Learning Me (Lightworker Trilogy #1)

LEARNING ME

Lightworker Trilogy, Book One

By

Jamie White

Copyright 2015

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. This book contains material protected under International and Federal Copyright Laws and Treaties. An unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form, electronic or mechanical, photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without express written permission from the author.

This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and situations are a product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual people living or dead, events or locations is entirely coincidental.

Dedication/Acknowledgments:

For my husband, whose support and love means everything.

I can hardly believe this is happening. This is the first time I have published a book on my own since
The Life and Times
in 2012. I ended up publishing several books through a small press and got comfortable with that. Now, I’m stepping into scary territory again. Taking the chance of doing it myself. Of taking full control over the process, and doing it during NaNoWriMo of all things. I guess it’s fitting. This book was the result of NaNoWriMo back in 2014. It was the first book I outlined, and the muse decided not to stick to the plan. How the story will ultimately end, I don’t know. What I do know is, it’ll be a fun ride figuring it out. It’s unreal to think this first installment is now in readers’s hands.

There are lots of people who have helped with this book, and my writing in general. Elaine Roughton, my editor, has been working with me since
Clutter
. She is awesome, and I am in awe of her speed and efficiency.

Vicki Rose, whose Platinum Book Reviews events have been amazing for me. I’ve connected with so many awesome people who have been supportive fans: Dawn, Donna, Vicki P., Jennifer, Kathy, Tia, and many others.

Thanks to Laura Deluca, Marni Mann, Shay West, Michelle Cornwell-Jordan, Marilyn, Denise, my White’s Wyrd World street team, and my mailing list. You guys inspire me, and have kept me pushing forward to get this book out. And I apologize, Michelle, for all the pain my characters put you through. LOL.

Thanks to Cheyanne Young for an amazing cover.

Finally, thanks to Angelique Mroczka for getting me back on the publishing track by taking a chance on the
Stains
trilogy.

Chapter One

The chatter of the audience carried backstage, where Courtney waited for her cue. No matter how many times she performed, the sound never failed to inspire a panic attack. Her mind blanked and a numb sensation traveled up her body as she approached the stage. The sounds coming from the auditorium dimmed as though her ears were filled with water. Courtney swallowed hard and grabbed onto the nearest object her trembling hands could reach in an effort to gain a sense of stability in the chaos.

Her cue sounded from the stage and, like magic, her mind and body calmed. Courtney didn’t know how she never missed a cue, but she hadn’t. She stepped onto the stage and panic gave way to confidence. Once again, she surrendered to her character. Every word she spoke resonated deep within. Before she knew it, she was soaking up the cheers from the audience with the rest of the cast. Courtney took her bow, and then retreated to the wings where their drama coach and crew waited.

“Bravo, everyone,” Miss Hernandez said. “That was better than rehearsal! Courtney, your parents are waiting outside. They seemed like they were in a hurry, so you should go get changed. I’d like to talk to you tomorrow, though, so stop by my room after school, okay?”

“Sure, Miss Hernandez.” Courtney waved goodbye to her cast mates while forcing a smile. The way her parents rushed out of these things, Courtney was surprised they’d never tried to grab her right off the stage in the middle of curtain call. She turned and retreated to the dressing room while trying to block out the excited chatter of the others.

Courtney washed the makeup off her face and changed back into the jeans and t-shirt she’d worn for the ride to school. She hung her costume with care, gently fingering the soft material before leaving the room. She wished she were partying with the rest of the cast rather than facing another night of boredom and indifference. She stopped wondering about their lack of pride in her performances a long time ago. Truth be told, she wondered why they even bothered going. It wasn’t as though they were going to discuss the play on the ride back. The last time they’d shown any enthusiasm for her acting was in Kindergarten.

She trudged down the hallway, sighing deeply before stepping through the double doors and into the parking lot. She scanned the area, spotting them on a bench several feet away. Her parents looked to be deep in conversation until she came closer. Instantly, they stopped talking and stood to greet her.

