Leave Me Alone (15 page)

‘Hurry up, get dressed!’ I said. ‘My wife is back.’

No words could begin to describe my panic. I tore through the living room, then staggered into the bedroom. Even my voice sounded different.

Tofu Queen leapt like an uncoiled spring and started grabbing her clothes, which were scattered everywhere. As for me, I was nearly blacking out. I was truly finished this time. After she got dressed, she helped fasten my buttons then asked if there was somewhere she could hide.

I snapped nastily, ‘There’s nowhere to hide.’

Zhao Yue was here. How could we hope to hide from her?

Zhao Yue’s face was pale. She stared at me and slumped against the wall. When I reached out to her, she angrily
pushed me away, then, gasping for breath, went into the living room. Tofu Queen was there, standing by the window with a red face. My heart beat crazily and my face and body were sweating.

Zhao Yue stood there for a while then said to the restaurant-owner’s wife, ‘Get out.’

Her voice was hoarse and cold with a murderous tone.

Tofu Queen left without a word, and closed the door without making a sound. I heard her let out a long sigh outside. Zhao Yue stared at me fiercely, her lips quivering with anger. Realising there was nothing more to fear now things had reached this stage, I met her gaze. Her eyes gradually filled with tears and her mouth stopped trembling. She broke into terrible sobs.

‘You couldn’t even resist such a disgusting woman!’ she cried.

CHAPTER NINETEEN

It was 15 June, exactly three days before our third wedding anniversary. At breakfast, Zhao Yue said, Perhaps we should wait three more days?’ Her head dropped and she began to sniff.

After breakfast, I found her combing her hair before a mirror. Standing behind her, I forced a smile.

You’re still beautiful,’ I said. ‘You don’t have to worry about not getting remarried.’

Before I’d finished speaking, her hands trembled and the comb dropped to the floor.

In recent years, Zhao Yue had put on weight and staring at her body, no longer really slim, I felt a fresh stab of pain in my heart at the thought of her words that day.

‘I gave you my best years.’

My tears fell on the tie she’d just recently bought for me.

In the last week, we’d done enough talking for a lifetime. Zhao Yue had asked if I still remembered our first date.

‘Of course I do. You were in a purple dress, with a copy of
Marxist Philosophy
in your hands.’

She asked if I remembered how I’d spied on her in the showers.

‘Yes. I was standing on a stool and you splashed water on me.’

She kept asking me, asking whether I remembered and I cried and kept saying: ‘Stop asking. Of course I still remember. Those memories are memories of our love.’

Throwing herself into my arms, she cried her heart out. ‘Then why did you leave me in the hospital and have sex with another woman?’

She was the one to ask for a divorce, and at first I couldn’t think of anything to say. After a while though I pleaded pathetically: ‘I messed up. Can’t you give me one more chance?’

She cried and touched my face. ‘I have no idea what it will be like when I leave you, but I’ll never be able to forget what happened that day. How can I forgive you?’

Her hands felt hot and looking at her dishevelled hair and pale face, I hated myself. I slapped myself hard on the cheek.

Zhao Yue grasped my hands. ‘Don’t do that, Chen Zhong. Don’t! I feel sad too.’

We talked calmly about dividing our property. I wanted her to have the apartment and she said that I should take it. I said
I could move back in with my parents but that she would have nowhere to go. She said, OK, she could give me some money.

I demanded tearfully, ‘Zhao Yue, do you really think I want your money? I mean, what money do you have?’

We held each other. ‘Let’s stay as we are, OK?’ I said.

She shook her head. ‘If the day ever comes when I can forget about what happened, I’ll come back. But now, no matter what you say, I’m determined to divorce. You’ve hurt me too much.’

We still shared a bed during this time, but she froze at my touch. When I kissed her she covered her mouth with her hand. She struggled desperately when I tried to take off her pants and once, after I’d failed to remove them, I got furious.

‘Why are you pretending?’ I said. ‘I’ve touched every part of your body numerous times. Why won’t you — ?’

She interrupted me. ‘If someone shat in your bowl, would you still eat from it?’

‘No matter whether a turd or tasty food, you’re my wife,’ I said. ‘This is your duty until we get divorced.’

