Let Me Go (11 page)

The entire time he kept thinking of Kat, of
the bastard hitting Kat, of Kat still sitting quietly on the floor,
watching the situation unfold. He finally released Junior and
watched him inhale deeply, drawing in the breath that Mason had
prevented. He knew Junior feared him. Hell, he almost feared
himself. He kicked Junior out with a warning and took a moment to
collect his own bearings.

Finally, when he felt like his pulse was
beating a steady rhythm – well, as steady as it was going to get –
he turned toward Kat, who he could have sworn was reaching out to
him. For a second, he let the weight of that reaction sink in. The
woman was almost raped, hit brutally, watched a pretty heated and
scary exchange, and she was reaching for him. He knew, in the back
of his mind, it was because she wanted to comfort him, to hold him,
to thank him. And for that brief moment, he saw Kat in a different
light. She wasn’t a junkie; she wasn’t his accuser; she wasn’t an
evil, sadistic person. But just as quickly as the thoughts came to
him they left.

He asked her if she was all right and
although he knew she wasn’t, she put on a brave face and answered
him honestly. “I will be.” He knew how that felt. He knew that
things weren’t okay now, but with time she would heal. That’s what
had happened to him.

He put her to bed, but sitting there,
watching her watch him, he almost broke down. Now that everything
had settled down, the memories exploded behind his eyelids and he
needed to escape them. He needed to escape her.

He ran out of the room and found Benny
waiting by the door. Benny looked at him with both pity and
understanding. All Mason had to do was nod and Benny understood.
Benny understood that Mason needed to be alone right now, but
someone needed to stay with Kat. No matter what he had done to Kat,
he made sure to never truly harm her, to never physically hurt her.
And here, under his watch and under his command, that had happened.
He wasn’t heartless, and he wasn’t without care. If a part of him
wanted to admit, he did care about Kat. God knew he shouldn’t, and
he’d never let himself believe that, but he did. She was spunky and
beautiful and even kind; she was truly like a different person than
the one he knew, than the one he had expected, and she had thrown
him for a loop. And as much as he had played up his hatred for her,
he wasn’t insensitive to her needs right now. Benny knew that and
was willing to help. He patted Mason on the shoulder and walked
into Kat’s room.

Mason went to his room, where he now stared
at the ceiling as if it held all the answers to the mysteries of
his life. He closed his eyes, but the memories flooded his mind. He
felt the hands holding him down; he felt the body parts pressing
against him, in him; he felt the bile rise up. He had pushed all
that aside, buried that part of himself after Benny and his friends
had saved him, after they took him under their wing and made sure
Mason was never harmed that way again. He owed them so much, but
right now, he couldn’t think. That episode with Kat had brought all
that to the surface. He opened his eyes so he wouldn’t have to see
the images replaying in his mind like a movie. He could have lived
with the rape accusation; he could have lived with his license
being revoked; he could have lived with losing his reputation and
his prestigious job; he even could have lived with losing his
family and friends, but his breaking point was when he couldn’t
live with his own body. And that was thanks to Kat. The same Kat
that was starting to consume his thoughts, the same Kat that he
wanted to protect just an hour ago, and the same Kat that was
showing him a different side of herself. And now he was torn, torn
by his own past and by the woman in the other room.

He couldn’t stop the tears that ran down his
cheeks. This pain, these memories, that was what he wanted to hide
from. That was the reason he wanted to break Kat’s will to mirror
his own. But damn, she was stronger, so much stronger than he ever
was, and he commended her for that. She was sitting in the other
room, no doubt worrying about him, while he let his broken soul
take over his body and mind, but he couldn’t help it, he was just
that – broken.

After tossing and turning and trying
desperately to keep the memories at bay, Mason finally fell into a
restless sleep.

