Liberty (11 page)

“Introduce me to your wife.”

“Uh, I would, but I have no idea who you are.”

The man’s eyes narrowed. “They said you didn’t remember. I wasn’t sure if I believed it.”

“He really doesn’t, sir,” Lexy interjected. “Not me. Not his mother. Nothing.”

The man shook his head. “I was at the hospital the day you arrived. You really don’t remember.”

“I’m sorry, sir. I don’t.”

“I’m your commanding officer, Beecher. You don’t remember me making you do suicide drills for two hours because you mouthed off?”

“I’m sorry, sir.”

She could feel both men’s frustration. She had a fair amount of her own. She could not rest easy until she knew Ryan remembered their life together. She could leave then with no guilt. Her life with him would have closure, not this electrifying newness that kept her awake at night thinking about him.

“I’m Major Daniel Lee.”

“I recognize your name.” Ryan’s head snapped up. “Sir, I don’t think we have met.”

“How would you know? You don’t remember a damn thing?”

“I see their faces sometimes,” he responded quietly. “Not clearly, but I see the men in my unit and I hear them yelling and I remember the heat of the fire.” He looked into the major’s eyes. “It’s like trying to catch a fish in a pond, everything is murky and when you reach your hands out to catch it, it slips under the surface. I want to remember. I’ve been trying because I’m stuck without my mind. I’m not the man I used to be.”

“Beecher?” The major looked dumbfounded. “I remember you being a giant idiot.”

“Me, too,” Lexy said, moving slightly away from the stranger she was infatuated with...and terrified of.

“Sir, you knew me before? Can you say that I am the same Ryan Beecher that you knew?”

Lexy saw the spark light behind his eyes. This was the thing he was looking for to hold on to.

“We spent every day together for months. We needed a mechanic and you were the best we had.”

This Ryan couldn’t fix cars. He liked numbers. He wasn’t the best mechanic the marines had to offer. How could a blow to the head change a man so completely?

“Could I be a different man?”

“Ryan.” She wanted him to stop speaking, to stop questioning. If he wasn’t Ryan Beecher who was he? And where was the real Ryan? Was he living someone else’s life or did his life end that day in the desert? Or was he locked inside the man standing in front of her?

He had to be the man she married ten years ago. His commanding officer had seen him daily over the past year while she had been a thousand miles away. He couldn’t tell the difference. He had to be Ryan. But why did he act so differently?

“I think there was some sort of mistake. I don’t think I’m Ryan Beecher.” His voice took on a pleading tone. “I’ve come here and nothing is familiar. I wake up and they tell me I’ve been married for ten years to a woman I don’t recognize. They tell me I’m a drunk, that I’m a cheater, that I used to hit my wife. That I’m half a man and I know it’s not right. You seem familiar to me, but this place—this is not right. I know it’s not right. I don’t feel right.”

“Son.” The major wiped his huge hand across his troubled brow. “I’m sorry. I don’t have the answers you’re looking for. You do look like him, just like him and if your wife and friends think you are him then you are. The U.S. Military does not make mistakes this big.”

“But they could! I want to see their records. I want to know who the other men were who died. I need to know for sure.”

Her heart was breaking for him. He didn’t want to believe he had hurt her. She didn’t want to believe it either, but it happened. The last ten years had not been imagined.

“Sweetheart.” Lexy touched his arm. “He doesn’t know anything.”

Ryan spun around looking slightly bewildered. His blue-gray eyes filled with an emotion she had never witnessed in her husband.

“I don’t want to be him, Lex. I just can’t be him.”

“I’m so sorry, honey.” She wrapped her arms around him and held him tightly. “I’m so sorry.” She squeezed her eyes shut, feeling her insides go to jelly. What was she doing? After what they had been through, comforting him seemed ridiculous.

But she had to do it. “I’m afraid you might be stuck with me.”

“Don’t make a joke. This isn’t about being stuck with you.”

“What is it about then?”

“Mrs. Beecher,” the major said, “I know your husband doesn’t mean it the way it sounded. I can tell that he cares about you and appreciates all the time and effort you put into nursing him back to health.” He looked at Ryan, his expression hard. “You may not know who you are, but while you are here you are her husband and you will take care of her like you are supposed to.”

Ryan looked shell-shocked for a moment, but glanced at Lexy and nodded.

The Major stayed a little longer and assaulted Ryan with questions.

Tell me what you remember.

Where were you?

What is the last thing you saw before the explosion?

Who was there?

