Let's Stay Together (10 page)
Read Let's Stay Together Online
Authors: J.J. Murray
16
“H
e was a fool,” Patrick whispered after reading Lauren’s postscript. “And you don’t have to say please.”
e was a fool,” Patrick whispered after reading Lauren’s postscript. “And you don’t have to say please.”
I couldn’t stop writing to you even if I wanted to.
Lauren:
“Chazz, the Spazz” was a fool. Any man who would even think of hurting you is a fool. Any man who takes you for granted is a fool. Any man who would even think of making you cry is a fool. Any man who jeopardized your life is a fool—and a coward.
If I ever had the chance to speak to him, I’d say, “What the #!%! were you thinking, Chucky? You have to be the dumbest #!%! on earth! Lauren Short is an angel. Are you trying to send yourself straight to hell?”
I would never hurt you, take you for granted, make you cry, or jeopardize your life. I am not a fool or a coward. I just wanted you to know that since we’re “not looking” together and you have to trust your traveling companion. I trust you completely, and I truly enjoy your company.
I have just now decided to memorize Feel the Love. Not your parts, of course. All the other parts. That way we can “talk.”
That is creepy, isn’t it?
Patrick knew it was creepy, but he left it in the e-mail.
Why aren’t I talking to her on the phone? Why don’t I ask for her phone number? But if we’re not looking for new relationships, we shouldn’t be exchanging phone numbers, right? Besides, if I say something creepy by mistake on the phone, I can’t take it back. There’s no backspace button on a phone.
Why aren’t I talking to her on the phone? Why don’t I ask for her phone number? But if we’re not looking for new relationships, we shouldn’t be exchanging phone numbers, right? Besides, if I say something creepy by mistake on the phone, I can’t take it back. There’s no backspace button on a phone.
I just had a discussion with myself. I sometimes do this. It is an occupational hazard of those who are 40, work alone, and live alone. I won the argument. I always do.
I was seriously considering removing all references to memorizing Feel the Love. But then I told myself that perhaps Lauren might think it was sweet.
Please think it is sweet.
I really like “talking” to you.
Patrick
PS: I, too, am all alone, with nothing to do all night . . . . But I do have plenty to do all day. But tomorrow night I’ll have nothing to do . . . . But I’ll have plenty to do the day after tomorrow.... It’s a vicious cycle.
17
H
e is talking to my younger self by memorizing a movie,
Lauren thought.
Hmm. Is that creepy, strange, or sweet? Let’s just call it “sweetly strange.” And what he said about Chucky . . . He’s completely right. Chucky was and is a coward.
e is talking to my younger self by memorizing a movie,
Lauren thought.
Hmm. Is that creepy, strange, or sweet? Let’s just call it “sweetly strange.” And what he said about Chucky . . . He’s completely right. Chucky was and is a coward.
But what does it say about me if I was about to marry that coward?
Patrick:
I talk to myself all the time, too. I usually ignore most of what I say to myself. It’s better that way. I think I’d rather listen to you, if that’s all right. You have so many good things to say. I even sometimes talk to you. Why won’t you answer? Can’t you hear me shouting? : )
I am so glad you’re looking at Feel the Love and not at some of my other movies. I loved doing that one. That script was tight. That cast was stellar. They took me in when I was a rookie and helped me shine. I wish I looked like that again. I had abs and a flat stomach then. I had proportion, you know?
Lauren was relieved that Patrick hadn’t picked
I Got This,
the only movie in which she bared an intimate part of her body.
It was only the
side
of
one
breast. You couldn’t even see the nipple, and yet fourteen years later my mama still won’t talk to me for more than a few seconds because of it. “Oh, you’ve gone Hollywood now,” she told me. “What’s next?
Playboy? Penthouse?
” That was fourteen years ago! Get over it, Mama!
I Got This,
the only movie in which she bared an intimate part of her body.
It was only the
side
of
one
breast. You couldn’t even see the nipple, and yet fourteen years later my mama still won’t talk to me for more than a few seconds because of it. “Oh, you’ve gone Hollywood now,” she told me. “What’s next?
Playboy? Penthouse?
” That was fourteen years ago! Get over it, Mama!
Lauren relaxed her fingers.
Should I mention this problem to Patrick?
Have you seen I Got This? If you haven’t, there’s this one scene where part of my breast is visible. Because of that one scene, my mama won’t talk to me much anymore. She told me I had “gone Hollywood.” What do you think?
Lauren
PS: About my mama, not about my breast. Unless you have an opinion . . . ; ) Remember, I’m all alone, with nothing to do all night . . . and all day . . . and all night . . . and all day . . . and all night. . . . You still get the picture. . . .
Well, look at me fishing for another compliment,
Lauren thought.
Lauren thought.
She hit the SEND button. She bit her lip.
I just asked a man I have never met for his opinion about my problems with Mama and part of a breast I flashed in a movie nearly fourteen years ago. I hope he focuses on my problems with my mama. But what if he doesn’t?
