Leggy Blonde: A Memoir (15 page)

How Are Prosthetic Legs Made?

When you have a below-the-knee amputation like mine, the prosthetist takes a cast of your stump—or “residual limb,” the preferred term. Then they use the cast to create a mold to build a socket for the residual limb to fit into. The artistry comes in when the prosthetist builds a foam shape of your good leg—or “sound leg” as they call it. Then they flip it, right for left, and make a foam model and fit it with a silicone “skin” on top. The aesthetics—moles, shading, veins—are designed when casting and tinting the silicone skin. It takes about two months to make a prosthesis. Other types, like sports limbs, are made differently. Each limb is custom made to each person’s residual limb. No two prosthetic legs or arms are ever the same.

An above-the-knee amputation requires a more complicated prosthesis, with a mechanical “knee.” It’s truly a marvel of technology.

How Much Does the Prosthesis Weigh?

It’s slightly heavier than my normal leg. You’d think that I’d have a muscular left thigh from lifting the prosthesis around. But my right thigh is
much stronger. I favor it. I always lean and stand on my right leg. Actually, my left thigh is somewhat atrophied. I should do physical therapy to build it up but I can’t be bothered. I have four kids, and too much to do.

What Kind of Exercise Can You Do?

Anything I want. I am not great at putting all my weight on my one prosthetic leg and balancing, so yoga can be a challenge. I have not gotten a running leg yet, but I am getting more and more into running and may get one soon! I can use gym machines like the StairMaster and the elliptical trainer. My preference right now is spinning class. I go three times a week to Soul Cycle (
www.soul-cycle.com
).

To spin, you have to click the cycling shoe into the pedal. For a long time, the teacher had to manually click my prosthetic foot into the pedal for me. I couldn’t feel the click. But after a while, I got it. I spin with my flat foot. You have to stand up, sit down, go fast, go slow. I don’t have a left calf muscle, after all. To compensate, my hamstring and quad have to make up the difference. I don’t know exactly how I manage to pedal without an ankle joint, but it somehow works.

The real trouble at spin class, though, is sweat. My stump sweats. After forty-five minutes of spinning, sweat pours into the silicone sleeve and creates a puddle. (I could use a special deodorant to eliminate sweating altogether inside the prosthesis, but that stuff contains aluminum. See list of fears.) If I stepped off the bike like that, the sleeve would slip off. At the end of my spinning class, while everyone else is stretching, I discreetly take a T-shirt and wrap it around my knee. I release the pin and roll down the silicone sleeve. I dry the inside of it and my stump with a towel. I quickly roll the sleeve back in, click in, and I’m good to go.

This is why I always take a bike in the back row, with the wall behind me.

How High Is Your High Heel Leg?

I can wear a 3
¹
/
₂
- to 4
¹
/
₂
-inch heel. I can cheat a little up or down if I’m prepared to be off balance.

Do You Have a Swim Leg?

I use an old flat leg as my swim leg. Sometimes it stays wet for a few hours. Not a big deal.

Are Your Real and Artificial Legs Different Shades During the Summer?

No. I have my prosthesis designed a few shades darker than my good leg. In the winter, it’s a nonissue because of pants and tights. During the warm months, I lay out to catch up my good leg to match the tone of the prosthesis, and then wear sunblock to prevent further tanning.

Do You Get a Pedicure on the Artificial Legs?

Of course! I go to my favorite pedicurist with my spare leg in a bag. They keep some things for me at the salon. Regular acetone polish remover actually removes the fake nail. They keep a special non-acetone remover in stock for me.

When I get a pedicure, only my real foot gets the whole treatment. But all of my fifteen toes get polish. I match the color on all
three feet. First, the pedicurist polishes my real toes and whatever leg I’m wearing. While I’m drying, she takes my spare leg into the back and changes the color. Then she puts it back into the bag for me to take home. They’re so sweet, they don’t charge me extra for having three feet. Not once have any of my pedicurists said or done anything to make me feel uncomfortable. Though I prefer them to polish the third leg in the back and not in front of the customers. I don’t want to scare them off. Once the manicurist walked out from the back carrying my prosthesis in her hand. All the patrons stared. I wanted to die of embarrassment.

