Lethal Pursuit (23 page)

Jackson’s cell number. Her heart squeezed. It shouldn’t have surprised her that Haversham had managed to dig that up too. Or had Jackson given it to him along with the iPod? She was going to listen to that special track the moment she was alone.

Laying the card on her chest while the nurse checked her vitals, a secret smile spread across her face. She didn’t know when she’d be able to see him next, but at least she’d be able to talk to him. She couldn’t wait to call him, just to hear his voice.

Chapter Twenty-Three

Jackson leaned his hip against the kitchen counter as he talked on his cell phone, overwhelmed by a sense of foreboding he couldn’t seem to shake. Throughout their separation, he’d never felt farther away from Maya than he did at that moment. He struggled to stay positive. “So, you’re sleeping better these days without your cast on?”

“It felt weird at first without it, but yeah, and my ribs are pretty much fine now,” she answered. He heard her smother a yawn before continuing. “Glad you got the green light today from the docs.”

“Me too.” She was lonely. He could hear it in her voice, even if she’d never admit to it. He’d have given anything to be beside her right then. “I’m not sorry to be finished with all my rehab.” His abs were killing him from all the core-strengthening exercises they had him doing. He needed to be in peak condition before he went back to Bagram to finish his tour, and he was getting close.

“I’ll bet.” She yawned again, doing her best to smother it so he wouldn’t hear.

He hid his disappointment, knowing their conversation was at an end. “You sound wiped. I’ll let you go so you can get to sleep.” It was only eight on the West Coast, but he knew she hadn’t been sleeping well the past few weeks.

“Sorry. I’m not much of a conversationalist tonight, am I?”

“It’s okay, I’ll call you tomorrow night. Sweet dreams, baby,” Jackson murmured.

“Thanks. You too. Good night.”

He waited for her to say something else, something more meaningful, but she was already gone. Disconnecting, he stood staring out the kitchen window into the backyard illuminated by the streetlamps in the alley. God, he missed her. It was a physical ache inside him, growing every day he went without seeing her, not being able to touch her. Talking on the phone wasn’t good enough anymore. When the hell was he going to get the chance to be with her?

Seven weeks, he thought with a miserable shake of his head. A whole seven weeks since he’d last seen her. His last memory of her was seeing those fear-filled eyes staring at him from across the emergency ward in Kandahar. He’d wanted so badly to erase that look on her face, stroke the furrows of concern from her forehead with his fingers before they wheeled him into the O.R. Through all the psych sessions and all the other things he was forced to recall these past two months, that frightened look on her face was the memory that stuck in his head most often.

He sensed movement behind him and knew without looking it was his sister, Angela, who’d been kind enough to put him up for this two-week leave the Air Force was giving him before he had to rejoin his unit at Bagram. He’d only arrived yesterday.

“Was that Maya?” she asked softly, her tone cautious.

“Yeah.”

“How’s she doing?”

He shrugged. “Same.” They’d talked almost every day since she’d called him on his cell at the hospital in Germany, and yet more than ever he was convinced she was pulling away from him. He didn’t understand what was happening. Whenever he tried to broach the subject of a relationship or talk about how she was handling the aftereffects of their ordeal in Afghanistan, she either closed up or steered the conversation in a superficial direction. He was worried as hell about her and it drove him fucking nuts that she was all alone. Now that his leave had started, maybe he should hop a flight in the morning and go find out in person what the deal was.

Angela came up to rest her chin on his shoulder. “Isn’t there anyone to stay with her?”

He shook his head, the movement tight. Maya didn’t have anyone in her life except Ace, and she wasn’t going to ask her friend to stay with her even if Ace had volunteered. Because ever since Pilar died, Maya had fought her battles alone and still wouldn’t accept that she no longer had to live like that anymore. She had him, and some part of her had to recognize that. But he couldn’t be there for her if she wasn’t willing to lean on him. He knew it wasn’t personal, since she obviously trusted and cared about him a lot. Didn’t make the distance hurt any less.

He rubbed a hand over the back of his neck. “Boys all tucked in?”

“They’re already asleep because you wore them both out today.” She rubbed his upper arm gently. “You love her, don’t you?”

