Leopard Dreaming (61 page)

‘It’ll work, Mira. It has to. We can play the movies up loud. Invite all the SAS wipeouts and some of the staff, and make sure everyone sees that we never leave. Then in the wee hours, somebody’s going to pick a fight with me, and we’ll all get thrown out. You’ve got an open door policy with Garland now, so you’ll be demanding a transfer to a private hospital. Then you’ll all use the security cameras from here to the front gate, with your personal jammers switched off, to ensure the precise exit times are all fully recorded to lock in your alibis.’

‘Jayson, no!’ She tugged him back to the sofa and pushed him down, desperate to talk him out of it. ‘Do
you think I’d abandon you to a murder charge? You’ve already had one hanging over you for your sergeant. Has it crossed your mind that it could be reinstated?’

‘I have an exit strategy too. Three actually, but if all goes to plan, Kitching’s death will be blamed on surgical complications.’

Dropping to her knees, she clasped his hands to her heart. ‘I won’t risk losing you to jail. I simply won’t. Noble intentions are a poor excuse for crossing to the dark side. That’s what started this whole chain of events over the disputed isles in the first place. Same reason we agree with Garland’s motives, most days of the week, but not her methods.’

‘Sometimes it takes dirty deeds to keep the peace.’

‘Sure, maybe. You’d be wiser about those kinds of missions than me, but I doubt this is one of them. After everything he did to us, I can think of a far crueller punishment than death. And it’s you who should be fearing me because of that. I hope he
does
live — a very long, excruciating life in which he never gets to see any of his kids, grandkids or little greats ever again. And what kind of a cold monster does that make me?’

All the tension and worry fell out of his face. ‘A vixen who can heat me up anytime. Or in this case, cool me down. You make a compelling argument, for someone who’s relatively new at this. But I have to warn you, if he escapes custody a second time —’

‘Three strikes, he’s out. I get it. No passing Go. No get out of Hell free cards. I’ll polish your Glock myself.’

He nodded, taking an extra pause, as if he dreaded the third order of business as much as her. ‘In the bunker, in the old surgery where they had you and Ben …’

Uh-oh,
she thought.
Here it comes.

‘Did they go through with it?’

‘I suspect the real question here is; how much would it change things between you and me if they did?’

‘So it’s done, then.’

‘To be honest, I’m not sure. I don’t think they got what they wanted. I don’t feel violated or anything, just seriously disgusted. I fought so hard, but then having no prior experience down there with the plug and play parts for boys and girls, I wouldn’t know if they were even aiming for the traditional route, or my naval.’

‘Hang on, are we talking about the same thing?’

Mira baulked, wondering the same thing herself now. ‘That room was set up for one purpose only,’ she said. ‘You must have noticed, surely? They saved Ben’s life first by pumping his stomach and neutralising some of the painkillers, but only because it suited their main objective. They didn’t hesitate in shooting him up with more goop, including a huge gulp of their old family recipe.’

‘No time for sightseeing when I passed through. It looked to me like they’d set themselves up for extracting cellular samples, but I expected it to be from you. The last time I saw equipment like that, Kitching had been preparing to cut out your eyes, or at least your lenses.’

‘He had his head set on cellular samples all right, but this time not from my eyes.’

‘Their main objective, specifically?’

‘It sounds crazy,’ she sighed. ‘They were trying to establish a production line for more little monsters like me and Freddie.’

‘That
does
sound crazy,’ he conceded.

‘That’s what I told
them
when they chose Ben as the father.’

‘
What
? Did they turn him against you after all?’

‘No!’

‘Did he hurt you? Or plan to?’

‘No, and no!’

‘Mira, listen to me, please. I need to know, did Ben rape you, or not? Because if they took anything from him forcibly that’s one thing; he’s a victim. But if he
volunteered to help them, or cooperated in any other way —’

‘No, no, no, nooo!’ She clamped hands over her ears until he stopped. ‘He wasn’t supposed to be the father. Well, not the
actual
father. Not the first choice, anyway. And certainly not the only one.’

‘Are you only saying that because you know I’d have to beat him to living Hell if he hurt you?’

