Lead Me Home (25 page)

By the time they made it to Atchity, the sun had risen and it was Thanksgiving morning.

The only good thing about arriving the day of the holiday was Shiloh knew she’d be spared any heavy cooking. It wasn’t Dayna’s forte so she’d only do a dessert or two, and Jessica wouldn’t even bother. Usually it was Shiloh and Mama at the helm, but this year, Shiloh’s long-distance trek gave her the privilege of arriving with the ham she had already prepared and put on ice, and with assorted beverages.

The Griffin family poured out of the van at her parents’ house and stretched their legs before climbing the steps to the porch. Seconds after she rang the doorbell, Dayna’s husband Warren greeted her. This was a first. Mama and Daddy were becoming progressive if they were allowing the son-in-law they liked to keep in the shadows to welcome guests. What if she had been one of those less than open-minded Riverview Baptist members?

“Warren!” Shiloh gave her handsome, dark-haired brother-in-law a hug. His blue eyes radiated warmth, as did his smile, and Shiloh’s affirmation of Dayna’s choice of a second husband remained unchanged: Dayna had really good taste.

“Come on in, sis,” he said, with an eyebrow raised. She laughed, knowing he was thinking the same thing that had just run through her mind—amazement that he, of all people, was being given the opportunity to usher everyone inside.

“How’ve you been?” Shiloh asked. “Where are the twins, and Dayna?”

“Let’s see, let me handle those questions in order,” Warren said. “I’ve been doing great, especially now that the house is built and we are settling in. Michael and Mason are in the family room playing the Wii and waiting on your boys to arrive, and Dayna is in the kitchen with Tamara and Naomi, helping your mother put the finishing touches on the meal.”

Shiloh stopped in her tracks and stared at Warren as if he had two heads.

“Come again?”

Warren smiled. “You heard me right: Tamara and her mother Naomi came to Atchity with us to celebrate the holiday; it’s all good.”

Shiloh wanted to settle in a chair in the living room and get the full scoop on this one. She knew that Dayna and Warren had been heavily involved in helping create a scholarship foundation for Tamara’s late husband Brent—the man who had been Dayna’s college sweetheart and first husband. But to invite the woman who had once been her nemesis—Brent’s mistress during their marriage—to dine with her family for the holidays? Dayna obviously had grown in ways Shiloh hadn’t imagined possible. This was the side of her sister she wanted to know and love better.

Jessica strode into the living room wearing an apron and a grin, with her arms open for a hug, and Shiloh decided she was in the middle of a dream.

“The hug I’ll take, but what are you cooking?” she asked and laughed.

Jessica paused and put a hand on her hip. “You better take this hug while I’m offering it, Miss Thang, and this dish I’m cooking up, too. Once my show starts on Oprah’s network, the fans will besiege me, plus my first splurge is going to be a personal chef.”

Shiloh laughed and pinched Jessica’s cheek. “Why did I think you already had a personal chef? And I don’t care whose network you are on, you’ll always be my little sister and required to deliver hugs or whatever else I want.”

Jessica grinned. “Glad to know who I can call to help keep my feet on the ground.”

Jessica stepped around Shiloh and hugged the rest of the Griffins as they flowed into the living room, going from Randy to Lem to Omari to Raphael to baby-of-the-family David.

Mama and Daddy finally appeared, and the round of hugs and kisses continued. When Shiloh’s turn came with her father, she held onto him and hoped he could feel every ounce of affection in her hug. How thankful she was to have this chance to be in his arms again, and to tell him that no matter what they’d been through over the years, she loved him.

Daddy stood back and surveyed the bustling room filled with his family.

“Praise God—all my children under one roof, and their families too. God has been good to me.”

Dayna stepped into the room at that moment and hugged him from behind. “He’s been good to all of us, Daddy, and you’re the cherry on top.”

Shiloh couldn’t have said it better herself.

It was almost time for dinner, but Shiloh couldn’t find Lem anywhere.

Finally, something told her to check the van. Maybe he had gone there to call Lia and have a private conversation. She trotted outside and sure enough found the front passenger door of the van partially open.

When Lem noticed her, he lowered the cell phone from his ear. “Mom, would it be okay for Lia and her family to stop by later this evening, after dinner? Or can you take me to Birmingham tomorrow to spend some time with her?”

Shiloh’s first inclination was to say no on both counts, but she knew that response was stemming from her personal discomfort with all she had shared with her son. She had come too far in the past week to regress. She needed to show Lem, and the other boys, that she could face the music her truths would render.

“Yes, Lem, either of those options is fine.”