“Yes.” And it was more painful than the bullet wound he’d just recovered from.

Ang made a sympathetic sound. “She must really be something.”

“She is.”

“And she must really care about you if you guys talk so often. She’s keeping in touch, at least.”

He was silent for a long moment before answering. “I feel like I’m losing her somehow, Ang.” Saying it aloud made the fear sharper, more vivid, but he knew his sister would understand.

Ang slid both her arms around his waist and leaned against him, both of them staring out the darkened window. “You want to rescue her.”

He couldn’t deny it. On a primal level, yeah, he wanted to rescue her. She’d been through more shit than anyone should have to deal with in an entire lifetime. He wanted to be there to support her. They’d both come through hell together and they could help each other heal.

Ang hugged him tighter. “I know that’s how you’re wired, but based on what you’ve told me about her, she doesn’t seem like the kind of woman who would appreciate anyone thinking she needs to be rescued. She’s dealt with everything else on her own, and I’ll bet to her this is no different. She wants to come through this on her terms, prove she’s strong enough to handle it. It’s not that she doesn’t trust you. It’s that she doesn’t trust herself enough to be vulnerable again. She’s still afraid.”

She said the words gently, but they still made him wince because they were dead-on. Maya
would
hate leaning on anyone through this, even him. She’d hate it even more that he wanted to pull the whole white-knight routine. In her mind she always had to be the tough Security Forces lieutenant, take care of herself.

He understood why, but it was killing him not to take action, not be there to protect and comfort her. Getting through this hadn’t been easy for him, and he’d had the constant support of his family and friends. He couldn’t imagine what it must have been like for Maya, going home to her empty apartment day after day through all the grueling counseling sessions.

In the quiet of the tidy kitchen, he shook his head and expelled a loud breath. “You’re right, as usual. How the hell did you get to be so smart, anyway?”

“Because I’m your big sister and older and wiser than you.” She gave him another squeeze, her unyielding love and support taking the edge off the ache inside him. “Give her time to heal more. She’ll let you in when she’s ready.”

God, he hoped so. Because the alternative was too fucking painful to contemplate and he wasn’t sure how much longer he could wait for her to come to him.

* * *

When she pulled her bike up to the curb beside the white ranch-style house the next afternoon and shut off the engine, Maya’s stomach was twisted into knots. Jackson wasn’t expecting her. She had no idea what his reaction would be.

The tidy house sat in the middle of its well-manicured yard in suburban San Antonio, and she felt completely out of place. In her earbuds, instead of her usual hip-hop, Keith Urban’s “For You” played, the infamous track number three Haversham had told her about.

She probably shouldn’t have listened to this particular playlist on the way over, because she was already emotional enough. The song had such meaning for her, especially since it was about one teammate sacrificing himself for another. Along with it, Jackson had loaded up his iPod with tracks selected just for her. Formerly a hip-hop lover, she was now an appreciator of country music and had learned to love 50s blues because of him as well. The transformation was all his fault.

His sister sure lived in a nice neighborhood. Way nicer than Maya had grown up in back in L.A. But now she was starting to question her decision to spring this on him as a surprise. She’d almost caved and told him she was in town last night when they’d talked. Something in his voice had stopped her. After imagining this moment so many times over the past two months, it was hard to believe it was actually happening. Still, she couldn’t quite force herself to walk up the path to the front door. Not yet.

Part of her was still worried that she’d built up her “relationship” with Jackson to be more than it actually was. While it seemed to her that they were in a relationship, she was about to find out whether it was true.

Whatever happened once she knocked on that door would change her life forever. She just hoped it would be the start of all her dreams coming true, rather than a continuation of her nightmares.

Pushing out a calming breath, she set her helmet on the back of the bike and took those first fateful steps toward the front door. On the welcome mat laid out on the wooden front porch, she paused to smooth back her hair and braced herself. The doorbell chimed inside the house when she pressed the button. A moment later approaching footsteps ramped her anxiety level to a whole new high.

The door swung open. Her heart skipped a beat and seemed to stop altogether when Jackson appeared in the opening, wearing jeans and a T-shirt and his three-year-old nephew perched atop his broad shoulders. His deep brown eyes widened and his lips parted in shock, as though she was the last person he’d ever expected to find on his sister’s doorstep. “Hey,” he breathed.

