Read Let's Spend the Night Together: Backstage Secrets of Rock Muses and Supergroupies Online
Authors: Pamela Des Barres
"First I slept with Paul Stanley, and then I slept with Gene Simmons. Gene was fantastic! He is so smart and polite. He's just real. We had a great time. I hung out with him at the Sunset Marquis, and they left town three weeks later. I was living with this girl, Debbie. The phone rang and it was Gene. I said, `Hey, what's up?' I was gesturing to Debbie, going, `It's Gene, oh my God!' He said, `We're taking a break before we do the next album. I was wondering if you'd like to come to New York for a couple of weeks?'
"Did I take him up on it? Yes, of course. Did he pick me up at the airport? No, of course not. He was staying on Riverside Drive. I got there and I was dyin'! We shopped, went to restaurants, did normal things. It was during the time KISS wore makeup, so we could just walk down the street. Now mind you, he was wearing six-inch platforms and skull rings on all his fingers. He had skintight jeans and was so tall anyway. Nobody recognized him, but he still looked like a freak. The night I really remember was at a well-known restaurant. We went to the door and there was a private party for Hall & Oates going on. So the doorman said, `I'm sorry, there's a private party.' And Gene, very eloquently said, `Oh, well, thank you anyway.' We started to walk away, then the doorman said, `Hey, wait a minute, aren't you Gene Simmons? Oh, you can come in!' I was twenty years old, and in this room was Rod Stewart, the Rolling Stones, Hall & Oates, Bad Company. I was standing against a cigarette machine with my heart racing, thinking, `I can't believe I'm here!' And I was with Gene so it was a huge night.
"Gene's mom came to visit and she was very Jewish. His real name is Chaim, and she'd always call him that. She wanted to feed us and kept asking, `Are you hungry? You want to eat something? Let's feed him, he's too skinny!' One day we went downstairs and the table was just filled with food. She was a sweetheart. Gene had a hobby of cutting and pasting every single article ever written about KISS-German magazines, Chinese, Japanese-an unbelievable collection of everything written about him. One day I was sitting downstairs with his mom, looking at these KISS scrapbooks, and we finally went through the ones we had. So I said, `Let me go upstairs and get some more.' So Gene gives me more scrapbooks for us to look at. I unzip one, and it's filled with naked women and beaver shots. I about died, but his mom says to me, `Oh, my son, I know he's kind of a naughty boy, but he's a good boy.' Poor mom. I took my pictures out of his scrapbook. Yeah, I took mine right out of his little book.
"Gene knew I had already been with Paul Stanley, but he didn't care. And when I wound up with Gene, did Paul care? No, he didn't. Those were the days. Gene took me to the studio one afternoon, and it was the first time I hung out with Peter Criss, and we just clicked. Gene was very square. When I even had a glass of wine at dinner, he would say, `Are you OK to talk? To walk? You've had some wine.' So after the session that night, Peter and his wife, Lydia, came to dinner with us. Well, the chemistry between Peter and I was just raw. We went back to Gene's house after dinner. When I went to get something to drink, Peter came after me, and in the kitchen, it just happened. We were on each other like flies on shit. With Gene and Lydia right upstairs! I was going to be leaving in three days, and I thought, `What am I doing? I'm here in New York with Gene and I'm making out with Peter. Oh my God, what are we going to do?' So we go back upstairs, and I'm trying to be cool. About five o'clock in the morning, I was in bed with Gene and the phone rang. He answered the phone, handed it to me, saying, `It's for you.' It was Peter saying, `Can you get away? I'll meet you downstairs.' Gene turned over and went back to sleep, so I slid out of bed, went downstairs, and jumped in Peter's sports car, and we roared off. We went to his manager's apartment for three days. It was a very white New York apartment. We fucked our brains out, ordered in, and did so much blow. Oh, Peter was off the hook. And hung like a horse. Peter was huge! Oh, it was on! I called Gene and he said, `I think it's probably time you come get your stuff, huh?' He was cool. I went and got my stuff, and to this day when I see Gene, he's totally cool.
