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Phoenix is me all over. Serious, particular, and insanely protective over his sisters. I want him to have fun and be a kid while he can. That’s something I lacked growing up. With Dad constantly gone, I felt like I had to be the man of the house while he was gone.

“It was good,” Deja says, her voice soft.

“Phoe?”

“We were supposed to talk about our families.”

My throat tightens. I’ve been dreading this moment for a long time.

“Yeah.”

“And Billie told me, I had to have a mom to be a family.”

“And what did you say?” I ask peering in the rearview mirror. Brows drawn and lips pursed into a straight line, Phoenix is the image of pensive.

“That it wasn’t true. Cause I have a family and no Mom.”

“Tha’s right.”

“I told him we got something even better than a mom. We have a Liv.”

Liv gasps from beside me. I glance over and find her plump dark pink lips have formed a circle. She turns her dark brown gaze my way.   Concern and a slow creeping panic appear in the depths of her large eyes. I recognize the expression by now.

“Well now, I agree, Liv is amazing for our family. But it’s okay if Billie has a mom. Families don’t have a certain way to look. It’s different for everyone.”

“Why can’t Liv be our mom, Dad?” Phoenix asks. The pain in his voice rips me to shreds.

“Because we’re not married.”

“So, get married,” Echo says.

“Yeah, can we be flower girls,” Deja says.

“And she can live with us all the time. Please, Dad.” Phoenix says.

“Please,” Echo and Deja parrot.

“Guys, it’s complicated. Daddy and Livy aren’t dating. We’re not in love.”

“Y- you don’t love Livy?” Echo wails.

“Of course, I do. But this is a special kind of love. Livy is my best friend, and umm…”

I look to Livy desperate for help.

“Daddy and I are always going to be here for you. We do love each other. We’re best friends. You know, like you guys and Roland,” she said mentioning Ollie’s son. “Would you guys want to marry Rollo?” she asks.

“Yuck! No.” Echo and Deja say.

“I don’t want to marry anyone,” Phoenix says making us laugh.

“Well, then why are you trying to marry us off?” I ask.

“So we can be a real family,” Phoenix says.

Liv turns in her seat and leans back to grab his hand. “We already are.”

“Forever? Cause Billie says if you aren’t our Mommy you can just leave. But our Mommy did that.”

I grip the wheel tight. Son of a bitch.

“Honey, I’m not going anywhere ever. Your mommy had some problems. She left because she wasn’t well enough to take care of you. Sometimes people get sick in the heart, and the head where no one can see.”

“But you won’t?” Phoenix whispers.

“Nope. I got your Daddy to keep that from happening to me. That’s what best friends do. Keep you together like glue.”

He gives a solemn nod and goes quiet. I’m not sure if we handled it right. I don’t know how to tell him what I don’t know. Anger burns hot in my belly. I want to take a tire iron to something fragile and hear it break. Liv rests her hand on my knee. The rage filters from me. She’s my sieve sifting out the bad things so I can keep the good. A spark flickers inside me. My cock twitches. Fuck.  It’s been a long time. I’m a red-blooded male, and Liv Cole is one sexy woman. Unlike the trend, she’s voluptuous with thick thighs, wide hips, and an ass I’ve always wanted to palm. She has to be at least five foot eleven because I’m six foot two, and she comes to my shoulder.  I bite the inside of my cheek until I taste the metallic flavor of blood.

Three years without sex is a long time. When I was neck deep in work, I didn’t notice the needs I wasn't fulfilling. Now that the business is thriving, I’m noticing a lot of things I’ve missed. Like the fact that my dick wants to be inside my best friend. I roll down the window praying the air will blow away my lustful thoughts long enough for me to regain sanity. She’s a constant for my kids and me.

Sex only complicates good friendships, and we both have boatloads of issues to go through before we could think about anything real. Not that I wanted to go down that road again.
Or do I? 
Liv removes her hand, and I instantly miss the warm weight. The kid’s questions had my mind drifting into the twilight zone.
I’m not thinking properly.
I concentrate on the road. We pull up to the house and unload.

“Well guys, Livy has to get back home—

“You’re not staying for dinner?” I ask shocked.

“I don’t want to wear out my welcome.” The smile on her face doesn’t reach her eyes. I frown.

“That’s not possible. I was going to make my Mom’s Shepard’s pie, your favorite.” We're second generation Irish. Every couple of years my mom and dad return to the small villages their parents immigrated from.

She bites her bottom lip. “You okay?”