Ryan couldn’t answer them. He only saw faces in his dreams. He couldn’t tell Major Lee who they were. It left him mentally exhausted and Lexy found herself wanting to scream at the major to stop.

And then he did. He left them alone in a silence so thick it could have been cut with a knife. She watched the man she was now married to sit in a chair with his head cradled in his hands. He was miserable. She knew the feeling because she spent so much of her life being miserable, feeling empty. It was the worst feeling in the world. It was like drowning in darkness. It was like suffocating. It was unbearable when one had to go through it alone.

He didn’t have to go through it alone.

“Ryan.” She knelt before him, resting her hands on his knees. “Will you hold me?” He looked at her for a long hard moment and then swept her up into his lap. “Things won’t always be this bad,” she whispered into the warm skin of his neck. “You’ll get your memory back and then you’ll know who you are.”

“I’m afraid of that, too. I don’t want to be him, but I don’t want to think about not being him.”

Lexy didn’t know what to say to that. She almost felt the same way. She didn’t want to be married to an abuser but...she was growing to like the man he was. She couldn’t say she wouldn’t miss him when she left.

“What do we do now?” she asked, placing a soft kiss on his temple.

“The only thing we can do.”

“What’s that?”

“Play the hand we were dealt.” He looked up at her and suddenly that lost look disappeared from his eyes and a hard resolve took its place.

Chapter Twelve

“W
hat the hell is he doing here?”

Lexy had asked herself the same question a half dozen times that night. She turned to look at her best friend, Di, and then to her husband, who was sitting at the back of the restaurant reading a book and nursing a Diet Coke.

“He says he worried about me coming home so late.”

“He’s never cared before.”

It was true. Ryan hadn’t cared that she worked late nights or that on occasion she had to deal with drunken customers. He just cared that she brought in money. But not this Ryan. He wanted her to quit. Told her he didn’t think it was right for her to be working while he sat at home alone.

So he was here. He showed up an hour into her shift. She thought for sure that he would stay home and rest after the trying meeting with Major Lee. But he was there, his eyes following her everywhere she went, and when she looked at him her face flushed in memory of how they’d spent the afternoon. He seemed to know what she was thinking every time they locked eyes. He was making it hard for her to concentrate but she couldn’t say that she didn’t want him there.

Her old husband didn’t handle stress well and would turn to alcohol and wild nights to soothe his worries. Not this man. He turned to her. It was unsettling and satisfying at the same time.

“I don’t trust him, Lexy. I think this is a new way of controlling you.”

“You think?”

Di and Ryan were first cousins, but the two never got along. And when Di finally found out how Ryan treated Lexy she became her biggest advocate. She was the only other person in her life who knew Kyle was still alive. She promised to be there the day Lexy finally left Ryan.

“I know so. You’re supposed to be leaving him. What’s taking you so long?”

She had asked herself the same question. The simple answer was that she needed more money to make her escape, but if she had to she could get away. There were other reasons, ones she didn’t want to think about.

Physically, Ryan was much better than he had been. He still walked with a slight limp when he was tired. And sometimes his headaches would get so bad he couldn’t lift his head up; but he could take care of himself. That’s all she promised at first. To take care of him until he could take care of himself. But he didn’t remember his life here...

And he wasn’t at all the same man she knew when he left. It all made her wonder.

“I’m going to leave. I had to stop working for a while to take care of him. So I depleted my meager savings. Once I get them back up I’m out of there.”

“You should have left him to rot in that hospital.” Di looked at Ryan in disgust. “You should have told me the first time he hit you. I would have shot him right in the temple.”

“And that’s why I love you, Di.”

Di looked at her, her big blue eyes filled with sorrow. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner that he was mistreating you? I would have helped you.”

“I was ashamed,” Lexy said softly. “I didn’t want anybody to know.”

Di nodded. “You could stay with us, you know. I can make the kids share a room and you can stay with us as long as you need.”

“I’m not going to be a burden to your family. You guys have a hard enough time without me underfoot.”

Di and her husband had three small children. Lexy couldn’t see herself intruding on their time together. She didn’t want to. If she was going to start a new life she was going to have to leave Liberty behind. It would pain her to do so, but it was what would have to be done.

“The offer is good for whenever you need it.” She looked back to Ryan. “I can’t believe he’s reading for fun. He was dumb as a box of bricks all through school.”

She followed Di’s eyes to see her husband with his face buried in a thick book about economics. “He does a lot of surprising things.”

