allowed a child-murderer to walk free for seventeen years. If this is to be amended, it will have to be you who does it. If you live in Arkansas and are reading this, please turn out on May 18 to make certain this man is not rewarded for his corruption. You have the power and ability to see that justice is done. All it takes for evil to triumph is for good people to do nothing. This is a chance to demonstrate that not everyone in Arkansas embraces ignorance and corruption. This will be my last plea on the subject. Please, people—vote. Shut Fogleman down May 18.

And by the way, has anyone else noticed that on his commercial Fogleman looks exactly like Mr. Burns?

M
AY
8

Today is the feast of the Apparition of Saint Michael. Old herbal almanacs say you should collect angelica root on May 8 because it’s sacred to the archangel Michael.

They say that if you keep angelica in the house it will change your fortune for the better, because it brings blessings and healing energy into the home. The fact that angelica is so beneficial is the reason it was named after the angels.

You can eat it, brew it like tea, put it in your bath water, or just keep a piece in your pocket.

It’s one of the most used charms in the herbal realm, along with St. John’s wort (named after John the Baptist) and High John the Conquerer (Conqueror) root. Don’t eat High John, though. He’s poisonous.

The day after tomorrow is another interesting day. May 10 is the memorial day of Father Damien. Actually, now he’s Saint Damien. I never thought I’d see that in my lifetime. I think it’s a good sign.

It’s only ten more days until the election.

M
AY
10

Today is the memorial day of Saint Damien. Time is passing so quickly. September is going to be here before you know it. I often feel like I’m living on faerie time. In the old stories about the Fay, time is an unstable concept. People who find themselves in the realm of the Fay may pass a hundred years in a single day, or a single day in a hundred years. They may return to the physical world after one night in faerie, only to discover everything and everyone they knew are long gone. Or they may return after having an entire lifetime of adventures and discover they’ve only been gone from the “real” world for a single night. Either way, time is not the same. When I learned that my case would be heard in September, I thought, “That’s not long at all.” Others asked, “Why did they set it so far away?” Then again, I can feel the closeness of Halloween on the Fourth of July, and I can feel Christmas looming at the end of August.

I wanted to ask if everyone will make plans to come to the hearing on September 30 while there’s still plenty of time. The only thing the corrupt politicians in this state care about is people watching them. If the Arkansas Supreme Court sees how many people care about this case they may think twice about trying to sweep it under the rug. Your presence can make a huge difference. It sends a message. If you can come, please do. We need a packed house. This is the final stretch, and things will begin to move very quickly once September arrives. We need you there, folks. Please come.

J
UNE
5

The governor has now put together some sort of committee to figure out how the state can save money on prison costs. Perhaps it would help if they stopped spending millions of dollars to keep this case covered up. They’re literally spending millions of dollars in taxpayers’ money just to keep from having to admit they made a mistake.

Instead of doing what’s right, they’ll just cut the food budget again. That’s what they usually do. They reduce the number of calories each person gets per day. They’ve also decided we’re no longer allowed to have headphones. They used to sell us headphones for about thirty dollars, and that’s how you listened to music. Unfortunately, one of the guards’ favorite things to do was stomp on the headphones when they came into a cell. Prisoners began filing claims in small claims court, and the guards were being forced to pay for the headphones. Instead of telling the guards to stop maliciously destroying what little property people have, the prison just said no more headphones.

That’s their answer to everything. Everything is always the prisoners’ fault, no matter what. I’ve even seen them try to imply it was a prisoner’s fault for being raped by a sadistic, homosexual guard.

J
UNE
22

I’ve been told there’s a picture of Axl Rose on the Internet wearing a WM3 T-shirt. That made my month. Everyone who knows me is well aware that I believe there never has been and never will be another band that even comes close to Guns N’ Roses. There have been months at a time when I’ve listened to nothing but GNR. I don’t even care who else is in the band, as long as Axl is singing. When I was a kid I used to wear GNR T-shirts until they disintegrated, which makes it all the more amazing to me that Axl Rose has a WM3 shirt. Thinking about it makes me smile. It feels like getting exactly what you wanted on your birthday.

