Lead (17 page)

“What’d she do to you?”

“Why so curious?” I picked up my coat and purse, switched off the light. “I thought the goings on of the little people didn’t interest you, oh mighty Mr. Ferris.”

I paused, waiting to see if he’d actually admit to it. But got nothing.

He followed me down the stairs. No suit tonight, instead, he wore black jeans and yet another fitted black T-shirt, hair unstyled, hanging around his face. Hard to say which was more potent, suited Jimmy or relaxed. They were both hot as hell.

“So, what do we know about this Reece character apart from the fact that he’s a friend of Anne’s?” The living room seemed a good place to await his arrival. I dumped my stuff and then myself onto the couch as every muscle from my hips to my toes screamed in agony. Stupid jogging. A long soak in a hot bath would have been the night’s plans if not for the thou-shalt-date-other-people commandment from the rock god on high.

My hopes for the date were subdued, courtesy of the night before. If he stuck around for the main meal I’d call it a win.

“Owns a book shop or something. That’s about it.” Jimmy sat with his usual natural grace. Such was the nature of ballerinas, models, rock stars, and other preternaturally good-looking creatures. Though to be fair, Jimmy had collapsed rather dramatically several times in public back when. Pictures of him out cold on the ground had made the rounds at least once or twice. Guess when he’d gotten dry he’d put all of that behind him.

“Why are you frowning at me?” he groused.

“What were you like when you were using?”

His forehead went from calm to crumpled in an instant. That part of his face was basically a barometer. “Where the fuck did that come from?”

“I don’t know. I just … I want to know things about you. Is that so wrong?”

The look in his eyes said yes. Hell yes. Also, I was in all likelihood mentally deficient on account of being dropped on my head repeatedly as a child.

“Never mind,” I mumbled.

“Haven’t we talked about this enough? I was a mess, Lena. A total asshole. I was angry and fucked up and not someone you’d want to know.” His lips pressed together. “Now, I’m a bit calmer at least. I’m in control most of the time.”

I nodded.

“What’s going on with your sister’s wedding?” He shot back at me.

My lips sealed tight.

“I answered your question. So answer mine.”

He had a point, didn’t mean I liked it. Admitting to any weakness in front of Jimmy seemed a dangerous thing and this particular chink in my armor still stung. “She’s marrying my ex-boyfriend. He dumped me for her.”

All expression fell from his face. “He’s the cheater you talked about?”

“Yeah. Awkward, huh? My own sister and everything.” I laughed, mostly at myself. Just my luck to have the only decent guy I’d ever dated run off with Alyce. “You can imagine my relief at not being asked to be a bridesmaid at that one.”

“That’s pretty fucking low.”

My shoulders relaxed, descending to more normal territory. “I thought so at the time. Apparently they’re happy together, so …”

“Beside the point.” Jimmy scowled at the coffee table like he was thinking of taking an axe to it. “Wouldn’t kill your sister to show some loyalty. It’s no better than what I did to David and that was … that was bad. She shouldn’t have done that to you, Lena.”

“Thank you.” My lips curled up of their own accord.

His opinion meant so much more to me than it should. The absolute conviction in his voice eased me. It was tempting to throw some of the things Brandon, my ex-boyfriend, had said out there. Let them be heard by someone other than me just for the joy of possibly listening to Jimmy shoot them down. How I was too hard and difficult, detached and unreachable. So he’d reached for my sister instead and bless her lack of sibling loyalties, she’d reached right back.

Screw them both.

But if Jimmy agreed with any of the vitriol my ex had spouted, it would hurt a part of me I wasn’t certain could heal. For all his put-downs, deep inside of him, he seemed to think well of me. I valued that more than words could say.

“Anyway,” I said. “Thank you for opening up to me about when you were using. About a lot of things lately. It’s been good, talking to you more.”

He shrugged. “Talking is supposed to help both of our situations.”

“Does it help you?” I asked.

“No, not really. I’ve accepted responsibility for all the things that I’ve done, and I’ve tried to make amends. Time to move on.” He flicked his hair back. “It helping you?”

I stared at him, transfixed. Love is a convoluted thing really, there is little simplicity to it deep down. It consists of layers of emotions, thoughts, and memories, coalescing into one overwhelming point. The knowledge that one person in this world means more to you than most anything. Sense and reason don’t stand a chance. Sometime-bastard and messed-up man that he was, I adored him, all of him.

