Legacy of the Mist Clans Box Set (107 page)

“I dinna understand.”

“The members of our clan were no’ the only ones who doubted Ronan’s ability tae take his da’s place. Our allies also doubted, and greatly. Ronan couldna afford tae leave the clan tae placate them. He needed a man who knew these lairds, and with me being so much at the castle, I did. He also needed someone with an even temper who wouldna be provoked foolishly, but at the same time would be able tae stand on his own two feet when necessary.”

Mairi looked up at him. “He needed someone he could trust.”

“Aye, lassie,” Connell said softly. “That was only the half of it. I spent many a night away from home.” His voice cracked, and he drew in a steadying breath. “I missed so much of William’s life, his first steps, his first words. I remember returning from one long journey only tae learn that he had turned tae my brother tae teach him tae hold a sword and ride a horse. But being a hardheaded fool, I still didna learn my lesson.”

“Learn what lesson?”

He shook his head harshly.

“What happened?”

He didn’t speak for a long moment, but Mairi felt his arms tighten around her as a tremor passed through him. “William was ten years old, growing into a fine, strong lad. Longshanks’s war raged around us, but Ronan had kept us out of much of the fighting. Still, he could no’ keep us out of all of it. Whenever Ronan was present at a battle, he slew so many English that they called him the Scottish Demon. They couldna defeat him, and they hated him for it. Then an ally, one I had worked so hard tae win back, called on Ronan for aid. Ronan couldna ignore the plea and gathered us fighting men. I accompanied him and Aidan. ’Twas on that battlefield that tragedy struck. I saw Ronan’s horse fall but was on the other side of the field. I tried tae fight my way tae him, but I was too far away. Before I could reach him, the English took him prisoner. We had no idea where they took him, and Aidan was at wit’s end. But Aidan’s birds finally caught a rumor of where they held Ronan, so we rode out . . . tae our surprise, Ronan managed tae find us instead.”

“Find ye?”

“He had somehow escaped, although I’ll never ken how he managed it. The English had tortured him brutally. We heard his call and discovered him a good distance from the keep, closer to death than he was tae life. We brought him home but feared it was all for naught and he would die. Aidan learned of a healer of such reputation that she could work miracles. He called me and one of my friends, Robert, tae bring the healer tae Glen Gyle, but she was in the land of the Sassenach, a month’s journey tae travel there and back.”

“Lia?”

“Lia.”

“Since Ronan is alive and married tae her, I take it ye succeeded in yer quest.”

“Aye, but we almost failed, and then I failed Ina and William.”

“Failed? How is that possible, Connell?”

“We brought Lia from England and returned to terrified villagers and whispers of the Demon Laird’s curse. We had been gone so long we had no idea what happened. But the next morning, we learned that a strange plague had struck the villagers. It was deadly. They came in droves tae seek the aid of the healer we had brought.”

Mairi scowled, drudging through her memory, but if they had mentioned the details of this plague, she couldn’t remember them.

“I should have gone home the moment my foot hit the castle grounds,” he whispered, his voice breaking in grief. “But I didna.”

“Ye didna go home?”

Connell lowered his head, and she felt the tremor within him increase in power. “’Tis time I admit my shame. I didna want tae go home. Whenever I had tae leave on a duty for my laird, and whenever I returned, Ina would grow infuriated with me. We argued and fought bitterly. She would become so enraged she would throw anything she could get her hands on at me. Her anger never allowed her tae see what she was doing. She never thought her actions through; she grabbed up anything her hand could close around and hurled it at my head. And one night, she happened tae grab one of my daggers.”

“One of yer daggers?” Her voice rose in alarm.

“Fortunately, as ye ken, I have good reflexes. I moved just in time. The dagger buried in the door, barely missing my head, but Ina never truly realized what she had done—she never realized she had come close tae killing me.”

“That’s . . . that’s why ye thought . . .”

“After ten years of having things blindly tossed at ye in the midst of a fight, a man develops fast reflexes and a sense for what be in reach.”

She took a breath to apologize profusely to him, but again his arms tightened and his voice stopped her.

“I ken what ye be thinking, lassie, but ye can throw all the pillows ye want at my head; those I dinna mind. But the eve we returned tae the castle with Lia, I was exhausted from our journey. I was a bloody coward and didna have the stomach tae face Ina in another fight. I so simply found a bed in the castle barracks. Upon the dawn, we discovered the plague had struck.”

