Lexington Connection (33 page)

“Well, come on in, don’t just stand there,” Diana said crossly as she took the pizza and set it on the table that separated the kitchen from the living room. “What are you doing here?”
Is Kentucky trying a new tactic sending you?
But she decided that was just her distrust and suspicious mind.

Jessie closed the door behind her as she glanced around the small apartment. “Oh, I’m traveling through. Thought I’d stop and look you up.”

“Traveling through? Where’re you heading?” Diana turned back to face Jessie, drinking in the sight of her. Her delight at seeing Jessie warred with her suspicion and resentment. The last time had been when Diana delivered her and Julie to the lawyer’s office, and under normal conditions, that probably would have been the last of it. However, considering the role Jessie had played in her life, she hadn’t been able to let her memory go. Thoughts of Jessie had preyed on her mind a lot in the past three years. Preyed: what an appropriate word.

Jessie stood just inside the door, not moving further into the living room. Diana knew she could see the entire apartment, small kitchen with an altar table separating it from the living room, the two small bedrooms at the far end, a doorway leading to the bathroom.

Quite a change, isn’t it?
Diana thought, but pride kept her from saying,
Not like the luxury of the cabin or hotel rooms we shared, is it?

“Ocala,” Jessie finally answered. She turned a questioning gaze back to Diana.

“Seems like you’re close enough you could have made it. It’s only a couple of hours further down the road.” Diana moved over to her desk and started to search for her cigarettes. Months had passed since she’d had one, but she knew there was a pack in there somewhere. Ahhh, there they were.

“Am I stressing you?” Jessie asked as she eyed the cluttered roll-top desk, the bulletin board on the wall beside it. “I don’t mean to.”

“Of course not.” Diana picked up the lighter and bent her head to light the cigarette and then tossed the lighter down. She turned back to Jessie, curious but not enough to ask,
Why the hell are you showing up now?

“I promised Nicki if I got close to Tallahassee, I’d look you up,” Jessie explained as if she had heard Diana’s question.

Nice you promised Nicki.
“Why?” In spite of trying to keep her voice neutral, the question came out sharp and demanding.
Why even bother after all this time?

Jessie leaned back against the door. She looked a little surprised, but Diana could almost see her thinking that soon they’d be talking like they always had, like old times.

“Old times,” Jessie said. She glanced around the apartment, taking in the two bedrooms. “You living alone now?” Diana gave her an appraising look. “I remember Nicki told me she thought you might be with someone but she wasn’t sure.”

“Kelly and I split up about eight months ago.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m not. I gave her a raw deal. She deserves better.”

“Hmm.” Jessie moved over to sit on the arm of the chair beside the door. “Where’s Margaret?”

“In Europe.”

Diana pulled the desk chair out with a jerk and sat down. “All right, Jessie. What do you want?”

Jessie pulled back, surprise on her face. “Just a conversation.” She frowned, tilted her head as if in puzzlement, as if Diana had ripped up her script. The openness faded from her eyes and the guarded expression appeared as if it were finally dawning on her that perhaps Diana wasn’t so happy to see her. This time Diana kept quiet and let Jessie fill the silence. “We haven’t talked in a long time.”

Diana still didn’t say anything, didn’t look away, but refused to speak.

“We used to have a lot to say to each other,” Jessie said after several moments had passed.

“Did we? As I recall, we usually went right to bed,” Diana said coldly.

“Not always,” Jessie protested quietly. She waited a moment and then started again, this time on a different tact. “Nicki tell you she was pregnant?”

“No. The last thing I got from her was a Christmas card.”

“Baby’s due in early December.”

Diana made no response.

“Did you know Julie and the clinic got some big award?”

“No.”

Jessie sat there and searched Diana’s face, frowning at Diana’s coldness.

“Now that you have totally exhausted all conversation about people we mutually know, was there something else you wanted to say?”

Jessie looked down at the beige rug and then looked up. “I know I never called.”

“I noticed.”

“I probably should have,” Jessie went on.

“So? You didn’t.” Diana ground out her cigarette.
I only saved your life. Not once. Twice. Can’t imagine why you might call.
She ignored the thought buried even deeper.
Never mind that I loved you.