‘Actually, he’s now my unofficial big brother, so if I ever fall pregnant unwillingly, I believe it’s him who’ll be coming to you first, to … quote: “invoke the unwritten law to beat the shit out of you”.’

Lockman chuckled; more music to her ears. ‘That’s a relief. I’d even hand myself over, given those circumstances, but if he wasn’t there as the father, then who did they …?’

‘Good thing you’re sitting down, I guess.’ Glancing to his lap, she checked which thigh had the slight bulge of a bandage under his pants cloth, then pointed to the other one. ‘Do you mind if I …?’

He opened his arm, inviting her in, and she sat sideways on his good leg. His arm went round her waist, low to her bandage, and hers went high, allowing her to cuddle his head against her shoulder.

‘You’re calm now, right?’ She could already feel the tension soaking out through his skin into her fingertips, but the energy field around him remained so intense she could feel it engulfing her.

‘Only with you.’ He closed his eyes briefly, and let out an involuntary sigh.

‘Good, because they had a long list of men for me.’ She caught his face gently as his eyes snapped open. ‘None of them were ever meant to touch me. They were all Fragile X carriers, best suited to their new breeding program. I’m not condoning it. I’m just saying they weren’t trying to rape me in the traditional sense. Reverse engineering was a less viable option, so
they tried to harvest me for gene splicing. They wanted to pick and choose specific characteristics for their designer children. So they had a long needle with a sucking hose, but I don’t think they got it anywhere near me, and the only reason I’m not sure is because of that weird drug they gave me.’

‘Then it’s over. I shot the place to Hell, and Garland followed through with a clean-up crew.’

‘I need to go back one day soon, so I can be sure.’ She cupped his head with both hands, caressing his temples with her thumbs. ‘It’s not only because I don’t trust her — although that’s part of it.’

‘So long as you’re safe.’ He nuzzled into her neck and breathed in, as if filling his lungs with her scent. ‘Mmmm, delicious,’ he whispered huskily. ‘If you didn’t have such a serious wound and need nursing checks at least four times a day, I’d whisk you away to my old mountain hideaway right about now.’

It worried her that there’d been a time when he’d needed such a place for himself. ‘Is it far?’

‘Too far for you. And it’s only a little mountain cabin. One room and a fireplace. The only way to get there is by horse or mustering chopper.’

‘Somewhere to take all your girlfriends?’ She smiled, trusting him so deeply on every level but still feeling a new layer of prickly hackles spike up down the back of her neck. No more than normal fine body hair, made to stand to attention by brief exposure to static. Yet each dipped in poisonous green jealousy, dried and sharpened into deadly points.

She’d been stung by jealousy before, on first hearing that Ben knew other girls, but this was different. Nail files to knives, Persians to panthers, bullets to missiles. She had to get up from his lap and walk it off.

‘Nothing as flash as a bachelor pad, really. Just a step up from a tent during mustering.’

‘Sounds amazing.’ She could barely hope for peace enough some day that she could ever get away that far from the world again. If only for a holiday. She’d never give up on her true friends, now that she’d finally found some. Or the chance to make such a lasting difference in the world. She had no hope of filling the gaping loss of Maddy Sanchez, but she could make her proud, knowing the light of her life would still linger for many centuries, and that repercussions would grow stronger now, unlike the echoes of her voice.

All echoed into silence.

Lockman startled her from her thoughts, appearing at her side, as if from a dream. Her brand new dream, of life with him — and a family. Her very own family.

Like magic, he dropped to one knee, gathered her hands in his, and she had to bite hard on her lip to feel pain again and know it was real.

‘My beautiful Mirage.’ He kissed her hand. ‘You hold me together, while tearing me apart and you’ve rebuilt me into a man that I could never be on my own. You’ve taught me things about myself I thought I’d lost, and you heat me, cool me, melt me in all the right ways. You’ve made me face the darkness I’ve always feared within me, and you’ve sent me to oblivion. You
are
my sweet oblivion. And I surrender.’ He took off his dog tags, balled them into her hand and gazed up at her with those dark, handsome eyes. ‘Mira Chambers, will you …’

‘Wait!’ she cried, dropping beside him. ‘Please. I love you too. I really do.’ She dropped his dog tags into her cleavage, close to her heart for safekeeping, and gathered his hands to her lips, where she laid gentle kisses slowly and tenderly across each of his knuckles. ‘But before you say anything you might regret, there’s still one thing you need to know.’