"But I still have sadness because I fell madly in love with Peter. He was probably my first real love. I thought he was going to leave Lydia and come to me. He got in a whole bunch of trouble because he delayed the recording of the album. I have no idea where his wife thought he was. The next time KISS came to L.A., I spent the entire week with Peter at the hotel. They were photographed for the Christmas cover of Circus magazine with fake snow all over them, holding red candles. I still have that red candle. Peter brought it back for me. He had this drug box that we kept our blow in, with three plastic containers. I still have that little jewel case too. A month after KISS left town, I found out I was pregnant. He was the only one I had been with, so it was his. I was devastated. I called him and he said, `Since we can't have it together, then ..: Whatever guys say to make you get an abortion. So I got the abortion the day before Thanksgiving in 1977. And I cried and cried.
"Usually, I partied with roadies, managers, just having a good time. My friends would ask, `Why are you hanging out with him? He's just a roadie.' I wasn't starstruck in a way that would make me sleep with somebody I thought was an asshole. If David Lee Roth had been nice, I'd have slept with him in a heartbeat! But he was an asshole. I was at a party for the Who, and I was a stripper at the time. Another woman there who was also stripper. Roger Daltrey turned to her and said, `Why don't you fucking dance for us?' and I looked at him and said, `Why don't you fucking sing for us? She's not working right now!' He was cocky and belligerent, like David Lee Roth. They thought they were God's gift. Roger Daltrey? An asshole and short! But that night, we were all partying and it was pretty crazy. Keith Moon sat next to me on the bed, locked my eyes, and proceeded to act out the Randy Newman song `(Beware of the) Naked Man'-'Old lady standing on the corner/middle of the cold, cold night. . .' He was so crazy. He put his room key in my hand, closed his fingers over it, and said, Be there in an hour.' I said, `I don't think so,' and handed it right back to him. I started talking with Pete Townshend, and I could tell he was coming on to me. I chose Pete that night, and he was friggin' wild. I was wearing boots that I bought at Nordstrom-red cowboy boots. He picked me up and took me in the shower. He turned the water on, and we did it against the shower wall. I had my fucking red boots on and they got ruined, and I'll never forget it, 'cause Nordstrom took 'em back! Yeah, Pete was really nasty. We had great sex. It was off the hook, all over the room, and it was just raw. And he was cool the next day. He was nice. I remember leaving there feeling really good. You know, I wasn't there to fuck the stars. If it happened, it happened. When I ended up sleeping with people of Pete Townshend's caliber, I thought, `Wow, I guess I just slept with Pete Townshend!'
"One night that really stands out was when Foreigner came to town. I was with Rick, I don't remember his last name or what he played, but he was the only Rick in Foreigner. When they came to Seattle, a lot of bands wanted to see Jimi Hendrix's grave. So we'd jump in the limo and I'd take 'em out there. That night, Foreigner wanted a really nice dinner. So we went to Iver's Seafood House and I was the only woman at the table. It was the whole band and the management. They put me at the head of the table and I chose the wine. I was treated like a queen that night.
"In the late '80s, I was dating a married man, Tom. A band I partied with was in town that night and I had a pass to the show. My phone rang on my way out the door, and Tom said, `If you want me, I'm walking out on my wife. Come get me now.' I made a choice to not go to the show. I picked up Tom instead, and that was the start of my life with him. I actually took him to a couple concerts with me. I took him to meet Patrick Moraz from the Moody Blues. By the way, Patrick and I are back in touch. I sent an e-mail to his Web site and got a note back-I could just hear his sweet British accent-'Oh, how are you my love? I think about you often.' So Tom and I got married in '89, and he was just happy that he married a woman who fucked Jimmy Buffett, because Jimmy Buffett is his icon. It was at a party after a concert, and Jimmy had a broken leg at the time. I was in the kitchen making drinks and he was hobbling around. He made some comment about what a great bartender I was, and maybe I'd like to be his private bartender. We ended up leaving the party and having our own! Let's put it this way, he was on the bottom.
