Legend of Mace (30 page)

Jason just nodded his head, his eyes wide, confused by her demeanor.

"I'll be right back," Jade said, trying to sound reassuring.

Returning to Mace, Jade suddenly began to sob. "You can't do this. You can't just up and leave. There's got to be another way." She grabbed him by his jacket and shook him as she stared into his eyes. "There's got to be another way."

Mace's face looked drained as he slowly shook his head. "I have to, Jade. It's the only answer."

With tears on her face, Jade's shoulders sagged as she realized the futility of arguing with him. When his mind was made up, he became immovable. "There's nothing I can do to change your mind, is there?" she said, already knowing the answer.

Mace shook his head again slowly.

Backing up against the wall, Jade was suddenly overcome with emotion and placed her hand against her chest. Her face was wracked with pain and she slowly slid to the floor, her eyes glued to Mace, as she felt her strength drain out of her.  She let her head fall forward and covered  her face with her hands. The sobs came deep and hard as the reality hit her. Not knowing what to do, Mace waited for her to finish.

After a few minutes she pulled herself together enough to speak. "It would have been easier if you just died," she said a little bitterly, avoiding his gaze. "I hate losing you this way. I hate it," she repeated, keeping her voice low for the sake of the kids. Looking up at him sadly, she said, " I really thought you were getting better. I've stuck by you all this time. I never wanted to lose you, no matter how bad or hard you became. Now it turns out you're just going to leave me and your family. Where is the fairness in that?"

Mace sat down on the floor next to her and tried to explain in a way she could understand. "I don't want to leave you. Understand that. I may not be able to love you the way I once did, but you were always the one. I thought we'd be together until one of us died."

Looking at him wearily, Jade rested her head against his shoulder. She felt exhausted. Feeling his body respond in the usual way, Mace felt sick. He would die happy if he could just feel love and not some sexual need.

"I've done all I can do," he said quietly. "I can't change. You need to understand that. I don't think you realize just how dark I've become. Killing keeps it in check, and I've killed more than I'd like to admit." As she studied his face, he could tell she was really listening. "Not just kill, J," he said softly. "Torture. Mutilate. Destroy." He remained silent for a second, allowing her to process what he'd just revealed. "The worst part is - I enjoyed it."

"I'm not some babe in the woods," Jade confessed sorrowfully, locked in their connection. "I've watched you change. I've heard the stories circulate through camp. I accepted the part of you that is infected and turned a blind eye to it because you kept us all safe. I never thought for one second you were capable of hurting any of the kids.  In a way I'm just as complicit..."

"No," Mace said, cutting her off. "There is a big difference between our roles in this." She could see the deep pain in his expression. "The threats are almost all gone. The Plaguers haven't returned and I don't expect them to. If they do, this camp is more than prepared to deal with them." He returned to his original thoughts. "I would die before I would ever physically harm any kid in this camp. But if I stay, my darkness will still consume this place. It would destroy me to see our children become like me. As it is, I see it daily in the faces of the Rangers: their longing to live up to my expectations. A part of me feels damn proud I've made them so tough, but to think they could ever do the things I've done is crippling." Staring at the wall, he paused for a few seconds before finishing. "All I ever wanted to be was a good man. All I ever wanted was to feel love and be loved."

Jade looked up at him with a look of sorrow and love so complete he felt like his body would explode if he couldn't have her. He could tell she now understood. 

"A part of me is grateful for this infection," he admitted. "It gave me three years with you I wouldn't have had otherwise."

Jade put her arm around him and kissed him deeply as tears streamed down her face. "I'm so sorry," she said. "I'm so sorry for what this has done to you." She pulled back a few inches and took in his face. "I know the good man that lives inside you, regardless of what you've done. You've always been a good man. If you have to leave, I know I can't stop you." She stared at him for a few long seconds. "I understand your decision and why you are making it, and I respect you all the more for it." She stopped talking to keep herself from breaking down again. Stroking his face gently, she said, "If it wasn't for you, we never would have survived this long." She kissed him tenderly as her lip quivered. 
As she stared at him, she could see he was holding something back. "What is it?" she asked. "What aren't you telling me."