“So it was a good thing ye brought Lia.”

“Aye, but I didna ken it fully.”

“What?”

“This plague was so terrible that many villagers braved the rumors of the Demon Laird tae seek Lia’s aid. William was one of them, but he never tried tae find me. Lia discovered who he was and sent for me.”

“William did what?”

“I didna ken he was ill,” his voice cracked. “If I had, I would have gone home. Instead, they suffered alone that night. When Lia summoned me, I walked into a sick room filled with people and found my son. He apologized, saying his mum didna wish tae worry me, and that’s why they didna tell me. But his mum was even worse than he was. I immediately went home, but she wasna there. I found her in that damnable shop, so ill she was unable tae rise and tend tae herself. But she was even more terrified of going tae the castle and begged me no’ tae take her. I ignored her pleas, knowing if anyone could help her it would be Lia. The sick were so many they filled the great hall.”

“What was this plague?”

“Have ye heard of Holy Fire or St. Anthony’s Fire?”

“I’ve heard the name, but I dinna ken what it is.”

“’Tis an illness caused by blighted grain. Anything made from that grain becomes poisonous. If the illness was caught in time, Lia had a chance tae save them, and she worked so hard, she gave so much of herself and saved so many lives.”

Mairi squeezed her eyes closed, burrowing closer to him. “She tried, but she couldna save them.”

He wept openly. “I lost them all within days of each other. My wife, my brother, then finally my son. They were the only family I had left, and each one died in my arms.”

Mairi found herself crying with him. “Connell, I am so sorry.”

“I should have gone home. Even a couple of hours could have made the difference.” He sucked in a ragged breath and shuddered. “But even when William sought help, he didna come tae me. I was gone so much—I was never there for them. That’s why Ina fought with me; that’s why she kept William from me. It was only when I saw that my own son couldna reach out tae me when he needed help that I realized had no’ been a father tae him. William died because I was too cowardly tae face my wife that night and go home.”

Mairi lifted her head. In the dim moonlight, she could see the tears glistening on his cheeks. “Nay, Connell, that isna true. When they needed ye most, ye held them in yer arms.”

“I wasna there for them, and I paid dearly for that error.”

Oh God, what could she say? Adam finished feeding, and she stalled for time by returning him to his cradle. She suddenly understood the brand that had been laid upon Connell’s heart. She felt her own tears trickling down her face as she moved back into his embrace. He settled next to her, his arms tight around her. She propped herself on her elbow and gazed down at him.

He swallowed hard, studying her, then cupped her face in his hand and gently brushed away a tear. “This be why I didna wish tae tell ye. Yer heart is so great, ye dinna deserve tae be brought into my pain. This be my responsibility to bear. The Almighty gave me a gift of a wife and son, but I took them for granted, so the Almighty took His gift back.”

Tears streamed even faster down her cheeks with his words. She knew he had buried his pain, but she had never realized how deeply he was wounded. “Ye dinna deserve any of this. Just like ye dinna deserve tae be brought into my danger when ye pledged yer sword tae protect me and Adam.”

He blinked at that.

“Ye are a good man. I see how ye are with Adam, ye make a good father. If ye hadna been there in service . . . a man Ronan and Aidan could trust implicitly . . . if ye hadn’t brought Lia tae Castle MacGrigor, how many more would have died? Aye, ye would have been there for yer family, but the grain would have still been poisoned, and ye still would have lost them and yer laird . . . your friend . . . as well.”

A muscle flexed in his jaw and he swallowed hard, but his gaze grew more intense as he thought about her words.

She drew a deep breath. “And without ye, Adam and I would be dead.”

His arms tightened around her, and he hauled her to his chest. “Nay, Mairi,” he whispered hoarsely. “Dinna say those words. I canna bear tae think upon it. I canna bear tae think what this world would be like without ye in it.”

“Then listen tae me,” she said softly but firmly. “I ken ye be hurting, I understand the reason for it, but ye suffered enough pain, and I dinna want ye hurting anymore.”

He turned slowly so that now she was the one gazing up at him and he was propped on his elbow. His fingers gently traced over her face and then through her hair. “Ye were right,” he whispered. “Talking tae ye about them helps.” He hesitated and shook his head. “I dinna want tae be caught in the past, unable tae move forward. Yet it seems no matter how hard I try, I always find myself back in that same terrible place.”

