Lead Me On (12 page)

But the waiting revealed her exhaustion, not to mention her gnawing hunger.

When the satay arrived, Jane jumped on it, wondering if Chase would notice if she took three skewers and left him with two.
Someone
had to eat the odd one out. Probably he’d be too polite to mention it. Way more polite than a guy with tattoos on his skull should be.

The peanut sauce was a wave of flavor in her mouth, and Jane sighed as she swallowed the first bite.

“So,” Chase said, “how did Mac become your stepfather?”

Even the pleasure of the sweet sauce couldn’t stop her stomach from freezing. “He married my mother,” she answered coolly.

“Yeah, I got that part. Did your parents get divorced?”

“Yes.” She piled slivers of cucumbers on the chicken before taking too big of a bite.
I’m busy here, buddy. Can’t talk
.

“How old were you?”

Jane took a long drink of her mai tai and shivered with relief. “I was two.” She grabbed a shrimp that set her mouth on fire, and had to gulp down a bit more of the drink.

“Wow, that’s really young.”

“Have you tried the shrimp? It’s perfect. This place is amazing.”

“It’s my favorite restaurant. Aside from that burger place off Main. They use thick-cut bacon. Man, do I love bacon.”

Smiling, she sucked at her straw, startled when it started gurgling. Lifting the glass high, she glared at the last traces of pinkened rum.

“Another?” Chase asked.

“Yes, please,” she answered immediately, determined to keep the muscle-melting feeling progressing. For the first time in days her tension was gone. Actually, it hadn’t been days at all. She’d felt pretty melty after sex with Chase in his truck.

She reached for another shrimp and realized there was nothing left on the plate but a lettuce leaf. Her disappointment floated away on a smooth river of rum.

“So did your dad stick around?” Chase asked as the waitress delivered their entrées and another mai tai.

“No.” She took a big bite of red curry and chased down the heat with mai tai. Heaven. Spicy Thai heaven.

“He left?” Chase asked.

What were they talking about? Oh, right. Her sorry excuse for a father. “He was in prison.” She took another bite and another drink.

“Oh…I see.”

“No.” She was slurping at the bottom of the glass again. Where in the world had all that mai tai gone? She set it down and started to laugh. “Chase, you couldn’t possibly see. My mother was…Jesus, I don’t even know what she was. Let’s just say that my childhood was spent moving from prison town to prison town.”

“Following your dad?”

“No, he stayed in one place. My mom collected lifers.”

Chase shook his head, fork paused halfway to his mouth. “Lifers?”

“She was a prison groupie. She married guys in prison. Four of them, to be exact. All of them men she met after they’d been sent to the big house. You are looking at the tender outcome of a conjugal trailer visit.” She put her hand to her mouth. “Oh, my God, did I say that out loud?”

“Yes,” Chase murmured, voice quiet with shock.

His slack face made her giggle. And then it made her collapse with laughter. “Oh, boy,” she squeaked. “Your expression is priceless.”

“Your mom
collected
prisoners?”

“Oh, yeah. Like pound puppies.” She wiped her watering eyes. “It was quite a colorful existence for a kindergartner, let me tell you.”

“Jane,” he said, his face falling from surprise to worry, “how often did you move?”

She shrugged. “Whenever she got tired of visiting that man, she’d start writing to another. My dad was the first, though, so I guess that makes him special. God, is it hot in here? Whew. I’m hot.”

“I think it might be a combination of liquor and curry.”

“Oh, crud. Really? That’s embarrassing. Not as embarrassing as going to school with the children of your stepdad’s prison guards, though. Can you imagine?”

“No,” he said over her snort.

She took a deep breath and tamped down her laughter. “I don’t know why I told you all that.”

“It might have to do with that first drink you sucked down.”

“Maybe,” she agreed, just before regret hit her smack in the face. “Chase, I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking. About the drinks.”

He rolled his eyes. “Not that again. It’s fine. Get falling-down drunk. I promise not to call AA. And while you’re tipsy, is there anything else you want to get off your chest?”

