Legacy (Endlessly Book 2) (14 page)

20 waking up

My dreams were vivid, disturbing, and far too real. They were full of shouts, gunshots, and Verloren’s dead body in my arms as I cried out.

A hot hand nudged my shoulder
and a warm whisper came into my ear: “Ash… Ash, it’s ok. It’s just a dream.”

Those words I’d been longing to hear. Icy tears formed on my lashes. I turned my head trying to clear my mind. In the dark I sought him out. He was half crouched on the bed, hovering over me.

“Oh, Verloren,” I sobbed and closed my eyes.

I kissed him as I grasped at his naked chest. He hesitated. I kissed him more urgently. He pulled away, his thoughts confusing to me. I did
what I’d only done once before and used my full powers of attraction. He gave in, eagerly kissing me, and crushing his body into mine. Something was wrong with the kiss and these hands didn’t tremble when touching me. Had I pulled him too hard? He yanked at our clothes and I gasped when his hand found its target. I pulled away from his kiss to catch my breath. In the dark, his warm lips found my neck. I waited for him to taste my blood, but it never came. I turned my face to his shoulder and posed to bite, as my hand ran through his hair.
Why is it so short?

With only millimeters separating my fangs from his skin, my mind clicked into place. Finally my body awakened to the truth.

I shoved him away, groping for the bedside lamp. I was not in my bed. I refastened my clothes, flipped on the lamp, and understood what I had done. I was in a hotel with Jason. Shock rippled through me before changing to rage.

Jason scrambled to his own bed and sat on the edge. His bare chest he
aved. His jeans were unbuttoned and he wore a bewildered expression.

The monster inside me was loose. I was still sane enough to want him alive, so I slapped him hard across the face. He raised his han
d to ward off any further blows and stared at me, dumbstruck. I looked at the red mark on his face—more damage than a normal slap.

“How… dare you?” I managed between clenched teeth. I was shaking uncontrollably. I felt a tear slide down my cheek and my fury returned. I was mad at myself for crying. “How could you betray…”

He looked up at me, terrified, and stumbled over his words. “I was only doing what you wanted… you were making me… I couldn’t stop…” I felt his terrified confusion. Our cooperative feeding methods had strengthened our connection far too much.

I pointed at the door, my hands shaking. A b
lue flame leapt from my fingers and I knew the red mark on his face was a burn. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and managed to say what was necessary: “Get out before I kill you. I need… time.” I opened my eyes and glared at him.

He stood up and buttoned his pants. Fear, hurt, and anger mixed in his yellow eyes. He pulled on his clothes, marched to the door, and grabbed his coat off the hook.

“Fucking women.”

I felt anger. I had felt nothing for so long, but now I wanted to break something. I wanted everyone to know my anger. I wanted to inflict it on the people of Aberdeen, and even on the world.

I looked around the room, wanting to destroy it. I grabbed the remote. It began to melt at my touch. The fire pissed me off even more. I had built up elemental energy with, of all people, Jason. Jason. How could he? I snapped the remote in two, ran to the window, and flung it open. Jason was walking toward the motorcycle with a cigarette in his hand.

The anger intensified. I threw the remote, hitting the pavement beside him.
It shattered. Jason jumped and glared up at me like I was crazy.

“What the fuck?” he barked.

I spoke low enough for only him to hear. “Your ass better not hit the seat of his motorcycle. So help me, I will fucking jump out this window and rip your fucking head off.” I huffed and crossed my arms. Muscles twitched in my back where my wings had been. I threw a circle of flames around the bike. It was all I had left. The flames disappeared. I got light headed.

Jason backed up from the bike. “How the fuck am I supposed to get around?”

I was not going to let myself pass out. My head swam. I grabbed the window frame. Numbing vibrations ran through my hands. “You have legs,” I told him coldly. I was terrified of falling out the window. I took slow, deep breaths.

“Fucking tease,” he mumbled to himself. “First she wants to fuck me, then she wants to rip my head off. She’s like a fucking praying mantis. Blood sucking bitch.”