“Sorry about that. Removing that gunk takes forever.” She thanked whatever deity was responsible for her acting skills.
She
even believed that apology for a moment. She’d been doing everything she could to extend her post-show cleanup for years, but had yet to get it over a half-hour.

“It’s fine, Sweetie. We’d better get moving, though. Don’t you still have homework?” Her father raised an eyebrow.

Courtney learned long ago that look was dangerous and she generally did what she could to avoid it being directed her way. She nodded and forced a smile. “Just a little. I’ll be done with it in no time.”

“Good.” Her mother adjusted the strap of her purse as she turned toward the car.

Courtney focused her attention on the crickets in the distance while they walked, hoping that would be the extent of their conversation. The same thing happened every time she did a play, and she didn’t understand it. Shouldn’t they be proud of how well she did?

The whole ride home, Courtney stared out the window and replayed the performance in her mind. How she remembered any of it, she had no idea. She went into autopilot every time she stepped onstage. The words flowed out of her as though she had no control of herself. It was a terrifying, yet exhilarating feeling that she chased without a second thought. Maybe one day she’d get them to understand just how important acting was to her. She wasn’t going to place any bets on it, though.

****

Courtney dug through her backpack and pulled out a small container of tuna salad she’d made for lunch that morning. She picked up the fork that came with her container and took a bite, savoring the salty and sweet mix.

“Hey, Babe.”

Courtney’s pulse accelerated. Sam Roberts stood before her, looking every bit as hot as he had the first day she met him sophmore year. She fought the urge to laugh as she thought about how flustered she’d been. Something about those deep brown eyes and dark hair had shut off any higher brain function. She maybe got one coherent word out, but somehow he still asked her to a dance. Courtney chalked it up to luck on her part. She couldn’t think of any other explanation after the horrible first impression she’d made. “Hi, yourself.”

She patted the space beside her. Sam plopped down next to her with a tray of food in his hand, most of which Courtney couldn’t identify. She wasn’t sure she wanted to. Her nose wrinkled at the stench. “How can you eat that stuff?”

Sam shrugged and scooped up a heaping spoonful. “It’s good. So, how’d it go last night? Sorry I couldn’t be there.”

“It’s cool. The play went great! Well, ya know, if you don’t count the ride home.” She laughed, trying to keep her tone as light as possible. She had no intention of getting him riled up the night of a game.

“What happened?” He narrowed his eyes as he took another bite of his food.

“Eh, same old thing. Ya know, a long, quiet ride filled with nothing but boredom and dreams of being elsewhere. It was a long day.”

“They rushed you out again, huh?”

Courtney nodded. “So, what’s the plan for tonight?”

“There’s a party after the game if you want to go. Dan’s throwing it, assuming we win, anyway.”

Courtney laughed. “Figures he’d say that. So, I guess I’ll be ready about six?”

“Sounds good.”

The bell rang, signaling the end of lunch period. Courtney stood, gathering up her things. “I better get going. Oh, before I forget, you’re on your own this afternoon. I’ve got to meet Miss Hernandez after class.”

“Really? Did she say why?” He followed suit, retrieving her bag from its spot on the bench.

“No, but she did say I did a great job right before that, so who knows? Maybe there’s another production coming up she wants to talk about.”

“Good luck!” He handed her the bag and then held his hands up defensively. “Sorry… Break a leg!”

Courtney laughed. “Thanks.” She turned and made her way back into the building, her nerves on edge. The end of the day couldn’t come fast enough. Whatever she wanted, Courtney couldn’t help feeling as though it would be much more than she could imagine.

****

Courtney arrived before Miss Hernandez did. She plopped down in one of the seats, trying her best to keep the nerves at bay. To distract herself, Courtney started working on the paper she had due in English next week. There was nothing better than concentrating on a task to steady her nerves. She became so engrossed in her work that a sound to her right made her jump. The sight of her teacher brought a sense of relief.

