Let Me Tell You (17 page)

Mrs. Murray went quickly into the living room carrying a dish of salted nuts in one hand and a dish of chocolates in the other, and hummed amiably to herself as she put them down carefully on diagonal corners of the bridge table, which stood already set up in the center of the room.

“I got out a large ginger ale and a large club soda,” she said, her humming rising for a minute into words and then subsiding back to anonymity again.

“Okay,” Mr. Murray said. He sat reading his newspaper, a large, cheerful, balding man like millions of others who sat peacefully of an evening in their own chairs, reading their own papers; like probably hundreds of other men whose wives had invited neighbors over for bridge, he still had his jacket and tie on. He would take them off when the Leghorns came, asking permission politely of the ladies, encouraging Mart Leghorn to do the same, but as long as he had to open the door to the Leghorns he must be correctly dressed.

Like millions of other wives, Mrs. Murray looked like her husband. She was plump and pleasant, and dieting, and would try to go very easy on the candy and nuts while she played bridge, she and Mrs. Leghorn both begging prettily to have the dishes put as far away from them as possible, “So I won't forget and just go on eating them; I just
can't
stop once I start!” Later in the evening she would serve coffee and a chocolate cake she had made herself, with a careful eye on the sugar.

The doorbell rang as she was standing vaguely looking around the room, rechecking everything. Mr. Murray rose heavily and put his paper down on the arm of the chair, and Mrs. Murray moved it to the bottom shelf of the end table and followed him out into the hall.

“Evening, evening,” Mr. Murray was saying heartily. “Come in, come in, Roberta. Mart, old boy.”

“Don't you look nice,” Mrs. Murray said, and Mrs. Leghorn said, “How
nice
you look tonight,” and “Dora, dear, we brought our daughter, Carol, I
hope
you don't mind, she was all alone at home and I told her I was sure you wouldn't mind.”

“Of course not,” Mrs. Murray said, making her voice sound pleased. “We're delighted, of course.”

“She can just sit and read or something,” Mrs. Leghorn said. “You really don't mind?”

“I hope you don't mind my barging in like this, Mrs. Murray,” Carol said; she went over and put her arm around Mrs. Leghorn. “Mother said she was sure you wouldn't mind, and I said I'd just sit and read or something.”

“We're delighted,” Mrs. Murray said. “I hope we won't bore you.”

Carol laughed. She was very tall and thin and very tan, and she wore her hair—it was black, as Mrs. Leghorn's used to be—over her forehead in bangs, and down her back in a smooth straight line. She put her hand out and squeezed Mrs. Murray's. “I
did
want to stop and say hello while I was in town,” she added.

Breaking away from Carol, Mrs. Murray succeeded in leading everyone into the living room, where she and Mrs. Leghorn sat on the couch and Carol sat properly on a stiff chair slightly removed from the rest of the room, while the men walked around each other absently, like dogs settling down to sleep.

“How is college, Carol?” Mrs. Murray asked.

“Oh, grand,” Carol said. She smiled brightly. “It's good to get home for a while, though.”

“How long will you be here?” Mrs. Murray asked, nodding.

“Till Wednesday.” Carol had started to answer almost before Mrs. Murray finished asking; it was a polite formality, like “How are you,” that had to be gotten past before Mrs. Murray and Carol could size each other up afresh. Carol had been away for three months now, and this was her first trip home. Mrs. Murray noticed her thin leather sandals, her long bare legs. “You certainly have changed,” she said, and Carol laughed easily.

“Bet it feels good to be home,” Mrs. Murray said.

“Well?” Mr. Murray demanded abruptly, coming to stand in front of Carol. “Well, how does it feel to be back home?”

Carol looked up at him. “Gets pretty dull in the old hometown,” she said.

“Well,” Mr. Murray said, “ought to have some young men around to liven it up. Girl like you needs young fellers.”