He walked toward the bridge calling me every name he could think of. I listened to his mind. He was pissed at me, but not nearly as mad as I was at him. As he reached the top of the bridge, he saw the bar. I knew where I would find him.

I closed the window and flopped down on my bed, still light headed. I was too angry to let myself pass out. All this energy had come from Jason. The thought disgusted me. My hands still trembled, but the blue flames were gone.

The clock said it was eleven at night. Out of the corner of my eye I saw something black on my pillow, a spot from my tears. It only renewed my anger at Jason for taking advantage of my vulnerability. I threw down the pillow and punched it, then squeezed it as if I were choking someone. I ripped out the stuffing, throwing it everywhere, then threw everything off the bed. I punched the air, then nailed myself in the chest. Finally I cried again and got mad at myself for crying.

I leaned against the headboard, my face in my hands. After enduring six months of nothingness my first real emotion was hate. What was better? Total indifference to all things, or blind, unreasoning rage? It was a moot point. The fury wouldn’t go away.

While I sat alone in the hotel room my anger grew into a terrifying monster. I aimed my fury at Jesse for following us and at Lex for leaving. I was mad at Jason for breaking up with Lex, causing her and the other gargoyles to leave. I was angry at Hania and Coylene because one of the born knowing should have stayed behind, at Sarah, because she had chosen that time to go hunting on her own, and at Cory and Fabi for being so weak. Finally I found another reason to be furious with Jason: for not fighting Jesse harder.

I was even angry with myself. The more I thought about things I could have done differently the more I hated myself. We should have stayed at the beach. Fuck the fact that it was raining. We should have taken a vacation. I should have destroyed Cory when he first laid his hands on Verloren. Maybe I should have killed both Jason and Cory before Jesse showed up. I would’ve traded Jason’s life for an eternity with Verloren.

At one point my fingers wandered to the necklace and found a terrifying thought there: the person I was angry with the most was… Verloren. Hadn’t he abandoned me? Hadn’t he caused this agony? I gripped the necklace almost hard enough to crush the rock, but I couldn’t. How could I destroy the only thing I had that proved his existence? I let it slip from my fingers, yet still I felt the harsh ache left by his absence. He’d left me just when I’d needed him most and I hated him for it.

It was enough to keep me from sleep even when I was far beyond exhaustion.

I turned off the light and tried to will myself to sleep, but the effort just left me more aggravated.

I lay there staring at the ceiling in the timeless paralysis of insomnia. Finally I heard footsteps on the stairs outside. I rolled on my side and pretended to sleep, then heard the click of the lock. Jason watched me, guarding against attack. I opened my eyes just enough to see him. He kicked off his shoes and plodded through the wreckage of the pillow. He took o
ff his jacket and shirt and sat on the bed facing mine. I closed my eyes, feigning sleep. I heard him slide off his bed.

He put a cold hand to my shoulder and shook. “Ash,” he whispered.

I opened my eyes and found his face too close to mine. I pulled away from the alcohol and tobacco on his breath.

“What do you want, Jason?”

“I wanted to say I’m sorry. Sorry ‘bout what happened.” He swayed on his knees.

“You’ve got a little captain in you. You’re drunk. Go to bed and we’ll talk about it in the morning.”

“That’s funny. A lil’ captain in you. I get it. You’re so clever with the shit talking.” He laughed in my face.

I wrinkled my
nose at the alcohol. “Go to bed.” I rolled over so my back faced him.

“I’m not that drunk.
” He crawled onto my bed. “I have a limit and I always remember.”

I sighed heavily.

“Ash, I’m sorry ‘bout what happened. I wasn’t going to… I mean… I wanted to… really, really wanted to… badly,” he moaned. I felt his weight on my bed as he moved closer. “I just… then you made me… in my mind and my body, my body craved you… like it craves air.” He moaned again as he moved clumsily, hovering above me. “Nothing mattered in this world but being with you. It was like the strongest spell… How could Verloren stand it? It is enough to drive a man insane,” he whispered close to my ear, panting.