“Yeah. I just don’t want to make things more complicated.”

I roll my eyes, grab her hand and pull her into the house with the kids trailing behind her like baby ducks. I like the vision more than I should. The kids’ questions made me think about things better left alone. We’re fine. I don’t need a woman in my life.

“Okay guys, shoes off and go get changed over to play clothes. Livy will help you get your things ready for tomorrow while Dad gets a snack set up.”

“Yay!”  They run toward their rooms. Liv moves to follow, and I grab her wrist. “What’s going on with you right now?”

“Just wonder if we’re confusing them with me being here all the time.”

“They love you.”

“And I love them, but look at what they were saying today," she says.

“They're kids.”

She shakes her head. “I don’t want to fuck them up, Hous.”

“And you think I do? They’re fine. They have a life filled with people who love them and stability. That’s what kids need.”

She tilts her head to the side, and I know regardless of what I say, she’s going to stew over this. I run my hair down her soft curls. Her mane has grown exponentially over the past few years. She went through a transitional stage after the wedding that wasn’t. I think it was her coming into her own. It looks good on her.

“You trust me?”

She sniffs, blinking. “You know I do.”

“Then we’re still in this together, doing it our way. We understand  better than most, trying to fall in line and go the traditional route isn’t always best.” 

She nods, but the distance between us remains. I don’t like it, but I if I push she might shut down. Avoidance is a technique she’s skilled at and will deploy at in a heartbeat. I run my knuckles down the side of her face and force myself to step back.

***

A sense of dread hits me as we walk from Phoenix’s bedroom. Liv remains aloof. I pull her away from their bedroom and further down the hall.

“I don’t want you to leave like this, Liv.”

“Like what?”

“Don’t play dumb. Not with me.”

“I have a lot on my mind.”

“So share it with me,” I say bending down to meet her gaze full on.

“I can’t. I’m still processing.”

“You mad at me?”

She blinks. “What? No. Why would you think that?”

“Cause you’re freezing me out.”

“Mad would be easy. I’ve never had a problem telling you when I’m pissed off.”

I chuckle. “That’s an understatement.”

She places her hands on her hips and arches her eyebrow. “What’s that supposed to mean.”

“That you’re a fucking pitbull in disguise.”

“Humph. Nothing wrong with that.”

“Never said it was, darling,” I say.

A smile breaks out over her lips. She’s thawing, and I’m desperate for her attention. I never realized how much I took for granted until she withdrew.

“You know by now I’m immune to your clever golden tongue right?" 

I snicker. “Ain’t no one I care about enough to sweet talk, except you and my Mam.”

“Maybe you should change that,” she whispers.

Her face closes off.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Phoenix made me think. Perhaps it’s time you get back on the horse and find a significant other—."

“Whoa.” I place a finger over her lips. “Where's this coming from?”

She pushes my hand away. “You heard them today in the car. It’s only going to get worse the older they get.”

“So you want me to do what, go on The Bachelor?”  I’m confused by her outburst.

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

“Right now, you’re the one with outlandish ideas,” I say.

“Are they? It’s been three years.”

“Trust me. I know how long it’s been." I grit my teeth and stare.

“What are you doing?”

“Trying to figure out why you’re throwing stones when you live in a glass house.”

“Oh, fuck you.” She pushes past me.

Astonished, I stall out like a stick shift not put into the right gear.
What the hell just happened?
  I jog after her and grab her arm, spinning her to face me. “You can question me, but when I do the same, you’re pissed?”

“I’m concerned.”

“Because of today?”

She nods. “What if I’m doing more harm than good? I can’t fill in the place of mother. A Livy isn’t better, Houston. They deserve so much more.” Tears make her eyes sparkle like smoky quartz.

I cup the back of her head. “Hey. Don’t think that. Yes, you play a maternal role for them, and that's okay.  So do Mam, and my sister. They’re lucky to have you. I couldn’t have done this without you, and I sure as hell don’t want to start now. He caught us off guard. We’ll regroup and make sure he feels safe and secure. It’s what we do.”

She studied the floor. “Maybe I need to lessen my presence.”

“You do that, and I’ll take you over my knee.”

She looks up at me with flashing eyes and flaring nostrils. Yes, give me your anger. That I can handle.

“I’d like to see you try.”

“Do you want to play that game?” I ask.

She growls at me. “This isn’t a game.”

“No, it’s not. You’ll do more harm than good if you change the things they’re used to.”

“I need space to think.”

