Learning to Swim (17 page)

But before I could share any of this with Alice, we were interrupted by the nurse, who added another bag of clear liquid to Alice's IV. “We're going to start prepping you for surgery,” she said to Alice. “I'm afraid your guest is going to have to leave.”

My heart plummeted into the pit of my stomach as my breath caught in the middle of my windpipe. Alice and I looked at each other, both aware that it would've been a great time to make a joke, if we could have thought of anything to say.

Finally, Alice motioned toward her bedside table. “There's something in there I want you to have.”

I opened the drawer. On top of a King James Bible, there was the notebook and pen that Alice used for her lists.

“I'm certainly not going to be needing them for a while,” she said with a weak smile.

Despite her bravado, I could see the fear in her eyes. I was afraid too, but when I sat on her bed and hugged her tightly, I reminded myself that I had to be as strong for her as she'd been for me.

“You're my best friend, Alice,” I whispered.

“And you're mine,” she replied.

Doris, Thelma, and I went into the waiting room and planted ourselves on a pleather couch. There was no way any of us was going home until Alice was out of surgery. I couldn't speak for Doris and Thelma, but I didn't care how long it took. I was just going to camp out there in my maid outfit all night—all week, if need be.

I sat sandwiched between Doris and Thelma for what seemed like hours, watching lame soap operas and listening to Thelma and Doris argue. Every now and then I left them to duke it out while I perused the vending machine. Finally, the doctor came out to talk to us. The moment we saw him, we all held hands and braced ourselves for what turned out to be the best news I had ever received in my entire life.

Alice's surgery had gone so well that she would be
able to return home in a few days. After the doctor gave us her prognosis, he said with a knowing wink, “She's in great shape for a fifty-nine-year-old!” And of course, we all thought that was hilarious. Alice had been telling everyone that she was fifty-nine years old, but forgot that she was in a place with medical records and accurate dates of birth.

I left the hospital feeling as though Alice's illness had given me a new perspective on life. Her brief brush with the grim reaper, combined with Keith's confession about his dead mother, had made me feel grateful that I at least had a mom. I was determined to go home and turn over a new leaf. As I walked up the steps to my apartment building, I made a silent promise to the powers that be that no matter what, I would do my best to get along with Barbie from here on out.

Of course, that was before I knew she had progressed to stage seven: the finger move.

When I walked in the door, the map was spread out on the coffee table with a purple Sharpie beside it.

I heard a noise and turned. My mom was leaning against the kitchen doorframe. She looked terrible. Her mascara had run all over the place and her eyes were red and puffy. “How do you feel about Ellicott City?” she asked.

“You and the jackass broke up?” It was a dumb question to ask, because I already knew the answer.

“Oh, Stef,” she said. And then came the waterworks.

The acid in my stomach started overflowing as the reality of what was happening began to sink in.

“If you could've heard him this morning, you just wouldn't have believed it,” Barbie said. “I mean, how could this happen? Just yesterday, he told me he wanted to marry me. But now… now.” She shook her head. “It's that daughter of his. Last night she tracked us
down at the hotel where we were staying. She waited for us in the lobby and pounced just as we were about to go out to dinner. She told him she would never talk to him again if he left. She said she wanted nothing to do with him. She would never forgive him.” Barbie looked at me, totally bewildered. “Can you believe that? And he bought it. Lock, stock, and barrel.”

Honestly, I was impressed. He loved his daughter
so much
that he didn't want to hurt her. But apparently this concept was quite foreign to Barbie. “Well, she's his child,” I said. “I'm sure he just wants to protect her.”

“This isn't about her, Stef. He deserves some happiness in his life as well. I mean, she's not a baby, for God's sake. She's going to college in a couple years. Doesn't she want to see him happy?” Barbie's voice was shrill. “It's your whole generation. So selfish.”

Selfish? What about her? Didn't she see herself as selfish? Her boyfriend was staying with a wife he didn't love because he didn't want to hurt his daughter. My mom, however, couldn't have cared less about me. She would've tossed me aside for him in a minute. She already had. This infuriated me.

“I don't want to move,” I said sternly.