"I got into bodybuilding because I missed the lights. I started lifting and exercising, and the trainer at the gym said, `Wow, you have great potential to be a bodybuilder.' He was right, because I've got the symmetry. So I started lifting, and decided to compete before I was forty. I took second in my first show! I did that for six years during my marriage. We moved around a lot because of Tom's jobs. My son, Seamus, was born in Sacramento and he's lived in San Diego, Florida, Texas, and now Seattle. Tom and I were together for twelve years. What happened was we started having three-ways. We were in San Diego, and Seamus was about eight. I said to Tom, `I think I'm gay.' He said, `No, you're not.' I was crying, and said, `Yeah, I think I am.' He said, `I think you have the propensity to like women too. I'm willing to let you explore that side of who you are.' So I proceeded to meet a woman and fall in love. Tammy was a big bodybuilder with a gorgeous body. I'd gotten sober in '87 and hadn't had a drink in eleven years. Well, Tammy introduced me to GHB, and that was the beginning of my demise. It took me down really far. It's a drug that affects the same dopamine receptors as alcohol and makes you feel high and giddy, like you're the life of the party. It only lasts an hour or so, then you need another little dose or scoop. Tammy told me it would enhance my bodybuilding, but I had stopped going to AA and forgot I was a dopehead. If you sip a little bit too much-one minute, you're there, the next minute, you're out. Just out. I have a scar on my chin to prove it. But it wasn't until I bought my first drink that I thought, `Wow. I'm drinking. I haven't had a drink in sixteen years.' In April 2001, I checked myself into a women's treatment center here in Seattle. I was their first GHB case, and my withdrawals were very scary, acidlike. I was lying in bed with the ceiling moving, fighting it. Then I thought, `You know what, Gayle? If this is what it is, just go with it.' While in treatment I met a girl named Melody and started having an affair. When I got out, I left my husband in a horrible way. He was still madly in love, hoping we could resurrect us because of the treatment. Instead, I went off with this woman and my son.
"The only job I could find, at the age of forty-four, was making $12 an hour. Talk about humbling. Mel and I split up, then I met my girlfriend Deb. And over time, with Tom working his program, and me working mine, we've come to a better place. Now I'm a marketing director for a legal software company. Who'da thunk it? But I'm still edgy. I worked in the library of a law firm for fifteen years, and no one would have guessed. I'm a chameleon. I can play the part, put on the suit, but I can totally go the other way. But they respect my work, so I get away with it. I bought my house a year ago. I'm an avid Harley rider. I have an '05 Softtail Deluxe. I love my bike. I'm glad I didn't ride before, because I probably would've wrecked it. That's why God didn't bring it into my life until now. So I ride with friends, and life is good. And guess what? I'm five years sober today, April 11. I'll betcha there are some men who read this that'll say, `Thank God she quit drinking!' I'm going to the meeting tonight where I checked myself in to rehab, to get my five-year coin. I've got good friends; I'm healthy, which is a miracle. I love what I do. Deb and I have broken up more than once, but what else is new? Welcome to the world of lesbian relationships. She thinks it's horrific that I'm doing this interview, but I see that time in my life as full of great experiences, and so much fun! I have absolutely no regrets, but Deb thinks you should put experiences like I had under the rug. She takes more of my mom's attitude, and I say, `Get over yourself! It was a blast!' Her problem, not mine. Being in recovery, I certainly have codependency problems, and that's all about letting go of your partner's issues. C'mon, that was twenty-five years ago, a whole different era.
"Many times I've sat in reflection, and because of all my using and drinking, I blew what could have been a dream life with one of these guys. I could have turned a few of those relationships into something more. I was probably pretty rough to be around sometimes. There's a Moody Blues video, and it begins with a woman ironing in her kitchen. She had obviously been a groupie, and she starts thinking back about her wild life, wondering, `How did I get here?' And there were many years when I felt `Wow, my life is so boring, look what it's come to. Now, in sobriety, I treasure the memories, but when I buy a ticket and go to a concert, I don't want to be in the friggin' audience in my seat! I want to be up front, up close, I want to feel a part of it. About ten years ago I went to an Aerosmith concert by myself. I was watching the show and this roadie handed me a pass and said, `Come back after the show.' `Oh my God,' I thought, `I'm almost forty years old and I've still got it!"