I clenched my jaw. I could see everything in his mind. He wouldn’t cle
ar his mind of the lust overpowering him. He wouldn’t let go of the feeling he had felt when I had pulled him to me. The longing running through his veins was almost as strong as Verloren’s.

“He could stand it because I never denied him,” I growled at him. “Now go to bed!”

“But you’d deny me now,” he whispered. “It’s taking a lot of self-control for me right now, Ash…”

I growled menacingly at him.

He backed away from me. I could make out his sheepish grin from the light flooding through the window. “You knew I wasn’t him though, because my skills are better. I’m a very giving lover,” he chuckled. “Admit it… you wanted to fuck me.” He moved in close and tried to kiss me.

Balling my hand into a fist, I set it against his chest, and shoved. My anger threatened to burst. I didn’t want to lay my hands directly on him for fear of what I might do. I bared my fangs and said: “You’re a fucking pig, Jason.”

“No.” His smile was lit by the yellow glow of his eyes. “I’m a werewolf.” He lunged forward, growling, and pretended to bite my neck.

I swung, knocking him off the bed.

“For fuck’s sake, Ash! Stop hitting me! I was joking.”

I turned on the bedside lamp. He’d p
ropped himself up on one elbow and now rubbed his head.

“This is not a joke, Jason! If you ever touch me again I will fucking kill you! Do you have any idea how fucking serious this is? I almost bit you
, dumbass!”

“’S
not the worst a chick has ever done to me,” he muttered with a twisted smile.

I raised my hand to hit him.

“Ah, don’t hit me!” He raised his arms.

“Why can’t you take this seriously? It’s just a big joke to you. This isn’t one of your ‘hit it and quit it’ situations
, Jason. It’s not funny.”

“No. It’s not funny.
” He lowered his arms. “But welcome back to life.” He grinned sheepishly at me.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about. Are you high too? Just go to sleep.” I flopped down on my bed.

“I told you, I’m not that drunk,” he said, leaning against the bed. “I’ve been waiting for you to pull out of all that denial and shock. You know, it affects me too. What you feel is what I feel. It’s why no one wants to stay with us.”

“You can leave,” I muttered.

“Nope. Made a promise,” he said.

“I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself.”

“Yeah, but not too long ago you would have died if I hadn’t been there.”

Why didn’t you let me die? I would have been better off.

“He wouldn’t have wanted it. He wanted you to keep going… not meet the same fate. You know, ‘vampires and no souls’ thingy.” He did the gesture for quote marks with his fingers.

I fought back tears, hating the truth of every word he said.

“It’s better this way, right?” he went on. “You’re actually feeling something. Even if it’s hate, that’s better than nothing.” He started counting off his fingers: “There’s denial, shock, then anger, bargaining, then depression and… oh yeah… acceptance… reinvesting in a new reality. I thought you had skipped straight to depression.”

“What are you, my shrink?” I barked.

“He asked me the same thing once,” Jason said. “Spent some time on the internet… trying to find a way to wake you up. Was like you were asleep… with your eyes open. You were alive… but you weren’t living… uh… to accept the eventuality and there is nothing you can do about it. Gone forever. Poof.” He waved weakly.

Though I was still angry at him, I felt the first spark of apology. I’d hid in my hole and drug him in with me, and I’d let it go on for six months. Anyone else would have left me to die.

“So now that the bear is out of hibernation, I’m gonna poke it with a stick.” He smiled at me and made a jabbing motion. “Remember the beach? You told me to keep being a smartass. That’s what I’m gonna do. If I keep you mad, maybe you’ll keep moving. Maybe you’ll start living again.”

You’re going to aggravate me to death? This is your plan?
I gritted my teeth.

“You kno
w you can’t stay mad at me long.” He grinned at me, closed his eyes, and ran his hand down his chest and stomach. “Because you want me.”