Mrs. Murray tightened her lips. She disliked her husband's use of vernacular just as she disliked his telling stories in dialect; she felt it sat awkwardly on a man of his age and dignity, and besides, he was apt, so often, to misuse a mechanical vocabulary. “I thought we might play bridge,” she said to Mrs. Leghorn, gesturing at the card table. She allowed just the faintest hint of disappointment, plans upset, to creep into her voice. “But I'm afraid Carol…”

Carol turned away from Mr. Murray immediately. “Oh,
please,
” she said. “I'll be just fine, honestly.”

“Well,” Mr. Murray said, looking at the card table as though he had never seen it before, “I don't know why we can't
all
play. Carol can take my place to start with, and then we can cut in.”

“I don't think we ought to…” Mrs. Murray began.

“Oh, no, really,” Carol said. “I can just sit and read, that's what I
came
for. I just didn't want to sit home all alone,” she added to Mr. Murray.

“Mart,” Mrs. Leghorn called, “tell them that Carol doesn't want to play bridge.”

Mr. Leghorn turned around guiltily. “She can take my place,” he said.

“Suppose we just give up bridge,” Mrs. Murray said. This time her voice held an audible grievance. “We can sit and talk.”

“Suppose I make everybody a drink,” Mr. Murray said. He slapped Mr. Leghorn on the shoulder. “Drink, old man?”

“I'll help,” Carol said, jumping up. “After making so much trouble I ought to do something useful.”

“Never mind,” Mrs. Murray called, but Carol had followed the men out to the kitchen.

“You know,” Mrs. Leghorn began at once, “I could just
kick
myself for bringing Carol tonight, but the poor child gets
so
lonesome, and it seems like all her friends are out of town—the Raglan boy's in Maine, you know—and I can't just send her off alone to the movies or something.”

“What's she been doing all the time she's been home?” Mrs. Murray asked flatly.

“Well,” Mrs. Leghorn said, waving delicately, “she's been busy, of
course.
Out a lot, and shopping and all that. There are plenty of people who'd
like
to take Carol around, of
course.
But she won't go out with just anybody.”

Mrs. Murray felt her social injury being passed over lightly. “I'll tell you what we can do,” she said. “I don't care much for bridge anyway, you know. I like to play, but of course I'm not really terribly good.”

“You're
much
better than I am,” Mrs. Leghorn said. “If anybody's going to…” She stopped and listened to a roar of laughter from the kitchen. “You know, Oliver seems
such
a hand with young folks,” she laughed. “I'll never forget him at the country club dance last Christmas.”

Mrs. Murray nodded grimly. “But I don't mind sitting out at all,” she said.

Carol came into the room, laughing and carrying two drinks. “Natch,” she said over her shoulder to Mr. Murray, who was also carrying two drinks, and they both laughed.

“Mother, Mrs. Murray,” Carol said. She handed them the drinks, then took hers from Mr. Murray. “Here's to fun,” she said, and she and Mr. Murray laughed again.

Mr. Leghorn followed them finally out of the kitchen, carrying his own drink, which he sipped as he walked. “I like that dining room wallpaper,” he said to Mr. Murray. “Who'd you get it from?”

“Our landlord,” Mr. Murray said boisterously.

“It was here when we moved in,” Mrs. Murray explained.

“Daddy can't think of anything but business,” Carol said.

“I can't think of anything but pleasure,” Mr. Murray said. Kittenishly, Mrs. Murray thought.

“We've settled the bridge problem,” Mr. Murray said to his wife. He took a deep swallow of his drink. “You three are going to play, and Carol and I are going to play gin rummy.”

“Oh, come on,” Carol said, making a horrible frown. “I said I wasn't going to play anything, and you know it.”

“Perhaps Carol would like to play in
my
place,” Mrs. Murray said loftily. “I don't really feel like playing at all.”

“Let's not have all that again,” Mr. Murray said firmly. “It's all settled.”

“You read this thing, Oliver?” Mr. Leghorn asked from across the room. “This book?” He held up a book he had taken from the end table.