He raised the phone to his ear, with an air of confidence. “My mom says it’s cool, Lia. I’ll text you the address. Let me call you back, okay?”

Lem ended the call and climbed out of the van. “Thanks for that,” he said, without looking at Shiloh.

Shiloh tilted her head and folded her arms, curious about his response. “You’re welcome, Lem. Want to talk about what’s eating at you?”

He kept his eyes fixed on his phone. “You already know.”

“Then why did you invite Lia to come here? With her grandparents, I assume?”

“Actually, she’s bringing her mother.”

A chill coursed through Shiloh. “Leslie’s coming? Lem, how could you?” She leaned against the van. “I don’t know about this, Lem. You might need to call her back. I thought her mother wasn’t part of her life anymore. I had no idea …”

“She’s been in a treatment center for the past year trying to pull her life together, according to Lia. She’s at home today and tomorrow, for the Thanksgiving holiday.”

Shiloh’s mind was racing. To tell the truth was one thing; to face it was another. Was Lem doing this to hurt her?

“Lem, son, we need to talk about this.”

“About what? There’s nothing to talk about. You’ve told it all, haven’t you? It is what it is.”

He’d never raised his voice at her, so Shiloh tried to keep her cool. “It’s easy to say ‘It is what it is,’ but not really easy to live.” His fustration was palpable. “Let it out, Lem. I can take it.”

He turned away and stalked to a pine tree near the side of his grandparents’ house. Within minutes, the tree felt his full fury. Lem pummeled the trunk with his sneakered foot over and over, until Shiloh worried that he would sprain or break one of his toes. Instead of intervening, she held her tears at bay, and she prayed.

Help him release the anger, God. Help him forgive me. Help him feel no shame for my mistakes.

The fact that her disappointing revelations had brought him to this point devastated her. Yet even as she hurt, she knew without a doubt that she had done the right thing. She needed to tell the truth for her sake, for Randy’s, and for Lem and his brothers.

In this horrifying moment she understood that while she could have easily taken the secret of her abortion to her grave, but doing that wouldn’t change the consequences her long-ago decision had yielded. It had shaped who she was as a person and even as a wife and mother. It
had led her to make decisions based on guilt and on feeling required to live a life of penance and perfection, functioning as a people-pleasing saint.

How could she tell her wounded son that the very actions causing him anguish—her admissions of guilt—had been the ones to fill her with a sweet freedom she hadn’t known was possible? How could she tell him that for the first time ever, she fully understood the meaning of and power of grace?

Even as she quaked inside at the thought of meeting her former college roommate face-to-face, she had a peace that just as God had brought Leslie’s daughter into her son’s life, he was orchestrating a reunion at the time he knew was best. It wasn’t going to be pretty; Shiloh had to steel herself for that. But as much as she wanted to resist and flee, she had to trust God’s heart.

Shiloh didn’t know how to take her son’s outburst, however. Was he angry with her or ashamed of her, or both? Either way, he was justifiably so. She remained by the van and waited for him to collect himself. At some point, he slid to his knees, then sat under the tree, with his head bowed. Shiloh closed her eyes and prayed again.

Minister to him, Lord. I know he’s young, but help him forgive me and see your hand in this.

Shiloh wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but when she saw Randy poke his head out of the front door and frown when his eye caught Lem, she motioned for him to go back inside. He complied, and she stood there, continuing to watch and wait, until she thought her legs would fall asleep. Finally, he raised his head and pushed himself up off the ground.

He looked toward the van and seemed surprised that she was still there. He walked toward her, and she thought her heart might thump right out of her chest. When he reached her, he gazed into her eyes, as if searching to see who or what lay inside. Eventually, he spoke.

“I’ve been wondering what kind of person you were back then to have done the things you did,” he said, with little emotion in his voice. “It’s hard to believe that you, the mother who taught me to always tell the truth, do good to others, and treat people like I want to be treated, could do something so mean to someone who considered you a friend.”

Shiloh had no rebuttal; all she could do was nod. His perception of her had been shattered, and she had to let him deal with this in his own way, and in his own time. She wanted to tell him that no one was perfect, not even his beloved Lia. She wanted to ask him to consider the many times she had scolded him or punished him, while forgiving his transgressions. Those words danced on her lips, but she knew this was a matter that could only be resolved when Lem was ready to receive that wisdom. In the meantime, she would continue to love him and do what she could to prove to him that while she may be less than perfect, she was still his loving mother, and he, her beloved son.

She extended her hand.

“Truce? At least for today?”

Lem hesitated, then grasped her hand. They walked toward the house and entered to find everyone sitting around watching each other. Shiloh knew they had been peering out of the window, and before they left the dinner table today, she might have to share some uncomfortable truths with them.

