Lean on Me (61 page)

“
You
killed
him,” Larry’s mother’s voice
was screeching and harsh. “You
bury
him.”

On the plane home, Alex told Helene that
this was common. She told her goddaughter that it would take time
and that they would get over it. She was sure that in a few years
they’d want to see all of the pictures of their trips, adventures,
and love. They would want to know the man she knew. They’d beg her
for every detail of her life with him. But in her heart, she knew
that Larry’s parents would never let go of their rage. Helene had
dropped her head into Alex’s lap and sobbed the entire way back to
Denver.

Heath came from a long line of military men
and women. While losing him wasn’t any easier, his family
understood the sacrifice. Alex’s mother was at Heath’s parents’
home when she arrived. Rebecca held Heath’s mother’s hand when Alex
gave her his medals. Heath’s wife and his small children lived only
blocks from his parents home. Carrying her three-week-old baby, his
wife met her on the front walk. They’d cried and laughed. Alex gave
her Heath’s wedding ring and watch.

Heath’s family was meeting them at Fort
Logan for his burial. Larry would be laid to rest tomorrow
afternoon by the team, his friends, Helene, and her family. She
would send his parents a video of the ceremony.

Exhausted, she hadn’t slept more than two or
three hours in weeks. When Heath and Larry were released three
hours ago, the team scrambled into their dress uniforms and flew to
San Antonio. She closed her eyes as the Hercules dropped onto the
tarmac at San Antonio International Airport. The back of the
Hercules lowered onto the tarmac.

A team of men from Fort Sam Houston waited
for them with two flag-covered transfer cases containing the
remains of Sergeant Larry Flag and Major Heath Walker.

“
Fall in,” Joseph
called.

The team stood and marched in formation down
the ramp. They created two lines. Alex, Matthew, Zack, and Joseph
went to the waiting team. Alex signed the paperwork for the body
transport. She looked up to see three military SUVs moving toward
them. Barely off life support, Larry and Heath’s teams came to see
them off.

They waited for the men to slowly disembark
from the SUVs. Once sober, Larry became so impatient in life. He
rushed through every meal, ran fast, and rushed through every
boring job detail. He wanted to live every moment. As he’d waited
for them under the North Dakota plains, he would have to wait for
them now. The Fort Sam Houston team helped wheel Larry and Health's
teammates to the plane.

“
Attention!” Joseph
called.

The Fey team snapped to attention. Even in
wheelchairs, Larry’s Special Forces Team and Heath’s Marine team
sat at attention.

“
Present, Arms,” Joseph
called.

The teams brought their hands to their
foreheads while the men from Fort Sam Huston carried Larry and
Heath onto the Hercules.

“
Order, Arms,” Joseph
called.

The teams snapped in audible salute as the
transfer cases carrying the remains of Larry and Heath passed in
front of them. The Fey team filed in after the transfer cases. They
stood at attention until the back of the Hercules raised.

“
At ease,” Joseph
said.

They stood until the transfer cases were
secure and the Fort Sam Houston team left the plane. Alex sat next
to Raz with Larry’s transfer case in front of her. Leaning back in
her seat, she felt something in her mind slip.

“
Don’t you dare let the
dark take you again.” Raz’s lips brushed her ear and she looked at
him with vague eyes. She had this sense of being there and not
being there. He put his hands on her shoulders. “Don’t.
Please.”

“
Lieutenant Colonel?”
Sergeant Dusty asked. “Sorry to interrupt but brass wants to know
what you’re going to tell the reporters at…”

Alex gave Raz a soft smile and took the next
call. She watched Heath’s entire funeral in a daze. She hugged her
weeping mother, said kind words to Heath’s wife, and stayed until
the last shovel of dirt was thrown on his grave. She felt the pull
of the Fey Special Forces Memorial just a few hundred feet away.
Instead of visiting her old friends, she released the team and
drove home alone.

For all of Christmas’s noise and joyous
chaos, the house was silent today. Even Raz and Colin were at a
mandatory Homeland Security threat assessment briefing. Max was in
Washington DC. Wyatt was presenting his male-female single zygote
study at some swanky conference on the West Coast. Cian had a new
girlfriend and Fionn was working at the bakery. John left a note
saying he’d been called in to Denver Health for emergency surgery
on a child caught in a multi-car accident. The house was empty of
people. They would all return tomorrow and the house would be
bustling once again. For now, the house echoed with the sound of
her aimless wandering.

She went upstairs for a bath. Unable to
settle into her bath, she went to bed. As she had almost every day
since finding Larry, she stared at the ceiling for a while before
sleep captured her.

She was standing on a battlefield filled
with crumpled, dead bodies crushed by some oppressive force. Seeing
someone moving in the far distance, she ran as fast as she could to
his side.

“
Lean on me,” she said.
“Lean on me.”

