Lead Heart (Seraph Black Book 3) (35 page)

I flicked my eyes back to the windshield, trying to keep my face as neutral as possible. I had never spoken in-depth about my past life—because that was what it was. Another life; another world; another reality. I no longer knew the girl who used to hide behind her hair and creep through her own house, afraid of everyone and everything, including herself. When I looked in the mirror, she wasn’t there. She was gone, and
I
had taken her place.

“I’m a virgin,” I said, matter-of-factly. “I never let him get that far.”

Cabe hissed in a sharp breath and Jayden cleared his throat awkwardly. “I’m ah… I’m going for a walk.” He slid out of the car, slamming the door and wandering off down the side of the road.

None of the others spoke.

“It’s okay.” I tried to fill the tense silence. “It doesn’t matter anymore. He’s dead now. Again. Will one of you please say something?”

Quillan attempted to clear his throat. I couldn’t read the expression on his face anymore. He seemed to struggle with words for a moment, and then he shook his head briefly. Noah and Cabe remained silent, and I was too afraid to look at them.

“I guess not,” I muttered, shifting around uncomfortably. “How about I ask questions and Noah can grunt if it’s a yes, and you guys can just stay silent if it’s a no?”

Cabe made an unwilling sound of amusement. Quillan dropped his face into his hands, shaking his head once again.

“So,” I began, directing my question at my lap, “are you guys
angry
at me? For not telling you?”

“No.” Noah grunted out the word.

“We’re not angry at you.” Quillan seemed to find his words again. “It’s just hard to find out that your Atmá was being sexually abused right under your nose, and you didn’t even notice it, let alone do anything to stop it.”

“You just called me your Atmá,” I said, whipping my head up in surprise.

Quillan blinked. “You are.”

It was the first time Quillan had ever acknowledged it without looking decidedly pained at the fact. Though I supposed there were other things for him to feel pained about now.

“I don’t really like talking about it,” I breathed out, trying to relax my shoulders, as though it would work to ease the tense, stone-muscled statues on either side of me. “It was another life. Things are different now.”

Noah touched the side of my face, and I turned to face him. His brilliant blue eyes tugged at me, his fingers soft as his heart clawed at mine painfully. They were all hurting, but they kept their emotions carefully wiped from their faces.

“Are you sure you don’t need to talk about it?” he asked gruffly.

He sounded stiff and angry, but I knew that it wasn’t directed at me. It was directed at Gerald. I nodded, and he tilted my face up, his lips catching the corner of my mouth in a barely-there kiss. It was a painfully sweet gesture from the caveman himself, and even Quillan looked shocked when Noah pulled back and folded his arms, turning to face the window. Cabe dropped his arm over my shoulders, drawing me into his side and tucking his face into my hair. He seemed to really like smelling my hair now that I had started to use his shampoo. Quillan continued to watch us. There was something odd in his expression, and a certain heaviness in his chest, but I couldn’t read the emotion exactly. It was something sad, something pensive.

Jayden returned to the car, ripping Quillan’s eyes from us and pushing the melancholy air inside the car onto the precipice of awkwardness. I busied myself by texting Poison.

I need a fake ID. Meet us at yours.

Only a minute later, the phone vibrated with her reply.

Consider it faked. Consider us on our way. Consider that we’ll be late, because we still have to find an ID for you and get to the car.

Cabe mumbled to the others that she would be there after reading her response over my shoulder.

When we arrived, Jayden opted to wait in the car and the housekeeper let the rest of us inside. I directed everyone to Poison’s bedroom, where she and Clarin found us an hour later. We had begun to raid Poison’s wardrobe and Noah and Cabe were arguing over a tiny denim skirt while Quillan stood off to the side with me, both of us wallowing in discomfort.

“Crossing over to the dark side, boys?” Poison asked with a smirk in her voice. “Clarice will be so proud.”

“I rule the dark side, and I say they aren’t allowed in,” Clarin countered, breezing into the room and plucking the skirt from Noah’s fingers. “Besides, this won’t fit you.”

“It’s not for me.” Noah snatched the skirt back and whipped it against the side of Clarin’s head.