She looked down at her breasts.
You two still look good. The rest of me has sagged, but you two . . .
You two still look good. The rest of me has sagged, but you two . . .
She giggled.
I’m talking to my breasts. What is happening to me?
I do think I’m getting happy.
This man is making me happy to be alive again.
I
am
happy to be alive again.
am
happy to be alive again.
18
P
atrick could barely breathe. He remembered the scene. How could he ever forget it? How could any man with a pulse ever forget it? Fourteen years later even Google still had a screen shot of her partial breast a few rows down from the top on her first search page.
atrick could barely breathe. He remembered the scene. How could he ever forget it? How could any man with a pulse ever forget it? Fourteen years later even Google still had a screen shot of her partial breast a few rows down from the top on her first search page.
That is one sexy almost breast,
he thought.
Should I give her my opinion on it? I shouldn’t. That’s the gentlemanly thing to do, but it’s not the honest thing to do. She wouldn’t have asked unless she wanted to know
exactly
what I thought.
he thought.
Should I give her my opinion on it? I shouldn’t. That’s the gentlemanly thing to do, but it’s not the honest thing to do. She wouldn’t have asked unless she wanted to know
exactly
what I thought.
He made a decision. He would discuss Lauren’s breast and ignore Lauren’s mother.
Because if I talk about her breast, it will be extremely creepy to discuss her mother afterward.
Because if I talk about her breast, it will be extremely creepy to discuss her mother afterward.
Lauren:
You have asked for my opinion on your almost breast, and I am happy to comply.
It is a flawless almost breast. I truly believe it is the most flawless almost breast in cinematic history. I have watched a lot of movies in my life, and I have never seen such a flawless almost breast. Trust me, I have seen almost breasts in hundreds of movies, and none of them could compare to yours. If almost breasts could receive awards, your almost breast would win all of them. I am sure it would make the Almost Breast Hall of Fame. When God made it, He smiled.
It has been my honor to talk about your almost breast. I have tears in my eyes whenever I think about it. I am most certain that the other breast matches the almost breast flawlessly. Thank you for having them. Thank you for sharing that almost breast with the world.
Oh, God, I hope she laughs at that.
He wiped his hands on the bedspread.
I had better continue with other parts of her body. Otherwise, she’ll think I’m fixated.
He wiped his hands on the bedspread.
I had better continue with other parts of her body. Otherwise, she’ll think I’m fixated.
You also have sensational eyes. I don’t know if they’re flawless. I only have a 35-inch TV. :~) They look flawless. And the rest of you is equally flawless.
I need to make something flawlessly clear. I am
not
stalking you. I have long legs, but they aren’t long enough to stalk you from 3,000 miles away.
not
stalking you. I have long legs, but they aren’t long enough to stalk you from 3,000 miles away.
I will, however, secure a copy of I Got This and watch the almost breast scene in slow motion. I hope it’s on Blu-ray. The picture is so much clearer in Blu-ray. I want to see every square millimeter of your almost breast. I may even freeze your almost breast on my TV.
If I have embarrassed you, that was my intent . . . because you kind of embarrassed me when you asked for my opinion about your breast. Lauren, I think you’re . . .
So, do you want to make more movies like that one? Please?
Patrick
19
H
e is such a flirt!
Lauren thought.
I have missed a real man flirting with me.
e is such a flirt!
Lauren thought.
I have missed a real man flirting with me.
She wiped her hands on her thighs.
And look at me, getting all hot and bothered. I have to flirt back now. It’s only fair.
Patrick:
You really know how to keep a girl hanging. And yes, I laughed my booty off. Well, not all of it. I’m afraid I’m stuck with most of this booty of mine for the rest of my life.
You think my almost breast is flawless! Thank you, thank you! Where will I put all the awards? I’ve been waiting a long time to do an encore performance with the other breast. She’s jealous. She didn’t make the final cut of that movie.
But
please
don’t buy or rent I Got This. It doesn’t come in Blu-ray, by the way. I checked (sigh). Your loss . . . : )
please
don’t buy or rent I Got This. It doesn’t come in Blu-ray, by the way. I checked (sigh). Your loss . . . : )
And seriously, what’s flawless about the rest of me? I have plenty of flaws, so it will be a short list.
Now, Patrick Alan Esposito, you must finish the following phrase, or I will stalk you until the day you die, and no restraining order will keep me from harming you: “Lauren, I think you’re . . .”
Go ahead. Finish the phrase. Now.
Lauren
PS: Since I have so much time on my hands right now, I might be persuaded to make a special movie, but only for you, provided your answers to the above are acceptable . . . and they embarrass me some more. ; )
20
T
he time between e-mails had been shrinking to mere minutes, and Patrick’s eyes shrank to little dots.
he time between e-mails had been shrinking to mere minutes, and Patrick’s eyes shrank to little dots.
A special movie . . . for me?
My answers had better be good, then.
Lauren:
I think you’re flawless.
Really.
