Lessons Learned (10 page)

“That looked serious. What’s up with him?”

“I wish I knew,” I said, gathering today’s papers and stuffing them into my bag.

“No grading tonight! We have a date with Ferris Bueller, remember?”

I grinned. “Yes, I remember, but if I don’t get them graded before Friday, I might not get to go to the football game, and we know what a tragedy that would be.”

“Oh, you’re going to the football game.” Aubrey grabbed me by the hand and led me out the classroom door. “If you think I’m spending another football season sitting in those stands by myself, you’ve seriously lost your mind.”

I couldn’t help but grin. “Were you always this bossy? I really don’t remember this side of you at all.”

Aubrey ignored my question and hooked her arm through mine as we walked down the hallway. “Besides, we have to talk about boys.”

“No, we don’t.”

“Really? Because there’s a new swing hanging from your front porch that would suggest otherwise.”

Sighing in defeat, I linked my arm through hers and accepted my fate.

Chapter 8

“I’ve never seen so much green.”

    It was true. Our side of the stadium was packed with fans wearing their Sycamore green hoodies for the first football game of the year. The visitors’ stands weren’t nearly as full, and I wondered if it was the long drive or the bitter cold that had kept them away.

“Who are we playing?” I scanned the other side of the field, trying to remember which of the surrounding schools wore blue and white.

“No idea,” Lucas grinned, “but they look really cold in their blue            T-shirts.”

The weather was always unpredictable in the mountains, even in late summer. One day, you could wake up to sunny skies and seventy-degree temperatures. The next morning, you’d be digging in your closet for a jacket because fall arrived early, causing the temperatures to plunge overnight.

“I bet poor Mabel had to make a batch of hoodies and sweatshirts just for tonight’s game.”

Lucas leaned close. “Are you okay? The crowd isn’t too much?”

The crowd was noisy and loud, but I was okay so far.

“I’m good,” I replied. Shivering, I glanced toward the concession stand. Maybe something warm to drink would help.

“Why don’t I go see if they’re selling hot chocolate or something?” Lucas offered.

“It’s scary how well you can read my mind.”

He grinned. “It’s a gift.”

Aubrey finally arrived and dropped down onto the bleacher next to me. Thankfully, she waited until Lucas was out of earshot to begin the interrogation.

“I love that the two of you are wearing matching hoodies. It’s incredibly cute.”

I rolled my eyes. “You know, if you take a look around, you’ll see we match just about everyone on this side of the stadium.”

“And it’s your first date!”

“It’s not a date. We are two new faculty members sitting together at a football game.”

“Hmm.” She wasn’t at all convinced, but she let me off the hook and scanned the crowd. “Look at this place! I think the whole town is here tonight.

The bright, excited faces of our students reminded me of the football games we’d attended in high school. Our small group of friends would spend our Friday nights in the student section—all decked out in our Panther green—screaming wildly for Tommy and his team. There was always a bonfire afterward, and a few parties out near the river, which were illegal for any of us to attend. Of course, that hadn’t stopped us—just like it wouldn’t stop any of our students tonight.

It’s amazing how high school never really changes.

The game began just as Lucas reappeared with three steaming cups of hot chocolate. We thanked him and settled in—with me sandwiched in the middle and being pressed against Lucas’s side.

“You know Matt, of course,” Aubrey said, pointing toward the field at number sixteen. Matt had his own cheering section, and the girls would explode with squeals each time he completed a pass or even turned his head in their direction. Aubrey spent the first half of the game pointing out the players and their positions. The crowd was deafening, and by halftime, we were leading by three touchdowns while my body was trembling from the cold.

“You’re freezing,” Lucas whispered in my ear.

I somehow resisted the urge to lean against the warmth of his body. We were surrounded by our students and their snooping parents, not to mention my infuriating, and less-than-subtle, best friend who was practically shoving me into his lap.

“Football games are great for cuddling under blankets,” Aubrey offered helpfully. Lucas chuckled, and I shot her a glare. I had just returned my attention to the field and the cheerleaders’ halftime dance when I felt a tap on my shoulder.

“Sarah Bray?”

I turned to find myself staring into the eyes of a middle-aged woman. She was wearing a Sycamore jersey with number sixteen printed in big white letters on the front.

“Yes?”

“I thought so. I’m Debbie Stuart. I went to high school with your mother.”

I tried to force a smile. I wasn’t opposed to talking about my mom. I was just proud I’d held it together through this first week of school. I’d hate to lose my composure during a high school football game while surrounded by hundreds of screaming fans.

“It’s nice to meet you, Mrs. Stuart.”

“My son is in your class.  Matthew has never really enjoyed anything but football, but now he loves English.”

“Oh, you’re Matt’s mother?” I asked, and she nodded proudly. “He’s a wonderful young man and very hard-working.”

“Thank you. His father and I are hoping all of his hard work leads to a football scholarship.” Her grin faded slightly as her eyes raked across my face. “You have your mother’s eyes. They were such a pretty shade. We always joked she was a true Sycamore Panther because her eyes were as green as our basketball uniforms. Did you know your mother played basketball?”

“Yes, she played point guard.”

So had I. I’d been too short to play anything else.

She smiled fondly. “That’s right.  Lord, she loved your father. And you. I know she’d be proud of you, especially after everything that happened at your last school.