“Let’s try not to destroy my things.” Poison quickly caught the waistband of the skirt, escaping with it before Clarin could retaliate. She walked right over to me. “Why do you need my clothes, cupcake?”

“I need to look sexy.”

Poison’s eyebrows shot up and Quillan shifted around beside me, making me think that he was seconds away from escaping the room.

“Any particular reason?” Poison prompted, after she had recovered from her shock. “Shouldn’t we be looking for Silas before the four of you mysteriously drop dead because he managed to get himself killed?”

“We’ll never be able to hunt him down. Not even Jayden can find him right now. We need to draw him out instead.”

“With sexy clothes?”

“No… the sexy clothes are to get me into a club. Well… actually, wait, let me re-phrase. The sexy clothes are to wear to the club, and the fake ID is to get me into the club. Do you have it?”

“I don’t know what universe you live in, cupcake, but not even I can get a fake ID that quickly. I stole Quinn’s ID though, she kinda looks like you.”

I caught the little plastic card that was tossed at my chest, examining the dark-haired girl in the picture. I knew that the skepticism showed on my face.

“Nobody ever looks like their ID photo,” Poison assured me.

“Okay…”

“I think I see where we’re going with this,” Clarin said, sidling up to Poison. “As far as plans go, it’s completely mental. I like it. Do you have any particular club in mind?”

“Well the Zevs have a school, hospital, and a college…
surely
they have a bar or something that they all hang out in? Hollow Ground After Hours or something?”

Poison chuckled. “Why yes they do. How astute of you. It’s called The Crow’s Nest, though.”

“Is it a respectable sort of place?”

“Definitely, but it’s right next door to a very
unrespectable
sort of place, so you can bet that at some point in the early morning the lines will be blurred and the respectable clientele will spill over.”

“Can you get me into the unrespectable place?”

“It has poles, and sticky floors,” she warned.

“Can you get me in?”

“As what? A customer, or…?”

“The other alternative.”

Clarin whistled low, turning to face Noah and Cabe. “You guys are okay with this?”

“Define
okay
?” Cabe asked, a touch of tense humour in his expression. “It’s not like she’s going to be alone. You’re both going to go with her.”

“And you guys? You’re staying behind?”

“Maybe one of us should go…” Cabe seemed to be thinking out loud, but Noah and Quillan both remained silent enough that I gathered they weren’t about to volunteer themselves any time soon.

It wasn’t hard to figure out why Quillan wouldn’t want to be there, but I was surprised at Noah’s reluctance. Maybe he was afraid that he would get into a fight. Or maybe there was another reason.

“Go figure it out in the hallway,” Clarin ordered, pointing to the door of Poison’s bedroom. “You don’t get to see the mouse in her underwear, only us awesome bitches get that privilege.”

“There were so many things wrong with what you just said.” Cabe sighed, though he headed obediently toward the door. Noah followed without a word.

“How often does that happen?” Quillan asked, a scowl pulling at his mouth. “The
mouse
taking her clothes off for you two?”

“Right here.” I waved my hand. “The
mouse
is standing
right here
.”

“Often enough.” Clarin’s tone was thoughtful as he completely ignored my waving hand. “You realise we’re not a threat right? Poison is all about dic—”

“Boys,” I quickly intercepted. “Poison is all about boys.”

“But like, not little boys.” Poison felt the need to correct me, her arms crossed over her chest. “I like boys my own age. Some men, too.”

“Can you go outside
please
?” Clarin tried again, even moving to open the door for Quillan.

Quillan didn’t seem to want to move. He set his eyes on me, his scowl growing darker. “Every time I turn my back, and even when my back
isn’t
turned, someone either has their hands on you, or else something is happening that I definitely wouldn’t approve of under normal circumstances.”

I opened my mouth to answer, but there hadn’t really been a question in what he had just said, and I didn’t really have anything to respond with anyway. “Are you upset?” I asked, for clarification.

“I don’t know,” he replied.

“Do you want to watch her take her clothes off?” Clarin prodded. “Because if not, you should probably go wait with the other two.”