Chapter 16

Kat slept off
and on for the last few hours. Every time she closed her eyes, she
relived the fear of helplessly being pinned against the wall. Benny
had been there when she finally fell asleep, but was gone by the
first time she woke up. She wanted to stay awake because she didn’t
like the dreams, and she liked knowing that Mason was just down the
hall.
Her kidnapper turned savior.
And when she stared at
the darkness surrounding her, she imagined a pair of hard green
eyes turning soft when they looked at her. She could see the pain,
the rage, the undying determination to finish what was started, but
then the green eyes would see her and they would reflect hurt,
sadness, and most definitely worry.

And with that comforting image, she flitted
back to sleep. She dreamed again of Junior taunting her, but
slowly, his image began to fade as his mouth formed an awkward
shape. Before his face distorted and the dream disappeared around
her, she barely heard his words. “No, please, you don’t want to do
this. No. God, no.” Something was wrong, this wasn’t how it
happened, and she couldn’t help the haunting feeling that something
wasn’t right. All at once, the dream turned back into reality and
she woke with a start, panting hard. She heard the words echoing in
her head along with her heartbeat that suddenly pounded loud and
dangerous in her chest.

She heard the begging again, barely audible
through the fog that had surrounded her. “No, please, you don’t
want to do this. No. God, no.” She didn’t comprehend what was going
on for a moment, trying to determine if she was still sleeping. And
then it hit her, quickly and suddenly.
That was Mason!

She hopped out of her bed and made it to
Mason’s room in seconds flat. And there he was, sprawled on his bed
with his legs and arms flailing like he was fighting. Yet his eyes
were closed tight. He was having a nightmare. Instinct took over
and she made her way to the bed and caught his arms before he had a
chance to harm her. She held them tightly against her chest with
one hand and began stroking his drenched brow. “Mason, shhh, it’s
all right. It’s Kat, you’re all right. Please wake up.” She
repeated this several times before he finally stirred. The
confusion on his face was evident as he became aware of his
surroundings.

“Shh, it’s all right,” she soothed. “You
were having a nightmare.”

“Kat?”

“Yes, you’re all right. I’m here.”

*****

Mason hadn’t had nightmares in a while. He
used to get them in prison and he even had a few here and there
when he got out, but he had mostly suppressed that part of his
life. Apparently what happened with Kat earlier had brought up more
than he realized. His nightmare this time was from the first time
he was raped. The dream was so vivid while it was happening, he
would have sworn it was happening all over again. Ironically, it
really happened in real life like it did in movies – guy gets
cornered in a room by a few guys, he tries to fight to no avail,
and then the rest is, well, not so pretty.

“We heard you like force,” the guy had
said.

“Don’t know what you’re talking about,”
Mason had answered as he tried to make his way around the first
guy.

“Oh, I think you do. When someone says no,
people say you’re supposed to stop. But you, pretty boy, you think
you’re above that. Lucky for you, I don’t stop either. Or, I guess,
lucky for me. And now it’s my turn to show you just how lucky I
am.”

The reality sunk in, and Mason found out
what it meant to be forced. And it was all Kat’s fault.

He had begged them, pleaded with them, and
told them that they didn’t want to do this to him. He cried even
though he tried not to. It was painful, torture to have to relive
that.

Just when he didn’t think he could take
anymore, he heard a soft voice calling to him, pulling him out of
this misery. He tried to find the source of such a beautiful sound.
He couldn’t see anyone, but the sound eased his pain. He kept
trying to listen harder, and finally it paid off, the faces
disappeared around him until he only saw one. He blinked in
confusion, not understanding what was happening. He didn’t
understand much except that he felt safe and comfortable. He looked
at the woman staring down at him, and he thought she must have been
sent to protect him. An angel, as cliché as that sounded. Her face
was framed by the darkness, but there was a soft white glow around
her from the light in the hallway. She was stroking his face
gingerly and whispering.

Finally, he heard her voice loud and clear.
“Shh, it’s all right. You were having a nightmare.”

“Kat?”

“Yes, you’re all right. I’m here.”

She had pulled him out of that pain and
although he knew he wouldn’t be all right, she brought some
semblance of peace with her soft touch and comforting words. He
needed to feel safe and knew she would oblige. That’s when he sat
up and reached for her. He pulled her toward him and enveloped her
in a fierce hug.

