Liberate Yourself (The Desires Unlocked Trilogy Part One) (20 page)

When Valentina arrives, it is Leonardo, not Raquel, who greets her. Valentina finds herself feeling glad to see him; she can’t think why.

‘Good evening, Valentina,’ he says. ‘You are looking very nice.’

‘So are you,’ she replies smartly.

He is dressed more casually tonight, in a forest green shirt that brings out the hazel in his brown eyes, and figure-hugging blue jeans, slung low and provocatively on his hips. She can smell his Armani again, as it wafts across the hallway.

‘So how did your pictures turn out from last night?’ he asks her.

‘Good,’ she says, not looking him in the eye. ‘I don’t have them with me, though.’

Her series of shots of Rosa and Celia were a success, Valentina thought: really erotic and at the same time very beautiful. The lighting in the room was perfect. It was ironic that the reflections of light on the blue wall created dappled patterns upon the girls’ skin, as if they were actually underwater, just like the name of the room – Atlantis – implied; just like her dream. The last shot was of the two of them, bound by the lace scarf, looking like vintage bondage twins. After that, there were no more pictures. After that, Valentina is not sure what happened . . .

‘Well let me tell you about who you will be photographing tonight.’ Leonardo scrutinises her, his eyes darkening. Maybe he knows? Did those girls tell him?

‘Okay.’ She nods, feeling unusually bashful as she fiddles with the strap of her camera bag.

‘We have two friends of mine, Nicky and Anna. It is a bondage scenario. Anna is a dominatrix.’

He leads the way down the staircase, pausing outside the leather door of the Velvet Underworld.

‘I thought it best that they already got started, so they are in character. You can just slip in and take some pictures. They know you are coming, but they are more comfortable if you don’t interfere.’

‘Oh, okay . . .’ Does he know about her ‘interference’ with Rosa and Celia, then? Has she broken some kind of rule?

‘Once you are introduced to the visible possibilities of such a scene, you can of course create your own scenario . . . maybe next time?’

He looks at her, his dark gaze penetrating her yet again.

‘I can see by your outfit that you have a flair for the theatrical.’

His eyes travel the length of her, and she can’t help imagining him unzipping her suit and pulling down her hot pants. She manages to show no emotion in her face, but she can feel her nipples hardening, and from the smile on his face he has seen them too, pushing against her thin nylon top. He pauses for a second, just long enough for her to wonder what could happen between them, before turning away, opening the door a crack and peeking into the room. He turns back and puts a finger to his lips, indicating for her to enter. She squeezes past him, aware of his strong thighs as her bare legs brush against him.

‘Don’t worry, Valentina,’ he whispers. ‘We don’t go in for extreme torture here.’

She hesitates. What is the difference between normal torture and extreme torture? What is she going to witness in this room? Is it going to frighten her? Repulse her? Or, almost worse, is she going to get turned on by what she sees? It is too late to back out now. She can feel Leonardo urging her on. She will just have to cope with whatever is inside.

The Velvet Underworld appears bigger than last time. It is also darker. Most of the lights are on very low. The room is full of dark blood shadows. She lets her eyes adjust and fixes the settings on her camera, almost afraid to look past it at the two figures at the end of the room. A spotlight suddenly switches on, and illuminates the wooden cross she saw the other day. She sees a naked man strapped to it, his face concealed by a mask that leaves just a small opening for his mouth. In front of him, with her back to her, stands a very tall woman dressed in an incredible bondage costume. Her lower half is naked apart from some kind of armour strapped to the front of one leg. She wears a breastplate, which covers one side of her torso, and a belt around her waist that goes below her crotch to come up between her legs and sit on the small of her back in a small oval of leather. The cheeks of her bottom are bare. She has black hair that is tied high up on her head in a ponytail. She looks like some kind of futuristic fetish pirate queen. In her hand is a whip that she suddenly cracks against the floor, causing both Valentina and the naked man to flinch.

How to make this erotic? As far as Valentina is concerned, the scene looks corny. A stereotype of everything she has ever
believed about S&M. Well, she is here now, witnessing these two people in their private fantasy. She should try her best to create something good. She slips around the woman, Anna, and crouches down between them, takes out her light meter. To her surprise, Anna looks directly at her. She has broad cheekbones and wide slanted eyes. She gives Valentina a Cheshire cat grin.

‘Welcome, Valentina,’ she says.