Here’s my list. I’ll start at the top of your flawless body and work my way down. Forgive me if I get stuck in parts.
Your hair is flawless because it’s yours and it matches your eyebrows perfectly. I like natural hair, and yours seems especially soft.
Your eyes are flawless because they have so much life in them. They also match mine. That doesn’t make MY eyes flawless. I’m just saying that our eyes match.
Your nose is flawless because . . . it is. What do you say about a nose? It’s cute, and as far as I can tell from all your pictures online, you’ve had your nose your entire life.
Your lips are flawless because they’re kissable. If I go into any more detail here, I will offend you. I imagine that they are soft and tasty and smooth.
Your cheeks are flawless because they are so smooth and smiling. You have the rare ability to smile with your cheeks, even when you’re frowning. You would definitely be hard to read. Is she happy or sad or both? Or neither? You are a woman of mystery.
Your neck is flawless because it holds up your flawless head. I know that was lame. I’m sure your neck is as soft as your cheeks.
I should probably stop there. For now. If I haven’t earned a special movie, I will continue.
Patrick
PS: I hope I didn’t offend you.
21
Patrick:
I was just getting interested, and then you kind of said, “Tune in next week. . . .” The suspense is killing me!
Not really. I know you’ll tell me what I need to know. I am learning patience. I also know you will tell me because I will hound you to the ends of the earth if you don’t.
You didn’t offend me. You made my day, my week, my month, and my year. I’m 29+9 now and losing my looks. You made me feel beautiful again. Thank you. I really mean that.
You need to send me a picture of yourself. Or tell me what you look like at least. It’s only fair, right? You aren’t exactly Google-able. (It’s a new word. Deal with it.) Yes, I Googled you, and no, you didn’t show up. Some Boston Bruins hockey player named Phil Esposito appeared first, and that dude looked seriously like Rocky’s brother. Do you look like that?
As much as I appreciate your compliments, however, I do think you need a reality check where my body is concerned. Yes, my hair is my own, but the only reason it matches my eyebrows is something called dye. I buy Dark and Lovely Eboné Brown in bulk.
You’re right about my eyes, of course, and that does mean that your eyes are flawless, too.
My nose is my own. Sometimes I like it, and sometimes I tolerate it. I haven’t been kissed in a long time. Therefore, my lips must not be that kissable, but thanks for the thought. I never looked that way at my cheeks before. Good looking out. Maybe my cheeks have been my claim to fame all this time. I do smile even when I frown. My neck is soft, but it’s starting to grow little wrinkle rings. The rest of me used to be toned all the time, but I’ve kind of let myself go, especially this past week. I hope you understand why. I’m not going soft—I’m getting soft. There is a difference.
Alas, kind sir, you have not earned a special movie yet. You must continue. You stopped at my neck. You have about 90% more of me to go. . . . : )
Lauren
PS: Please be kind. And if you can’t be kind, be specific. ; )
22
C
ontinue, be kind, and tell her exactly what she looks like. Piece of cake.
ontinue, be kind, and tell her exactly what she looks like. Piece of cake.
He Googled the latest batch of Lauren’s pictures and compared them to the woman on the screen.
Lauren does not age. How is that possible? She could be twenty.
Lauren:
I will continue, but you must promise not to dispute what I write. I have excellent eyesight, and what I see is flawless. My eyes do not lie.
Your . . . torso . . . he wrote safely . . . is flawless because it is shapely in all the right places. Some places are shapelier than others. You have a nice silhouette. Your curves are especially curvy, especially in the hip, back, and thigh area. In short, you have a nice shape.
Your legs are flawless, shapely, smooth, and sexy. Overall, you are flawlessly flawless. I could look at you all day and all night and during sunrises and sunsets, too. I could look at you 24-7, and I wouldn’t curse the clock, because time would stand still.
I am not handsome. At least I don’t think I am. I am ordinary. I don’t have a picture to scan or send to you. I don’t think I look like anyone famous, or I’d tell you. I looked at Phil Esposito. There is a faint resemblance, but only in the scars on his hands.
I’m 6-2 if I stand up straight, and I weigh around 220. I have brown eyes, dark brown, almost black hair, and all my teeth, but I still have a couple dozen less than you do. I have 32. This is the first time I have ever counted my teeth.
I shave about once a week, usually before mass, if the tenants will leave me alone long enough for me to go. I’m in great shape from walking up and down stairs and crawling on roofs. My hands are calloused and dry and cut and scarred, and my nose is what you might expect from an Italian. I used to have some freckles, but not anymore
.
.
How important is that picture? If I had a phone with a camera, I could send you any kind of picture you wanted. Salthead provided me with an old-school phone that only makes phone calls and sends and receives texts. My employer is cheap, and so am I, I guess.
I know there’s a joke about being cheap but not easy. . . . I may actually be both where you’re concerned. . . . ;~)
I hope I have earned at least a sneak preview of that movie. . . .
Patrick
PS: My mama once said I looked like Bruce Springsteen, but she was drunk most of the time.
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