Lauren Takes Leave (29 page)

We look up at Steve’s horrified face. “You mean… you’re…MILFs?”

“And they were my teachers back in Hadley!” Jon adds.

Steve immediately grabs Pat and Jon and heads for the exit
as Jodi and I die of laughter.

“Bye, Johnny!” I call. “See you at homecoming!”

I make the definite decision not to tell her or Kat what
Doug said. Why spoil her good time?

Plus, if I heard him correctly and he’s not buying the
kids a cat, then what does he know, exactly? That we’re together. So what?
Maybe he thinks we’re all hanging out at some hotel in New York City or
something. Atlantic City, maybe.

I quit deliberating any more and decide to believe that.

We find Tim, Lenny and Kat together by the bar, where we
agree to do just one more shot of Jäger. I swallow my pride and tell Lenny that
he looked great dancing with those women.

“One of them called me Justin Timberlike!” Lenny laughs.
Then he gets kind of pensive. “Can you and I…take a walk for a minute?”

“Um…sure,” I say. A half hour ago, I was sort of dreading
this conversation. But the fresh alcohol moving steadily through my bloodstream
creates a blurry sensibility that makes it all okeydokey.

“So…” he begins. I think he’s going to bring on a breakup
speech, which my ego can’t handle right now.

“I’ve been thinking and I’ve decided that you should
totally keep flirting with strangers tonight,” I jump right in. “I mean, unless
you just want to keep playing the field and fuck that redhead over there,” I
sort-of joke.

He balks, confused. “Who?”

I point her out. He shakes his head quickly back and
forth.

“That’s Kelly! She’s my half sister’s college roommate. I
just ran into her by accident and had to give her a big hello. Random, right?”

“So random,” I say, trying to backtrack, but Lenny won’t
let it go that fast.

“You’re disgusting, Worthing. She’s, like, twenty! On
spring break!”

“Oh,” I manage, flushing slightly. These spring breakers
are really confusing.

“In case this wasn’t
clear
,” he says, his voice rising,
“I came here for you.”

“But—” I start.

“And, in case this
also
wasn’t clear, you haven’t
given me the time of day since I arrived. Until that intensely amazing
sucking-face session, which ended with you pushing me away.” He’s angry now,
his hands gesturing broadly. “Maybe I should just text you right now and you’ll
eagerly respond. But in person? Nada.”

His indignation makes me squirm; it’s hard to find
something to say in response.
You’re right? I lured you here and now I’m
avoiding you like in some adolescent game?
I’m so sorry for leading you
on?
I had no right to toy with your feelings like that?
Look at
what a mess I’ve made?

And then, just as Lenny starts walking away from me, I
find my way through this emotionally foggy mess. “Wait a fucking minute,
Lenny!”

This stops him dead in his tracks. He turns, his shoulders
drop. He waits. “What?”

“What? How about
this
!” I’m feeling some nice rage
myself now. “I. Didn’t. Ask. You. To. Come. Here.
You
did this, not me!”
He bows his head and comes closer to me, until I’m eye-to-eye with his chest. I
take my pointer finger and star poking him with it. “I flew to Miami to
avoid
real life, to get away from everyday dramas, to have a fun vacation with my
friends.
Not
to have sex with you! Honestly!” The music has stopped for
some reason and the whole club is staring at the two of us.

“Make some fucking noise, people!” Kat calls, just as some
cheesy Top 40 starts up again.

I try again, softer this time. “We were just flirting. I
thought you knew that.” I shake my head and try to pin down all the
contradictory emotions I’m feeling, but they are on a moving target. “But
still, I guess it’s no excuse. We’re both adults. I should have known better, I
should have thought ahead to where flirting with you could lead.”

Lenny takes my hand away from where it has been stabbing
him and steadies it with his own two hands. “Lauren. How long have we known
each other?” He stoops down and looks me in the eyes.

“Since second grade. I can’t do the math on that. Even
when I’m sober.”

“A long time. So long that I know just how bad you suck at
math. You cried after every quiz in Mr. Grady’s fifth-grade class.”

“For the record, he was an asshole.”

“Agreed. And maybe me, too. Maybe I’ve been an asshole for
coming here, for putting you in this position.”

He stops and I stare at him. “You mean, you aren’t going
to follow that up with some kind of teaser, like, ‘But if I could get you into
any
position…’”

He laughs. “I’m trying really hard to be aboveboard here,
Lauren! Don’t remind me of all the dirty things I
could
say. That’s how
we got into this mess to begin with.”