“Never learned to read,” Mr. Murray said. “Can't read a note.”

Mr. Leghorn laid the book down and turned the pages absently. “I like music, now,” Mr. Murray said to Carol. “I get a real kick out of that.”

“Charge,” Carol said. When he stared, she said, “
Charge.
You get a
charge
out of that.”

“I get a
charge
out of that,” Mr. Murray said.

Mr. Leghorn closed the book and came purposefully across the room. “Going to play bridge?” he asked. “Roberta, you play with Oliver. Dora and I will take you on.”

“And Carol?” Mrs. Murray asked, before her husband could say it.

“She can sit and read or something,” Mr. Leghorn said. “Good book over there on the table, Carol.”

“See here,” Mr. Murray said, “we can't just leave Carol out.”

Mrs. Murray got up suddenly, said “Excuse me,” and hurried out of the room.

“Are you all right?” Mrs. Leghorn called blankly after her, and then, to Mr. Murray, “She's feeling all right, of
course
?”

“Sure,” Mr. Murray said, surprised.

“Mrs. Murray looks so
nice
tonight,” Carol said eagerly, “I don't know when I've seen her looking handsomer.”

“That blue dress has always looked good on her,” Mrs. Leghorn said.

Mr. Leghorn was setting the usual chairs around the bridge table, silently and efficiently. He riffled the pages of the score pad, tested the point on the pencil, moved the candy dishes slightly, and finally sat down to shuffle the cards. “Come on, everybody,” he said. “Got to get started.”

Mrs. Leghorn and Mr. Murray moved obediently to the bridge table, and Carol walked over to Mr. Murray's easy chair and settled down, holding the book Mr. Leghorn had suggested.

“Where's Dora?” Mr. Leghorn demanded. “If we're going to get in more than a couple of hands…”

“She's been gone quite a while,” Mrs. Leghorn said to Mr. Murray. “Do you think there's anything…?”

“She'll be back,” Mr. Murray said. “Here she comes now.”

Mrs. Murray entered the room quickly, smiling brightly. Her nose had just been powdered. “Sorry, everyone,” she said. “Oh, is
this
how we play?” She looked at the bridge table and then over at Carol. “Carol, honey,” she said breathlessly, “I want you to take this.” She circled the table and handed Carol a small box, then went back and sat down.

“Why, Mrs. Murray,” Carol said. “You really
shouldn't.
” She opened the box and looked inside. “Really,” she said, “I
can't
possibly…”

“Bring it here,” Mrs. Leghorn said. “Let me see.”

Carol took the box over, and Mrs. Leghorn looked. “Dora,” she said, “isn't that nice, now.” She tilted the box and held it for Mr. Leghorn to see. “It's awfully pretty,” she said.

“Yes,” Mr. Leghorn said. Insistently, he began to deal the cards.

“Try it on,” Mrs. Murray said to Carol.

It was a piece of costume jewelry, a pin of gold leaves, each with a small pink or green or red stone set in the center; when Carol tried it on, it looked plain and matronly on the shoulder of her young cotton dress. “It's perfectly lovely,” Carol said, looking down at it. She unpinned it and put it back into the box.

“I'll tell you,” Mrs. Murray said quickly, looking down at the cards Mr. Leghorn was dealing her, “I really bought it for myself, but it's
much
too fancy for me, and then when I saw how Carol was growing up to be such a young lady, I thought she might like it. That's all.”

“But I really couldn't take it,” Carol said.

“I want you to, dear,” Mrs. Murray said. “It
looks
like Carol, doesn't it?” she said to Mrs. Leghorn. Mrs. Leghorn stared up at Carol for a minute.

“Thank you very much, then,” Carol said. “I'll let you get on with your game.” She left the box on the corner of the table and settled back into the chair.

“Carol loves the pin, of
course,
” Mrs. Leghorn said to Mrs. Murray. “It's a sweet thing.”

“It gives her a
charge,
” Mr. Murray said.