“I ken that all too well. I ken how ye wish tae go back and change what happened. For so long I wished I could stop my husband from leaving tae fight in the war. But most of all I wish I could go back and change how I reacted when they told me he was dead. I didna think of the bairn I carried, and I should have. If I would have gone tae the midwife that day instead of crying into my pillow, she would have been able tae help me when I went into labor. My bairn might have lived. So I ken how badly ye wish ye could change what happened.” She took a deep breath and this time reached out to cup his face in her hands. “But there is one thing I would ne’er change.”

“What’s that?” Even in the dim light, she saw the warmth and compassion in his gaze. Although she might have been imagining things, she thought she saw something more in his beautiful blue eyes . . . hope.

“Making love tae ye this night,” she murmured and kissed him with all that was within her.

“When I had every reason tae celebrate, I hated celebrations and avoided revels. It was only attending a celebration when I thought I had no reason that I discovered two very precious ones.”

~
Connell MacGrigor

M
airi worked to prepare Connell’s midday meal, but her thoughts were on everything but what she was doing. A sennight had passed, and both she and Connell had stepped through the door to a new relationship, making new discoveries about each other almost every night. Common sense told her they were both still wrapped in a euphoric high that would settle sooner or later.

She debated over the Saint Clement medallion. She still did not wish to purchase it with the money Connell earned, but she feared she needed much longer than a fortnight to earn what she needed. That meant she had no choice but to ask Connell for the money.

He would give it to her, she knew, that wasn’t the problem. The problem was that she felt absolutely awful using his own money to purchase a gift for him.

Connell stepped through the door, interrupting her thoughts.

“How be work today?” she asked as she removed the pot and carried it to the table.

“Good,” he said and followed her. They sat down to eat together, and Connell concentrated on his meal while Mairi debated the problem in her head. She wanted to know why he didn’t celebrate St. Clement’s Day. If he was not inclined to patronize the saint of his profession, then the medallion would make a poor gift.

“Connell, forgive me. I am hesitant tae bring this up, but I need tae ask ye a question.”

He looked up from his food, an eyebrow lifted. “Aye?”

“Ye said ye dinna celebrate Saint Clement’s day. Ye mentioned ye grew weary of seeing yer da being the brunt of jests.”

His gaze slid back to his food. His chewing slowed and he frowned. “At every revel, someone was the brunt of the jests, no’ just my da.”

“What do ye mean?”

“I dinna just dislike Saint Clement’s day; I dislike most feast days that are celebrated with revels because someone is always made the fool somehow during the celebration. It doesna happen with the saints’ days that are spent in prayer and solemn respect, but the celebrations make mockery of certain people.”

“Mockery?” she asked, her thoughts scrambling. There were a few saints’ days where jests and silliness were tradition, but the rest that she knew of were simply enjoyable feasts and revels.

Connell studied her, his frown deepening.

“Wait a moment,” Mairi said. “How many feast days have ye seen outside of Glen Gyle?”

“No’ many. Even though I wasna in Glen Gyle for certain feasts, I usually went the other way when I saw them being celebrated elsewhere.”

“Perhaps ye should reserve judgment. I have a feeling yer clan celebrates a mite differently. The Saint Clement’s day feasts I’ve seen were all quite lively with plenty of ale and mead, but I dinna recall anyone being made a fool. Perhaps yer clan developed a few different traditions, being more remote in the Highlands.”

Connell thought for a long moment then slowly nodded. “I hope it be different here. I enjoy a fine feast and revel, but I dinna enjoy it when the reason tae celebrate comes at the price of another man’s pride.”

“I understand. I think ye will be pleasantly surprised because I dinna think Smith would be a man tae accept that sort of behavior either.”

“Aye.”

“But feast day aside, why do ye no’ patronize the saint of yer trade?”

He shrugged. “Until I came here, I really didna have a trade. After I lost Ina and William, I spent most of my time perfecting my fighting skills. Eventually, Aidan decided he needed a man tae guard his back. I think he did it tae get me away from Glen Gyle. I was too caught in my memories.” He lowered his gaze and stared at his food.

Mairi reached out and caught his hand, holding it tightly.

Connell looked at her, and again she saw the sorrow in his eyes, but it slowly faded, and his expression eased as he lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it. “Perhaps I should start patronizing the saint of my profession.” He paused, his gaze growing more intense. “Since returning tae my trade wholeheartedly, I have been blessed in several ways.”

She felt the blush rise in her cheeks, and Connell broke into a broad grin. He released her hand and finished his meal. “Have ye brought in any mending yet?”