“Sorry to keep you waiting. I had to step out a minute.”

“It’s okay. So, what was it you wanted to talk to me about, Miss Hernandez?”

Miss Hernandez took the seat beside Courtney, her face serious. “Well, as I said last night, you were great. You really do have a gift, and I’d like to see you use it to its full potential.”

“I don’t get it…”

“Have you heard of Steven Miller?”

Courtney’s heart raced as the name registered in her mind. “Are you talking about that producer who does a bunch of indie films?”

“That would be the one.”

Courtney shifted in her seat and put her notebook away. “What about him?”

Miss Hernandez smiled, opening her briefcase. She dug through the contents and pulled out a yellow sheet, which she gave to Courtney. “He’s casting a new project next month and there are plenty of roles available. I thought you might be interested in checking it out.”

Courtney blinked. This had to be a joke or something. “I’m sorry; did I just hear what I thought I heard? You want
me
to audition for this?”

“Why not? Courtney, you’re a very talented young lady, and I don’t see why you couldn’t get at least a small part in this. You’ve been talking about applying to a drama program and this would look great on your resume. Not to mention the pay could go a long way toward tuition.”

“Wow, I don’t know. I mean, I appreciate you thinking of me, but—”

“You don’t have to make a decision right now. Just promise you’ll think about it. It never hurts to keep your options open.”

Maybe she has a point.

Courtney just wasn’t sure how to bring the subject up at home without starting World War Three. She had to suppress a laugh as she imagined the looks on their faces. “Maybe.”

Miss Hernandez grinned. “Wonderful.” She glanced at her watch and stood. “I should be going now. Why don’t you think about it, and we’ll talk about this some more later?”

“Great.” Courtney navigated through the halls with her mind reeling at the possibilities Miss Hernandez’s offer brought. She pictured herself standing on a set, preparing for the director to call “action.” Could she really win a part?

Chapter Two

The chill of the rink seeped into every inch of Courtney’s skin as she took her seat in the bleachers. She zipped her jacket up and sipped the warm cocoa she bought at the concession stand. It’d become a tradition for her since she started going out with Sam, the star goalie for their school hockey team. She’d never been interested in sports until then. Now, the energy from the crowd got her blood flowing and she eagerly waited for the start of the game.

Moments after she took her seat, the team came out to start their warm-ups. She watched as Sam slid from side to side on his knees for a while, and then skated over to the net.  One after the other, his teammates converged on him, the puck a blur to her eyes as they shot at him. Sam faced each one with an intense gaze that sent chills through her before shooting an arm or leg out to block the puck. On one drill, he even did a flip to stop it. She never failed to be amazed by his ability on the ice. She could barely take a step without getting to know the ice intimately. After her first couple of attempts, she was a black and blue mess.

The horn blared, signaling the beginning of the game. As if on cue, her friend Matthew Williams plopped down beside her, followed closely by her cousin Lauren. Lauren graduated two years ago, but still came to games with Courtney. They’d been almost inseparable for as long as Courtney could remember.

“We didn’t miss anything, did we?” Matthew asked.

“No,” she assured him. “It’s just getting started now. What took you so long?”

“I couldn’t decide between a pretzel and nachos,” he confessed with a sheepish look. He held up the bag in his hand as if presenting evidence.

“You were this close to being down a friend,” Lauren added, putting her pointer finger and thumb a quarter inch apart. “How do you put up with this guy?”

“I’m one-of-a-kind. People everywhere consider it a privilege to know me.”

Courtney nearly spit out her cocoa. “I’ll try to remember that.”

They settled in to enjoy the game, screaming and waving banners with the rest of the crowd. Halfway through the second period, a player from the opposing team charged down the ice with a speed rarely seen in players at their level. He appeared to accelerate the closer he got to the goal. Courtney held her breath as the she watched Sam stand there, unflinching. The other player took the shot, aiming high. Sam was ready, though, and snagged the puck.