“About what?" I press.

“Everything.” She snaps.

I throw my hands up in the air. “You're daft right now.”

“No, I’m looking at the bigger picture, and I’m not sure I like what I see.”

“Are you tired of us? Has the time finally come for you to bail? Do you want to walk? Don’t drag it out.” I say, hiding the alarm her words are causing.

The slap damn turns my head backward. “What the fuck.”

“How dare you say that to me after everything? I’m leaving before this gets any more out of hand.”

She stalks off, and I follow like a bull seeing red.

“You think you can put your hands on me and walk off like that, you got another thing coming, woman.”  I shove her body against the nearest wall and grip her chin. “I don’t know what the hell has gotten into you, but you need to remember who you’re dealing with. I will not take your shit the way everyone else does.”

Her chest heaves and her lips part. My heart slams in my chest like a jackhammer. She’s so damn hot when she’s pissed. I lean in, and our lips meet. Current zaps through my body, and I light up like a pinball machine. She gasps. I take advantage of the opening and stick my tongue in her mouth tasting her. She moans and wraps her arms around my neck. I grip her coarse hair and tilt her head back. She returns the aggression, eating at my mouth. My cock strains against my pants. I don’t stop until my lungs scream in protests.

She places her fingertips on her swollen lips.

“No, we cannot do this.” She slaps her palm on my chest. “This is so wrong.”

“Why?” I rasp.

“We’re letting lust get the best of us.” She shakes her head and shoves me away.

Dazed, I watch her flee like the devil is after her. I’m not as convinced as she is that this isn’t
exactly
what we both should be doing. She’s not the only one who has thinking to do tonight.

Chapter Two

Liv

No one understood me like my father. He always gave advice that spoke to the very heart of who I am. He guided me to my choice without making them for me and lifted the blinders I wore when trying deal with individual decisions. Adolescence was hell for me. In a time where being a geek wasn’t cool I liked, comics, kung fu movies, books, and anime. I was tall, curvy, and in the eyes of many, a square peg trying to fit into a round hole. I did things because they felt right to me, regardless of trends, which often lead to ridicule. 

Daddy would be the first person to tell me if they didn’t like me as I was they could kiss my ass because there was nothing wrong with me. I needed that. My mother’s a strong woman. A fighter, who tried to pass her strength onto me through brute force. She knew the ugliness the world had to offer, and she didn’t want me caught unaware. I respect her for that, but when you’re a teen who thinks you’ll never be loved because you’re too different, what you need is a gentle touch.

Society lies. They tell us what’s wrong with us without saying a word. It’s a lie by omission. If you only show one body type, one lifestyle, and one train of thought, by default you’re saying anyone different is in the wrong. It took me years to understand that. I sink in front of the headstone. This is where I come when I lost my way. To the man who always acted as my compass.

I place a tiny bouquet of white roses down beside me.

“Look, Daddy, the rose bushes are prospering again this year. Don’t worry. I asked mom if it was okay to take a few to bring to you. She guards that thing with her life. It’s funny. You were the one with the green thumb, and she couldn’t keep a house plant alive to save her life. Now she’s explaining  arrangements she’s learned about on the internet. It’s adorable.” I toy with the soft gray skirt that flows down my body and tickles the tip of the toes. “I don’t know what to do Daddy. I was doing fine. I like my job. I have a set of friends I can trust. There are no birth children, but I’m a damn Godmother. I thought I was happy. Then he kissed me and turned my entire world upside down. I don’t know what it means.

I haven’t been with anyone since, Anthony, and he hasn’t’ been with anyone since Rain. Was it a moment of lust by proximity? I’m not a coward. But this scares the piss out of me. He’s my best friend, and those children are my world. This could ruin everything we’ve worked so hard to build over the past few years. Part of me thinks it already has ‘cause I can’t stop thinking about him.”  I close my eyes.

The details in my dream increase nightly. I’m waking up wet, achy, and more confused with each day that passes. Phoenix’s questions opened up a can of worms. Now everything between Houston and I is an awkward mess. “I always thought the arrangement Hous and I have benefitted the kids. Now, I’m not so sure. Did I overstep my bounds and warp their sense of things? Has my selfishness prevented Houston from finding a woman who’ll help him raise them as their mother? He’s the only one who understands what I went through and then some. I didn’t mean to hold on to him so tightly.” Guilt wraps around me like a boa constrictor. My throat swells. “I’d never do anything to hurt them. You know that. I’m not sure how to move forward now.”