The battered and broken body of the stranger
leaned on her shoulder. Together, they made their way across the
battlefield. A faceless nurse took the man from her. She returned
to the battlefield for survivors. Over and over again, she dragged
and carried the barely living to the medics until she was filthy
and covered in blood.

She turned one last time and she was
standing on the edge of an enormous sunflower field. Compelled to
move forward, she ran as fast as she could up the six-foot-wide
saddle-brown dirt center path. The path rose. She climbed higher
and higher through the sunflowers.

Off in the distance, she saw the faint
outline of a blue farmhouse. With the farmhouse as a goal, she
picked up her pace. Nearing, she saw a group of men sitting outside
the back porch. The Fey Special Forces Team waited for her outside
this farm house.

“
Where have you been?” Mike
Scully asked.

“
We’ve been waiting for
you,” Jax said.

“
I had to help some guys
back there,” Alex said.

Jesse winked at her.

“
Hargreaves,” Captain
Charlie O’Brien stood up. “Walk with me.”

“
Yes sir,” Alex made an “uh
oh” face to Jesse and he laughed.

As Charlie used to, he said nothing while
they walked. He’d liked to talk when they had arrived wherever they
were going. They walked until they were standing in a cedar gazebo
overlooking the team, and the house. The sunflower field terraced
down to a valley far below. Alex heard Tommy say something and the
men laugh.

“
What surprises me the most
is that you don’t see it,” Charlie said.

“
See what, sir,” Alex
asked.

Her heart skipped a beat when she looked at
him. Somewhere in her memory, she knew he was dead and that this
was a dream. Right now, in this very moment, he felt more real than
anything that had happened that day. She wanted to hug him, tell
him she loved him, and missed him. But the texture of this moment
kept him as her CO and she, his Sergeant.

“
Look again,” Charlie
said.

The sunflowers had transformed into people.
While some stood tall, most of them listed to one side or the other
to lean on the person next to them. A warm, gentle wind blew
through the field and she heard: “Lean on me.”

“
We lean on each other,”
Charlie said. “Look again.”

The field segmented into pieces of this
action. She saw Efren and his family in one section. She saw her
team and their friends who’d helped find the missing teams. She saw
her old friends who’d called immediately when they’d found the
teams. Every person leaned on another. Many of them waved. In the
section nearest to her, she saw Larry and his team waving. His
sandy blonde hair blew in the wind. His CO leaned against
Larry.

“
This is how we live,”
Charlie said. “We lean on each other. We want to support you. We
want you to lean on us.”

“
It only gets people
killed,” Alex said. “You’re dead. The guys are dead. Jesse’s dead.
Larry’s dead. And Heath.”

“
And?”

“
I leaned on others and
they died.” Alex felt tears fall from her face. As if she was
accusing him of something horrible, she spit out, “You
died.”

“
You’re not God, Alex,”
Charlie said. “You don’t have control over who lives or
dies.”

Charlie closed his eyes to feel the wind on
his face. She thought he had drifted off when his eyes opened to
look at her.

“
You think you’re leaning
on people,” Charlie smiled. “Really, we’re holding you up to the
light. You fight for us. We need you. And you need the
light.”

In an uncharacteristic move, Charlie stroked
her cheek. His eyes reflected his deep fondness for her. He
smiled.

“
What he doesn’t know about
you is that you find light by leaning on others,” Charlie nodded to
the field. It had transformed into a grape vineyard. Heavy with
grapes, the supports bent against the weight of the vines. “Find
the light, Alex.”

There was a flash of light and Alex’s eyes
shifted to the field. When she looked back, Charlie was gone. Sad,
she wandered down the path to the house where Jesse waited for her.
She hugged him tight. In her embrace, he was solid and strong,
flesh and blood. Together, they began a slow journey through the
sunflower field.

“
Lean on me,” the
sunflowers creaked in the wind. “Lean on me.”

“
Alex, honey, come back.”
She felt more than saw John pull her onto his lap. “Come back to
me.”

“
John?” She opened her eyes
to him.

“
You were crying,” he
kissed her hard. “I hated to wake you because I know you’re not
sleeping but…”

She opened her eyes to find worry in his
cobalt eyes.

“
Raz left a message saying
the darkness took you again yesterday,” John said. “He tried to get
out of his training but was told he’d lose his position. He knew
that would only make your life harder.”

“
I’m okay,” she said. “I’m
glad he stayed in the stupid training. At least it’s over
with.”

“
Was yesterday hard?” he
asked.

“
Brutal.”

He picked her up off the bed.

“
Where are we going?” she
asked.

“
Bath,” he said. “We’ll
wash away the sorrow and laugh until dawn.”

“
Dawn?”

“
It’s almost dawn,” he
said. “The case was…”

“
Brutal?”

He nodded.

“
I need the light,” she
said.

“
We’ll watch the dawn
together,” he said.

“
I’d like that.”

F