Not knowing how to verbalize his experience, he knew she deserved to know everything. "I felt it again, J. The light. All I've wanted is confirmation that it was real." His face went slack. "There was no peace in it. All I saw was the ugliness inside me." Confused, he shook his head lightly. "I was meant to be a Savior," he said slowly, without feeling. "I just don't know what it is I've become."

Jade's heart completely broke as she stared at him. He hadn't looked this vulnerable since Jason's death.

"Lay with me," she said, needing to be with him. "I want to be yours just one more time."

Pulling back, Mace shook his head. "I can't put you through that. It's not right."

Jade kissed him again. "It is right," she whispered. "You are still my husband."

Standing over Lisa, Melissa tried unsuccessfully to argue with her. "If you try to leave you will die, Lisa. You're very sick. I'm not sure if you'll even survive here, but it's your only shot." 

Lisa tried to smile, but a wave of pain turned it into a scowl. "There is nothing you can say to stop me," she said flatly. "I am not going to die in this goddamn bed. I'd rather finish this out on the road trying to do something to help this camp. That's my job. That's my role."

"I don't know how to even move you," Melissa said a bit more apprehensively. "Please, Lisa, listen to reason."

This time Lisa did smile. "I haven't listened to reason for years. Get me the bong. I'm going to smoke until I don't feel a thing. I want to at least walk out of here on my own accord."

Realizing she wouldn't be able to stop her, Melissa changed her demeanor. Looking at her a bit more softly, she said, "Look, we've still got some morphine stashed. I was saving it for you if you got worse."

"Thank you," Lisa said appreciatively. "I'd like to walk out of here a warrior and not some damn invalid."

Thinking ahead, Melissa said, "I'll put together a package of antibiotics and give you plenty of bandages and antiseptic so you can keep the wounds clean."

Lisa just shook her head. "Save it for the camp. We both know I'm not going to survive out there for long. It's how I want to go, though." Staring up at Melissa, Lisa asked, "Could you get Chelsea for me? I need to let her know I'm leaving."

Melissa smiled sadly. "If I can't talk you out of this, you know damn well she's going to try."

Ten minutes later Chelsea rushed into Lisa's room. "Melissa told me your leaving! What are you doing, mom?"

Despite the pain, Lisa reached her hand up and touched her daughter's hair with her hand. The discomfort was torturous and a tremor ran steadily through her wrist, but she kept herself in check. "I have to go, baby, and I need you to be okay with this."

Herman suddenly popped his head out from behind her shoulder and Lisa couldn't help but smile. "I really do love your little dragon," she said quietly as she stared at her daughter. "I'm sorry I was so hard on you before."

"It's just a lizard, mom, and I'm not okay with this. You can't just leave. You need to get better."

Lisa shook her head. "I'm not going to get better, Chelse. I'm going to die. I don't want to die in a bed with you watching me get worse every day. I need to do this. It's my choice."

"No!" Chelsea said, exasperated. "I am not going to just watch you leave to die! Forget it!" Tears started flowing down her face as she backed away. "Forget it! If you leave I won't be there to see you off. I swear! You'll be on your own!"

Chelsea stormed out of the room, despondent, vowing to never speak with her mother again if she tried to leave.

Gathering Roger and Woody the next morning, Mace sat them down around the war-table in the chapel. He needed to get everything off his chest. They both looked confused by his ultra-serious demeanor.

Roger stared at him reflectively. “What's going on?"

Having gone through it the night before with Jade, Mace was more prepared to share his thoughts. "I'm leaving. Today. In a few hours. I'm taking Lisa with me."

"What?" Roger asked, shocked by the declaration.

Woody concentrated on Mace's face. He looked older, more tired.

"We won't be coming back," Mace added. He gave them the same explanations he did for Jade. They both remained quiet as they listened.

"I'm not ready to give up on you," Roger said, suddenly emotional. "Don't give up on yourself." 

