Liberty Begins (The Liberty Series) (19 page)

Finally,
my inner voice was thinking. John was leading me back to my room.
Our room
. He’d slept with me every single perfect, glorious night since we’d been here. I squeezed his big, strong hand; he squeezed back and something deep inside me clenched. Delicious shivers of anticipation shot through me. He pushed me up against the wall outside the room and kissed me ferociously, pressing against me, hard, so that I could feel all of him, every throbbing inch.
Now,
I thought,
oh please, now.
I was shaking, I needed him so badly.

He pulled back and opened the door with my key. Then he came for me, picked me up and threw me over his shoulder in a fireman’s carry, bringing me into the room, slamming the door behind us. He grabbed my behind and squeezed it, sliding me down over his shoulder, slowly, so that I could feel every rigid muscle in his shoulders, chest and in his arms. Then he gently laid me on the bed. I was panting.
Please.

“John, please,” I said, begging him. He hovered over me, straddling me, pressing his hardness into that hot place between my legs that was pulsing, aching. He pressed himself into me there again and again, making me moan, making me writhe. Finally I sat up. I kissed him, hard, and let my tongue shoot into his mouth. It connected with his and I heard him moan in pleasure. His pleasure made me bold. Still kissing him, I got up onto my knees and took off my shirt and my bra, grabbing his hands and putting them on me. He moaned again, and then kissed me, fiercely. He began to stroke and rub my breasts. While he did that he rhythmically pressed up against me, making me crazy.
I needed him inside me
.

I pulled his tee shirt off over his head and looked at his glorious body; having no girlfriends to distract him and years of obsessively working out had been so, so good to him. I leaned down, my tongue tracing every crevice underneath his enormous pectoral muscles; he shivered in pleasure.

It was my turn. I grabbed his hands and pushed him down onto the bed. I pulled off his sweats, and then his underwear, and there he was, springing to full attention in his nakedness.
Finally.
He was intimidating, but absolutely glorious. I might not know exactly what to do but my biology, my instinct took over. My kisses trailed down from his chest to his lower abdomen; I was delighted that with every kiss and bite I placed on him, he shivered visibly.
Mine. He was mine.
I kissed lower, reaching his pubic hair, finally coming to the base of his shaft. I licked it. He threw back his head and cried out. Emboldened, I ran my tongue up the length of him, to the tip, where I noticed there was wetness. I licked it off. He cried out again, louder.
Mmmmm.
I liked how it felt, all of it, but especially the feeling that he was responding to me, that I was giving him pleasure, and it had so overtaken him that he was unselfconsciously moaning beneath me, just like I did for him.

I sat up on my knees and tentatively took him in my mouth. His hips flexed automatically in response, forcing himself a little deeper.
Mmmm.
I pulled my mouth back across his length, he cried out; I grabbed his hand and put it around my hair so he could hold it to the side, so it wouldn’t interfere.
I also wanted him to know it was okay to touch me, that I was okay
.
Then I took him in my mouth as far as I could, almost all the way down to the base of him; he moaned deeply and his body stiffened. I slowly released him, little by little, watching, fascinated, as the muscles in his chest and stomach rippled and clenched in response as I moved.

“Stop,” he whispered, and pulled me by my hair up to him at eye level. He kissed me, tenderly and needfully, as I tried not to feel crestfallen.
I probably wasn't doing that right,
based on my limited experience.

He pulled back and looked at my face and put his finger to my lips as if to shush me. “Stop,” he commanded, and now he was talking about something else. “That was completely fucking
amazing.
It felt
incredible.
But that’s not what we’re doing tonight.

“Now,” he said, “it’s
my
turn.”
As he laid me beneath him, he swiftly pulled off my pants and underwear. When we were finally both naked, he rested his hardness right in between my legs, right at the opening, with his tip just inside.

“
Mmmmm,”
I said, I moaned; now it was my turn to throw my head back. I grabbed his backside and tried to inch him inside of me.
Now,
I thought.

Finally
, my inner voice whispered, crossing her fingers, holding her breath in anticipation.

“Are you ready?” John asked, looking at me searchingly.

I nodded.

“I have to tell you something,” John said.

“No,” I moaned, grabbing his backside and trying to move him further up into me. “No more skeletons! I don’t care.”

He kissed me then, hard, and he moved up what felt like another inch. I arched my back.
Almost. Oh, my goodness, so close.

“Liberty, I love you,” John said and kissed me. “I just wanted you to know.” Then he flexed his hips and slid all the way into me.

“Ah!”
I cried, in astonishment, pain and in pleasure. It was too much all at once, but it was everything I wanted.
Oh my god, oh my god. I love you, too.
He moved inside me, gently, and then I grabbed his behind, forcing him into me deeper, harder. He kissed my neck as I started to buck against him, wild. He was going further, deeper into that place that had been aching for him for so long.
For forever.

All of a sudden, he pulled out.

“No!”
I cried, but he just laughed and put his finger to my lips.

“We need to use protection,” he said, and he quickly grabbed a foil wrapper from the floor, near his shorts.

I looked at his suspiciously. “Isn’t that going to...interfere?” I asked, as I watched him roll it onto himself.

“A little,” he said. “We’ll get you on the pill. Tomorrow,” he said, grunting, thrusting himself back into me.