She stripped off completely, then lay down on the bed again with her legs and arms spread wide.

‘Come and enjoy yourself like you did with that fat woman,’ she said.

I collapsed beside her, deflated and ashamed.

Our very first love-making was at a cheap hotel outside our campus gates. Up until then we’d kissed and touched each other, but Zhao Yue always refused to go all the way. We had a big fight about it.

‘You did that with him, why not with me?’ I said.

Zhao Yue flamed: ‘Chen Zhong, you’ve broken your promise. You said you wouldn’t mention it! What am I to you? A girlfriend or a bitch?’

We parted unhappily without having dinner. She wouldn’t see me afterwards, although I called her name from below her dormitory window for ages, driving the old janitor crazy. But the quarrel did seem to have some effect because three days later she agreed to go to the hotel with me.

Before she undressed she asked seriously, ‘Do you mind that I’m not a virgin?’

I was unbuttoning her clothes in a hurry. ‘Not at all,’ I said.

She smacked my paws and said, ‘Stand back and listen! I’m not an easy lay. I’m giving this to you today because I hope you might marry me in the future. Can you do that?’

I was in the violent throes of sexual desire: hormones were raging through my body. I said without a moment’s thought, ‘Yes, I can, I can.’

Zhao Yue took off her knickers. Later she told me that she’d been struggling to control herself as well.

My past came flooding back: I was like a wastrel from a rich family who’d squandered his life until finally he discovered he was penniless.

The clerk at the government office was a kindly middle-aged woman.

‘You two look like a perfect match!’ she said. ‘It’s such a pity!’

Zhao Yue blinked furiously, her chest heaving.

We’d come prepared with all the materials for our divorce. One at a time I handed over our residence permits, ID cards, marriage certificate and pictures. All the time, my heart felt numb with sadness.

I said to Zhao Yue, ‘From today, you’re not the head of a household any more.’

She pinched my shoulder hard.

Seeing this, the clerk started saying, ‘No, no, no, I can’t handle this case. It’s against nature.’

I sighed. ‘It’s no use. We’ve made up our minds.’

She glared at me fiercely. ‘You men don’t have any conscience.’

Then she asked Zhao Yue, ‘What do you think?’

Zhao Yue, still sobbing, said, ‘It’s me who wants to get divorced, it has nothing to do with him. Please, just do it.’

This made the clerk tearful too.

After signing the divorce agreement, I gave Zhao Yue the pen.

‘It’s much like “Zhao’s Family Rules”,’ I said.

She trembled and couldn’t write a word. She had to lean on the desk. The clerk sensed a final opportunity.

‘I’m asking you for the last time. Are you sure?’

Zhao Yue’s eyes were red. I said hoarsely, ‘You won’t have any regrets?’

‘This is your first marriage,’ the clerk said. ‘Think about it!’

Zhao Yue punched my chest — apparently she didn’t care about people watching us.

I said tenderly, ‘Let’s not divorce, OK? Let’s just go home.’

She shook her head silently, then she wiped away her tears and told the clerk, ‘We’re determined. Do it now.’

At that moment, I squatted on the ground, unable to watch.

It was a bright sunny Chengdu day. As Zhao Yue and I left the government office there were lively crowds on the streets. We walked with them, keeping close to each other, sighing regularly. As we passed the gate of Renmin Park, I saw a fat guy fall over, which made me laugh. My spirits suddenly lifted and I asked Zhao Yue if she felt hungry. She followed me into a KFC.

‘Are all men unable to help themselves when they see a beautiful woman?’ she asked, sucking her straw.

‘Yes, mostly. Your entrepreneur lover is just the same.’

Thinking of her lover I felt frustrated and said, ‘Since we’re divorced now, can’t you tell me about that phone call?’

She looked awkward. ‘It’s not all what you thought. There was nothing between us.’

‘Will you marry him?’

‘What are you talking about?’ she said. ‘We’re just good friends.’

I cheered up. ‘Hmm … if you look for a boyfriend again, will you consider me first?’ I asked.

She looked down silently and tears fell drop by drop onto her plate. After a long while she said, ‘Why are you being nice to me now it’s too late?’