Are the Toes Separated Like on a Normal Foot, or Does It Look Like a Barbie Foot?

It’s not like a Barbie foot at all. The leg also has veins and capillaries, moles, and different shades. It truly is a work of art. It looks like a real human leg, not a smooth plastic doll’s. It’s great for my psyche to look down at my legs and see how similar they are. It’s like having my own two legs. The toes are separated. Well, just the big toe. The other four are joined. The space between the big toe and the rest is the perfect width for flip-flips and sandals.

Have You Been Hit on by Amputee Fetishists?

Yes! I’ve been propositioned by tweet from a man who started asking me innocent questions about my leg, like, “How does it work?” and “Do you wear it to sleep?” He said he was asking for an amputee “friend.” I innocently answered all questions in detail. I even sent pictures! But then he asked me to describe the stump. He asked me to send him a picture of me touching it. And that’s when
he got blocked. A very
creepy
and
huge
downside of being in the public eye.

How Much Does the Amputation Affect Your Day-to-Day Life?

I put on the prosthesis every morning. I have to have the skin repaired frequently. I’m pretty rough on it, so I get tears and broken nails. I’m dependent on it, like someone with bad vision relies on glasses. It seems like losing a body part—a breast, an arm, or a leg—would be among the most horrible things to endure. It has its annoyances. But human beings have an incredible ability to adapt—especially children. The new body becomes your reality. You really do get used to it. Before long, having one leg becomes the new normal.

Adult amputees do find it harder to adapt, but they do. I met a man recently who was missing his arms and legs, and he was one of the happiest guys ever. He had a beautiful wife and child. When people see him, they don’t know what to do. They can’t shake his hand. So he says, “Come on and give me a hug.” Everyone feels at ease. He’s an amazing person with an indomitable spirit. If you are a naturally affectionate, happy person, you will be that way whether you have four limbs or three. Or none. If you’re a cranky, whiny bastard, then you will probably be that way after an accident or disease. Your basic personality doesn’t do a 180 just because you lose a limb. You’ll still be you.

The only example of my leg getting in the way of my living is having to get frequent repairs. It’s a time-suck to schlepp to Long Island and wait for the fittings. Luckily, my prosthetist will let me mail the
leg to him for simple repairs. I’m grateful for the skill and work that goes into my repairs. But I hate losing a day to get them or being without my prosthesis while it’s in the mail.

But If You Could, Would You Have Both Legs Back?

I don’t go there. No one can go back in time. I’m not going to say that the accident was a blessing in disguise. It was an accident. It changed the course of my life. Looking back at what might have been would be a waste of time. With four kids, I have no time to waste. I haven’t let my leg (or lack of one) slow me down or keep me from doing anything I wanted to do. When people rewrite their own history—if I’d married that man, or landed that job, or hadn’t had my foot chewed off in a barn cleaner—they’re living in a fantasy world. I’m a realist’s realist. I exist in the here and now. Right here, right now, I have a great life. No complaints.

Are You Discriminated Against?

A lot of people in my social and professional circles never knew I wore a prosthesis. Appearing on
The Real Housewives of New York City
was like coming out of the amputee closet. Since then, I haven’t noticed any marked change in the way people treat me.

The only time I’ve felt a pang was when pregnant friends have an amniocentesis or sonograms. “If there was anything wrong with the baby, I would abort,” they’ve said.

I asked, “Anything? Really? Like, say, the baby had a missing arm or leg?”

“Absolutely.”

That smarts. Those people believe that their child couldn’t be happy and have a full life with a missing limb. My existence wouldn’t be worth having? Really? They simply don’t know what they are talking about. I tell myself that if they walked a mile in my shoes, they wouldn’t feel the same way.

What Other Leg Options Can You Get Besides Flat, High Heel, Swimming, and Running?

You can get a skiing leg, a dancing leg, a tap dancing leg, different legs for different sports. The sky is the limit. You can get anything you want, if you are willing to pay for it or your insurance will pay for it.

I heard Heather Mills, Paul McCartney’s ex-wife, had a nightclub dancing leg. I don’t know how it was different from a normal prosthesis. I danced on tables in Paris in my primitive, abrasion-maddening, hard plastic leg just fine. But if she or anyone could think up a certain kind of leg, if she has the resources, she can get it made.

