Libertine's Wife (23 page)

“
I don’t know how to feel
about that,” Arianne said softly, feeling a fierce stab of pain to
know how they’d both been tricked.

“
I know how I feel,” Julian
said tightly and his dark eyes filled with anger. “I’ll never
forgive her for that!”

“
She is your mother,
Julian.” Arianne could see he was still furious with his mother’s
interference. “She no doubt did it for your own good.”

“
She did it for herself,
Arianne,” Julian scoffed and shook his head in disgust. “As soon as
she found out Eustace gambled away your dowry, she was determined
we not wed. She did it all for the money! Don’t think it was for
any other reason. Do you think my mother would allow me to wed a
commoner if it weren’t for money?”

“
That is all in the past
now, Julian. You’re married now. You have to try and put it behind
you.” Arianne’s eyes filled with regret. “I know you’re angry, but
you have to let it go.”

“
Every day since, I’ve
thought of nothing but you,” Julian admitted, his dark eyes meeting
hers. “I love you still, Arianne. I never stopped. Seeing you only
reminds me what a fool I was to let you send me away that night. I
gave in too easily to you then, as I do now.”

“
Will you help me,
Julian?”

Julian dragged a hand through his wavy
raven locks in frustration, pacing all the while. “It won’t be the
end of it, Arianne, don’t you see that? He will just want more next
time, and then more. The best thing you can do is just tell your
husband the truth and be done with the lies once and for
all.”

“
And what do you think the
truth will do, Julian?” she asked softly. “Do you think Garret will
look kindly upon me? I have lied to him from the moment Eustace put
him in my bed. I still lie to him to keep him there.”

“
Arianne, do you care for
Ravensford now? Is that why you won’t tell him?” Julian looked
displeased to think she cared for her husband.

“
I believe I do have
feelings for him, Julian,” Arianne replied, seeing how her words
wounded him. “I know how it all began. I don’t understand it
myself. I cannot lose him, as I lost you once, because of Eustace
and the clever lies of others.”

“
If you care for him, you
must tell him the truth. I will give you the five thousand pounds
to hold Eustace off, but it isn’t the end of this. He will come
back.”

Arianne knew the five thousand pounds
only bought her time. Her brother would run through it in weeks,
maybe less. Somehow she had to find a way to tell Garret the truth
and pray he understood why she stayed silent about
Jaime.

“
I could be sent away and
lose my son.” Her tortured gaze fell to her lap where her hands
clenched. “You don’t know how Garret can be when he’s
angry.”

“
He sent you away for years
when you trapped him in the marriage,” Julian pointed out. “How
long do you think he will send you away if you allow Eustace to
tell him all of this first, Arianne? You have no choice but to be
honest with the man, as I see it.”

“
You’re right. I’ve
struggled with this the minute he came back for us.” She wiped at
her tears and sniffled in misery. “I have to tell him.”

“
I will give you the money
this time, only this once. Do not ask again,” he told her and she
gazed at him in gratitude. “I’ll get you a bank draft and be back
in a moment.”

Arianne watched him leave to return to
his study. She wondered how she could get out of this mess she was
once now immersed in. The thought of betraying Garret to keep
Eustace from exposing her secret sickened her.

He returned and handed her the draft.
She put it in her reticule and looked up at him sadly. “Julian, had
I known you were in no danger of losing your estate, my choice
would have been different then. I just wanted you to know that.
Nothing Eustace could have threatened me with would have kept us
apart. I know you think I never stood up to him. If not for my
fears for you; I would have.”

“
A pity my mother chose to
keep such news to herself until after your marriage.” His dark eyes
filled with resentment and bitter anger.

“
I have a chance to find
some happiness out of all of this,” Arianne said softly, aching at
his anguished words. “I will not lose him as I lost
you.”

“
We both know Eustace will
be back. Do not delay. Tell your husband the truth,” Julian
reminded her, his hand going to squeeze her shoulder in
comfort.

“
This buys me nothing but
time.”

“
Use it wisely,” Julian
advised and kissed her cheek. “I only wish for you to be happy, my
love. If it’s with Ravensford, I can live with it. What I can’t
abide is you giving up anything more for that brother of yours.
This has to end.”

Arianne left then, feeling distraught
to know how deeply Julian still cared for her. She was married to
Garret. He was married to Drusilla. While he was obviously
miserable in his marriage, she had been recently encouraged to
pursue her own.

After seeing how unhappy Julian was,
Arianne wished she could go back in time; undo all that clever
words and greed had torn asunder. It was very much too late. Even
the truth wouldn’t save her now.

~ ~ ~

Arianne’s new wardrobe arrived the
following week, and with it another mountain of invitations. She
found her days to be busy ones, making endless calls, meeting a
number of ladies she found delightful company.

Her favorite was undeniably Lady
Cosgrove, Martin Devere’s widowed mother. Amanda Devere was many
years older, but a kindred spirit. She liked her immediately,
pleased to find a friend at last. She spent much time with the dear
old woman. Garret approved her choice as though he’d made it
himself.

Her husband was delighted the
reappearance of his wife sparked such interest, saying it was
promising. Garret cared little for society, but said it was a
necessary evil. He encouraged her efforts with charitable
organizations as well.

Garret was so attentive now she could
hardly recognize the bitter, angry man she married. He insisted
they take their meals in their room each night, making her blush to
recall he could hardly keep his hands off her to finish a
meal.

They spent time at the park with their
son each day. Garret took her on long carriage rides throughout the
city, pointing out the sights to her. He insisted on taking her out
each evening to the theatre, or some other entertainment to amuse
her.