Alarm sank deep into her bones. One more drink and maybe she’d spill it all. Not just the bad stuff her mother had done. That was easy to lay out on display. Her childhood had hurt, but it hadn’t been her fault. She’d been blameless…until she’d turned twelve and started making her own mistakes.

“Jane…”

“Nope,” she lied. “That’s all I have. Everything else about me is unremarkable. Boring. No need to ply me with more drinks.” Which was unfortunate. For a moment there, she’d considered getting seriously blitzed.

Chase’s head tilted slightly as he looked into her eyes, a furrow appearing between his brows. Fear wormed into her stomach at his look of confusion, but she talked herself down. He’d grown up in Grand Junction. He knew nothing, and she wouldn’t tell a soul.

Still, the puzzle turning behind his eyes scared her.

“What?” she asked.

“You just…” His eyes fell to the table. “You confuse me.”

“No, I’m simple,” she insisted. “This stuff with my family might be complicated, but I’m not like them. I’m different.”

“Is that why you’re with me, Jane?”

“I’m not with you.”

“Yeah, I got that. I mean, is that why you’re having a fling with me, instead of dating like a normal person? Because I remind you of them?”

Her mind rolled, turning over, picking up speed. She knew what it was, but she couldn’t say it. She couldn’t say,
That’s who I really am. A woman who needs a big, rough man. A sad young girl who needs to be used so that she feels wanted. Someone who believes a man’s not really a man if he doesn’t have scars on his hands and dirt ground into his jeans
.

She couldn’t say that, because now she was a woman who believed in refinement and education. She built relationships on respect, not on physical attraction. She measured a man’s worth by his ambition and intelligence and bearing. Not by the way he handled himself in a fistfight. Not by the width of his shoulders.

“Maybe I’m having a midlife crisis.”

“You’re twenty-nine.”

“Right. I’m twenty-nine. I’ll settle down soon. Get married, have kids. So before I turned thirty, I thought I’d find out what it was like to walk on the wild side.”

“Oh, really?” he huffed.

“Yes.”

He didn’t add anything more—he just watched her—and for some reason his silence made her squirm. Jane breathed a sigh of relief when the waitress approached and left the bill on the table. Change of subject. “Let me get this.”

“No, I got off pretty easy on our so-called date. I was having trouble living with myself.”

Yes, she’d been a cheap date. Burger, Coke, screw in the truck. That made her think of just how fun it had been to feel cheap. Maybe he’d make her feel cheap again tonight. Like old times. She attempted to slide him a seductive look, but it disintegrated into a yawn.

“Come on, Jane,” he said, reaching for her hand as he stood. “You look like you’re about to slide to the floor.”

“No, I’m fine,” she insisted, despite the way her knees swam when she rose. “I’m getting my second wind.”

“Mmm-hmm. How many hours of sleep did you get last night?”

She smiled flirtatiously. “You’re not telling me I look tired, are you?”

“You look exhausted. You’ve got dark circles under your eyes, you’re yawning and two mai tais nearly put you under the table.”

“Did not,” she scoffed. But when he helped her up into his truck, Jane melted into the seat. Okay, maybe she was exhausted. And tipsy. But she didn’t want to be dropped off and left to drag herself to bed. Being tipsy seemed like the perfect excuse to have sex with Chase again.

It still seemed like a good idea when she blinked awake a few minutes later and found Chase opening the passenger-side door. “Hey,” she breathed, stretching awake.

“Your keys?”

She dug around in her purse and handed them over, thoroughly enjoying the way he took control. He slid her off the seat and walked her up to her door as if he owned the place. Despite another yawn, she was already anticipating what they’d do once they got to her bed. Sure, she’d meant it to be a one-night stand, but the man transformed her body, as if she were Sleeping Beauty awakening from a long, dry slumber.

Chase guided her through the door. “I’ll call as soon as my dad gets in touch.”