It’s been weeks since I saw Houston in person and I can still feel his lips against mine, and the weight of his body pressed against me. That scares the living shit out of me. I’m a coward. I admit it. I see the kids on days he’s working late, and their nanny, Brigid has them. I’m out before he comes home.

“I can’t keep avoiding him. We have a weekend trip we leave for tomorrow. What do I do?” I close my eyes and let the tears flow. The relief is immense. A gentle breeze caresses my cheek, and I swear I can feel the ghost of a hug. I know he’s here. I release the anxiety, sadness, and stress, and let the peace settle into my soul. For the first time in weeks, my mind is clear. I have a decision to make. I’m going to go all in or we’re going to pretend this never happened. Either way. I need to speak with Houston before we take this trip. Everyone will sense the discord.

“Thanks Dad, you always know the right thing to say,” I whisper. I wipe away my tears and continue the conversation, filling him on all the things that’ve been going on. It’s been over fifteen years since I lost my father, but I sense him around me constantly, and always see signs of his presence. It’s a comfort to me. While I can’t have him here physically, he’s not completely gone. Finished with my conversation, I kiss my finger tips and place them on his headstone as I rise.

“See you soon, Daddy.”

I walk toward the car refreshed and determined. I’m not willing to risk what we’ve built for a roll in the hay that may or may not turn into more. I hope Houston sees it that way. I check my watch. It’s just after five thirty; Houston will be home. I  pull back onto the dirt path and make my way out of the cemetery and into the Austin rush hour traffic.

I steer into the driveway, cut the engine and sit. It’s the only time I’ve dreaded going to the place I consider a second home. Queasy, I put a hand on my stomach and lean back in my seat. I take a deep breath and leave the car before I talk myself out of it. I lift my hand to knock, and the door opens.

“I thought I might have to come out and get you,” he says. His tone is neutral, and his expression is guarded.

“A few more minutes and you might’ve had to,” I admit.

“Are you here to back out of the trip tomorrow?"

“No. I wouldn’t do that,” I say. I'm that he thinks I’d flake.

“You’ve been dodging me lately. What was I supposed to think?” His voice is so cold it could be winter.

“I told you I needed time."

“Yes, which means a few days, not weeks with no contact what so ever.”

“I needed to be alone to think.”

“And now?” He arches a  brow.

“Now I’m ready to talk.” I’ve never him be so standoffish toward me. It leaves me chilled and uncomfortable. “Don’t be like this, Houston. It’s hard enough.”

“You’re the one person I count on to always be there. You shut me out –

“No, I took some time for myself.” I correct him.

“That’s not what it felt like.” His sharp words sting me. I did the one thing I was trying to avoid doing. I hurt him. Grip his arms.

“Hous, I’m sorry. I took a time out to prevent this.”

“Prevent what?” 

“Any hurt. I needed to process to keep my foot out of my mouth.”

“Was kissing me so bad, Liv?” Pain clouds his penetrating gray-blue orbs.

“No, that’s the problem. It was too good.” I owe him honesty.

He blinks. “What?”

“There’s something between us. I can admit that. It’s potent and unexplored. I think it should stay that way.”

“Why?” he asks in an exasperated tone.

“What we have is so good, so precious. I don’t want to put it in jeopardy. Other than my father. You’ve been the only man whose proved I can trust them.”

“You think I’d cheat?” His sounded wounded.

“No. It’s not about that. What if it didn’t work out? Where would we be then?”

“Daddy who’s at the door?” Echo calls.

He sighs. “You staying or going?”

“Staying.”

“It’s Livy.”

“Yay!” the excited chorus tugs at my heart strings.

“This isn’t over.”

I sigh. “I know. Are you going to give me a pass for now?”

“If you promise not to run away after we put them down for the night.”

“Promise.”

“Alright.” He steps back and lets me inside. The intense relief hits me like a wave. I wrap my hands around his waist and hug him tight.

“Are we okay?” I whisper.

He kisses my forehead. “We’re okay, Livy.”

The kids are sitting on the couch, watching a cartoon.

“We were just getting ready for bath and bed time,” Houston says.

“Bubble bath?” Echo asks.

“No, goo bath. It’s my turn,” Phoenix says. I've missed these fights both bubbles versus the magic powder that turns the bath water to a water bead like substance makes my heart sing. 

“Since I’m here, how about both?” I ask looking at Houston.

“Normally I’d make you guys work it out and take a vote, but today we’ll do both,” Houston says.