He shook his head determinedly. ‘There’s not a thing in this universe that could change how I feel.’

‘Oh, Jayson. That’s actually my fear. That even after you know, you’ll make the sacrifice to stay with me, when you could have a much happier life, ultimately with a normal girl as a wife, and maybe a healthy family.’

‘Hold it right there.’

‘I can’t,’ she pleaded, nuzzling the energy field from her cheek against his. Aching to be sure it wouldn’t be for the last time. ‘This is big, Jayson. Huge, actually. I’m all at sea over it, and you know how I am over water. I’m listing one way while the tide’s breaching back the other, and I have no clue how to deal with it on my own.’

He pulled her into his arms, ever so gently, exploding fire through her chest, which had to be hurting his injuries too, but the physical pain helped distract her from the far more powerful emotions. As he caught her against him, he saved her as always from falling.

‘It wouldn’t be fair on you. You have to know,’ she whispered, ‘before we strengthen this wonderful leash between us into a chain.’

‘I’m listening. I’m not convinced, but I’m listening.’ He brushed her lip with his thumb, and drew a small smile out of her. ‘Start slow, or let me have it. Either way, let’s deal and be done with it.’

She swallowed hard, taking his gift of strength and embracing it. ‘Freddie Leopard was my grandfather.’

‘Oh, hell.’

He fell silent for a long moment, and she saw the colour fall out of his face. Horror, fear and dread all washed over his expression, and came to rest on regret.

‘I tried to warn you.’
Kill me now,
she thought.
Put me out of my misery.
‘Any dreams you have of a normal life and family will die if you stay with me.’

‘Oh, sweet, Mira. Always thinking of other people. And I’m such a bastard. You were right to worry.’ He swept her back to her feet, and left her standing, while
he paced away and back again with his head hung in shame.

Seeing him in such pain made all the demons from her nightmares boil up and evaporate, leaving only one small beast facing her from the shadows — one she’d never known existed at all until that moment.

Her fear of never becoming a mother. Never being able to hand the child to him, and call him father, husband, partner, lover. Never being able to sing to her child, as her own mother had once done for her, and
Ode to Joy
never hurt more … She ached to bear a child for him, some day, more than anything.

‘We could adopt,’ she offered hopefully. ‘When things settle down, if —’

‘Stop,’ he flared, striding back to her. First time she’d ever seen his anger directed at her, and it stopped her dead. ‘Don’t you dare think what you’re thinking,’ he warned in a voice that made her realise it was only fierce protection of her own feelings. ‘Of course, I’d love to have a family with you some day, but that’s furthest from my mind right now. You must have seen what I did at the bunker. You’d never miss a detail like that. Especially in the heat of action. You can rewind time whenever you want.’

She blinked at him, mystified. ‘Actually, I think our train of thoughts just derailed.’

‘It’s not you, Mira. It’s me. I never should have … I
had
my Glock. I
had
the kill shot …’

‘Several times, as I recall. Which one, specifically?’

‘Kurst.’ He raked his hair with disgust. ‘I hesitated when Freddie drew him out into the open, and he fired first.’

‘You let him shoot first, deliberately?’

He shook his head. ‘Not consciously. I don’t know. Maybe I did. Reflex should have taken over. And training. They’re meant to be one and the same. But if I’d known Freddie was your grandfather, I’m sure they
both would have snapped me to attention. If I could go back, I’d die before I’d let it go down that way again, but at the time … after the way he treated you, the way he kept manipulating everything and trying to reel you back to Serenity at any cost … I guess I had it in the back of my head that he had to go down with Kitching, or you’d never be free.’

‘Hindsight is
my
curse, not yours. Don’t torture yourself.’

‘I swear,’ he said, clasping her hands to his heart. ‘It never occurred to me that you and he were family. Right or wrong, love him or hate him, in those last moments he shielded me and took me through to you. He saved Maddy too, for a time. And then he sacrificed himself to get me the kill shots I needed to get you all safely away. Then I blew that too.’