Let Me Tell You Something (25 page)

Women who talk obsessively about their weight drive me crazy. You've gained twenty pounds over the winter? So what. Lose ten and make yourself look the best you can. Don't make yourself miserable and drag down everyone around you, a few extra pounds is not going to change your life. Do what's in your power and make yourself as pretty as you can at whatever weight you can get to. Your weight isn't going to impact your life in a major way a year from now. It's a yo-yo, and it's a fact of modern life. Deal with it quietly.

Each moment in your life has cause and effect. What's the cause and what's the effect of taking action or doing nothing? Ask yourself that, and you'll know whether you need to worry or not. It'll help you keep the gray hairs at bay, and you'll sleep a lot easier, trust me.

Reading will set you free.

No matter how crazy my life has ever gotten, I have always made time to read, to retreat into a book, every day. I love to read, it's my meditation, my salvation, and my recreation. I find great peace in reading.

Some of my earliest happy memories are of my mother taking my siblings and me to the library. My mother never drove, and when I was born (her sixth child), she was twenty-four. We lived in Maspeth, New York, at the time, and there was a library about six blocks from the house. Every Tuesday morning she'd round up whoever was home from school, she'd hold our hands like ducks in a row, and she'd walk us all to the library where she'd read to us.

The first books I fell in love with were the Beatrix Potter books. I read about those little rabbits and animals and just marveled at their adventures. Every week, Mom would let us all borrow two books, and the next Tuesday, we'd all march back and return them.

I still read as often as I can. I could read a five-hundred-page book in a night. I'll read history, comedy, or biographies. I love to learn things, and there's nothing more thrilling to me than a good historical novel.

My favorite book of all time is
Gone with the Wind
. Even though it's pure fiction, I still love going into Scarlett O'Hara's world and being amazed at how she views life. There's something so exciting about sharing someone's journey in a book. I get so lost in that new world, I can see and hear and feel it around me. It's intoxicating.

I wish Albert, Lauren, and Albie liked reading books, but they don't. They'll read magazines or blogs, but that's just not the same to me. I don't like magazines; I prefer a good book I can sink my teeth into.

I have always thought of my books as my friends. Though now I carry my NOOK ereader with me on flights to save my back from lugging a heavy load, I still love the feel of a book, the weight and smell of the paper. When I got this opportunity to write a book for you all, I was so honored. The whole time I was writing it, I was aware that the little girl who used to go to the library with her mother, and marvel at all the books, would soon have her own book in that library.

I will always be grateful for this opportunity, and to each and every one of you who are reading this right now. Life is a crazy ride, and I could never have dreamed that one day, I would get the chance to be an author. I don't know how successful this book will be, or whether you'll love it or hate it, but it's been a project so near and dear to my heart that I will always be amazed when I hold this book in my hands. And for that, I thank you.

Respect is free, but
you gotta earn your keep.

True respect is possibly the greatest thing in the world. It is love, it's admiration, and it's something that you build over time by being a good person. And once you have it, you are responsible for living up to the respect that you were given. It's powerful and it's amazing. You can never assume that someone will respect you just because of who you are, and you can never take it for granted once you get it. Just because you gave birth doesn't make you a mother. Just because you impregnated someone doesn't make you a father. You have to earn that respect. I don't expect you to respect me. I'm happy to work for it.

I've been forced to really think about respect since I got cast on the
Real Housewives
. My life has been exposed to millions of people, and now my life is considered to be public property. For the most part, I've been treated with respect. I've been lucky. But of course there are some assholes out there.

I stopped reading online comments after season one. A coward behind a computer doesn't bother me at all. It's pointless to empower a stranger who is trying to hurt you. I realize they don't truly know me—if I saw them on the street, I wouldn't recognize them. So their comments don't mean anything to me. I have never looked for respect from people who don't know me, so once I started on the show, I was in good shape to deal with the slings and arrows.

My viewers, on the other hand, matter to me, a lot. Their respect means the world to me. They're the reason I'm here. They're the reason I'm writing this book. Even though Bravo put out a great television show, the fans are the ones that keep it going, and for that, I respect and appreciate them.

My goal on this show is to be able to get to the end of it with respect from the viewers still intact. That was one of the first things I told myself when I found out I got the job on
Real Housewives
. Anything I do in front of a camera lives forever, any behavior, any damn stupid brain fart, lives forever on the Internet. So from the very start, I promised myself I'd keep my cool and never resort to any sort of regrettable name-calling. As tough as it has gotten, I think I've done OK.