Lord, tell me how much to share, and when.

She released that prayer, then turned her attention to the aromas floating from the kitchen. Whatever she decided to do could wait until after dinner and certainly dessert.

Shiloh had temporarily forgotten they had guests for dinner this year, and she wasn’t sure she should put her business on front street, with Tamara and Naomi there. But Lia and her family would be visiting in a few hours, and she didn’t know what to expect. It was only fair to prepare the family, just as she needed to prepare herself.

After everyone had feasted on turkey, dressing, greens, yams, and other traditional holiday fare, Mama and their guest Naomi, the mother of Dayna’s friend Tamara, had taken turns bringing in one dessert after another from the kitchen to place on the long dining room table. This year there were three cakes—caramel, coconut, and pound—a sweet potato pie, key lime pie, apple cobbler, and a variety of ice cream flavors.

“I feel like I’m in a restaurant,” Naomi said after she settled in her seat and prepared to dive into a slice of pound cake and key lime pie. “Dayna, please feel free to invite Tamara and me to Thanksgiving dinner every year!”

Dayna had just taken a bite of sweet potato pie, but paused to give her a thumbs-up.

Tamara shook her head. “How are you going to invite yourself to dinner next year, in the middle of eating this year’s meal, Mama? I can’t take you anywhere!”

The family erupted in laughter.

“You’re both welcome to join us anytime,” Mama assured them. “Now, enjoy that dessert!”

The food and conversation flowed until Daddy cleared his throat and tapped his fork against the side of his plate. Shiloh, Dayna, and Jessica exchanged glances and tried to stifle their giggles. Thank goodness they had eaten and satisfied themselves before he decided to speak—it looked like they were in for his annual sermonette. But with all that Daddy had been through in the past few weeks, Shiloh decided she’d be willing to sit here the rest of the evening, just to hear his slow Southern drawl punctuate the air.

“I can’t say often enough how thankful I am to be here with my family this year,” Daddy began. “I want to thank my wife—my partner in life—for taking such good care of me since my heart attack. I must say I will miss my fried catfish and okra, but she can make anything taste good, so I will learn to eat healthier and enjoy the meals along the way.”

Daddy nodded at Mama, who was blushing and beaming simultaneously, then scanned the faces of his three daughters and his sons-in-law.

“I also want to thank my children for running to my bedside when I was in the hospital. I hear that members of Riverview Baptist were lining the halls, and I’m grateful for that, but it’s a true blessing to know that your family will drop everything at a moment’s notice and come to be with you in your gravest time of need. Even though I was out of it most of the time you were there, I just know your presence helped me heal. This crisis was a wake-up call on many levels, but one important consequence was to remember that nothing is more important than family. God has given us to each other for a purpose. We are each other’s gifts, and gifts are meant to be treasured and taken care of. So I urge you all to continue taking care of each other and loving each other. Doing just that is a form of praise to God.”

Randy squeezed Shiloh’s hand under the table, and she repeated the gesture with Lem, who was sitting on the other side of her. She
saw Jessica and Keith, and Dayna and Warren, trade smiles. Tamara leaned toward Dayna to give her a light hug. Daddy acknowledged the gesture.

“That’s right—some friends become family too, often in the most unusual circumstances.”

“Amen, Reverend Wilson,” Tamara said. “I see Dayna maybe four times a year, when the foundation Brent launched before his death needs to meet with the board of directors. And occasionally we’ll call each other to check in. We aren’t in each other’s daily lives or up to speed on every twist and turn, but I know that if I ever need anything, she’ll do her best to help, and vice versa. I don’t know why God took us on the journey he did to bring us to this place, but our ability to sit around the same table at a board meeting, let alone over a Thanksgiving meeting, is nothing but God.”

“Hallelujah, young lady,” Daddy said. “Nothing but God is right—in every situation. I loved my son-in-law Brent, but …” He paused and looked at Warren. “Had it not been for Brent moving on, my daughter would not have the benefit of helping raise these two handsome and bright young men sitting at the table today, or of experiencing love in the selfless and sincere way I see that Warren loves her. Thank you, son.”

Daddy’s use of that term of endearment with Warren left him, and everyone else, speechless. Warren seemed stunned, but acknowledged the compliment with a smile.

Daddy nodded at Keith, who as usual was quiet and taking everything in. “Keith, you’re a man of few words, but it takes a strong man to stand with and care for my strong-willed, on-the-go baby girl.”

Everyone laughed and Dayna and Shiloh clapped, while Jessica scowled at them.