Barbie grabbed a tissue out of her zebra-print lounge-pants pocket and wiped her nose. “We don't have a choice, Stef. I can't stay here. I can't stand the thought of running into him with his happy little family.”

I thought about how it would feel to leave
everything behind again and start a new life in a new town with no Alice, no Keith, and no Tippecanoe. Although the maid job was crappy, I wouldn't have met either Alice or Keith if I hadn't worked there. Nothing could replace any of it.

“Keith is going back to school anyway,” Barbie added. “And who knows what will happen when he gets back around all those college girls…”

That was a low blow, and from the stunned look on Barbie's face, she knew it too.

I took a deep breath. “I can't do this anymore.”

Barbie strode over to the couch, sat down, and began looking at the map. “What are you talking about?”

“I'm tired of dealing with your love lunacy,” I said firmly. “I'm tired of your lies, I'm tired of moving, I'm tired of your hysteria and having to live my life with your crazy rules.”

“Well, I am really, really sorry that you have it so bad,” she said angrily. “I am so
sorry
to disappoint you.”

The guilt trip wasn't working this time. I was going to stand my ground. “Oh, I am disappointed. In myself.”

Barbie choked back some tears. “What do you mean?”

“I can't keep trying to save you, Mom.” I stood motionless when I called her that, and so did she. At her request, I never called her Mom. She'd always wanted to be my pal instead of a mother figure. But that had never been what I needed. “If you want to move to Ellicott City, go ahead. But I'm not going anywhere.”

She looked at me as her eyes filled with tears. “What are you going to do—move in with Alice or something?”

Actually, the idea had occurred to me.

My hesitation must have been obvious, because my mom took it as a big
Yes, I am moving in with Alice, you crazy lunatic!
and she snapped out of her sadness and responded every bit as maturely as I would've expected.

“Fine,” she said irately. “Stay with Alice. Get your stuff and get out of here. As a matter of fact, I'll help you!”

Barbie stormed into the kitchen and grabbed a big black trash bag. She stormed into my room. “I'd hate to keep Alice waiting!” And then she yanked open my underwear drawer and dumped the contents into the bag.
“I'm going to be so happy living with an old lady.”
She was imitating me by speaking in a really high, weird voice that made her sound like she had sucked in some helium. “Is that it, Stef? Or is it
I'm tired of watching you destroy your life!”

I just shook my head, disgusted and disturbed by the whole performance.

“
I need someone stable
…,” my mother continued in her helium voice. “Well, living with Alice will be right up your alley, won't it? You guys can stay home all weekend and play bingo at the senior center and eat soft foods and talk about how much you hate me and what a crappy mother I am and how I'm a big fat failure at
every damn thing I do and how I've always treated you like crap and how no matter what I did or how much I tried it was never good enough for you…”

I turned away and walked slowly to the door as my mother continued to rant. For the second time in two days, someone left our apartment without saying goodbye.

It was nearly nine by the time I got to Keith's house. Fortunately, the whole scene with my mother had unnerved me so much that my entire body had gone numb. So numb that I wasn't even nervous about showing up uninvited. So numb that I rang the doorbell without hesitation, not even caring that Keith's parents might regard me as the girl who'd dashed their hopes of a Mora Cooper daughter-in-law and that they might therefore be not-so-happy to see me standing there in my maid uniform. But numb or not, I was still relieved when, after only a few seconds, Keith answered the door himself.

“Steffie? What's wrong?” he asked with concern. “Is it Alice?”

“She's fine,” I replied. “The doctor thinks she might even come home in a few days.”

“That's a relief.” Keith was barefoot, wearing ripped jeans and a heather gray T-shirt that was fraying at the edges. His brown hair was all rumpled and tousled, and
he had a little bit of stubble. He looked so cute that all my numbness faded away and I found myself fighting the urge to throw my arms around his neck and plant a big wet one on his lips.

“I appreciate you stopping by to tell me,” he said. “I was worried about her.”

“I figured,” I said. “She told me that you guys were pretty close.”

“Yeah,” he said with a simple nod. “Alice is great.”