I blew my cool at the first-season reunion, because my family was being attacked. I was also very inexperienced, and that was the first time we'd sat down as a panel, and obviously, the questions were designed to get us to react. I hated that I lost my temper, and I hated it that people saw me that way. I was frustrated and angry. As soon as I calmed down, I vowed to myself to never be that easily manipulated again. Sometimes the best way to respect yourself and others is to shut your mouth completely.

I maintain silence out of respect for myself. Like Popeye says, I yam what I yam, and that's all that I yam. Quite frankly, when all is said and done, when this fifteen minutes is up, I'm going to turn around and look at the four faces I love more than anything in the world and say, “What do you want for dinner?” I know who I am. I don't need to prove myself to anybody. I am confident that my legacy from this show will be positive and respectful.

I'm Albert's wife, and Albie,
Christopher, and Lauren's
mom, but I never forgot
who Caroline Manzo is.

It might surprise people who don't know me too well, but as much as being a wife and a mother is my life, I consider myself Caroline Manzo first, wife and mother second. The other titles are great, but they aren't the girl I was born.

I have clung to my individuality through thick and thin. And I think this is one of the greatest success secrets I ever stumbled upon. I believe that staying true to myself has been the key to a long, happy marriage, and it has made my kids stronger and happier. It has given me a great moral compass, and it has given me confidence in all kinds of circumstances.

In love, the most important thing for me is to always remain the same girl that Al fell in love with. When Al looks at me these days, he tells me he sees the nineteen-year-old me that he fell for. This doesn't mean I'm acting like some crazy celebutante or dressing like a kid, it just means that I still have the same energy and heart that I have had all my life.

On the day that all the kids are finally out of the house, the last thing I would ever want is for Albert to look at me and see a stranger. I think that happens to a lot of couples; they have been so focused on kids, career, and life that they just let themselves drift apart.

It hasn't always been easy. There were times when I lost touch with myself. Life got on top of me and things got hard. After three kids in three years, I gave up. The last thing I could think of was putting on makeup or high heels. I had always had long hair until I got pregnant with Christopher. I got so sick of having to deal with it, I chopped it off. I let go of all the things in my life that made me Caroline. I lost myself in a mix of exhaustion and apathy, and I just didn't care anymore.

It was a huge trap and I fell into it, time and time again. Sometimes for a month, sometimes just for a day or a week. And then I'd see myself in a mirror and gasp. I'd realize I was being Mommy, and not Caroline. I'd snap myself out of it and do whatever it took to get everything back on track.

When I was pregnant with Christopher I got my real estate license, and that was something that I did just for me. On top of giving me my own income—so I could buy my own Keds sneakers, the must-have for every woman of the 1990s—it gave me a reason to put on lipstick and heels, get out of the house, and meet people. It gave me a great sense of self-worth, which felt even better when I was able to put Albie through Fordham with the money I made selling real estate. My husband could have paid for it, but it was something that I wanted to do. I bought Lauren her first car. These things gave me such a sense of accomplishment. I was proud of myself.

Keeping in touch with yourself in the middle of motherhood isn't easy, but it's crucial. Where there's a will, there's a way, and you'll be a better mother for it.

There's always someone out
there who's got it worse than
you. Say a prayer and help them.

We live in the best country in the world. We have so much to be grateful for. And one thing that drives me crazy, is people who complain nonstop about problems that aren't that significant. You see it all the time on Facebook—“Worst. Day. Ever!” someone will post, usually because she spilled her coffee or got stuck in traffic.

I just shake my head. Somebody lost a child today, somebody found out she had cancer today. Somewhere on this Earth, thousands of people are fighting for their lives, right now. There's a growing sense of entitlement in this country, with people expecting everything to be perfect for them, and if anything isn't, people are always so quick to blame others. Newsflash: that's not the way it works. You're losing your mind because you put shoes on hold at the mall and they sold them? Big deal. Get a grip. You're blessed if that's your biggest worry.

People assume that I'm wealthy, that I never had a hard time of anything, but this couldn't be further from the truth. There were times we couldn't afford diapers for the kids. When I was pregnant with Albie, we couldn't afford maternity clothes, so I just wore sweats or leggings and Al's shirts every day. That winter, I sported this big old bomber jacket I'd bought Al years before. His mother wanted to take me out and buy me a “proper winter coat,” but I was happy wearing his big old coat.

I remember at our poorest, I fell in love with an Esprit blouse at Bamberger's. The damn thing was just a simple striped shirt, and it was $35. I knew we couldn't afford it, but that never stopped me from looking at it every time I was in the store. That Christmas, Al's mom got me the shirt as a surprise.