Mrs. Murray regarded her husband. “For heaven's sake, Oliver,” she said finally, “don't talk like a child.”

Wearily, moving his feet because he had nothing else to do, Christopher went on down the road, hating the trees that moved slowly against his progress, hating the dust beneath his feet, hating the sky, hating this road, all roads, everywhere. He had been walking since morning, and all day the day before that, and the day before that, and days before that, back into the numberless line of walking days that dissolved, seemingly years ago, into the place he had left, once, before he started walking. This morning he had been walking past fields, and now he was walking past trees that mounted heavily to the road, and leaned across, bending their great old bodies toward him; Christopher had come into the forest at a crossroads, turning onto the forest road as though he had a choice, looking back once to see the other road, the one he had not chosen, going peacefully on through fields, in and out of towns, perhaps even coming to an end somewhere beyond Christopher's sight.

The cat had joined him shortly after he entered the forest, emerging from between the trees in a quick, shadowy movement that surprised Christopher at first and then, oddly, comforted him, and the cat had stayed beside him, moving closer to Christopher as the trees pressed insistently closer to them both, trotting along in the casual acceptance of human company that cats exhibit when they are frightened. Christopher, when he stopped once to rest, sitting on a large stone at the edge of the road, had rubbed the cat's ears and pulled the cat's tail affectionately, and had said, “Where we going, fellow? Any ideas?,” and the cat had closed his eyes meaningfully and opened them again.

“Haven't seen a house since we came into these trees,” Christopher remarked once, later, to the cat; squinting up at the sky, he had added, “Going to be dark before long.” He glanced apprehensively at the trees so close to him, irritated by the sound of his own voice in the silence, as though the trees were listening to him and, listening, had nodded solemnly to one another.

“Don't worry,” Christopher said to the cat. “Road's got to go
some
where.”

It was not much later—an hour before dark, probably—that Christopher and the cat paused, surprised, at a turn in the road, because a house was ahead. A neat stone fence ran down to the road, smoke came naturally from the chimneys, the doors and windows were not nailed shut, nor were the steps broken or the hinges sagging. It was a comfortable-looking, settled old house, made of stone like its fence, easily found in the pathless forest because it lay correctly, compactly, at the end of the road, which was not a road at all, of course, but merely a way to the house. Christopher thought briefly of the other way, long before, that he had not followed, and then moved forward, the cat at his heels, to the front door of the house.

The sound of a river came from among the trees. The river knew a way out of the forest, because it moved along sweetly and clearly, over clean stones and, unafraid, among the dark trees.

Christopher approached the house as he would any house, farmhouse, suburban home, or city apartment, and knocked politely and with pleasure on the warm front door.

“Come in, then,” a woman said as she opened it, and Christopher stepped inside, followed closely by the cat.

The woman stood back and looked for a minute at Christopher, her eyes searching and wide; he looked back at her and saw that she was young, not so young as he would have liked, but too young, seemingly, to be living in the heart of a forest.

“I've been here for a long time, though,” she said, as if she'd read his thoughts. Out of this dark hallway, he thought, she might look older; her hair curled a little around her face, and her eyes were far too wide for the rest of her, as if she were constantly straining to see in the gloom of the forest. She wore a long green dress that was gathered at her waist by a belt made of what he subsequently saw was grass woven into a rope; she was barefoot. While he stood uneasily just inside the door, looking at her as she looked at him, the cat went round the hall, stopping curiously at corners and before closed doors, glancing up, once, into the unlighted heights of the stairway that rose from the far end of the hall.

“He smells another cat,” she said. “We have one.”

“Phyllis,” a voice called from the back of the house, and the woman smiled quickly, nervously, at Christopher and said, “Come along, please. I shouldn't keep you waiting.”