“So…we
both
fucked up here?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, mostly you did.” I smile.

“I’ll accept that extra dig only because I get to hang out
with Tim Cubix and talk shop.”

“I’m going to miss flirting with you,” I say, going for
honesty. “I kind of don’t want that to be over. Bad as flirting is, for us and
for my marriage and stuff, I can’t deny that it is…really fun. Truth is, I kind
of want to keep you
and
have my life back.”

Which I cannot believe I am admitting to anyone, least of
all Lenny, but there it is. In vino veritas.

“You dream big,” Lenny laughs. “A woman who wants it all.”
He puts on a fake voice about an octave higher than his normal one. “‘Waiter,
I’ll have a stable husband with a side of dirty flirting, please,
medium-well.’”

It’s embarrassing, hearing your own desires splayed out
like that, spoken back to you in jest. But he’s right, of course. I tried to
bend the rules to fit my whims. I craved midlife with a shot of adolescence.

“So. I can’t sleep with you. Not here in Miami. Not ever!”
I exhale, perhaps letting air into my lungs for the first time since Lenny
showed up today. “Which is good! It’s feels so
right
not to have sex
with you.”

“I wish I could say the same,” he says.

“Can I ask you something?”

I interpret his pause as a yes and continue. “Why me, why
now?”

Lenny looks over my head like the answer is somewhere out
on the dance floor and he just has to stop it from breakdancing long enough to
stand still.

“Because I finally had the guts.”

I burst out into laughter. “Oh, sure! Lenny Katzenberg
lacked the courage to kiss me in high school! That’s a good one.”

“Lauren,” he says. “How stupid are you?”

I decide not to answer that.

“Do you remember all those times we were alone together as
seniors, working on the yearbook?” I nod. “So, then, do you remember moving
away from me every time I tried to kiss you, or make any type of move?” I shake
my head.

“I thought you, like, hated me or something. That you merely
tolerated my presence. You always shivered with disgust when I ‘accidentally’
brushed my hand with yours as we passed the scissors and stuff back and forth.”

I roll my eyes. “I wasn’t shivering with
disgust
,
dumbass!”

“Oh.”

“We could have been a thing!” I realize, twenty years too
late.

“Talk about your bad timing.”

Lenny and I both bow our heads in silence, sharing a
melancholy nostalgia for a teenage lovefest we never got to have with each
other.

“Some things happen for a reason, I guess. Or don’t.” I smile
sadly.

Lenny shrugs with his whole torso, shoulders reaching up
to his ears. He holds it like that for a moment before letting the tension
release. “Bottom line? In the present time, even with all of this shit between
you and me, I’m really glad I’m here.” He kind of ruffles my hair in an
uncle-ish way. “You?”

“Jury’s still out on that,” I say.

We make our way back from our heart-to-heart, strolling
around the far side of the pool in the center of the Clevelander’s courtyard.

“Do you see that?” Lenny asks, gesturing across the pool
to where Jodi and Tim are seated at a round table. Although we cannot make out
what’s being said, Jodi is clearly giving a piece of her mind to some guy with
a Mohawk and lots of gold jewelry. We quickly push through the throngs of
drunkards and reach the table.

“How dare you?” Jodi scolds, now standing and facing this
very large, fierce-looking man. “You have no right taking pictures of us!”

“Lady, I was just getting a shot of…” He trails off,
trying to come up with an excuse. “The pool?” he finishes.

Jodi tosses her long hair defiantly. “You were not! You
took a picture of me and my friends here, and I don’t appreciate it one bit!”

“Jodi…” Tim begins, trying to calm her down. Kat arrives
at the table just as we do.

“Forget it, Artist. Once she starts…” Kat shakes her head.
“You just gotta let her go until she’s done.”

“Wow, she’s worse than Ruby!” he laughs.

“Lady, your ass is beautiful, what can I say?”

“My…?” This stops Jodi. “You were taking a picture of my
ass?” Her tone is noticeably softer. “Not a picture of…” She trails off before
saying “my friend Tim Cubix here?”

“Yes, ma’am.” He bows. “It’s a beaut. I have a collection
on my wall and yours is gonna go front and center.”

“Well.” Jodi smiles. “In a perverted sort of way, I’m more
than slightly flattered.”

