Leif (Existence) (4 page)

           “The life I walk binds my hands, it makes me take things that I don’t understand.

            I walk this dark world unknowing of what they hold true, forgetting
the me
I once knew—until you.

           The life I walk eternally was all I knew, nothing more held me here to this earth— until you.

            I feel the pain of every heart I
take,
I feel the desire to replace all that I have grown to hate.

           Darkness holds me close but the light still draws my empty soul, the emptiness where I used pain to fill the hole no longer controls me, no longer calls me—because of you.”

Dread
ran through me as the meaning of those words sank in.
Dankmar
was attached to Pagan. He’d kept her alive because he
felt
something for her. She was mine. I’d been there. I’d saved her and molded her. Death was NOT going to take her away from
me. I couldn’t tell Father.
He’d demand
that
I just take her.
She wasn’t ready
that yet. Not now. She was so close to feeling for me something deeper than friendship. I needed her love. I had to win her love.
When I took her from this life
,
I wanted her to go willingly.
Dankmar
would not stand in my way. She didn’t know who he was. She couldn’t. If she did, she’d be terrified. Pagan would not fall in love with Death.
I knew her well enough to know that she’d never accept who he really was.

4. A taste of heaven- Leif

“If you aren’t ready to start on my speech, I’m not in a hurry,” I whispered in Pagan’s
ear as she cuddled up against my side
. She sighed and pressed closer to me, as we sat on the couch. We were supposed to be watching a movie but that wasn’t happening.
I’d been doing
algebra equations in my head
all evening
to keep my mind from dwelling on the warmth of Pagan’s body, the
honeysuckle scent
in
her hair, and the fact her hand was
just above the waist of my jeans. Her other hand was clasped firmly in mine. Being this close was like a taste of heaven. The problem was my body wanted to have a larger bite. Preferably with Pagan on her back and me pressing down on her, NO! I had to get a grip.

             
My cell phone rang causing Pagan to squeal and cling to me.
“It’s my phone, not the fire alarm.
Jeesh
, you’re jumpy tonight.”
I teased reaching into my pocket and pulling it out. The number was private which meant it was my father.

“Hello?”

“Death is jest outside de
gurl’s
house. Leave,” Father replied in my ear. I hadn’t felt Death’s presence. Why was Father calling me about this? I wasn’t ready to leave. Pagan was mine.

“I’m at Pagan’s right now
….I
realize that, but I’m busy….We haven’t finished it yet.”

“Don
argue
wit me. Leave. Now.”

“Okay, I’m on my way,”
I replied knowing arguing with my father was pointless. He had his reasons. I wasn’t going far if I did leave. Death had been here almost every night for weeks. I didn’t understand it but I dealt with it.

“That was my dad. He needs me to ride with him to drop mom’s car off at the mechanic’s. They’re going to work on it first thing in the morning. He can’t go to bed until he has dropped it off and he’s beat after working a double shift at the station.”
I lied.

Pagan frowned sitting up straight,
“Oh, yeah, um, go on. We can work on the speech tomorrow.”

Something was bothering her. I did not want to leave her. Ever.
“You look uptight. I hate to leave you all wound up.”

She forced a smile that didn’t meet her eyes.
“
I probably just need some sleep.
”

Leaning down
,
I captured her mouth with mine and
nipped gently on her bottom lip. Her mouth opened immediately and I slipped
my tongue
inside needing
a taste
. Leaving her was never easy. Having her warmth and taste on my lips would give me something to hold close until tomorrow morning.

Pagan
pressed up against
me and her breast brushed against my chest. All good intentions I may have had flew out the wi
ndow as a hungry moan escaped my chest
. Shifting, I laid Pagan back on the couch and came over her quickly taking her sweet swollen lips again.

Her legs parted and I eased down between them tucking my body as close to hers as it had ever been. The warmth
crad
l
ing
my hips sent a shiver of pleasure through my body. I needed more. Slipping my hands under her shirt
,
I reached the bottom edge of her bra.

“No,”
that
one word brought me back to reality. Slowly
,
I took my hand out from under her shirt and sat up pulling her with me. My breath was choppy and my heart was racing.
I’d been so
close to touching her. My erection was pressing against the zipper of my jeans causing a small amount of pain. Just enough to remind me that I need
ed
to get the hell out of here.

“Wow,”
I managed.
“I’m sorry, I got carried away,”
my eyes fell to the bottom of her shirt that was still bunched up from where my hand had
crept
underneath it. The flat smooth skin of her stomach mocked me and I winced as my hard-on jerked against the metal pressing into it.

“Don’t apologize. We just needed to stop. Your dad is waiting.”