Quillan set his jaw, turning his dark expression on Clarin. For a moment, the tension in the room swelled, and the hairs along my arms prickled, because Quillan’s temper being stirred was something that I very much wanted to avoid. The influence of his disproval was enough to melt anyone into a meaningless puddle on the ground. Clarin seemed to be withering under the force of his gaze now, and when Quillan finally turned and stalked out of the room, Clarin let out a deep breath of relief.

“I don’t envy you your future,” he told me, tapping me on the nose as he moved to Poison’s closet.

“Me either,” Poison agreed, shaking her head. “Those guys are going to tear each other apart.”

“No they won’t.” I sat down on the bed, catching each item of clothing that Clarin tossed at me. “I won’t let them.” I whispered the last part, hoping that my words would be swallowed up by the faint rustle of activity in the room.

Poison must have heard me, because she gently patted me on the back before flicking through the pile of clothes on my lap and grabbing a sequined top
—
which was actually just little more than a triangle of material with strings to tie it up at the back. She stood and pulled off her clothes, donning the top and paring it with the tiny denim skirt that she had saved from Noah. I watched her, giving her a subtle look of inquisition. She wasn’t dressing up for a night out. She was dressing like an
actual
stripper.

Her grin was wolfish when she caught me staring. “Didn’t think I’d let you have all the fun now, did ya?”

I laughed, surging up from the bed to pull her into my arms. She hugged me back tightly and my own enthusiasm seemed to upset our precarious balance, which was made much worse when Clarin tossed another item of clothing at me and it smacked against my face, obscuring my vision. We tumbled into a pile and Clarin came back out of the closet to investigate our muffled laughter, shaking his head as he pulled us both back to our feet.

“Strip,” he commanded, deliberately raising his voice so that the three volatile males waiting out in the hallway could hear him.

I gave him a warning look and shrugged off my cardigan and scarf.

“Do it slower,” Clarin suggested, his voice still raised as Poison slapped a hand over her mouth to curb her laughter. “Put a little bit of a wiggle into it. C’mon, mouse, strip like you
mean it
.”

The door suddenly swung open, colliding with the wall in a
bang
. Quillan, Noah and Cabe spilled into the room, moving straight for Clarin. I quickly jumped in front of them, trying to prevent Clarin’s handsome face from getting punched, but Quillan only picked me up by the arms and handed me to Noah, who veritably tossed me to Cabe. Cabe set me down, and I ran back to Quillan just as he reached Clarin, catching his arm.

“He was
kidding
, jeez!”

Quillan wasn’t slowing down, so I quickly jumped between them, unfortunately getting flattened in the process. Clarin took a rapid step backward, his laughter shaking my body as he pulled me with him. He grabbed my arms and raised me up before Quillan, giving me a gentle shake.

“Look! She’s still clothed! It was a joke!”

“Stop. Touching,” Noah growled, ripping me away from Clarin and handing me off to Cabe again.

This time, Cabe didn’t let me go. He had obviously caught onto the joke the fastest, because he didn’t look angry anymore. He rolled his eyes at me in what seemed to be commiseration, but tucked me under his arm securely, keeping me prisoner until the others managed to calm themselves down.

Quillan took the longest, and I could tell that he was internally wrestling with something. I felt that I understood it, even if I couldn’t successfully label it. I had been confused over our relationship too, especially before the bonding with Noah and Cabe,
especially
before Silas had been weakened and the bond had released him from being a conduit. I wasn’t confused about my feelings for Quillan anymore—I was perhaps
unsteady
in my feelings, but I wasn’t confused.

The problem was, he didn’t have the luxury of knowing my head. He hadn’t been through my epiphany with me, and my bonding to Noah and Cabe hadn’t changed
his
outlook as it had changed mine.

He was still confused, and it was playing on him more viciously with every passing moment.

“That’s enough guys,” I said gently. “Fun’s over.”

“Fun’s never over,” Poison countered, drawing everyone’s attention to her. She was still dressed like a stripper.

“Er… we’ll wait outside again.” Cabe released me and dragged the other two back into the hallway.

“Sorry.” Quillan sighed the apology to Clarin more than spoke it, but Clarin graciously accepted it all the same, with a good-natured chuckle.

“Now that the chaperones have been whisked away again,” he said, clapping his hands together. “It’s time to turn you into a fancy-ass slu—”