We split up. I run a bubble bath for the girls, and he takes Phoenix. I see the best parts of Rain in the girls. Their sweetness, curiosity, and facial features are from their mother. I’ll never understand how she could leave something so precious behind. Rain and I met in high school when we both held down jobs at the local whippy dip stand and hit it off. She was a breath of fresh air with her quirky personality and different beliefs.

We remained close through the years. I considered her family. As I sit back and let the girls play with their rubber duckies, I’m reminded that you never know what a person is going to do until they do it. This is why Houston and I need to nip this thing in the bud. An hour and two Fancy Nancy books later, I’m parked on the couch waiting for Houston to finish up with Phoenix.

“Are the girls sleeping?” He asks as he sits beside me.

“Almost there.”

“Phoenix was out before Thomas returned to the station,” he says with a gentle smile.

“School tuckers them out, huh?”

“Yes, I can’t say I don’t enjoy the extra quiet time.”

I laugh. He moves closer. His leg brushes mine. I tense.

“I understand why you’re wary. But this is you and me. There’s nothing we can’t do together. If  we decide to do this, nothing could stop us.”

“I wish I felt the same way.”

“So we what? Ignore it?”

“Yes,” I say.

He sighs. “It’s a patch job, and you know it. Tell me you haven’t wondered what we’d be like together.”

“Have you?” I ask turning the tables.

“Every damn night since I discovered how soft your lips are.” He traces my lips with his fingertip, and I shiver.

“Houston—.”

“I’m not going to push you.” He leans in pausing a millimeter from my lips. “Neither of us is ready for this. Not yet. But you should’ve talked to me about it not run.” His warm breath makes my lips tingle. I swallow, hard.

“No more disappearing?” he asks.

“No,” I whisper.

“Good. Next time I’ll chase your ass down.”

I know he means every word.     

“We’re all right?” I ask breathlessly.

“We're all right.” He pulls back.

“I need to get out of here and pack.  I've been working late every day to finish things up, so I don’t come back to a mess.” I scramble from the couch desperate to put space between us. My heart and my mind are waring. Part of me is bucking the thought of ignoring the attraction simmering between us.

“Now I think I’m the one who gets to say you work too hard.” He teases as he walks me to the door.

I flash him a smile as I slip out the front door.

“Leave the presents in your closet, and I’ll stop by tomorrow while they’re at school and wrap them.”

“They’ll be waiting for you. I managed to get us two houses. One for us and the kids and one for Mom and Dad. Braedon and Neve are going to meet up with us at Schlitterbahn.”

“So it’s Maloney mini family reunion, then?”

He laughs. “Pretty much.”

“Alright, I’ll get my mind ready and my stomach. You guys drink like fish.”  I wink, and I’m out the door running on the fumes of courage and acting skills.

***

Houston

The car is quiet as the night settles in and the sky turns into a star-dotted landscape of indigo. One of the things I love most about Texas is the sky. We’ve been a lot of places with Dad, but this will always be home. I sneak a look at Liv. She’s passed out in the passenger seat. Her shorts have ridden up to reveal a tantalizing amount of thigh. I want to reach over and see if her skin is as soft as her lips were.

I lied to her and maybe myself last night. Ignoring this is only going to last so long. She’s a virus that got into my system, and I have no clue how to cure myself. I shift in the driving seat and will my cock to calm down. I’ve been rock hard since I got home and saw her wearing those ass-hugging khaki shorts and a white tank top.

She has her hair up in a curly puff that leaves her graceful neck bare. I want to bit it and mark her as mine. The feelings I hold for her disturb me. They’re more mature than the ones I once had for my fiancée. Liv and I have been tried and tested. Perhaps that made the difference.

When Phoenix asked me about Liv being his mother, it struck me. I do consider live their permanent mother.

She’s bathed, fed, and changed them for the past three years. Her not living with is a technicality. She’s over our place more than not. It’s why she has a room. When anything happens, good or bad, she’s the one I turn to, and she’s never let me down. Would becoming an us be a bad thing?

I can’t stand the thought of putting my emotions out there, but I’m already invested in Liv. It’d hurt more to see her leave. She thinks she’s hurting the kids with our arrangement. I saw it in her eyes. She’s stubborn as a damn mule. Once she gets an idea in her head, she won’t relinquish it without a good reason to. I’m a strong man, but this situation has me damn near ready to toss my cookies. I’m rusty at romance and relationships, and Liv deserves better than some half-ass attempt to win her over.