Libera Me (11 page)

Inhale.

My bike spins, leaps, crashes.

Exhale.

Nessa screams for help.

Inhale.

I slip under the water as I try to help her.

Exhale.

Azza laughs.

The images come in rapid succession, painting a different picture of the night.

“You okay in there?”

His voice orients me. I open my eyes and walk to the living room. The sun hangs low in the sky as the day slips into night. There are no clouds, no rain, no evidence of the storm raging through my thoughts.

I stare at the stranger. Tall and pale, his hair and eyes different from my memories.

“Abe. We go to the same school. Eastgate High.”

“And what happened?”

“You took off like a crazy person from school. I followed you to make sure you were okay and you crashed. I brought you and your bike back here, though I obviously should’ve taken you to the hospital.”

His version of the events rings false. I open my mouth to tell him exactly that when he speaks again.

“Oh! And your phone’s been going crazy.” He reaches into his pocket. “Here. It should have been smashed in that crash. You’re one lucky freak, man.”

I somehow doubt luck has anything to do with this.

I grab my phone. Nessa. She’s called nine times. Texted twice…

Sorry

Where R U?

“Thanks,” I grumble as I walk Abe to the door. “I think I need to rest now. I appreciate the help.”

“No problem. See you at school.” Abe pulls the door closed.

“Wait,” I say, opening the door again.

Nothing.

Abe is gone.

My recollection of the day gets no clearer as the night progresses. If anything, it’s worse. I text and call Nessa, but there is no response. I pace the apartment, searching my mind for clues to events I can’t be certain ever occurred.

Did Nessa spend the night in my arms?

Did I dream of the Beast?

Did I see Lorelei reborn?

I know the answers too fast. I’m going crazy. It’s the only explanation that makes sense. I grab the journal, rereading the last few pages. I remember writing about Nessa and my fears. Remember writing about the Beast and my nightmares.

At least that actually happened.

I open to a fresh page, again pouring my doubts onto the page. I no longer doubt my love for Nessa. Regardless of who she was, I know I love her now.

But I have doubts about me and the Beast that lives inside.

The monster that hunts me from within.

Page after page I write, confessing the things I’m too afraid to say aloud. Fear and paranoia rise through me with every word. My shoulders tighten, as do my lungs.

I can scarcely breathe. A familiar thirst settles in the back of my throat. I close the book and put it away. I’m not ready to deal with any more of these emotions. These fears.

Not tonight.

I flip on the TV, hoping to fade into emptiness. But every person on the screen ignites my craving. I want what I shouldn’t; I want their souls, their death.  I walk into the other room, attempting to stem the well of anguish gnawing away at me.

“This isn’t real,” I say to the growing threat.

But I know better. The Beast is real.

Too real.  

And it’s wakening in me.

Maybe I’m the danger I fear, the danger to Nessa.

“No!”

My voice rattles the pictures of us that adorn the walls. I can’t be a threat to her.

Never her.

Only to Azza.

     
Azza
.

I’ve avoided thinking about him over the last several months, afraid that allowing his essence back into my head is like allowing him back into me.

Into my soul.

That is, until now. Now I can’t prevent these thoughts flooding through me, can’t avoid the fire and ash that clings to me.

Or ignore the marks that continually burn.

Chapter 16 – Mythos

Zane

I rush through time and space, swirling in a vortex toward home. The girl’s words stay in my thoughts, feeding my apprehension.

Find her. Find her soon
.

The warning is clear; Nesy is in danger. But from whom?

I think of Azza. The smoke. Both have reason to harm her and Aydan. Unless I can stop them.

How?

I close my eyes and direct my thoughts to Mikayel. He’ll know what to do. He has to. The portal opens abruptly. But it isn’t Mikayel I find at the door.

It’s Gabriel.

Clocked in his emerald garbs, his arms cross over his chest revealing an uncharacteristic tension. His auburn hair hangs in waves down his shoulders as he clenches his jaw. There is nothing calm about him now.

“Zanethios,” he says as I walk from the portal into my chambers. “I have been waiting for you.”

He looks more like Mikayel now, stoic and threatening.