What Happens If You Gain or Lose Weight? Would the Prosthesis Fit?

No, it wouldn’t. And that’s a huge problem. If you gain or lose ten pounds, it can affect the fit and balance of the leg. During my pregnancies, I gained forty pounds. Ideally, I would have had a pregnancy leg. But I made do with what I had. We all wake up in the morning more swollen, and as the day goes on, we shrink, especially when we’re pregnant. My prosthesis was really tight in the morning. I figured out that if I slept in the silicone sleeve, I wouldn’t swell as much, and I could get the prosthesis on more easily. During normal
weight fluctuations, I add socks to make the socket tighter if I lose weight. If I gain, I don’t wear any socks. Because of this issue, I have to be very careful about not putting on extra pounds, or eating salty food that would make me bloat.

Is It a Great Feeling to Take It Off at Night?

I do love getting into my bed and clicking it off. It just feels good to stretch out under the covers and relax. But, honestly, it’s a bigger relief to take off my bra at night. My bra is more uncomfortable than my leg.

Does the Residual Leg Get Itchy or Need Special Skin Care?

It can. Fortunately, I’m not rash prone. Heat rashes can happen. Overall, the silicone sleeve protects my stump from chafing. I haven’t had a single abrasion since I had that second amputation at twenty-six. I do have calluses on my knee from wearing the prosthesis. I don’t slough them away, though. They give me protective natural padding.

Do You Shave the Stump?

I don’t need to. I’m blond and don’t have a lot of hair. The hair that grows on the residual limb is fine white baby hair and not worth risking a nick over. For others, I think shaving is not recommended because rashes can occur.

Do You Shower with the Leg On or Off?

Off. I shower standing on one leg. This is my real talent. I can shampoo, condition, lather, and scrub on one leg. If I need help
with the balance, I lean on the wall for a second. In our current apartment, however, our bathtub is big and round with a curtain. I don’t have a wall to lean on, so I got a little stool and sit on it in the shower.

The worst part of showering isn’t having one leg. It’s having kids! There’s a constant parade through the bathroom. They never leave me alone in there. I don’t wish I had another leg to shower. I wish I had privacy.

What Do the Kids Think about Your Leg(s)?

They think nothing of it. My kids are still very young, from eleven to two. When the time is right and their vocabulary is more advanced, I’ll explain it all to the little ones. But for now, they know the basics. I had an accident when I was younger. I wear a “special leg” because I had a big boo-boo. I don’t make a big deal of it, and neither do they. My older kids know some of the details. My ten-year-old stepdaughter, Veronica, came into my bedroom last night and put my prosthesis between her knees and said, “I’ve got three legs!” (Okay, stop thinking dirty here, guys.) She seems to have more curiosity about my leg than her siblings. When she asks me a question—a lot of the ones I’ve included in this chapter—I give her a clear answer she can understand. Harrison, my oldest son, is eleven, and the only time he mentions it is when I hop into the pool with my leg off. He is very protective of me and gets nervous when I swim without the prosthesis, like I might drown. It’s easier to float without the heavy prosthesis, but he thinks being able to kick with two legs is safer. I explain to him that I’m perfectly fine. My five-year-old has never said a word, and my two-year-old likes to play with my silicone toenails when they fall off.

Um, Your Toenails Fall Off?

I call them my “prosthetoes.” Yes, the glue that holds them on the leg wears away, and the little toenails fall off. My prosthetist sends me extra glue and spare nails. I call and say, “Yeah, hello, I need a pinky and a fourth nail. Thanks!” They send the replacement parts by FedEx, and I just do spot repairs myself. My stepdaughter Veronica thinks it’s hilarious when I randomly shed a nail. We make fun of it. It’s not creepy or weird to her. She loves to make fun of my foot when I get tears as well. She makes fun of me all the time. I like being the butt of her jokes. The leg is just an extension of that.

Do You Ever Use Your Leg to Get Out of Things You Don’t Want to Do?

No. Well, once. I was all tucked into bed, and one of the kids called out for a glass of water. I turned to Reid and said, “I’d do it, but I’ve got my leg off. Sorry, honey.” Reid looked at me and laughed. I think I even got an eye roll on that one.