I could feel Lucas’s eyes on me as I tried to hold it together.

“The entire community prayed for you,” Debbie continued, oblivious to my anxiety. “The world is such a scary place, isn’t it? To believe someone would bring a gun into a school.”

Suddenly, the stands erupted with cheers and everyone rose to their feet, clapping wildly.

“They fumbled the kickoff!” Aubrey screeched excitedly.

I nodded slightly and tried to control my breathing, but it was all too much—the memories, the noise, and the lights.

Tension spiked, causing my body to shake uncontrollably.

Before I even knew what was happening, Lucas was pulling me by the hand and leading me down the bleachers. People passed me in a blur as he led me behind the concession stand. Despite the cold, I pressed my back against the concrete of the building, struggling to catch my breath. Lucas leaned close, wrapping his arms around me. I was freezing and far too emotional to resist, and I melted against him as I began to weep.

“It’s okay,” he whispered against my hair. “You’re okay, sweetheart.”

Having his arms around me while I cried was the strangest feeling. Ryan, my ex, had never been able to handle my unexpected emotional outbursts. I’d grown accustomed to hearing the door slam and crying myself to sleep once the anxiety finally diminished.

Ryan had never held me during a panic attack.

Not once.

My tears subsiding, I lifted my head until I found his eyes in the darkness. Lucas was gazing down at me, his eyes filled with worry.

“I don’t know why you’re my friend,” I muttered shakily. “I’m a complete and utter mess.”

Smiling softly, Lucas gently stroked my cheek, wiping away my tears.

“You’re a beautiful mess.”

It wasn’t the first time he’d told me I was beautiful, but the words surprised me just the same.

Feeling slightly calmer, I buried my face against his chest once again. Sighing softly, his arms tightened around me. The whistles and cheers were a distant echo as we held onto one another in the darkness.

“Better?”

I nodded.

“Let me take you home,” Lucas whispered against my ear.

I lifted my head toward his. “I can drive.”

He looked skeptical.

“It’s the weekend. I can’t just leave my car at the stadium.”

Lucas nodded. “Okay, but I’m following you home.”

“Okay.”

Taking my hand, Lucas led us out of the shadows.

“This porch swing is amazing,” Aubrey said.

The freezing temperatures of last night gave way to a beautiful Saturday afternoon. Lucas had called at dawn, checking to make sure I was all right. He now had a small piece of my story, thanks to Matt’s mom, and her reference to the gun. He didn’t mention it, though, and I convinced him I was fine despite the fact my night had been restless. I’d finally given in around three and had taken my medication. After that, I did manage to sleep, but I had crazy nightmares.  They’d seemed so real at the time, but I could hardly remember them in the daylight. I’d napped throughout the morning until Aubrey called, and I invited her over for lunch to apologize for abandoning her last night.

“I was just worried about you, but then I got excited.” Aubrey grinned mischievously.

“I suppose hoping the two of you deserted me to go find a back road and a back seat was just wishful thinking?”

“Very wishful,” I replied quietly, careful not to disturb the sleeping child in my arms. Daniel had been full of energy during lunch, but once we were outside, the rhythmic rocking of the swing had lulled him right to sleep. It surprised me how much I loved holding him.

“You need one.”

Confused, I looked up. “One what?”

Aubrey nodded toward her son, and I rolled my eyes.

“Oh yeah, a baby is exactly what I need right now.”

We grew quiet then, each of us lost in our thoughts. I knew she was curious about last night, and I felt compelled to offer her some sort of explanation.

“Aubrey, I had a panic attack last night.”

She tilted her head. “Really? Is that why you left?”

I nodded. My fingers lingered in Daniel’s hair, twisting the curly strands framing his peaceful face.

“Debbie didn’t mean to upset you.”

“I know she didn’t. It’s inevitable. I’ve moved back to my hometown. People are going to mention my parents. It’s just something I have to get used to, you know?”

“Is that why you stayed away from Sycamore Falls? To avoid the memories?”

I sighed. “Memphis was such a clean slate. No one knew anything about my past or my family unless I wanted them to know. Random strangers didn’t just walk up to me, ask about my parents’ accident, or how I was handling it all. It was much easier to move on with my life.”

“But you weren’t moving on,” Aubrey murmured. “You were avoiding dealing with the pain.”

“That’s what my therapist says, too, but in Memphis, I was at least able to function somewhat normally. I had a decent job and good friends, and I had a boyfriend who loved me as long as I kept my emotions in check.”

Her forehead creased. “He should have loved you even when you couldn’t hold it together.”

“Maybe that’s why he’s my
ex
-boyfriend.”

Her face grew thoughtful.

“Lucas took care of you last night.”

“Yes, and it wasn’t the first time.”

Aubrey listened intently while I told her about the first panic attack I’d had in front of him.

“And he stayed, which is something Ryan had never done for me.”

“I’m glad you have him, Sarah.”

“Me too. He’s a good friend.”

Smiling, she cleared her throat. “So, have you been to the falls lately?”

I sighed. I was seriously beginning to think men gossiped worse than women.

“Lucas has a big mouth.”

“It’s not really his fault. Tommy just can’t keep a secret.”

“It’s not a
secret
, necessarily. It’s just another reminder that nothing in this small town is sacred.”