He followed her to the door at the back of the hall, next to the stairway, and was grateful for the light that greeted them when she opened it. He was led directly into a great warm kitchen, glowing with an open fire on its hearth, and well lit, against the late-afternoon dimness of the forest, by three kerosene lamps set on table and shelves. A second woman stood by the stove, watching the pots that steamed and smelled maddeningly of onions and herbs; Christopher closed his eyes, like the cat, against the unbelievable beauty of warmth, light, and the smell of onions.

“Well,” the woman at the stove said with finality, turning to look at Christopher. She studied him carefully, as the other woman had done, and then turned her eyes to a bare whitewashed area, high on the kitchen wall, where lines and crosses indicated a rough measuring system. “Another day,” she said.

“What's your name?” the first woman asked Christopher, and he said “Christopher” without effort and then, “What's yours?”

“Phyllis,” the young woman said. “What's your cat's name?”

“I don't know,” Christopher said. He smiled a little. “It's not even my cat,” he went on, his voice gathering strength from the smell of the onions. “He just followed me here.”

“We'll have to name him something,” Phyllis said. When she spoke she looked away from Christopher, turning her overlarge eyes on him again only when she stopped speaking. “Our cat's named Grimalkin.”

“Grimalkin,” Christopher said.

“
Her
name,” Phyllis said, gesturing with her head toward the cook. “
Her
name's Aunt Cissy.”

“Circe,” the older woman said doggedly to the stove. “Circe I was born and Circe I will have for my name till I die.”

Although she seemed, from the way she stood and the way she kept her voice to a single note, to be much older than Phyllis, Christopher saw her face clearly in the light of the lamps—she was vigorous and clear-eyed, and the strength in her arms when she lifted the great iron pot easily off the stove and carried it to the stone table in the center of the kitchen surprised Christopher. The cat, who had followed Christopher and Phyllis into the kitchen, leaped noiselessly onto the bench beside the table, and then onto the table; Phyllis looked warily at Christopher for a minute before she pushed the cat gently to drive him off the table.

“We'll have to find a name for your cat,” she said apologetically as the cat leaped down without taking offense.

“Kitty,” Christopher said helplessly. “I guess I always call cats ‘Kitty.' ”

Phyllis shook her head. She was about to speak when Aunt Cissy stopped her with a glance, and Phyllis moved quickly to an iron chest in the corner of the kitchen, from which she took a cloth to spread on the table, and heavy stone plates and mugs, which she set on the table in four places. Christopher sat down on the bench, with his back to the table, to indicate clearly that he had no intention of presuming that he was sitting at the table but was on the bench only because he was tired, that he would not swing around to the table until invited warmly and specifically to do so.

“Are we almost ready, then?” Aunt Cissy said. She swept her eyes across the table, adjusted a fork, and stood back, her glance never for a minute resting on Christopher. Then she moved over to the wall beside the door, where she stood, quiet and erect, and Phyllis went to stand beside her. Christopher, turning his head to look at them, had to turn again as footsteps approached from the hall, and after a minute's interminable pause, the door opened. The two women stayed respectfully by the far wall, and Christopher stood up without knowing why, except that it was his host who was entering.

This was a man toward the end of middle age; although he held his shoulders stiffly back, they looked as if they would sag without a constant effort. His face was lined and tired, and his mouth, like his shoulders, appeared to be falling downward into resignation. He was dressed, as the women were, in a long green robe tied at the waist, and he, too, was barefoot. As he stood in the doorway, with the darkness of the hall behind him, his white head shone softly, and his eyes, bright and curious, regarded Christopher for a long minute before they turned, as the older woman's had done, to the crude measuring system on the upper wall.

“We are honored to have you here,” he said at last to Christopher; his voice was resonant, like the sound of the wind in the trees. Without speaking again, he took his seat at the head of the stone table and gestured to Christopher to take the place on his right. Phyllis came away from her post by the door and slipped into the place across from Christopher, and Aunt Cissy served them all from the iron pot before taking her own place at the foot of the table.