I frowned. I didn’t like the condom; it didn’t feel the same.
But I bet it feels better than being a single, broke, pregnant 21-year old stripper,
my inner voice offered, and that gave me a fresh perspective. I leaned my head back and relaxed. John started kissing one of
my nipples, licking it, circling it, and then he clamped his teeth over it and sucked. A jolt of electricity shot through me and I bucked against him. He put himself fully into me and thrust, again and again, until I almost couldn’t take it anymore. But I didn’t want him to stop.

He grabbed my hands and held them up over my head while he continued sucking on my nipple and thrusting into me, filling me. “Ugh,” I heard myself grunt, and if I had been capable of it, I would have been embarrassed. Instead, I threw my head back and let him ride me. “Fuck me!” I heard myself cry, and John did. Harder and harder until I thought my insides would come out.

“JOHN!” I heard myself scream, as he fucked me through my orgasm. My spasms shook the bed.

“I. Fucking. Love. You,” John said and he came, his body becoming rigid and then wracking with spasms.

“I love you, too,” I whispered, out loud, cradling him to me when he’d finished, loving every cell of him, amazed at how far we’d travelled in such a short span of time.

I woke up the next morning with an enormous, ridiculous smile on my face. I stretched luxuriously, opening my eyes and seeing the sun stream through my window. I had never felt this happy and relaxed in my whole life. I heard John in the bathroom, singing and probably shaving, and I suddenly had an absurd vision of us ten years from now.
Me on our big, beautiful bed, with two little boys with tousled hair sprawled out and playing, and a baby girl kicking her chubby legs happily. John in the master bathroom, just a few feet away, singing in the shower. A wedding ring on my finger.

Tears sprang to my eyes.

I’d never given my future much thought; I was always just surviving the day, the week, the month. This image, of a beautiful, happy family, with John there … John, to love me and protect me forever ... me, safe, our children, safe ... with regular things, like a yard, a home, a swing set, barbecues, movie nights ... and no bed bugs ... it made me ache in a way I’d never felt before. It twisted my insides.

I was dizzy; sat up and put my head between my knees.
Liberty, you need to get a grip. Enjoy the happiness that you have right now; there is
no
chance of you having a future like that. Get it out of your mind, fast. Before you get even more hurt than you’re already gonna get.

I exhaled, sharply. It was true. I came from nothing — from less than nothing — and I had nothing to offer John. There was no reason for him to want me the same way that I wanted him. I had no family, no connections, no education, no sophistication. John had everything: money, looks, family, life experience, wisdom. I’d known from the start that he was out of my league. I just hadn’t realized until now, until I’d had the best night of my life, how fully I really wanted him.
Forever.

But I knew better. I didn't believe in fairytales; I never had.
This was just for now. Now was all I was ever going to get.

Now the tears slid down my face.

“Hello, darling,” John said, coming out of the bathroom with a towel around his waist and a huge grin on his face. “How are you? Wait, why are you
crying
?” he asked, rushing over to kneel next to me.

“I’m just happy,” I sniffled, and I reached out to hug him.
I’m just happy, and I love you, but we’re from two different worlds. You’re broken, I’m damaged goods, and I don’t believe in happily ever afters.

“I’m happy, too,” he said, tenderly stroking my hair. “I’m just so glad that fate brought us together. I can’t imagine my world without you, now.” He tilted my chin upwards and kissed away my tears. “I love you very, very much.”

“I love you, too,” I whispered, and then I gave myself over to the wave of desire that washed over me.

Somehow I snapped myself out of my sad mood and pretended to be okay enough to get through the day. The morning sex definitely helped; but even while I was with John, having a mind-blowing physical experience, my lust was battling with my sense of impending doom.

The blues were soon the least of my worries. John, who all day seemed as ridiculously happy as I’d been when I woke up, still managed to wallop us with another extreme workout.

“Eight miles,” Matthew called out from behind me. “Woo hoo! One more to go!”

I only had the energy to limply raise my middle finger at him as I huffed along. He laughed, and then I even laughed a little.

I was sore.
Everywhere.
“You might bleed a little today,” John had said. Apparently he was some sort of expert.
Maybe some of the models were virgins,
I thought, huffily, but I was still glad I’d worn a pantyliner with my running shorts. I had other things to worry about, like running eight miles in the heat and humidity and a hideous core workout.
Better safe than sorry.

I really needed to take that advice to heart.

On top of everything else, I couldn’t get Darius out of my mind. His eyes had only ever looked at me with hate. I believed John and Matthew when they said that he was a bad guy, through and through. Still. He was being tortured somewhere nearby. At this point, he had to be helpless. He was completely at their mercy. Some part of me, the Good Samaritan part, the maternal part, felt like I should try to do something to help him. Find the right way to reason with John. I pushed this thought to the back of my mind and let it nag me from there.

I had other things to attend to. John had said we were going to have a group briefing this afternoon, and then start target practice. Both of these agenda items frightened me. John had assured me that the rest of the team didn’t need to know the specifics of my situation with Ray. We were just going to discuss his location, his habits, his friends and family. My confession was over; the information I provided could be useful, though, when we were trying to figure out his current location. Maybe he’d found another woman to take advantage of, to dope up and take over.
That’s probably exactly what he was doing.
The thought made my blood boil.