Her mind again wandered to the afternoon when he let her tie him to the bed. She knew he wanted to touch her. He told her she wasn’t sick, but she thought she might be a little abnormal. She liked watching him strain against his holds. She liked that she got to kiss and touch and be in charge, be on top, to take pleasure from him when he could do nothing in return. But... As much as she liked the power she had over him she missed the way his hands felt as they brushed her body. She didn’t like sex before. She wasn’t ready for it now, but thoughts of it with him kept flooding her mind.

“How’s he treating you?”

“Fine.” She shook her head. “He’s actually been very good to me, Di.”

“Are you sleeping with him?”

She looked at her friend, surprised by the question. “I’m not sure that it’s any of your business.”

“I’m not judging you, honey.” They both looked at Ryan. “He sure does look different than before. Ryan’s always been on the hefty side. Even when we were little kids he had to work at it not to get fat. Now look at him.”

“He thinks there’s been some sort of mistake,” she finally admitted aloud. “He doesn’t think he’s my husband. Sometimes I’m inclined to believe it.”

“Lexy, that’s insane.”

“I know. I know. But he hates fixing cars. That was his life. And he loves numbers and little puzzles. He came to the library the other day and took out a book of IQ tests! That’s not the man I married.”

“I’ll say.”

“Plus, he’s sweet to me. He doesn’t touch me unless I say it’s okay. He doesn’t cuss—”

“He’s had a blow to the head. Maybe that knocked some sense into him.” Di placed her hand on Lexy’s shoulder. “Listen, honey. You’re an adult and I’m not about to tell you what to do, but please keep your guard up.”

“I’m not sure I know how to let it down.”

“Well if you do and he acts up I’ve got six acres behind my house and a lot of places to hide a body.”

* * *

Ryan watched Lexy as she floated from table to table that night. She worked hard at her second job. So hard that the lines of exhaustion never left her face. Tonight he couldn’t stomach sitting at home alone, wondering what she was doing and if she was okay.

So he came to the Calloway and sat down at a table in the back. He didn’t want to bother her. He just wanted to make sure she got to her car safely at the end of her shift. Liberty was supposed to be a safe town but he still didn’t like the idea of his wife leaving at a bar alone sometimes well after midnight. There was no point in him staying home and trying to get some sleep. He never could rest until he knew that she was safe in her bedroom.

She smiled at a male customer as she brought him another drink. He tried not to let his jealousy flare as the man glanced at her breasts. She wore a white tank top that stood out against her caramel skin and hugged her body tightly, and a pair of butt-hugging jeans.
Of course
the guy stared at her. She was sexy tonight. But not in the same way as the other waitresses who plied on the makeup and big hair. He could see why his friends called her Sexy Lexy. No matter what she did her allure never left her. And Ryan found himself in the same boat as all the other men in town—wanting something he couldn’t have.

Yet.

She disappeared into the back and he forced his eyes to leave her and return to the book in front of him. He had read the same page about fifty times. There was no concentrating while she was in the room. Plus, he was sure that he read this book already. The concepts seemed too familiar.

His boss, Pep, had asked him to take a look at Pep’s personal finances since he had done a good job with the shop’s. At first he refused, claiming he didn’t know enough about the stock market to help. But Pep insisted and bought him a whole slew of books to get him started. He enjoyed reading them and that made him a little more sure that he wasn’t Ryan Beecher, but some man in his place to take care of Lexy.

He shut his book, tired of pretending to read, and looked around the Calloway. It was a family restaurant that turned into a local hot spot at night. There was a dance floor and a little stage where they held open-mike nights once a week. Couples tipsy and sober alike moved around the dance floor. Some country song was playing. He never thought he would be a fan of country music, but the more he heard it the more he saw the beauty in it.

“Hey there, soldier.” Lexy slid a tall glass of cranberry juice and a plate of fried chicken in front of him. “I thought you might want a little snack.”

He wasn’t hungry, but he picked a piece up and bit into it. “This is amazing.”

“My grandmother’s recipe. I told you she was the best damn cook the Calloway ever had.”

“You did.” He nodded at the glass of iced tea in her hand. “You planning on joining me?”

“I’m on my break.” She took the seat next to him. “I was going to sneak out and make out with my boyfriend in the alley, but you seem nice. Maybe I’ll sit with you instead.”

“I’m honored. Can I hold your hand?”

“Yes.” She blushed. She had been shy with him all evening. He knew that steamy interlude in her bedroom played in her mind as much as it did in his. “I feel sixteen all over again.”

So did he. Like he was in the grips of first love all over again.

“Well maybe I don’t.” She gave him a quick, wicked smile. “Boys usually were more interested in grabbing my breasts than holding my hand. But you get what I mean.”

