Least Said (58 page)

I
nodded,
and
asked,
‘Will
you
be
coming
back
here
after?’

‘For
what
reason
exactly?’
His
voice
was
so
cold.

‘So
that
we
can
talk.’
I
heard
the
note
of
pleading
in
my
voice,
and
almost
begged,
‘We
do
have
to
talk,
Jon.’

‘You
might
have
to
talk,’
he
said
flatly.
‘I
expect
there’s
quite
a
lot
you
feel
you
have
to
say,
but
I’m
not
ready
to
hear
it,
Wendy.
Not
today,
not
tomorrow,
and
maybe
not
ever.’
He
stood
up.
‘Are
you
ready
yet,
Will,
because
we
really
ought
to
get
going.’

Jon
never
left
the
house
without
kissing
me
goodbye
in
the
morning,
but
he
didn’t
even
look
at
me
as
he
helped
William
collect
his
lunchbox,
gym
bag
and
coat,
before
leaving
without
a
backward
glance.

I
wanted
to
weep,
to
collapse
on
the
floor
and
wail
with
the
anguish
of
it
all,
but
I
knew
whatever
pain
was
tormenting
me
would
be
nothing
to
the
agony
Jon
must
be
going
through.

He
must
have
walked
the
streets
until
dawn,
because
I
hadn’t
fallen
asleep
until
the
early
hours
and
the
black
smudges
drawn
beneath
his
eyes
were
proof,
if
I
needed
it,
of
a
long
and
sleepless
night.
Already,
suffering
had
carved
new
and
deep
grooves
from
his
nose
to
the
grim
set
of
his
mouth
,
and
I
couldn’t
fail
to
see
that
his
eyes
were
bottomless
pools
full
of
misery
when
he
could
bring
himself
to
glance
my
way.
And
I
was
the
cause
of
it
–
the
cause
of
everything
that
he
was
going
through.
I
knew
he
would
never
forgive
me
–
how
could
he
when
I
couldn’t
forgive
myself?

Like
an
automaton,
I
cleared
away
the
breakfast
things,
had
a
perfunctory
clean
and
tidy
around
the
house,
and
then
went
to
work
on
a
particularly
intricate
wedding
cake.
The
only
way
I
knew
to
deal
with
something
too
big
for
me
to
handle
was
to
do
something
else
that
needed
all
of
my
concentration.

When
the
phone
rang
mid-morning
I
knew
immediately
who
it
would
be
and
I
was
right.

‘Wendy?’

‘Hi,
Tina,’
I
said,
and
could
already
feel
helpless
tears
stinging
my
eyes
just
at
the
sound
of
her
voice.

‘I
haven’t
dared
to
ring
before
now,’
she
said,
‘and
I’ve
hardly
slept.
Please
tell
me
Jon
didn’t
hear
what
you
said.’

‘Jon
heard
what
I
said.
He
heard
every
word.’

‘Oh,
God,
Wendy.’
She
was
every
bit
as
aghast
as
I
expected
her
to
be.
‘What
happened?’

‘He
walked
straight
out
of
the
house
into
the
pouring
rain,
with
no
coat
or
anything.’

‘Oh,
God,’
Tina
said
again.

‘I
waited
and
waited
for
him
to
come
home
and
in
the
end
I
went
upstairs,
sat
up
in
bed
and
waited
some
more,
and
at
some
point
I
fell
asleep.
This
morning
he
was
lying
next
to
me.’

‘He
came
back
then,’
Tina’s
voice
was
full
of
relief
and
hope.
‘That’s
good,
isn’t
it?’

‘He
wouldn’t
eat
anything
this
morning,
he
won’t
talk
about
what
he
heard
or
let
me
try
to
explain
-
and
it’s
painfully
obvious
that
he
can’t
even
bear
to
look
at
me.
Oh,
Tina,
he
looks
haunted
and
I
can
tell
he’s
only
making
any
effort
at
all
for
William.’

‘Does
he
know
who
the
man
involved
is?’

‘
No
,’
my
voice
was
sharp,
‘and
I
don’t
think
it
would
help
anything
at
all
–
him
knowing.’

‘But
if
you’re
right
about
the
guy
recognising
you
and
guessing
about
Will
being
the
consequence
of
your
affair
–
and
I’m
not
saying
that
you
are,
mind
–
he
could
turn
up
on
your
doorstep
at
any
time
and
then
the
cat
and
all
of
its
kittens
will
be
well
and
truly
out
of
the
bag.’

‘So
what
are
you
saying?’

‘I’m
suggesting
that
you
should
confront
him,
and
that
you
should
do
it
sometime
soon,’
she
said
firmly,
‘because
until
you
do
you
have
no
idea
what
the
guy’s
planning
–
if
anything.’