My father. Damn. I’d forgot. Standing
up,
I grabbed my jacket and books. 
“Are you going to be okay until your mom gets home?”

             
Pagan smiled at me and nodded. I started to walk back over to her and get one more taste of her lips but I didn’t. Instead, I forced myself to walk out the door.

             
Dank Walker may be ignoring Pagan at school but Death was still watching her. I didn’t understand his actions but as long as he continued to hurt her and push her away I would stand back and let him send Pagan running into my arms.

        
Part
De
ux

5.
She was my creation
- Leif

             
They were letting him
keep
her? What were they thinking? Death couldn’t just have a soul. This was asinine. He was Death, dammit. He removes
the soul. He doesn’t keep the soul
. Pagan wrapped her arms tightly aro
und
Dankmarʼs
neck as if he was a life preserver and she was
drowning. Once, that had been me. I’d been the one she ran to. I had been her safe place. She may not remember it but every moment in her life I had been there. It had been my arms that held her. It had been my words that soothed her. Always me.
Iʼd
taken my time.
Iʼd
wanted her to grow up normally.
The world in which I dwelled
wasnʼt
easy.
Making sure she had love and safety as she grew had been my number one priority. Father had told me to take her sooner but
Iʼd
waited.
Iʼd
wanted her to choose me. To want
me… and she
had.
But only for a moment.

Death’s cold eyes lifted and m
e
t mine. The challenge was there. He wanted her but did he really know her? She was my creation. I could read every expression on her face. I understood her emotions. The bright glow lit his eyes and I knew he wouldn’t stand by while I explained everything to her. Pagan was in his arms. That was where she wanted to be, for now. But I held all the memories that would change things. Finding a way to get close enough to her to feed the lost memories of our times together back into her thoughts would be difficult. Father would know how.
I’d
go seek help from him.
Dankmar
may be Death but I
wasn’t
without power. Pagan would see that there were things she needed to know before she made her final decision.

I
wouldn’t
let her shut me out today. Not here. Not now. First
,
she
would
remember
. Then, once she understood what I was to her, I
would
let
her choose. In the end, Pagan would choose me. She had to. There wasn’t going to be another choice.

“Don come in here
askinʼ
fer
me da help you.
Jusʼ
take da
gurl
. Fuck
Dankmar
.
Jes
cause he won de
gurl
don mean he can
ʻave
her.
Dat
ainʼt
whut
de rules say. De
gurlʼs
soul is
yers
. Now take it.” My father,
Ghede
- the Voodoo lord of the dead, stood up scowling at me as the redheaded female spilled from his lap onto the floor. Without even a glimpse back at her to see if she was
alright
, Father grabbed his two signature cigarettes and lit them with a simple snap of his fingers. The woman in the floor scrambled to pull the low cut top of her dress back over her bare breasts. The nervous mannerisms of her movements caught my attention.
That
wasnʼt
normal.
Most of my
f
ather’s
harem
would have continued to lay sprawled out on the floor with
their
bare chest in clear view of anyone who decided to look her way. Frowning, I noticed the light pink in her cheeks and jerked my gaze back to
Father’s
.

             
 
“
She’s
alive?” I asked unable to mask the horrified expression on my face.

             
Father chuckled and shifted his dark gaze to the woman while taking a long puff on his cigarettes. “I get bored. De chit shouldn’t
ʻave
messed wit de voodoo. De blush in her cheeks is nice,
heh
? I
lak
dis one.”

The complete disregard to the
woman’s
life
didn’t
surprise me. Father never was one to care much about life. He enjoyed the death of a follower. Taking a soul inside its human body
wasn’t
something he did. Unless they allowed him to by practicing voodoo rituals that opened themselves up to his interference.

             
 
“What of her body? Will you just keep it too?”

             
Father flashed a wicked smile toward the woman whose rapidly beating heart I could hear from across the room. “I
lak
de body.”

Stupid woman. She was now
Ghedeʼs
new toy until he was bored with her. Shaking my head, I
couldn’t
think about that right now. I had my own set of issues. “Father please, just
tell
me what to do.
Dankmar
has her. She wants him. How do I make her remember? He protects her and I
can’t
get anywhere near her.”


Father reached up and adjusted his top hat before pulling the cigarettes from his mouth and leaning forward across the desk. “
Dankmar
is Death. He
can’t
always be
dere
wit de
gurl
.”

             
 
Dankmar
had a job to do. If he was with Pagan during the day, then… that left the night.

             
 
“I go to her while
he’s
working,” I said aloud and my father nodded his head and slipped the cigarettes back between his lips.

             
“Ye
s. Give de memories to her while
she sleeps.”

             
In her dreams. Perfect.