“Hmm?” She spun back toward him, one hand reaching for the wall to steady herself.

“Get some sleep, Jane.”

“But it’s six-thirty.”

“Right. Sleep for twelve hours and get a fresh start tomorrow. It’ll be good for you.”

“But—”

“Good night, Jane.”

She was still staring openmouthed at the door when she heard him drive away. Trying to puzzle out what had happened turned out to be too much work, so Jane took Chase’s advice and just went to bed.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Jennings,” she said again. “It’s got to be here somewhere.”

“It’s really no big deal. You probably already sent it to Edward.”

“No!” She realized she’d raised her voice—actually yelled at her boss—when he took a step back. “I mean, no sir, that’s not possible. I never, ever send out files or sketches or blueprints without making a copy first. Never.”

“Okay, but I—”

“Oh, my God,” she yelped. “What day is it?”

“Um…I think…” He looked up to the ceiling, waiting for his mental calendar to spit out an answer. “Thursday, maybe?”

“Thursday,” she murmured. “Thursday the fifteenth.” Her fingers hovered over the files for a moment before they clenched into sudden fists. “Thursday the fifteenth. Seven-thirty breakfast meeting with the head contractor for the Gramercy job.” Air pressure pressed into her. “I didn’t…I didn’t remind you. Did you miss the meeting? Please tell me you didn’t miss the meeting.”

“It’s okay.” Mr. Jennings held up his hands and took a sidestep toward his office door. “No big deal. He called and I apologized and we’re meeting for lunch tomorrow.”

“You have lunch with Edward Cohen tomorrow!”

“Just change it,” he said, and darted for his door. “Ed won’t mind. It’s okay.” The latch clicked softly closed behind him as Jane’s heart beat faster and faster.

She was disintegrating. Every piece of herself that she’d so carefully constructed was peeling away like ancient wallpaper. First she’d slept with the type of man she’d assiduously avoided for ten years. Then she’d cried at her workplace. She’d been caught in an embrace by her boss. Then the typos. The getting drunk over Thai food. And now…now the lost project proposal. And worst of all, she’d caused Mr. Jennings to miss an important meeting. She’d embarrassed and inconvenienced him. She’d failed.

Her purpose in this office was to keep exactly that sort of thing from happening. It was the reason Mr. Jennings had brought her in. It was why he paid her well and told her he couldn’t live without her.

This job was her confidence and her pride and her self-worth. The only thing in the world she was good at. Without this job, she was just a girl with a high-school diploma and an expensive wardrobe. She would
not
let this slip away.

“Where is it?” she muttered, glancing one last time through the open file drawer. The proposal didn’t stick its head up and wink at her, so she slammed that drawer and moved on to the next.

“It’s got to be here. It’s got to.” At some point her brain poked her in the back of her spinning head and told her she could reconstruct most of it from Mr. Jennings’s computer files, but that wasn’t the point.

Fifteen minutes later Jane was at the last cabinet, hands shaking as she flipped through every single file, when she found it. She found it. Filed under
E
for Edward, instead of
C
for Cohen. “Oh, thank God,” she breathed, clutching the proposal to her chest.

“Jane?” a female voice asked from the front door.

“I found it!” Jane said as she swung toward Lori Love.

“Good! That’s really great.” But Lori didn’t seem to understand just how much relief Jane was feeling, because her voice sounded downright strained.

Jane got up from her knees, still clutching the papers to her chest. “Sorry, I lost something. Whew. Now I have to order a basket of cookies for a contractor. Contractors like food, right? That should smooth things over. Mr. Jennings is in his office, by the way. I’ll let him know you’re here.”

“Wait,” Lori said. Her brown curls swung when she let the front door close behind her. “I’m here to see you, Jane. Quinn called me. He’s worried.”

“There’s no need to be. It won’t happen again. I’m mortified, but—”

“Jane.”

She shut her mouth in response to Lori’s serious tone.

“You remember how screwed up my life was last year?”

“Mmm-hmm.”