“No, it’s not,” I said. “Because your dark parts don’t scare me, Jimmy. They never did.”

“They should.” He licked his lips, holding my gaze all the while.

Good god, his mouth, so beautiful. My stomach went into freefall. In his eyes, it almost seemed there was something real there. A tangible bond or emotion that went beyond our ordinary everyday interactions. I don’t know, it’s hard to explain. But as always, it lay just beyond reach.

I turned away first this time, self-protection had to kick in eventually. The doorbell rang and the moment shattered. Probably for the best.

“Remember, you promised not to interfere.” I leapt to my feet.

Sadly, he was faster. “Not gonna interfere, just interested in meeting him.”

“Jimmy—”

“Hey, you must be Reece.” The door stood open and Jimmy’s broad shoulders filled the space. I couldn’t see past him.

“Jimmy Ferris, I take it,” a friendly enough male voice said. They shook hands, then Jimmy stepped back. Reece was average height, lean, and nice looking in a hipster boy way, short dark hair and thick-rimmed glasses.

“Hi, I’m Lena.” I waved.

We looked each other over. First dates and set-ups really were among the most torturous of social endeavors. Whoever had invented them deserved a nice slap upside the head. But Reece’s smile of approval filled his face, it seemed I’d passed the test. Perhaps tonight showed promise after all.

“I’ll just grab my coat,” I said, side stepping back into the living room with all due haste. God knows what Jimmy would say or do left alone with him for long. This date needed to last longer than fifteen minutes. My pride demanded it.

“So, where you taking her, Reece?” My boss’s voice carried through the house just fine.

I grabbed my coat and purse, and rushed back, heels clacking against the marble floor. The inquisition had to be halted at all costs before Jimmy ran him off. “Ready!”

“Thought we might head out to a movie, if that sounds okay with you, Lena?” Reece stuffed his hands in his pockets.

“Sounds great! Let’s go.” Already, my cheeks ached from smiling. If I was any perkier I’d need shooting.

Jimmy exhaled gustily and did not smile. “Great. So I’ll expect her back, what … about three, four hours?”

“Ah, sure,” said Reece, brows high.

“Ignore him.” I did up the buttons on my coat with great haste. “Jimmy, I’ll check in with you later. Have a nice night.”

“Drive safe,” he commanded, stern gaze never moving from my date’s now troubled face. “Slow.”

“Always do,” said Reece, taking a few steps down the path, obviously eager to be gone.

I wrestled the door handle from Jimmy’s grasp and pushed at his hard flat stomach. “Go inside, it’s cold.”

He stayed put. There was much angry gazing going on.

“What’s your problem?” I whisper hissed.

“I don’t like the look of him.”

“He looks fine.”

Icy eyes cast me more doubting glances. “No, there’s something about him.”

“Jimmy.”

“It’s the glasses, I don’t trust them. I think he’s trying to hide something.”

“I wear glasses.”

He shrugged and gave me his well-there-you-have-it look. The idiot.

“He is not an axe murderer. He’s a longtime friend of Anne’s,” I said, keeping my voice low. “You promised to behave.”

“But what if—”

“You promised.”

His mouth snapped shut. After one final glare at Reece, he relented, thank god. Few things had ever sounded as sweet as the click of the lock when I closed the front door.

“Okay,” I breathed, giving my date a relieved grin. “We’re good to go.”

“He always like that?”

“No, well … he worries sometimes, I guess.” I didn’t know how to explain the recent emergence of Jimmy’s proprietorial instincts. He didn’t want me, therefore, he really needed to cut the crap.

“Anne told me a bit about you and the situation with Jimmy. How you work for him and all.” Reece shuffled his feet. “I’m really not an axe murderer.”

“Oh, you heard that. Good.”

“No worries.” He returned my inane smile with a laugh. “Let’s get going.”

Reece drove an older model hatchback, and he did indeed drive it slow and careful as directed to one of the movie theaters in town. The man immediately bought a large bucket of popcorn thus endearing himself to me immensely. To enjoy the importance of snacks was no small thing. We wandered through the lobby, checking out the movie posters and advertising paraphernalia. You couldn’t rush deciding which film to sit through. Choose unwisely and you didn’t get those two to three hours of your life back, let alone the money.