“You know, we never got a chance to talk about everything that happened.”

“I know.” Diana pulled out another cigarette but only played with it.
Like, whose fault is that?
“I’ve been so busy for the past few years that I just couldn’t find the time to fit such a minor conversation like that into my schedule.”

Jessie drew back as if she had been slapped. “You know,” she started again, still in a mild voice, “my therapist explained to me that sarcasm usually hides a hint of anger.”

Diana thought about the statement for a minute.
A therapist. That’s interesting.
She finally nodded. “Your therapist might be right. Of course, I didn’t need to go to a therapist to figure that out. I simply pinned images up and used them for target practice.” She turned to watch Jessie to see how she was responding.

Jessie paled and her nostrils flared as she took a deep breath. “You’re angry with me,” she said after a moment.

“Your hearing’s improved.”

“I was afraid to contact you because I didn’t know how it would look, what it would cost me on the job. I was afraid it would cast doubts on my professional integrity.” Jessie said it in an even tone, without looking up at Diana.

“And to think once I admired you for your openness.” Diana shook her head as she ground out the newly lit cigarette. “That might be a  true statement, Jessie. It’s probably even part of the reason.” She stiffly turned back to give Jessie a challenging look. “But I think it’s more likely you didn’t want to feel any gratitude toward the daughter of Czar Randalson for saving your life. Except for me, you’d be nothing but a name on the monument in the city park dedicated to those officers who died in the line of duty.”

Jessie gave a sick little smile as she spread her hands, examined her fingers. “Something my sister reminds me of every year.”

Glad somebody does
. “She sends me a thank you note every year.”

Jessie nodded. “On my birthday.”

“I wondered if that was deliberate timing or just coincidence.”

Jessie seemed to gather herself to start again. “I know I should have called.”

“Why?”

“You saved my life.”

“So? I’m sure anyone in my position, having the connections I did and knowing the danger you were in would have done the same thing.”

Jessie looked up at her in shock, and Diana stared her down. They both knew there had been no one else who would have been able to do what Diana had done.

“I thought you did it because you loved me,” Jessie said in an even quieter voice.

Diana fought down the rage she felt welling up. The past few years had taught her a good deal about not speaking when she was angry. “That’s funny, at the time, I thought so too,” she said finally, bitterly.

This time Jessie avoided looking at her. She shifted her weight in the chair, uncomfortable. “It’s my fault. I should have reached out.”

“That would have been nice.”

“I was afraid to.”

“I never took you for a coward.”

Jessie flinched.

“I take that back,” Diana went on abruptly, pouncing on Jessie’s reaction. She knew she was getting ugly, knew it and couldn’t stop herself. She clenched her hands to control her shaking. “You were a coward when you wouldn’t look for Julie because she might reject you. You were a coward when you held on to her as an ideal instead of moving on and finding someone else. So why wouldn’t you be a coward about calling me after everything I risked to save you?”

Jessie’s head jerked up, her face went white and she jumped to her feet. She advanced a step toward Diana, her hands clenched into fists at her sides.

Probably, Diana thought distractedly, no one had ever called her a coward before. She herself didn’t move. As angry as she was, she would have welcomed a physical struggle. But Jessie stopped after a step.

“Coming here was a mistake,” Jessie said hoarsely through gritted teeth, her eyes narrowed.

“Well, it certainly falls under the category of too little, too late. So why don’t you leave? You can tell Nicki you kept your promise and looked me up. And you can tell her what a mistake it was because I threw you out.” She didn’t even get up from the chair.

“Diana,” Jessie started and her voice was shaking.

“What?!” Diana demanded curtly, feeling the cold anger shut down every other emotion.

This time Jessie heard the cold rage and stepped back. “I came to apologize, to say I’m sorry.” She half raised her hand in appeal.

“Fine. If that’s what you came here to say, you said it. Now leave.”

“Diana, I don’t want it to end like this.”

“It already has. It ended years ago. So now you’ve said your piece. You’ve said you’re sorry. Now leave, just leave.” Diana stood so abruptly the chair fell over backward.