Courtney clapped and cheered with the rest of the crowd as the players all lined up again for a face off. The game flew by and before she knew it, their team had won, four to two. Her throat was raw from screaming and her hands were throbbing, but she never felt more alive. How had she never enjoyed the sport before?

Once they made it outside where they’d planned to meet Sam, they started talking about the game.

“That jackass from the Knights should have gotten a penalty. Did you see the way he slammed into our guy?” asked Matthew.

Courtney nodded. “Tell me about it. He was definitely looking to hurt Brad.” Brad was one of their centers, and probably the second-best of the team. That reputation came with a cost, though, making him the target of cheap shots from the opposition. Courtney was just glad her boyfriend was usually out of the line of fire. Well, unless you didn’t count staring down a speeding puck. She could deal with that a lot better than watching him get into a brawl, which occasionally happened even thought it wasn’t allowed.

“I think they threw the rulebook out for this one,” Lauren agreed. “I’d better head out now if I’m going to finish my reading for class. I’ll see you this weekend?”

“You bet! I’m all packed and ready. Are you sure it’s okay with your roommate for me to stay over?” Even though it was Lauren’s apartment too, Courtney had yet to meet her roommate, and she couldn’t help feeling like an intruder.

“Sure. And even if it wasn’t, she owes me a favor anyway, so that’d be too bad for her.”

Courtney laughed. “Great. Drive safe.” The two girls hugged and Lauren retreated to her car, with the others watching until she got in.

Matthew’s gaze strayed to the door of the building. “Hey, where’s Mister Perfect? Shouldn’t he be out here by now?”

Courtney ignored the teasing. There’d always been a little bit of flirting between her and Mathew, but Courtney never thought much of it until she started dating Sam. Sometimes, she wondered if there wasn’t just a twinge of jealousy behind his quips. “He said he wanted to shower because we’re going out tonight.”

“How much longer is he going to be? I should go soon, but I don’t want to leave you standing here alone.” He glanced around the lot, which was getting emptier and darker by the moment.

“I’m sure it’ll only be another minute or two. If you’re in a rush, why don’t you leave?” Courtney didn’t mind being alone at night. It was actually relaxing to her, and it would give her time to think over the offer from earlier. She walked over to the benches and had a seat.

“Not a chance,” he argued as he joined her. “And get in trouble with the boyfriend for leaving you all by yourself in the dark?”

As if on cue, Sam’s voice sounded from behind them. “Good thinking, Williams.” He turned his attention to Courtney. “Sorry it took a while. There’s some construction going on in there, so there was a long wait.”

“I try,” Matthew joked. “Good game, man. I’ll see you all later.”

“Night,” Courtney replied.

“Later,” Sam added. “So, Court, are you ready to go?”

She nodded. “You bet. So, where’s this party at anyway?”

Sam slung his equipment bag over his shoulder. “That new club over on Pine. Hey, how’d it go with Miss Hernandez?”

So much for the pre-emptive strike.

Courtney forced a smile. “It went fine. Can we talk about it later?”

Sam gave her a concerned look and draped his other arm over her shoulder as they navigated the near-empty lot. “I guess so. Are you sure everything is okay?”

“Sure, I’m just not in the mood to talk acting right now. It’s been a long day and all I want to do is have a little fun.” She liked that he had a protective streak, but sometimes she wished he would keep it in check.

“If you say so.” He led the way to the passenger side of his old beater and opened the door for Courtney. She climbed inside, pulling the door shut as he went around to the driver’s side. The thing looked like it belonged in a junkyard, but it ran perfectly and Sam considered it his baby. He’d even named the thing, which led to Courtney teasing him.

Courtney reached over and scanned the radio stations in search of something decent to listen to. It didn’t take long to rule the radio a lost cause, so Courtney popped in one of Sam’s mix CDs. His taste in music was eclectic enough that she never knew what she’d get when she put one in. It was part of what she liked about him — his unpredictable side.