“So when I tell you I can recognize the signs of a woman falling apart, do you think you can trust that?”

Hmm. This was a more difficult question to answer, because Lori was obviously about to point out that Jane was falling apart. “I suppose it depends on the woman.”

“Jane.” Lori was a no-nonsense kind of girl and her voice made clear she wasn’t interested in coddling Jane.

“Yes?” She wanted to hold the papers for a little longer, but she made herself set them neatly on her desk before wiping her sweaty hands on her chocolate-brown skirt.

“
You
are falling apart.”

Unwilling to answer, Jane cleared her throat and took a seat.

“If you want privacy, you know I have no problem with that, but know that if you want to talk, I’m here.”

“Thank you.” She folded her hands in her lap and waited for this to be over. Her ears rang as if her blood pressure was skyrocketing.

Lori didn’t give up. “Last year I was quietly drowning in front of everyone and I refused to say a word. Obviously I won’t argue with your right to take the same route. Are you drowning?”

“No.”

“Would you tell me if you were?”

“No.”

“Okay. I won’t ask any more questions.”

Mr. Jennings stalked out of his office. “I will.”

“Quinn,” Lori said sharply, but he aimed a glare in her direction before sliding it toward Jane.

“Has Chase done something to you? Is that what’s going on? Is he abusing you?”

Jane gasped in horror. “No!”

“Well, all this started that day I walked in on you two, so pardon me if I’m suspicious. Did he force himself on you, Jane? Because I’ll—”

“No, absolutely not. Chase isn’t the type to—We’re not really—It was just a hug!”

“Oh, yeah? You two are friends? You’re in the same wine-tasting club or something?”

Jane clenched her teeth and narrowed her eyes at him. “I apologize for my inappropriate behavior that morning. If I’d acted with propriety you wouldn’t be prying into my business right now, and this conversation could have been avoided.”

Lori muttered, “Snap,” and raised an eyebrow at her boyfriend. “I think she just told you to mind your own business, sweetie. Which was exactly what I was going to say.”

But Mr. Jennings wouldn’t give up. “This guy is like, six-five, and has tattoos on his neck!”

“Yowza,” Lori said, her eyes flickering in surprise. “But that still doesn’t mean anything. I doubt anyone would’ve expected Quinn Jennings to date an auto mechanic. Opposites attract.”

“No,” Jane said. “Chase and I are not dating. In fact, I just broke it off with a gentleman who—”

“Are you pregnant?” Mr. Jennings interrupted. “Is that it?”

“No!”

“Because if you are, I’ll support you in every way possible. Whatever you want to—”

“I’m not pregnant! And I am not a living, breathing episode of
Jerry Springer
, so whatever else you might suspect, please keep it to yourself! I have the right to use my personal time however I like, and I’m under no obligation to discuss my life with you. It’s none of your business.”

His brown eyes darkened with sudden hurt, as if they were bruising right before her eyes. “Of course it’s not,” he said. “Of course. I apologize.”

Oh, God, he looked so sad. “Mr. Jennings—”

“No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pried. Anyway, I’ve got to go check on the framers, so I’ll see you later, Lori.” He pressed a distracted kiss to his girlfriend’s cheek and headed for the door. “Jane, take as much time off as you need,” he murmured as he left.

She stared miserably after him, wondering how she could be so cruel to a man who treated her so well. Then again, that seemed to be her specialty these days.

“Don’t worry about him,” Lori said. “It doesn’t matter how much respect they have for women, men still think they need to fix things for us.”

“I’m fine, Lori. Honestly. I’ve just got a few family problems that I don’t want to discuss. Will you tell him that?”

“Sure.”

“Thank you.” Jane felt her throat burn with sorrow for the pain she’d caused Quinn Jennings.

“And you wouldn’t let a man treat you badly, right, Jane?”

Lori’s eyes made clear that she was offering help if Jane should need it. Jane shook her head, but truthfully, she’d once reveled in being treated like dirt. Now she did it only on the weekends.