With a hurt and bewildered look, Jessie turned away. When she reached out for the door, she hesitated and started to turn back but stopped. She shook her head and went out the door, closing it softly behind her.

Diana went to the door as soon as it closed and locked it, latched it. She bowed her head against the door, listening, but only heard normal apartment-complex sounds. She heard, but didn’t move to the window to see, a car door slam, the vehicle start and pull away. She could still see the surprise, the shock on Jessie’s face, the hurt from Diana’s attack.

Diana pushed away from the door, wiped the tears away, angry with herself for being ugly with Jessie, angry with Jessie for just dropping by like nothing had changed, that three years of silence hadn’t happened, and just angry with the world. Suddenly the apartment was too small, too confining when she wanted…wanted what?

She went to the phone. “Hey,” she managed to say in a civil tone when there was finally an answer. “I found some energy. You still up for that game? Fine, I’ll meet you at the court.” She glanced at her watch. “Twenty minutes? Okay.”

A quick clothes change, stuff the pizza in the fridge, pull the racquetball bag out of the closet, and she was out the door. She had to remind herself to slow down. She had enough adrenaline to fly over to the park but a speeding ticket would not be good. She put Jessie out of her mind.

Brenda pulled in beside her before she even got out of the car. “Glad you changed your mind,” the trim athletic woman greeted her. “Where’d you find the energy?” Then she stepped back when Diana slammed the Jeep door.

“Out of the past!” Diana snapped.

“Okay.” Brenda retreated another step back from Diana. “I guess you’re more than ready for a good game.”

Good friends, Diana decided, are gold. She knew she was angry and shitty but she also knew Brenda wouldn’t ask anything, at least not right away. Right now, she needed that, and she needed something to drain off all this angry energy without doing something foolish. Brenda was a good player, much better than Diana, except when Diana was pissed. Then her reaction time improved, her strength increased, as if every sense she had were determined to eradicate the ball from existence. On the floor, against the wall, in the air, Diana was determined. They were both winded in short order.

“The ball have a name tonight?” Brenda asked as she bent over, trying to catch her breath. Diana shook her head. “You know, if you could do this when you weren’t pissed, you’d be a decent player.”

Diana gave a short laugh and stretched up. She took a deep cleansing breath, released it. She felt better. “Sorry, Brenda. It’s been a rough week.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Budget cuts,” Diana offered in explanation. “Had to tell one of the interns the position’s cut.”

“Your position safe?”

“Yeah. It’s funded by a grant. I’m good for a year. At least.”

Brenda began to move around, indicating she was ready to start again. “So you’re bushed at five o’clock and by seven you’re ready to whip the world.” Brenda cast a disbelieving eye, and Diana began to stretch.

“Yep.”

“Order your pizza and movie?”

Diana bounced the ball and gave her friend a warning glance. “Just leave it right now, Brenda. Please.”

Brenda gestured with the racquet. “Your serve, my dear.”

Diana slowly began to lose her edge, her energy, and it showed in her play. She finally called it, signifying she’d had enough.

“Want to stop for a beer?” Brenda asked as they packed up. “Or are you really ready to go home and face those four walls?”

“You know I don’t drink beer, Brenda.”

Brenda shrugged and looked noncommittal. She still looked noncommittal when the waitress set the bottle and glass in front of her, the cola in front of Diana, and took their sandwich order.

“I don’t understand human nature,” Diana said slowly. “I’ve waited years for that woman to talk to me in some capacity. So when she drops in, I throw her out.”

“Three years is a long time to wait,” Brenda commented as she poured the beer. “And probably dropping in on you was not the wisest choice.”

Diana gave a humorless sound. “When it comes to personal relationships, Jessie doesn’t always make the wisest choices.” She glanced up but Brenda merely looked at her with a bland expression on her broad face. “I know. I’m not the sharpest tack in the box either,” Diana added, before Brenda might dryly point that out to her.

“We can always see more clearly into someone else’s relationship.”

Diana shook her head in disbelief. “I opened that door and saw her and the years just fell away. I literally couldn’t speak. It was like the whole world disappeared, time didn’t matter, nothing mattered except she was there.” She was lost in the memory of Jessie standing there.