She stroked his back, whispering in his ear
that he would be all right. He knew the irony was that if she
hadn’t falsely accused him of rape, he wouldn’t have been in prison
and wouldn’t need the comfort he sought from her right now. He was
vaguely aware that he was only in a pair of boxers and she was in
the camisole and shorts that he had gotten for her to sleep in. He
felt her body heat mix with his own, and he liked that feeling. He
liked sitting there in her arms, feeling her soft flesh pressed
against his hard lines. He was able to forget what they were, where
they were. They weren’t accuser and kidnapper. They weren’t
enemies. He wasn’t allowing this comfort simply because she was the
only available source, and she wasn’t providing it simply because
she was a good person now, even if she wasn’t then.
No.
This
was just two people who needed each other. He could pretend even if
his mind knew better.

Eventually she pulled away, but only so she
could look into his eyes. He saw the pity, the regret, and the
pain. She wasn’t pretending. She was truly worried about him. That
just enforced how different she was, but again, he wouldn’t think
of that. Not now.

“Mason, do you want to talk about it? Get it
off your chest?”

That caught him off guard, but he recovered
quickly. Did he want to talk about it?
Hell no
. But he had
suddenly lost his voice, so he just shook his head.

“That’s all right, I understand. Many
victims of traumatic experiences don’t want to discuss the details
of what they witnessed or what happened to them. They often feel
ashamed or just don’t want to relive the memories. They feel if
they can bury them, they can move on. But if you keep it bottled up
inside you, it will eat at you and you will continue to have
nightmares.”

She sounded like a damn shrink. Some small
part of him wanted to admit that she was probably right. But how
the hell does one start talking about something like this? They
don’t. They keep it inside and hope it goes away.

“Mason, I have a suspicion of what happened
to you. You may have been able to push it down for a while, but
what happened to me today, it triggered something. I bet that was
the cause of your nightmare. Please, just look at me and tell me if
I’m right. Are my suspicions true? Did what almost happen to me
happen to you?”

She took his face in both her hands and
forced him to look at her. He didn’t answer, not with words or even
with a nod. He kept his face blank, but he must have given
something away because Kat gasped. “Oh God, I’m so sorry. I’m so
sorry. No one should have to go through that. Oh, Mason.” And then
she wrapped her arms around him. She sniffled, and he could have
sworn she was crying silent tears, but he couldn’t see her face and
he still couldn’t speak.

She pulled back again, searching his face
for answers, but he had none. “I am going to try one more time.
Please talk to me. You need to talk to someone and I know what I’m
doing.”

He didn’t know how that was possible. She
sounded so formal, so professional. He couldn’t quite put his
finger on it, but he believed she really did know what she was
doing. It didn’t mean he was going to talk to her.

“No,” he responded. “I appreciate you coming
in here and waking me from my dreams. It’s nothing I can’t handle,
so you can go back to bed. We are still waking up in a few short
hours and I expect breakfast to be ready.” He had tried to make his
voice sound stern, but he knew he had failed.

“No,” she answered back.

“No?”

“That’s right, you heard me. No. We aren’t
getting up in a few hours. I’m not making breakfast at six. And I’m
not leaving you here by yourself to wallow in your own misery.
Nope. No can do. I might not be out there helping others like I
should be, but I can be with you. You want to go back to sleep?
Fine. I’ll stay here to make sure you don’t have any more
nightmares. But frankly, my sleep hasn’t been all that great
tonight, and I doubt I will be going back to bed. So Mason, tell me
something about yourself. What is your last name? Where are your
parents? Do you have any brothers or sisters? What is your favorite
childhood memory? You don’t want to talk about your problems? Okay.
But we are talking. So start.”

And just like that, all his problems were
forgotten. Her feisty spirit actually made him laugh. Yes, he
laughed.

“What’s so funny?” she asked, sounding a
little offended.