“Nay.”

“If ye hesitate because of our argument . . .”

“That only be part of it.”

“Mairi, please forgive me for what I said.”

She waved him off. “I forgave ye a long time ago. Honestly, I canna earn enough coin that quickly, but I still dinna wish tae use yers.”

“The money I earn be yers too.”

“Nay, Connell, I . . .”

He shook his head harshly, though he grinned at her. “Peace, lassie, I have an idea.”

“What’s that?”

He pushed his chair back and rose. “Wait here, I’ll be right back.”

Mairi turned her head and watched him disappear into the bedroom.

A moment later, he was back carrying a small pouch, which he placed in front of her on the table. He returned to his chair.

“What’s this?” She opened it and saw three shillings and several pennies.

“Ye dinna have tae use the coin I earn. That be yer share of what I took off the brigands who attacked us. We used a little of it when I was injured, but otherwise, I’ve just been saving it.”

“The brigands?”

“Aye. The price on our heads was for all of us, so ’tis only fair that ye get yers and Adam’s portion. I’m only upset with myself for no’ thinking of this earlier.”

Mairi looked again at the pouch and started laughing. “Aye, it seems now that we had quite a row over absolutely nothing.”

Connell chuckled and rose, leaning over to kiss her softly. “At least we made amends in the best way possible.”

She grinned, and Connell returned for another kiss, this one growing more passionate. Mairi didn’t want to, but she gently pushed him away after a moment. “Ye will be late tae work if ye continue.”

“If I continue, I willna be returning tae work at all because I’ll end up in bed with ye again.”

“There’s always tonight,” she said saucily.

To her surprise, he sighed disconsolately. “But that be such a long wait.” He shot her a grin and walked out the door.

HHH

The sun was close to setting when Connell and Mairi left the house to attend the Saint Clement’s Day feast. Mairi had gone to the square to help Fiona and the other lasses prepare everything and decorate while Connell entertained Adam. But there were a few things he could not attend to with the bairn. Having things well in hand, Fiona sent Mairi and Connell home. Now that Adam had been fed and awakened from his nap, they were able to return. For Connell, it was perfect timing, as most of the people were there, and the boar was in its final stages. The scent of all the food made Connell’s mouth water. Yet no matter how hungry he was, he had to force himself to put one foot in front of the other and not turn around and drag Mairi back to the house.

He stole a sideways glance at her. She carried Adam in his sling again. If it wasn’t for her, he wouldn’t be setting foot outside the house tonight. It didn’t matter how much food they had, he still didn’t want to be here.

Mairi reached out and caught his hand, sliding under his arm until she was tucked firmly against his side. She looked up at him and gave him an encouraging smile.

“What?” Connell asked. Surely he wasn’t being that obvious.

“I ken ye dinna wish tae be here, but give it an honest chance. If ye are no’ having fun in an hour or two, then we’ll go home.”

He looked at her a long moment and shook head in amazement. “How do ye ken my thoughts so well?”

“That be my little secret,” she said and gave him a wink.

They entered the square, and Smith, along with several of their friends, barked a greeting and waved. It was only moments later when Connell discovered an ale tankard in his hand. Marcus led him to a seat next to Ian near the boar. Small tables they had pushed together for the food formed one massive one. Connell stared at the food in shock. He had seen some hearty feasts in his day, but this was amazing. It was a wonder the tables didn’t break under the weight of all that food.

Ian lounged in his chair, watching Hamish and the other men turn the spit. “Now dinna be turning it too quickly, it will be raw in places.”

Hamish rolled his eyes at him.

“Well it be about time,” Ian said as Connell approached. He gestured to the chair next to him. “I was beginning tae think ye changed yer mind.”

“I had . . . but my lassie insisted.” Mairi had gone the other direction to speak to Fiona.

Ian looked from him to Mairi and back again, then shot him a knowing grin. “Good for her.”

Connell chuckled and saluted him with his cup.

As the sun vanished on the western horizon, they had plenty of light with the bonfire and the torches lining the square. Connell simply watched the activity around him, waiting for things to spiral downward, and he was surprised when they didn’t.

One of the men had a flute that he was quite adept at playing. Another lad had brought a drum, and whenever they struck a lively tune, many in attendance clapped their hands, sang along, or even danced to the music. Not very many at first, but the numbers were growing.