“I can do both if you want.”

“Maybe later.” She smiled again. “Why are you here, Ryan?”

“I don’t like you working late.”

“I know.”

“I want you to stop, but I’m not going to ask you to. If you want to have some extra money just for yourself that’s fine, but now that I’m making more at the shop I don’t think you need to work so hard.”

She stared at him for a moment, something flashing in her eyes. It looked like guilt. “Will you dance with me?”

“What?”

“I want to dance. Will you dance with me?”

She was avoiding his question; but she rarely asked him to do anything, so he got up, took her hand and led her to the dance floor.

“I didn’t think you were going to say yes,” she told him as she wrapped her arms around his neck. “You wouldn’t even dance at our reception.”

“Tell me about our wedding.” He slid his hand down her back as they swayed to the slow song playing.

“There’s not much to tell. We ran off and got married at a little chapel in Lubbock. We weren’t even going to have a reception but your mama was so angry at you for not giving me a real wedding you asked her to throw us a party in her backyard. It was nice. All your friends and family came, but you wouldn’t dance with me. I danced with your uncle Fred three times, but I have never danced with you.”

“I’m not him, you know. If I were your husband I would never miss the opportunity to dance with you.”

Her expression turned pained. “Stop saying things like that. I’m going to leave. I have to.”

“It sounds like you’re trying to convince yourself more than you are trying to convince me. It’s okay if you want to stay, Lexy. We can make things work. You know we can.”

“Let’s not talk about this,” she sighed. “Let’s just keep dancing.”

“Fine.” He pulled her closer. “But we have to have this conversation eventually.”

She nodded and shut her eyes and continued to dance.

“Mind if I cut in?” They both looked up to see Georgie standing there. The alcohol on his breath was overwhelming.

“I do,” Lexy replied for him. “I get kinda testy when people try to dance with my husband.”

“Always such a smart mouth, Lexy.” Georgie stared at her lips for a long moment and Ryan could almost read his thoughts. “I thought that would have been fixed by now.”

“It doesn’t need to be fixed,” Ryan said. His hand curled into a fist. “I like it the way it is.” He squeezed Lexy against him. “And I’m too damn selfish to share my wife with anybody. Hell—” He dropped his voice in warning. “I don’t even like anybody looking at her, much less touching her. I’m not sure what I would do if anybody did. I might kill them.”

He remembered what Lexy said about Georgie and how her husband used to turn the other way while Georgie harassed her. Not this time. He was making it crystal clear how he felt about Lexy.

Georgie locked eyes with him. “A lot has changed since you joined up, Ryan.”

“A lot has.”

The music stopped and Lexy pulled away. “I have to get back to work.” She gave him a worried look. “My shift is almost over. You can go home. I’ll be there soon.”

“No. I’ll be here when you’re finished. We’ll go home together.”

She nodded and went back to work.

That left him alone with Georgie. “What are you doing here, Mad Dog? You know the Calloway is for the tame crowd. You should have come out with us tonight.”

“I’m here to make sure my wife gets home, not to have fun.”

“Why?” Georgie frowned at him. “You never used to care before. You know Lexy was working the whole time you were away and nothing happened to her then. Why is she so important now?”

“She’s my wife.”

“And I’m your best friend. I’ve known you longer than her. We’ve been raising hell since we were kids. I’d never thought you would let a woman change you.”

“Change me? I was a drunk before and I hit my wife. If you don’t think that calls for a change I don’t know what does.”

“But you didn’t have to throw away us for her. She’s always thought she was better than everybody else. But she’s not. She’s two steps away from trash, just like—”

Ryan reached out and grabbed Georgie’s shirt. “Watch your fucking mouth,” he said in a low voice. “Just because I won’t hit a woman doesn’t mean I won’t knock the shit out of you.”

The confrontation had caught the attention of a few other dancers. He didn’t want to embarrass Lexy, especially here, so he let go of Georgie’s shirt and smiled. “Stay away from my wife,” he said through his teeth. “Or I’ll break your neck.”

Something changed in Georgie’s face. His dim-witted expression changed to one of cool rage. “You can’t keep up this act for long, Ryan. You’re just like us. You’re going to fuck up and she’s going to leave you. You only have us. We’re your only friends.”

* * *

Someone was moaning—low, deep moans that jarred Lexy out of her sleep and caused her eyes to spring open. They weren’t coming from her. It wasn’t some erotic dream gone awry. The moans were coming from across the hall. From Ryan’s bedroom.