"You don't understand," Mace replied quietly. "I'm not giving up. I'm giving in."

"What does that even mean?" Roger asked, not getting it.

"I understand what is best for this camp, even if no one else can see it yet."

Roger remained silent as he stared at Mace's face. He knew he wouldn't be able to change his mind. 
"You taking the nukes?” he asked softly, reflecting on what Mace described as his final mission.

Nodding almost imperceptibly, Mace leaned in and got to the point he needed to make with Roger. “I’ve seen the chemistry between you and Jade,” he said, feeling his stomach churn as he expressed himself. The look on Roger's face was one of complete surprise. “I know you’ve never acted on anything, but I want you to take care of her once I am gone.”

Roger remained silent, floored by the request.

"And you," he said as he turned towards Woody. "The kids will listen to you. They'll follow you. This camp needs to change, and you will be instrumental in making that happen."

Woody nodded quietly, stunned, waiting for Mace to continue. Mace was his mentor, his father-figure, and his savior. Without Mace, they all would have perished.

Mace turned his attention back to Roger, feeling himself grow lighter as he let go of his burdens. "You are just what this camp needs, Roger. I saw it when I first asked you to stay. It is not easy for me to surrender everything I have to you, but I believe these people will follow you, and I believe you can lead them.” Nodding towards him, he reiterated the request he'd made moments ago. “I want you to take care of my wife like she is your own. I want you to raise my children like they are your own. I want my children to grow to be leaders with compassion, not killers without a conscience.”

Mace stood and paced briefly around the room as he thought about his departure. "I used to believe in God," he said, looking at Roger. "Now I know that God can't exist in me." Roger could see the pain in Mace's eyes as he continued.  "There is no trace of light left in me. It is time to end the infection that lives inside me."

Mace looked almost peaceful as he finished. "This is my last shot at redemption. More bloodshed may not buy me a place in heaven, but it will buy you time to become more than a camp of killers. It's what I have to do."

Looking sorrowfully at Mace, Roger said, "There is still light in you. If there wasn't, you wouldn't even be thinking along these lines. I've said it before and I'll say it again, you can control this thing. You don't need to leave." 

"Doesn't matter," Mace said. "I'm going. It's what's best for this camp. I understand that now."

Woody's head spun as he thought about how the camp would react to Mace leaving. "What do we tell everyone?" he asked, crushed by the thought of his mentor's departure.

"We tell them Lisa and I are going to end the threat. That's all they need to know."

"Any chance you'll come back?" Roger asked, his heart in his throat. "It doesn't have to end this way."

Mace shook his head. "This is how it ends. It's the only way." He turned and left the room.

The camp gathered round as Mace loaded the ambulance with  supplies. They'd attached a trailer to the back with extra canisters of gasoline. He really didn't know how far they could go before everything ran out. It would depend on what they found outside their walls.

Jade stood against the adobe barricade with Shawn on her hip, watching from a distance. Jason stood below her, holding her hand, his eyes glued to his father. They'd already said their goodbyes.

Twenty minutes earlier, Mace had crouched down and explained to Jason that he needed to go away for a while. Mace could still feel Jason's tears on his cheek from where he'd hugged him and begged him not to leave.

Loaded up on morphine and marijuana, Lisa walked out of the clinic on her own. Refusing any help, she walked slowly but proudly towards the ambulance where Mace waited with a wary smile. They would finish this together. It was time.

Chelsea wasn't in the crowd that cheered her every step. Making it to the ambulance, Mace opened the passenger side door for her. "You okay?" he asked.

She shook her head, trying to appear strong. "I think I'm gonna puke," she answered quietly. She held in a groan as he helped her inside and closed the door.

Mace scanned the crowd quickly for Chelsea before heading to the other side, where the entire camp now waited to send them off.

Many of the kids openly wept as he approached. While they weren't sure of the final outcome, they knew Mace and Lisa would be gone for a long period of time. The Rangers all lined up to shake his hand, while the girls all waited sadly to say goodbye. Everyone showed but Chelsea, who stayed inside her home, refusing to see her mother off.