The feelings she felt for him were
growing more each day, despite their beginnings. She realized it
with a feeling of desperation. The deepening intimacy they shared
was proving to be her undoing. He asked for her complete trust in
his bed. She gave it to him, allowing him the control he desired.
For that, he began to trust her too, and open up about his unsavory
past.

Garret never spoke of such things
before to any other woman, she was sure. He told her everything,
and left nothing out. He was prepared for her disgust and dismay.
She merely held him, listening to the torment he knew as a child,
and later as a young adult. She felt sorry for his parent’s
treatment of him, and attributed that to what made him as he
was.

Without Lord Cosgrove and Thomas Helms
in his life during that time, he didn’t know how he would have
survived, he’d told her, without a trace of bitterness. She
realized much about her husband then. He trusted very few people
with his feelings. The fact he trusted her enough to share such
matters with her told her without words how he was beginning to
feel for her.

The closeness between them evolved into
something she could have never foreseen or ever imagined. One might
have argued she gave up a part of herself to him, but she had no
regret of its loss. A part of her knew this complex man she was
married to would have it no other way.

He chose her clothing for her each day
from head to toe, gave her more books of his own to read, decided
on whatever activities she engaged in socially. She no longer cared
he managed every facet of her existence. She gave herself up to his
handling, appreciative of his efforts.

At night, he brought her to the edge of
her sensuality, opening her eyes to a world of new sensations and
experiences. There was nothing she wouldn’t do for him. There was
never any regret when she gave in to his desires. The gratification
she felt outweighed her inner turmoil she lost herself to
him.

Her fears Julian would guess the truth
about Jaime proved to be silly. He had no reason to suspect Jaime
was his. He insisted she return to see him and bring her child,
under the guise she and his wife were friends. Arianne did it,
realizing how it would look if Garret found out Lady Vale was not
in London.

Arianne felt she owed Julian her
friendship now, knowing he wanted far more from her than that. She
wouldn’t betray her husband. They had luncheon, went on walks in
his gardens. He never pressed her for more, but she saw the desire
in his eyes.

She knew these meetings would be
suspect if it was known she went there alone and without a servant
to chaperone them. Julian solved her dilemma by allowing his
servants liberty during her visits so no gossip would be created.
To see him coddle her son during their visits brought tears to her
eyes that she couldn’t tell him the truth.

Garret grew more trusting of her each
day. He was solicitous of her feelings. He had an alarming knack of
knowing her moods. His means of lightening them made for rousing
bouts of laughter.

They conversed on many matters. He
enlightened her of much of what went on in the world, seemed to
listen and care about her opinions. He sat for her and allowed her
to sketch him, sometimes in their bed. She filled whole tablets
with pictures of him. She enjoyed his praise as he reviewed her
work, saying she had considerable talent.

Arianne was free to argue with him,
something she never saw herself doing. Garret seemed to taunt her
and enjoy making her angry, if only to arouse her. Speaking her
mind wasn’t something she’d ever been free to do. It didn’t come
naturally to her, and for that her husband provoked her constantly,
drawing her natural hesitancy out of her.

Arianne couldn’t see her life without
him, felt desperate to get from under the threat of her brother.
She struggled to find some way of telling him the truth. She would
be free of Eustace’s hold over her if she only had the courage to
face Garret. She thought she would go mad from the guilt she felt,
hating herself for what she did to keep Garret from learning her
secret.

Garret was hands on with Jaime, nearly
elbowing her out of the way to see to him each morning. She was
touched he’d taken such an interest when most men of his class
hardly paid their children any heed. The love he had for his son
was evident in his gaze. Seeing them together made her feel despair
to know the truth.

He doted on Jaime, hinted at wanting
more just like him. Many more, he said, with a gleam in his eyes.
That was also a fact made clear recently. She faced her pregnancy
with despair and joy, knowing he would be pleased.

Eustace got his money and left her
alone. It was over a month since she got the funds from Julian.
Garret believed her when she claimed a liking for Lady Vale, whom
she had yet to meet. Garret never questioned her visits to Vale
Manor. She went to see Julian twice weekly. Her former lover soon
reminded her of what she stood to lose if she put off telling her
husband. Every time she went, he insisted she played with fire when
he learned she had yet to confess to her husband.

The Ravensford’s had many engagements
those first weeks when the Season began. Garret squired her to each
of them, introducing her to all those key members of society. She
knew making a good impression was paramount and needn’t have
worried.

Her success was seen at the onset in
her husband’s proud gaze as she received nods from every dignified
name in his sect. The Marchioness of Ravensford was fast becoming
one of the most sought after guests from then on. Garret bemoaned
his wife’s success when he collected her from being waylaid at
every event.

At night, he came to her with such
daring passion, she wept in his arms, overwhelmed with her need for
him. His antics in the bedchamber never failed to arouse her. She
was soon surrendering to his hidden desires, giving herself over to
whatever game or titillation he had in mind.

They didn’t talk of their feelings for
one another. Arianne knew she fell in love with her husband. His
feelings for her still remained a mystery. He didn’t tell her how
he felt about her. She was encouraged he showed her how he felt in
an unspoken way, but feared to discover he merely enjoyed their
time in his bedchamber.

Arianne couldn’t ignore what she must
do any longer. The child she carried weighed heavily on her. This
child could very well be a son; Garret’s son, and his true heir.
That was another truth she hated to realize with a need to make
matters right. Jaime couldn’t claim Vale or Ravensford. Her telling
the truth of his paternity would make him illegitimate.

She waited too long to tell Julian and
Garret. She knew that now. It was with much trepidation she
approached the study door these days with determination, only to
walk away and lose her nerve.