I continued to stare at him, unable to look away. Why hadn't I just kept my mouth shut the previous night? How could I have let him leave?

“You must be tired,” he said. “Have you been at the hospital all day?”

I nodded; then we shared an awkward pause.

“Well,” he said finally. “Thanks again for letting me know how she was doing.”

It was obvious that he was dismissing me. But I wasn't ready to leave, not yet at least. “I didn't,” I announced before he could shut the door.

“Didn't what?”

“I didn't come here to tell you how Alice was doing. I came here because I wanted, I mean,
needed
to see you.”

Wow, I was really going for broke. I'd never really admitted to “needing” anything in my life. But as I looked into Keith's eyes and thought about how brave
Alice had been in her darkest hour, I tried to muster enough courage to tell him how sorry I was and how I felt about him.

Keith hesitated a moment. I was hoping that he wasn't coming up with an excuse to send me away. “Um, do you want to come in? My dad and stepmother are at the beach house.”

“Okay,” I said in relief.

He led me through the marble-floored entranceway, past the white-on-white living room with the cathedral ceiling, and into a smaller (but definitely not small), dark, paneled room furnished with a black leather sectional, a big wood desk, and a giant flat-screen TV. The place was even more magnificent up close than it had appeared through Alice's binoculars.

“Do you want something to drink?” he asked politely.

“No thanks,” I said breathlessly as I took in every inch of my surroundings.

I glanced at the bookshelves. They were lined with pictures of Keith from his glory days. Keith as captain of the Brucker's football team, making the touchdown that would win the game. Keith as a Cub Scout, making a leg splint out of some wood and an Ace bandage. There were more pictures as well, recent ones. Keith answering questions on some college quiz show… Keith reading
Moby-Dick
while lying in a hammock…
Keith giving a little girl a hug during a birthday party… and Keith and Mora dancing at the country club. I looked closely at that picture and studied the expression on Keith's face. He was frowning and his shoulders were slumped forward a bit, as if he couldn't wait for someone to cut in. This was when I realized that Keith and Mora were truly over, and all the irrational, envious feelings I had about their relationship suddenly vanished.

I turned to Keith and began my mea culpa. “I'm sorry for last night. I don't know what got into me. I had no right to talk to you like that.”

He put his hands in his pockets and grinned a little. “It's okay.”

“No, it's not okay.” I sighed. “I shouldn't have panicked.”

“You were feeling panicked?” Keith seemed very confused. “Why?”

I gazed into his kind brown eyes and was once again swept away by his charms. He was more than I'd ever hoped he'd be. A sweet, smart, sensitive (and gorgeous—like I'd forget that) guy who understood, just like me, what it was like to have a mother with serious issues.

“Well, because I was scared.” I had to fess up to everything. Being honest with Keith was the only thing that would give us a real chance.

“Of what?”

I braced myself for the humiliation that might follow this admission. “I was afraid of getting love lunacy.”

“Love lunacy,” Keith repeated.

“Yes, it's what I call the sickness that makes my mom go all nuts whenever she falls for a married man.”

Keith didn't flinch, so I kept explaining.

“So then I met you, and I liked you instantly, but you were with Mora and—”

“You thought you'd go nuts like your mom,” he said, finishing my sentence.

“Right.” I closed my eyes and waited for the snickering, but it never came. I opened my eyes and Keith was just standing there smiling widely.

“Stef, in a million years, you could never be like Barbie.” He took a step closer to me. Six more and we'd be in lip-lock territory.

“Really?”

He sat down on the couch and motioned for me to join him. My whole body started to tingle as I sat next to him. He moved closer, putting his arm around me.

“Listen, if you were anything like her, I wouldn't want to spend every minute with you,” he said. “The fact that you're Alice's friend speaks volumes. Stef, you're the most interesting person I've ever met.”

This was the best thing I'd heard in my entire life. I touched his cheek as if trying to commit every second
and every feeling to memory. I should've been on top of the world. After all, Keith still liked me. How great was that? Unfortunately, as happy and grateful as I was to get another opportunity to be with Keith, I still felt terrible.