“I know you’re a good man, son,” Daddy continued. “Keep doing what you’re doing to keep you and Jessica on track, and I’m
looking forward to the day God blesses you two with some grandbabies for me.”

“Daddy!” Jessica seemed shocked by her father’s brazenness, but Keith looked hopeful.

“What? As the kids say, ‘I’m just sayin’!’” Daddy uttered the comment with a straight face, but pretended to wipe his mouth with his linen napkin to mask his grin.

Lem and Omari exchanged glances and nearly lost their composure. Their grandfather winked at Raphael, who gave him a thumbs-up. Shiloh shook her head. Raphael had probably charged Daddy five dollars for that tutorial on the best slang to use during dinner.

Daddy turned toward Randy. “You’ve been like a son to me since you first started spending your summers here when you were the same age as Lem is now,” Daddy said. “Then you gave me the privilege of serving as your father in the ministry. It’s been wonderful watching you grow in faith and leadership, and as the head of your family. I’ve been praying a lot about what I should do, after having this health crisis, and I know that I need to step down as pastor of Riverview Baptist sooner rather than later.”

The collective gasp around the table interrupted Daddy’s speech, but after giving his initial declaration a few minutes to sink in, he continued. “Yes, I know what I’m saying and I mean what I’m saying. I love preaching and leading God’s people—you all know that. But as the book of Ecclesiastes declares, there is a time for everything under the sun, and while I’m still able to do some things and enjoy myself, I want to do just that, with my girlfriend.”

“Reverend!” Mama’s embarrassment caused another round of gleeful laughter.

“Careful now—ya’ll better use some protection,” Jessica said, and Keith shook his head.

Dayna swatted her sister’s hand and reminded her with a few motions of her head and eyes that the boys were also around the table. Jessica looked sheepish and mouthed “Sorry” to Dayna and Warren and to Shiloh and Randy.

Daddy chuckled. “Now, ya’ll are getting out of control. I’ll wrap this up by saying to Randy that I would love for you to pray about possibly coming back home, to lead Riverview Baptist. I’m hoping to retire in six months.”

That news lit everyone around the table afire. Shiloh looked at Randy, and he looked like a deer caught in headlights. What did he think of this offer, she wondered. Would he accept it, or refuse to leave his Milwaukee congregation?

“Daddy, you won’t be able to retire and sit in a chair all day doing nothing, and you know it,” Jessica said.

“You’re right—I can’t do that, and that’s not my plan,” Daddy said. “But I feel like God is calling me to step away from the formal role of pastoral leader and to minister in a different, more subtle way, through the various experiences he puts in my path. We’ll talk more later, Randy, but I wanted to share that with you, with the entire family present, and ask that we all pray for God’s will and wisdom in this situation, both for me and for Randy. I would love to see Randy leading Riverview Baptist as senior pastor, since he was the assistant pastor there for so long, before the move to Milwaukee. But if God has something different in mind, so be it. Now, where was I?”

Daddy turned toward Shiloh and Lem this time. “There’s nothing like a parent’s love, you know. So whatever issues or challenges that occur between a child and a parent—outside of abuse—should usually remain in that safe and loving space between them,” he said. “You two seem like you have something to work out, and that’s okay. That happens during the teen years sometimes. Just know that your
mama has your back, Lem, and Shiloh, just know that the love you’ve poured into him will always rise to the surface, in its own time.”

A lump filled Shiloh’s throat and she swallowed hard. “Lem and I are going to be fine, but does that apply to fathers and daughters, too, Daddy?”

Now it was Daddy’s turn to be speechless. He peered at her, waiting.

“I have something to tell you, Daddy and Mama, and I guess I’ll tell you in front of everyone. I’ve been learning these past few months how important it is to be honest and authentic in every area of your life, and sometimes that requires you to take a step back in the past, look at who you were then, accept that, and tell the truth about it, so you can move on.”

Shiloh saw Dayna and Tamara look at each other, and she knew they were acknowledging the pain and betrayal that had occurred between them, over Brent.

“I’d like to share something with you that’s shameful and hard. I’ve already told my boys, but Warren … you might want Michael and Mason to leave the table for a few minutes.”

Warren shook his head. “If you’re okay with them being present, I don’t mind them hearing, but that’s up to you.”

While Shiloh paused to ponder that, Tamara and Naomi pushed back their chairs and began clearing plates and dishes of food from the table, to carry into the kitchen.

“You all go on and have your family discussion,” Naomi said. “We’ll be in the kitchen, tidying up.”

Shiloh appreciated their gracious offer to give the family some privacy. She clasped Randy’s hand and he patted hers, in reassurance.

“Eighteen years ago, the spring I was a sophomore at Birmingham-Southern …”