J
UNE
29

Two of the men on Death Row recently had to be shipped to an insane asylum. In these politically correct times, they’re no longer called insane asylums, though. They’re now called “long-term treatment facilities,” even though a padded room is a padded room, no matter what name you stick on it. Both men snapped and went stark raving nuts. They actually went nuts years ago, but it took a while before a judge could be convinced to even look at them. That happens all the time in here. I once saw a man go nuts and start punching the wall until both his fists were broken and bloody. They simply bandaged his hands and sealed him back up in a cell.

The law says the state cannot execute the insane or the mentally retarded, but it’s still done quite often. The prosecutors just get an “expert” to testify that the guy is okay. They’ve killed guys who had no idea they were even being killed. The most morally repugnant execution Arkansas has carried out so far involved a man who had shot himself in the head. He only managed to give himself a lobotomy with a bullet. When asked what he wanted for a last meal, he said, “Pie.” He ate half the pie, then wrapped the other half up to save for after his execution. He couldn’t even be made to understand that he wouldn’t be able to finish the pie after his death.

These are the kinds of things I’ll remember for the rest of my life. Sometimes I think the biggest challenge in life is overcoming the urge to recoil in horror when you see the blackness that lies slightly beneath the skin of the world.

A
UGUST
16

Today I received a letter in the mail from Vice President Joe Biden. It was asking for money. The essence of the letter is that the Republicans are going to take over the Senate and violate my civil rights if I don’t donate money. He says that even if I can only send $5 it would help. I had to look at the envelope three times just to ensure that it was actually sent to me and I hadn’t accidentally received someone else’s mail. This is insanity. I considered writing back and informing him that my entire existence has been violated, but he could help by donating a few dollars to my fund. I decided against it. The last thing I need is to be on some Secret Service watch list.

S
EPTEMBER
11

Every so often the wind carries the radio signal of a classic country station to the prison, and I feel like I’ll lose my mind. It’s like hearing the sound track to my early childhood. My parents listened to this music all the time, so it constantly filled our home. Sometimes I’ll hear Waylon Jennings’s voice and for a split second the sensation of being twelve years old is so overwhelming it feels like I’m short-circuiting. When I hear that Eddie Rabbitt song “Rocky Mountain Music,” it takes all my will to keep from sobbing or screaming. All of that old music—Willie Nelson, Conway Twitty, Dolly Parton—when I hear it I feel like my heart is being squeezed in a fist. It hurts me beyond words, but I won’t be able to stop listening. I’ll sit frozen, listening and remembering, for as long as it lasts. George Jones. Johnny Cash. Mickey Gilley. It’s like drowning in some kind of beautiful, velvet pool of despair. Then the wind shifts direction and it’s gone again, the spell broken. I’ll completely forget about it until the next time it happens, which could be several months.

S
EPTEMBER
20

There are only three days left of Virgo, and then we move into Libra. Libra is ruled by the archangel Zuriel, which I think is an excellent sign for the upcoming hearing. Zuriel is the archangel you call on when you are in need of balance, fairness, or help with any kind of legal matter. I never even thought about the fact that the hearing would take place under the time ruled by her until now. And now I’m even more excited about the prospect of a fair hearing. I really do have a good feeling about this hearing. If you would have asked me a year ago I would have said there’s no chance in hell of the Arkansas Supreme Court doing anything to help us in any way. I don’t feel that way now. It’s nothing concrete that I can put my finger on; it’s just something in the air. Maybe it’s Zuriel.

In addition to the archangels of the zodiac, there are also archangels that oversee the seasons. Raphael presides over spring, Michael over summer, Gabriel over autumn, and Uriel over winter. That means this week we move out of Michael’s season and into Gabriel’s. Not only does Gabriel rule autumn, she’s also over the cups suit in the tarot deck and is the archangel of emotions. Anytime a lot of cups cards come up in a person’s tarot reading you know that Gabriel’s energy is very active in that person’s life.