No
, she scolded herself. Chase might be a fling, but he hadn’t once treated her like dirt, even when she’d deserved it.

“I promise you I’m not being treated badly by anyone. That’s not what this is about.”

“Okay, good.” Lori smiled, transforming herself from cute to adorable. “So then this big guy with tattoos is someone who’s treating you
right?
”

“Out,” Jane snapped, pointing toward the door.

“Fine, fine. I’ve got to track down my grumpy architect anyway. I’ll take some Starbucks up to his lot. You want anything?”

Jane shook her head, holding her breath until Lori walked out and disappeared from view. Then she snatched up the phone and dialed Jessie’s lawyer to beg her for new information. This balancing game was too much. She’d thought she was strong, but she was cracking under the first signs of strain.

“I was just talking to your investigator,” the lawyer said.

“My investigator?”

“Mr. Chase. He’s here in my office. We’re going over the arrest records and putting together a list of questions to ask Jessie when I see him this afternoon. I normally don’t bring in an investigator unless it’s a capital case, but he’s been very helpful.”

“Oh, good!” Jane glanced at the clock. It was only 9:00 a.m. and Chase had warned her that his dad never got up before ten.

“As a matter of fact, I’m going to put him under contract with a confidentiality agreement, if that’s all right with you. Same rate you’re paying him, but it’ll be billed under the firm’s charges.”

“Great. That sounds wonderful.”

“The prosecution floated a lower number for bail. It’s thirty thousand, which is still pretty damn high—another indication that they’re trying to build a bigger case.”

Thirty thousand. That would be three thousand up front and the full thirty thousand on the line if Jessie decided to skip town. She couldn’t do it, not with all the lawyer’s fees, as well.

“Thirty thousand,” she repeated.

“Jessie already told me that your dad won’t pay it,” the lawyer said. “I’m going to work on getting it reduced further. So don’t worry. Jessie’s fine for right now, and he understands where we are.”

Jane thanked her and hung up.

Thirty thousand. She couldn’t afford it. If he bailed on her, she could lose her condo. But now she was remembering when Jessie was thirteen and he’d call and ask if he could hang with her for the weekend. Most of the time she’d put him off. What if she hadn’t? What if she’d taken him under her wing instead of putting all her energy into running from her past? What if she’d thought of Jessie sometimes, instead of just herself?

Vowing to look over her savings as soon as she got home, Jane put her head down and got back to work. She responded to e-mails and sent out blueprints and set up a whole flurry of automatic e-mail reminders to keep Mr. Jennings on schedule. Something inside her clicked back into place.

I can do this
, she assured herself.
I can
.

Two hours later Mr. Jennings returned, offering her a halfhearted smile. She stood, wanting to reach out and hug him, but holding herself back. “Mr. Jennings, I apologize.”

“No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed you like that.”

“I…” She thought of how he’d reached out to her. How Lori had reached out. She thought of how she pushed people away and kept them at a safe distance, because it couldn’t be the real Jane that they liked. It was the woman she’d created with smoke and mirrors that people wanted to know. “Mr. Jennings, I…I do consider you a friend.”

His smile stretched to a relieved grin. “I’m glad.”

“But I don’t really…” She shook her head, hands gripping each other for comfort. “I don’t really know how to do that. Right now I’m having some family problems. That’s all it is. I don’t want you to worry. I’m fine.”

“Okay, good.”

“If I need anything, I know I can come to you or Lori, and that means so much to me. Thank you.”

Before she could brace herself, Mr. Jennings stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her. “You’re like a sister to me, Jane. I care about you.”

Panic exploded through her. Not because she thought he meant something inappropriate, but because he didn’t. He honestly respected her. He loved the woman she pretended to be, and that made something deep inside her ache.

If he knew the real her—the brash, angry girl who’d grown up in half a dozen trailer parks—he wouldn’t be so sure of his opinion. And Lori wouldn’t want Jane anywhere near her boyfriend, much less cuddled in his arms.