Having the kid watching them from Jackson’s shoulders threw her for a moment. “Hi.”
So
,
um
,
I
was in the neighborhood because I wanted to see you so badly I hopped on my bike three days ago and drove here.

Because yeah, that didn’t sound desperate or anything.

Jackson slid the boy from his shoulders, the motion emphasizing the bulge of his biceps and shoulder muscles beneath that snug white T-shirt. “Hey, buddy, go on inside and keep your brother outta trouble, will you? I’ll be inside in a minute.”

“Who’s she?” the little guy demanded.

“This is my friend Maya I told you about. Go on, now.”

The boy dragged himself into the house, and Jackson quietly shut the front door behind him before facing her. Her stomach was a hot ball of nerves. She was wracking her brain for something to say to fill the awkward void, convinced she’d made a huge mistake in showing up unannounced, when he suddenly reached for her.

A funny sound came out of her throat. Maya launched herself into his embrace, wrapping her arms around those broad shoulders and burying her face in his chest, breathing in his scent. Soap, citrus and wintergreen. Jackson hugged her tight, holding her close with a ragged sound that came from his gut. She hitched in a breath and squeezed her eyes shut, praying she wouldn’t cry. A shudder ripped through her. After weeks of lonely isolation spent aching for him, she was finally in his arms. The feel and smell of him wrapped around her, familiar and comforting.

“Did you drive all the way here from California?” He sounded stunned.

She nodded, her cheek rubbing over his chest. “I left three days ago. Wanted to surprise you.”

“You did.
God
, I missed you, baby,” he said roughly against the side of her neck, holding her so tight.

She bobbed her head, fighting for composure. “Missed you too. But I was such a mess. I couldn’t come to you until I was sure it was real.” She didn’t know how to make him understand.

“If what was real?” She could hear the frown in his voice.

“This.
Us.
” How could she explain it to him? “My therapist forced me to take a hard look at what you and I had been through. For the longest time I wondered if what I felt for you was real, or if it was just because of how intense things were out there. I had to be sure it was you I wanted, not just the sense of security you gave me because of the captivity. And then I had to figure out if I wasn’t imagining that you wanted me too. Otherwise it wouldn’t be healthy.”

He released a hard sigh. “God, of course I want you. You seriously doubted that, for even a second? Christ.” He squeezed her tighter, his arms so strong and protective she almost melted. “I wish you’d said something sooner. I hate that you went through all of this alone.”

She shook her head. “It was better this way. I didn’t want you seeing me like that.” She’d been a shadow of her former self. A frightened, insecure woman afraid that Khalid had broken something inside her. A woman afraid to sleep without a light on, jumping at every strange noise, questioning everything about her life. “I’m not the same person I was before all this. But I think I’m better for it. A lot of that is because of you, by the way. Hearing your voice every night helped me a lot.” It was so much easier saying all this with her face pressed into the solid curve of his shoulder. Didn’t mean she wasn’t still shaking inside though.

His arms tightened fiercely. “I would’ve been there for you if you’d let me. Dammit, I would’ve
been
there.”

She hugged him back. “I know you would have. But I wasn’t ready.” She never wanted to be a burden to him.

With a sigh, he released her and cupped her face between his hands, forcing her gaze up to his. His eyes were misty. “You know this is real now, though. Right?”

Gazing up into those warm, dark eyes, she nodded. She loved him. She’d never been surer of anything in her life. A sudden lump filled her throat, and it was growing by the second. She swallowed hard. “So, how are you? Really.” Her eyes dropped to his belly where the T-shirt hid his scars.

“All healed up, just missed you like hell.” His gaze traveled over the length of her body with concern and interest. Then he frowned. “You look thinner.”

“I lost some weight when I came home, but I’m gaining it back. I’ve been working out again too, so that’s helped me put some muscle back on.” The mundane conversation was killing her.
Say what you need to say.
She exhaled and gave a shaky laugh. “I changed my mind about coming here a dozen times. I almost turned around in Tucson.”

“I’m glad you didn’t.” He was still holding her face, as though he couldn’t bear to stop touching her.