“Sir?”

“Cassiel told us about the girl, Vanessa. She told us of your encounter.”

“Oh.” There are no other words I can say. I violated his wishes and put myself in danger. My actions will not go unpunished.

Nor should they.

“You are not in trouble with the Council, Zanethios. Only me.”

Somehow that’s worse. So much worse.

“Tell me, why did you not trust me enough to speak your concerns?”

“I do trust you, Master. Completely.”

“Then why did you not speak with me? Why risk your position in the order? Your existence?”

“I wanted to be certain first, sir; certain that my musings had substance. That they were not trivial.”

“Your concerns are far from trivial if they’re motivating you to violate orders. Or risk your life. This isn’t like you, Zanethios. You don’t take risks like this, not since Nesayiel left us.”

He pauses for a moment and his face starts to relax.

“Ah, so that’s it,” he says. “This is about Nesayiel. You believe that girl to be her.”

“I do.”

“There’s more.” It was not a question.

“Yes. She’s more than human, Master. I think she is a Seer. Like Lorelei.”

“Interesting.”

“Or…” I can’t bring myself to speak my fears.

“Or?”

“Or she’s something else. Something dangerous.”

“Speak plainly, Zanethios. What is it you know?”

I consider the question as doubt seeps into my thoughts. He’s going to think I’m crazy.

Maybe I am.

“Master, I went into the girl’s thoughts. Nesy’s thoughts.”

“And?”

“They were too vacant for a human. There were no memories. Nothing of her past.”

“You mean nothing of Nesy’s history.”

“No. Nothing at all. No recent memories of any form. No past thoughts. Nothing. Just a blank slate. And yet, she fought like a Sentinal against her human attackers. She would have killed them if given the chance.”

Gabriel pinned me with his stare as I felt his mind touch mine. “Is there more?”

“She spoke the ancient prayers, sir. And she could see me in angelic form. Really
see
me.”

“Anything else?” he asks, still staring through me.

“No.” I hesitate on the last word, drawing it out longer than I should.

“No?” Gabriel’s mind lingers in mine

“I don’t know. There’s just something wrong. Very wrong. That’s why I came back, to ask Mikayel—”

“About the demonic smoke. The deal you struck.” Gabriel retreats from my thoughts.

“Yes.” I look down, shame flooding through me. I never should have obeyed Mikayel’s orders without consulting Gabriel. Never should have…

“The past cannot be undone, Zanethios. But we must determine if our future is now at risk.”

Gabriel releases a heavy sigh. “Come. We must find Mikayel.”

The Sentinal’s tower feels empty now that Nesy’s gone. There’s no life in the chamber, no familiar scent of vanilla and sunshine, no laughter. I want to turn and run away, pretend that Nesy is on a mission and not gone from this place.

But a fantasy will not help me now.

I swallow back the longing that rises through me and tuck away my thoughts. Gabriel shoots a glance in my direction, smiles and nods.

I hate that he knows everything about me.

We approach Mikayel’s study at the end of the corridor.

“Mikayel, brother? May we have a word?”

The room is as cold as it ever is. Unchanging, just like everything in Celestium. I walk in, anger clouding through my thoughts. It’s as if Nesy’s life meant nothing to them.

It meant everything to me.

Mikayel stands by the window, his back to us. He’s dressed in armor that reflects the gold of his skin. Nothing about him is at peace. Nothing about him is relaxed.

I approach slowly as a strange memory teases up through the maze of my thoughts. Me and Nesy, here, bargaining for her life. A chill spreads across my arms and wings. I thought the smoke took these memories away. But this one feels fresh and new, as though I am living it now.

I hear the sound of her voice, the strange melancholy tones that mix with a palpable desperation. I feel her hand in mine as I try to control her emotions. Anxiety washes over me as I recall the moments that passed when Mikayel decided her fate, remembering the relief that coated the air when he allowed her to return to Aydan.

And then I remember how she died.

I draw a stiff breath as anger tenses my wings and back.

Anger for Aydan and all that he is.

Anger for Mikayel and what he’s forced me to become.

Anger for Nesy and the price of her love.