But for the most part, people chatted and laughed together, enjoying each other’s company. Many came to speak to Connell and Ian to express their appreciation for the work they did. They thanked Ian for being such a staunch member of the community, and those who Connell had not met before welcomed him warmly.

Connell found his surprise growing. He was certain something would happen to ruin it all, but it didn’t. Everyone was happy and enjoying themselves, and not a single person made mockery of anyone else.

Finally, he shook his head and muttered under his breath. “Leave it tae my clan tae turn a feast day into a riot.”

“Pray pardon?” Ian asked.

Connell waved him off.

“Marcus,” Ian barked. “Connell’s tankard be almost dry. Get him some more ale.”

“Aye, Smith!” Marcus jumped up from his place beside Ian’s chair. Since his arrival earlier in the evening, he had been acting as a page for Ian and Connell.

“I’m surprised ye be having him fetch and carry,” Connell said.

“When he becomes an apprentice, then he can sit in a chair next tae ye. No’ until then. This is our one day, laddie, out of all the days this year—this one be
ours
. Enjoy it, for next year will be a long time in coming.”

Marcus returned momentarily with more ale for both Connell and Smith. “Mayhap there be hope for the lad yet,” Connell muttered under his breath and Smith guffawed.

Mairi approached, holding Adam against her shoulder. He battled to look around and try to see everything at once, his eyes wide. From the expression on his face, he wasn’t certain if he should be intrigued or terrified at the activity and noise. He was moving around so much in Mairi’s arms that she struggled to hold on to him. Connell set his tankard down and quickly stood, taking Adam before she could say anything.

“All right, laddie, cease abusing yer mum.” Connell had no problem keeping the lad in place.

“Thank ye,” Mairi said breathlessly, “my arms be about ready tae fall off.”

“Sit for a spell,” he said, offering his chair.

Ian looked sharply at Marcus. “Laddie, if I ever see ye on yer arse again when there be a lassie needing a chair, I’ll thrash it. Fetch her one.”

Marcus took off at a dead run.

“Thank ye, Smith,” Mairi said. “But dinna be so hard on the lad on my account.”

“Och, Mairi, just as I’ve told Connell time and time again, call me Ian. Ye two are practically family all ready.”

“Thank ye, Ian, but I’ve gotten so used tae calling ye Smith, I’ll probably do it just out of habit.”

“I do the same thing,” Connell said.

“Well, lassie, as tae Marcus, ’tis no’ entirely ye,” he said with a grin. “Connell deserves some justice here too. I ken the lad tries his patience on a daily basis.”

Connell laughed but abruptly stopped as Adam tried to push his way out of his arms. “Och, laddie, ye keep trying tae dive tae the ground, ye will find yerself succeeding one day, and ye willna be happy about it.”

“I was trying to make sure Fiona and the other lasses didna need any more help, but Adam became so unruly with all the activity. He canna take it all in fast enough. I vow, Connell, ye be right. He keeps this up, he will be on the ground sooner rather than later.”

“If he takes after his da at all, he’ll hit the ground running,” Ian said with a laugh.

Connell honestly expected himself to flinch with Ian’s words, but he didn’t. At least not like he once did. He hesitated, staring at Adam squirming in his arms. The loss was still there, it still hurt, but the agonizing memories didn’t possess his thoughts or wrap around his heart trying to squeeze it until it burst. Slowly, his gaze traveled from Adam to Mairi.

Was this what she had meant? Was he learning how to cope with the pain of loss?

He saw her watching him like a hawk. She understood his pain, and now she was helping him find his way through it. His lips slowly lifted until he gave her a genuine smile.

Mairi’s shoulders relaxed, and she returned his grin.

Marcus returned with a chair for her, and Mairi moved so Connell could sit next to Ian again. Fiona joined them and sat at her husband’s right. They were at the head of the table in a sense, but these were the best seats before the bonfire.

Suddenly, Hamish whooped loudly. “Look at this! The meat be falling off the bone.” His dagger speared the sizzling meat and he pulled—it indeed came right off. Hamish caught it to keep the chunk from falling into the fire and then howled again as he burned his hand. He quickly dumped it into a nearby bowl and blew on his fingers.

“I’ll get our food,” Mairi said and rose as Connell continued to battle to hold Adam in place.

The lads had moved the table in front of them, placing wooden bowls and plates upon it. Adam seemed to realize this meant food was on its way and finally settled down, content to have Connell hold him, his head tucked against Connell’s throat.