Valentina stares at her in shock. Didn’t Leonardo say not to interfere with the subjects? How come Anna is acknowledging her?

Anna flicks her whip skilfully so that it flips gently across the skin of the man, Nicky.

‘We have a guest.’ She addresses him in an icy voice. ‘She is here to witness your punishment, and your humiliation.’

Nicky says nothing in reply, but Valentina can’t help noticing that he has an erection. She wonders whether Theo would find it erotic being tied up by this dominatrix.

Anna drops her whip on the floor and struts over to Nicky. She is holding something in her hand, but Valentina can’t make out what it is. She bends down and licks Nicky’s nipples, while stroking his penis. Then she takes two tiny pincers from her hand and attaches them to his nipples. Valentina sees Nicky wince.

‘Today, Nicky, because we have a visitor, I am going to be very good to you,’ says Anna, kneeling down and rubbing his penis against her one bare breast. Valentina watches as Anna
puts Nicky’s penis inside her mouth, stroking his balls with her other hand. She keeps snapping away. It’s the only thing that stops her from fleeing from the room. She feels voyeuristic. Shouldn’t this be private? But then Leonardo wanted her to record what really happens in his world. And it’s not too bad, is it? He may be tied up, but Nicky is now being pleasured rather than hurt. Just as she is thinking this, however, just as she hears Nicky’s breathing getting heavier with anticipation, Anna stops sucking him and pulls back. She wipes her mouth dramatically.

‘Well now, that’s enough of that,’ she says, winking at Valentina. ‘Remember you are my slave, Nicky, not the other way around.’

She picks up the whip again, and before Valentina has time to think, she suddenly lashes out and strikes Nicky. He emits a muffled scream. Oh, she’s not so sure about this. Anna strikes Nicky again, very close to his penis. Valentina feels faint. How can he enjoy that? Yet to her surprise she can see that he is still stimulated. In fact she can hear him panting.

‘That’s right, take your punishment like a man,’ growls Anna.

She strikes Nicky again, and Valentina can see red welts rising on his skin. No, she doesn’t like this, not one bit. She picks up her camera and begins to back out of the room. Anna catches her, though, lunging at her with her free arm and digging her nails into her flesh.

‘What’s wrong?’ she asks, a wicked gleam in her eyes. ‘Too much for you?’

‘No, it’s just I think I have enough pictures . . . The lighting isn’t great.’

Anna stares at her, and then laughs.

‘I see,’ she says. ‘Who would you rather be, me or him?’ She nods at Nicky, a gleeful look on her face.

Valentina doesn’t answer, trying to pull away from the other woman.

‘Oh yes, you have submissive written all over you. You don’t like to see a man like this, do you? Well, my dear, it’s more fucked up the other way around, don’t you think?’

Valentina falls into the hallway, hugging her camera to her chest. She crouches down on the floor, trying to calm herself. She hates what she witnessed just now. It made her feel ill to see that woman hurting that man. Yet she knows in her heart that what Anna said to her is true. She brings her knees up to her chest, and breathes deeply. She is facing the door of the Dark Room. She stares at it intently. She can see her distorted reflection on its metal surface. She looks like a small child hiding from the big bad wolf.
What goes on in there
?

‘Valentina, are you all right?’ It is Leonardo. He is standing on the bottom stair, looking at her with a concerned expression on his face.

She pulls herself up, tries to compose herself.

‘Yes, I’m fine. I just felt a little unwell. I needed some air.’
She knows her lies are transparent, yet to her surprise he doesn’t mock her.

‘I’m sorry,’ he says, looking apologetic. ‘Maybe it was a bit much for you?’

‘Yes,’ she replies honestly. ‘I think so.’

He offers her his hand.

‘Come on, have a drink. You’ll feel better.’

She doesn’t resist, letting him lead her upstairs into his sterile office. He opens a cabinet behind the desk and produces a bottle of red wine and two glasses.

‘I’ve got a good bottle of Ripasso here,’ he says smoothly. ‘I’ve been looking for someone to share it with.’

Valentina puts her camera down on his desk and sits on the cream couch, still feeling a little foolish. She gratefully takes a glass and has a sip. The wine is rich and plummy. She feels a little better already. Leonardo circles the room, wine glass in hand, before sitting on his desk facing her. They don’t speak for a few minutes.

‘You look a little better now,’ he says eventually. ‘You were as white as a sheet.’