“Your contempt is not welcome here.” Mikayel’s voice chases the memory away. “Best you learn to manage your emotions better.”

“Cut him some slack, Mikayel. His frustration is born of your task.”

Mikayel stiffens in response to Gabriel's admonishment.

“Why are you here?” Mikayel asks.

I swallow back my reply, attempting to control my anger. Gabriel places a hand on my shoulder, instantly calming my thoughts.

“Zanethios has some questions about the demonic smoke. Things he should have asked before doing your bidding.” Gabriel shoots me a stern look. “But better late than never, yes?”

Again Mikayel stiffens. He balls his fists at his sides, his jaw clenched. “What do you wish to know?” he asks through gritted teeth.

Gabriel nudges me forward. The words refuse to form. I center my thoughts, forcing the letters to gel. “The demonic smoke,” I manage to say. “It isn’t part of Azzaziel’s realm, is it?”

“That is correct. As I told you before, it is neither part of this realm, nor is it part of Azzaziel.” Mikayel’s gaze bores into me. “Is there more?”

“Yes. One more.” I swallow hard.  “What is it, the smoke? Where did it come from? Why did it owe you a favor?”

The questions come out too fast, each one robbing something from Mikayel. His face shifts from stoic to angry to defeated within a single heartbeat.

“That is three questions.” There is more than words in his reply.

Accusations and distrust cling to my skin.

“Zanethios requires answers to each one, Mikayel. He has done your task and now he requires your help. It is fair.”

Mikayel glares at Gabriel, his eyes narrowing dangerously. “Fine. I will answer them. But before I can, how much did Nesy tell you about my history with Azzaziel?”

“I know that you were both friends, that you were both Guardians. And I know that he killed many angels, including a member of the Council. And someone you loved.”

“Yes,” he whispers, his voice suddenly weak. He lowers his head and sighs.

“I know that his actions caused the War That Has No End.”

A silence engulfs the distance between us. I’m compelled to shatter it, desperate for a truth he refuses to acknowledge.

“And,” I say. “I know that your hatred of each other nearly killed Nesy.”

Mikayel’s head snaps up. He glares are me.

“Careful you remember your place, Zanethios.” Gabriel’s words exude an uninvited calm.

“Yes, Master.”

“Go on Mikayel. Tell the boy about the demonic smoke.” Gabriel smiles at Mikayel, reaching into his thoughts, I’m certain.

“Yes, fine. Azzaziel and I were friends once. And yes, our battle has cost many lives.”

“Tell me about the smoke,” I say. “What is it? And why did it owe you a favor?”

“The demonic smoke is like nothing you’ve ever encountered. It is part of a race long since gone.”

“Gone? There were more entities like the smoke?”

“Not exactly; it is the only one, special even amongst its own race.”

“Its own race? I don’t understand.”

“A long time ago, in the ancient times, our battle was not with the UnHoly, but with the Jinn.” Mikayel’s gaze grows distant. “Azzaziel…he is to blame for the extinction of that species. All but the smoke.” His eyes dampen as he swallows back the tide of emotions surfacing in his eyes. “The smoke, alone, holds the essence of its race within its mind. It is all that remains.”

“He annihilated an entire race?” I ask in shock. I knew that Azzaziel’s powers were strong; heard that he fancied himself the demolisher of
lesser
species. But I never really thought it was true—never believed that he would, he could, commit such an act.

“He wanted their power,” Mikayel continued. “He needed it to survive. Theirs were the first souls he drank when the Beast was awakened in him. They nourished him.” He turns away. “I was young then and newly commissioned to the Council. While I trained a new army to take on Azzaziel, he killed the species that gave him life. By the time Sariel and the Guardians discovered the truth, it was too late. The Jinn were destroyed; all but the keeper of the archives.”

“The demonic smoke,” I whisper.

“Yes.”

Mikayel turns back toward us, his expression hard once more. “It is a vile creature, just as the Jinn were; committed to nothing but deception. Power. But it is a sentient being, and as such, it did not deserve its fate.”

This history is not in the lessons I learned when I was young.

“I saved the smoke from Azza and brought it here.”