“There’s stuff exploding in this one.” I pointed to the latest Hollywood blockbuster. “And car chases.”

“You don’t want to see this?” He turned instead to this week’s go-to dating film. A couple were laughing as they stood in the rain. How clichéd, I only barely held in my groan. It even starred Liv Anders, the latest in slinky blonde Hollywood starlets.

Kill me now.

“I don’t know.” I hedged.

“Anne said she thought you might enjoy it.”

There was something in the way he said her name, something I chose to ignore for the time being. He had after all bought popcorn. This date had to go better, it just had to.

“I bet it all ends in tears,” I joked. “The heroine probably catches cold from standing in the rain and dies of pneumonia.”

He blinked. “Anne said it had a happy ending. She thought we might like it.”

Oh no, there it was again, the out and out reverence. Holy relics were spoken of with less awe than Reece speaking Anne’s name. The sinking feeling came stronger this time, it swamped me. Politeness dictated I not ask outright if he’d agreed to date me tonight to make another woman happy. Suspicions, however, were strong.

“Anne suggested it?” I asked.

Smile in place, he nodded so fiercely I feared his neck might snap from the strain.

“Anne’s really great.” I shoveled popcorn into my mouth, watching him instead of the posters. And there it was, all the drama my night could ever need. I hadn’t even had to buy a ticket to watch the wreckage of unrequited love played out in 3D. Not a single vehicle was hurt or chased in the making.

“Yeah, she sure is.” A dreamy faraway look came into his eyes. I sincerely hoped I didn’t look like that when I thought about Jimmy. How embarrassing.

“You think she’s happy with Mal?” he asked. “I mean, he seems to be treating her okay, right? They’re not about to break up or anything are they?”

There could be no missing the distinct note of hope in his voice. A chill seeped into my bones despite our being in doors. My heart cried loud ugly tears. What a mess. Tonight was a tragedy. When it came to love, a gypsy with a perverse sense of humor had cursed me at birth, of this I was certain. Because the only other thing all of these phenomenally bad dating choices had in common was me, and blaming myself did not appeal.

“I don’t think so,” I said gently. “They seem committed. In love.”

“Right.” His mouth turned down at the corners. Kicked puppies looked less downtrodden.

“You’re hung up on Anne.”

“Yeah.” His hands tightened around the bucket of popcorn. “How about you and Jimmy?”

“Ha. Yes. My affections are likewise unwanted and unreturned. Aren’t we a pair?” I stared unseeing at the hustle and bustle of the people flocking through the theater doors. So many people just going about their lives, experiencing similar heartache and despair. We weren’t unique in the least and yet the pain, it felt so damn big, like it consumed me. How perverse that it should be such a common, everyday occurrence.

Good god, love sucked.

“Why don’t we just be friends?” I suggested.

Reece sighed, shuffled his feet. “Friends … yeah. Still feel like going into see a movie with me?”

“Sure. Why not?”

“The violent one?”

I managed a smile. “Sold.”

# # #

Curtains swayed in the front window. Someone was snooping. For a man of reasonable intelligence, Jimmy Ferris hadn’t been acting particularly rational of late. Of course, my own actions where he was concerned were nothing to boast about.

Reece waited until I’d opened the front door to drive away and I stood in the cold, watching until his taillights disappeared from view. Date two over and done. Go team Lena. We’d had a nice enough night, but we wouldn’t be doing it again. Funnily enough, sharing tales of unrequited love and rebuffed offerings of one’s heart did not lift the spirits. Ignoring such things worked better, I think. If ever I’d been tempted to throw my no-alcohol rule to the wind, tonight was the night. But I hadn’t. I don’t know, it sort of seemed as if I was on this journey with Jimmy and neither of us could afford to fail. Silly but true. Alcoholism was not my burden to bear, and symbolically, I couldn’t lighten his load, I couldn’t do shit..

“You can come out.” I shut the door, put my coat and purse on the side-table. “I know you’re there … lurking.”

“It’s my house. I can lurk where I want.” He appeared out of the darkness that was the living room, black clothes blending into the shadows. “And don’t just dump your stuff there, take it up to your room.”

“Yes, sir.”

“How was your night?”