‘Thank you for the wine,’ she replies, taking another sip. ‘Sorry,’ she adds. ‘I didn’t realise I was such a lightweight.’

‘I wouldn’t say that. Not according to Rosa and Celia, anyway.’

Valentina feels herself colouring with embarrassment. Whatever happened to discretion? She wonders which of the two women spilled the beans.

Leonardo smiles at her, his eyes creased in amusement.

‘Celia is an old friend,’ he says in explanation, as if reading her thoughts. ‘How did you find it?’ he adds softly.

Valentina looks into his eyes and it dawns on her that he is not asking her out of prurience, but out of interest, as if he does actually care whether she enjoyed herself or not.

‘It was fun,’ she says, unwittingly echoing Theo’s words from his email.

Leonardo raises an eyebrow as if expecting her to say more.

‘It was very erotic,’ she says slowly. ‘And it took me somewhere . . . inside myself . . .’ She hesitates. ‘It was confusing.’

‘How so?’ Leonardo asks, straining forward as if he wants to catch her every word.

‘Well, I never expected to be so turned on by women. I mean, does that mean I am gay or bisexual now?’

Leonardo sighs, looking her straight in the eye.

‘How I hate all this labelling. Hetereosexual. Homosexual. Bisexual. Asexual. Sadist. Masochist.’ He lists them off on his fingers one by one, pausing for a moment. ‘Narcissist . . .’ The last word lingers nastily in the air between them.

He stands up again and goes to join her on the couch. He is so close to her now that she can see the dark hairs peeking out from the top of his dark green shirt.

‘I believe that it is impossible to define a person’s sexuality by a specific label. Our sexuality is multifaceted, constantly changing and evolving. It can be a source of great joy, and
also a place where we re-enact our deepest fears.’

‘So I am not anything, then? Just because I made love with two women’ – saying it out loud seems even more fantastical to Valentina than the actual memory of it – ‘it doesn’t change me?’

‘Well of course it changes you.’ Leonardo leans forward and looks at her earnestly. She can feel his breath on her lips as he talks. ‘Through sex we can actually purge ourselves. Become new again. Sex can be the purest, most innocent communication between two souls, and at the same time the darkest, most abusive interaction between two humans.’

He leans back, nursing his wine between his hands, his eyes shining so that Valentina thinks he looks like some kind of idealistic prophet, rather than the owner of a fetish club.

‘At the end of the day, what we are trying to do here is learn about trust. My clients come here for so many different reasons.
Some
of them, Valentina, are in love with their spouses, yet they come here to have sex with strangers so that they can return to the marriage bed with new, liberated energy.’

‘You don’t really believe that, do you?’ Valentina exclaims angrily. ‘That’s bullshit. You are just giving people an excuse to cheat on their partners.’

‘What is the best kind of relationship, Valentina?’ Leonardo asks, head cocked on one side. ‘Isn’t it best to be honest with yourself, and admit that no one owns anyone? What kills love is not infidelity, but jealousy.’

It occurs to her that Leonardo’s words could be her own. Deep down she does agree with him. But she hates lies and deceit.

‘I guess it’s okay if both partners agree, but I don’t think it’s right if someone cheats behind the other person’s back.’

‘Of course not, Valentina. I believe in honesty as well.’

He gets up again to refill their wine glasses.

‘So,’ he says slowly, ‘back to tonight. Did you manage to take any photographs of Anna and Nicky?’

She shakes her head apologetically.

‘One or two . . . but I just found the whole thing . . .’ She struggles to come up with the right word. She doesn’t want to be judgemental. ‘Not very sexy . . . I couldn’t find the eroticism in the scene.’

‘Obviously you are not a dominatrix. Sorry for the label.’ He grins at her, and she relaxes slightly. He is not going to make her go back inside. Thank God. ‘Otherwise you would have found what Anna was doing extremely sexy.’

‘I am afraid I didn’t, not at all. It’s hard for me to create erotic pictures when—’

‘You find the subject matter unattractive,’ he interrupts, looking pensive now. ‘I can absolutely understand that.’

Leonardo rings the top of his wine glass with his index fingertip. Valentina can’t help looking at his long, elegant finger, wondering how it might feel on her skin. What is she thinking? This is a purely professional relationship. Is this
what being parted from Theo is doing to her? Driving her crazy with frustration?