A mix of metal, R&B, and country filled the air as they drove down the quiet street. Before long, the houses and small stores gave way to apartment complexes and malls. Courtney watched as people travelled down the sidewalks. Each one fueled her imagination and she found herself making up back stories for them to pass the time. She knew better than to try and engage Sam in conversation while he was driving.

“Court, you there?”

Courtney snapped to attention, glancing over at her boyfriend. “What was that?”

He laughed. “I thought so. We’re here…” He gestured to the modern building several feet to their left. The front was decorated with a large awning stretching over the walkway to the door. Outside, a group of people stood around talking while music seeped out into the night as the doors opened and closed.

“Sorry,” she said with a sheepish grin. The smile on his face told her he wasn’t offended. That was another thing she liked—he knew her well enough to not get offended by her occasional daydreaming. She supposed it came from being an actor.

Sam reached out and took her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze as they approached the front door. She returned the gesture while they got in line. “This looks like a great place.”

“Yeah,” she said. “Did you hear that music when they opened the door? It sounds like they have a live band in there.”

Sam nodded as they moved forward. “I heard they’re only doing that once a week, so we lucked out.”

The line moved much faster than Courtney anticipated, and before she knew it, they were exploring the club from the inside. A huge crowd was gathered around the stage, while others were dancing in another part of the building. Lights swirled around, adding a little color to the dim space.

Once they finished chatting about the game with the rest of the team, Sam turned to Courtney and asked, “You want to get something to drink?”

“Sure.” She followed him to the bar, narrowly avoiding getting trampled by a group of people rushing to the dance floor. She thought she recognized a few from school, and maybe one of the guys from the rival football team.

“What do you want?”

The tall, skinny guy at the bar looked bored and she could swear she saw some plugs in his ears. How he’d hear their order, she had no idea. “A Coke, please.”

“I’ll take a Sprite,” Sam added.

The guy nodded, and then turned to get their drinks. He kept his gaze on the band as he set their drinks on the counter. “That’ll be four dollars.”

“Here.” Sam pulled some cash out of his pocket and shoved it into the guy’s hand before steering Courtney away from the counter. “Come on, we can sit over there.” He pointed at a table to their left.

“So, how’d it go today? You have a show tomorrow, right?”

“Yeah,” Courtney replied. “I’m freaking, as usual. I hate the lead-up time to a show. It gives me a chance to think about what could go wrong.”

Sam reached for her hand, stroking it with his thumb. “You know you can tell me anything, right?”

Courtney raised an eyebrow at him and responded cautiously, “Yeah… what made you say that?”

“Because you’re doing that thing with your hair again. It usually means you’re hiding something.”

“What thing with my…” Her voice trailed off as she realized she was absentmindedly playing with a strand that had come loose from her bun. “Oh. It’s really not a huge deal, just an audition Miss Hernandez told me about today. There’s a producer coming to town to cast some indie movie and she thinks I’d be good for it. I don’t think I’m going to go for it, though.”

“Why not? You want to keep acting, right? Even if you don’t get it, it sounds like it would be a fun to at least go for the audition. I’d even come with you if you think that would make it easier.”

“I’m not scared to do it; I just don’t think there would be a point. You know my parents, they hate me acting. They think it’s a waste of time, and just thinking about me in a movie would make their heads explode.”

Sam sighed and leaned back in his chair. “Court, I really don’t get it. You’re almost eighteen… why are you so worried about what they think of this?”

“I care, okay? I’d rather not live in a war zone until I leave.”

“All I’m saying is, you should do what you really want to do. Do you want to regret missing out on this because you’re afraid of what they might think?”

“Sam…” She studied the pattern on the wood table while she struggled to counter his logic.

“Just think about it, okay? That’s all I’m saying.”

Courtney sighed. She supposed she could concede that much. “All right. I’ll think about it, but I’m not making any promises right now. Come on, let’s go dance.”

“Cool,” he replied as he got up and led her to the dance floor.