Christopher stared down at the plate before him, and the rich smell of the onions and meat met him, so that he closed his eyes again for a minute before starting to eat. When he lifted his head he could see, over Phyllis's head, the dark window, the trees pressed so close against it that their branches were bent against the glass, a tangled crowd of leaves and branches looking in.

“What will we call you?” the old man asked Christopher at last.

“I'm Christopher,” Christopher said, looking only at his plate or up at the window.

“And have you come far?” the old man said.

“Very far.” Christopher smiled. “I suppose it seems farther than it really is,” he explained.

“I am named Oakes,” the old man said.

Christopher gathered himself together with an effort. Ever since entering this strange house he had been bewildered, as though intoxicated from his endless journey through the trees, and uneasy at coming from darkness and the watching forest into a house where he sat down without introductions at his host's table. Swallowing, Christopher turned to look at Mr. Oakes and said, “It's very kind of you to take me in. If you hadn't, I guess I'd have been wandering around in the woods all night.”

Mr. Oakes bowed his head slightly at Christopher.

“I guess I was a little frightened,” Christopher said with a small embarrassed laugh. “All those trees.”

“Indeed, yes,” Mr. Oakes said placidly. “All those trees.”

Christopher wondered if he had shown his gratitude adequately. He wanted very much to say something further, something that might lead to an explicit definition of his privileges: whether he was to stay the night, for instance, or whether he must go out again into the woods in the darkness; whether, if he did stay the night, he might have in the morning another such meal as this dinner. When Aunt Cissy filled his plate a second time, Christopher smiled up at her. “This is certainly wonderful,” he said to her. “I don't know when I've had a meal I enjoyed this much.”

Aunt Cissy bowed her head to him as Mr. Oakes had before.

“The food comes from the woods, of course,” Mr. Oakes said. “Circe gathers her onions down by the river, but naturally none of that need concern you.”

“I suppose not,” Christopher said, feeling that he was not to stay the night.

“Tomorrow will be soon enough for you to see the house,” Mr. Oakes added.

“I suppose so,” Christopher said, realizing that he was indeed to stay the night.

“Tonight,” Mr. Oakes said, his voice deliberately light. “Tonight, I should like to hear about you, and what things you have seen on your journey, and what takes place in the world you have left.”

Christopher smiled. Knowing that he could stay the night, could not in charity be dismissed before the morning, he felt relaxed. Aunt Cissy's good dinner had pleased him, and he was ready enough to talk with his host.

“I don't really know quite
how
I got here,” he said. “I just took the road into the woods.”

“You would have to go through the woods to get here,” his host agreed soberly.

“Before
that,
” Christopher went on, “I passed a lot of farmhouses and a little town—do you know the name of it? I asked a woman there for a meal and she turned me away.”

He laughed now, at the memory, with Aunt Cissy's good dinner warm inside him.

“And before that,” he said, “I was studying.”

“You are a scholar,” the old man said. “Naturally.”

“I don't know
why.
” Christopher turned at last to Mr. Oakes and spoke frankly. “I don't know why,” he repeated. “One day I was there, in college, like everyone else, and then the next day I just left, without any reason except that I did.” He glanced from Mr. Oakes to Phyllis to Aunt Cissy; they were all looking at him with blank expectation. He stopped, then said lamely, “And I guess that's all that happened before I came here.”

“He brought a cat with him,” Phyllis said softly, her eyes down.

“A cat?” Mr. Oakes looked politely around the kitchen, saw Christopher's cat curled up under the stove, and nodded. “One brought a dog,” he said to Aunt Cissy. “Do you remember the dog?”

Aunt Cissy nodded, her face unchanging.

There was a sound at the door, and Phyllis said, without moving, “That is our Grimalkin coming for his supper.”

Aunt Cissy rose and went over to the outer door and opened it. A cat, tiger-striped where Christopher's cat was black, but about the same size, trotted casually into the kitchen, without a glance at Aunt Cissy, went directly for the stove, then saw Christopher's cat. Christopher's cat lifted his head lazily, widened his eyes, and stared at Grimalkin.