“That’s my girl,” Kat jokes as I join her at the table.

“Now, if you could just…” he says, motioning for her to
move left a little bit. Left, toward Tim.

“Jodi! He’s lying! Paparazzi alert!” I call out. Jodi
immediately pushes Tim out of the way and poses for the shot alone, with her
hair covering her face, unrecognizable. Then she grabs Tim’s arm and they push
their way toward the exit as Kat, Lenny and I follow close behind.

“Hey!” I say, tapping the arm of the bouncer Jodi danced
with earlier. “Could you maybe throw that asshole over there into the pool?” I
point to Mohawk, who’s fiddling with his phone.

“For Jodi? I’d do anything!” he yells back.

“And make sure his phone goes in with him, please, sir!”
Kat adds. “Bastard!” she yells toward the paparazzi, giving him the finger.

Outside the Clevelander, we gather by the far side of the
courtyard gate and peer over the railing as the dude, his Mohawk, and his phone
go overboard. Jodi and Tim high-five each other as we all jump into a cab
idling on the corner.

“When that guy gets dry, he’s gonna come looking for us. I
know the type. Plus, he’s got friends, so he’ll just send out an APB till I’m
found,” Tim says, leaning back in the taxi, which still hasn’t moved. “Fucking
bummer.”

“Where to?” the cabbie asks.

“Tommy’s Tattoo Parlor,” Tim instructs. “You know it?”

The cabdriver nods and pulls away from the curb.

The ride is a silent one, as we each assess our own
blood-alcohol levels and try to regroup.

“I’m sorry,” Jodi says to the darkness.

“It’s okay,” Tim says, knowing the apology is meant for
him. “You didn’t know. You have no reason
not
to trust people.”

“No, I mean, I’m sorry for buying those tabloids for all
those years, for feeding the media’s frenzy and for contributing to what almost
happened to you tonight.”

“It is a serious pain in the ass,” Tim concedes. “But it’s
bigger than just you, Jodi. Way bigger.”

“I just want you to know that I’m starting to get it. That
maybe being famous isn’t the point…” She trails off. “I’m not making sense. But
that was kind of scary.”

“Agreed,” I say, nodding. “And, Jo, you’re making perfect
sense to me.” I wink. “Now you know: the grass is fucking brown.”

“Huh?” Everyone turns to me, the nonspecific question
asked in chorus.

“You know, like the opposite of the ‘grass is always
greener’ idea,” I say by way of explanation, mostly for my own benefit. I
needed Lenny to show up at my door and say,
Here I am if you want me.
Jodi needed someone to try and take her picture for profit. None of it feels
all that great, once it happens.

Except maybe for Kat standing up to our principal. That’s
got to be a pretty satisfying sensation.

“What time is it?” Kat asks.

“Like twelve forty-five.” I yawn.

“What we need is some blood soup!” Lenny says. “Like they
drink in Korea, to refuel. To get rid of all the toxins.”

“I’ve got a couple of hair elastics, a Tylenol sinus pill,
and a few packs of Barbie chewies if anyone wants,” Jodi offers, digging
through her oversized metallic clutch.

“This is it,” the cabdriver announces. “Ride’s on me.”

We start to protest, but he waves us away and winks at
Tim. “See ya later,
Black Dawn
.”

“I guess that disguise wasn’t as ironclad as we thought,”
I muse. I watch Tim as he looks into the mirror lining one side of the tattoo
parlor and scrapes the mole off his face.

“It’s all good,” he says, nonchalantly. Like he’s reading
a line from a script. I start to wonder, what the hell?

“So…why are you hanging out with us, again?” Kat, Lenny
and Jodi are off flipping through books, deciding which tattoos they would get
if they were getting tattoos.

“Because,” he shrugs. “You’re regular people. I can’t even
remember the last time I was with normal, non-Hollywood types, except for my
family and some guys I grew up with, that is.”

“O
kay
.”

“It’s like this. You know how you think it’s fun to hang
out with me?”

I nod.

“Well, it’s the same for me. I’ve been gone so long from
normal, I’d just like to be around it a bit and hope some of it rubs off on
me.”

He finishes removing the hat and mole and uses some
cleanser on the counter to scrub the remaining gunk off his face. “Plus, I like
MC Lenny. I have a project I want to pitch to him. Tommy!” he shouts with a
smile, upon seeing a compact, completely bald man emerge from the back.