Laura's Light (7 page)

Unfortunately, they were the same reasons Trevor feared he should walk away. How could he bring his darkness to her light? What if he sucked that light from her life? He would never forgive himself—but what if her light was strong enough to overcome his darkness?

Could that be possible? Could Trevor dare to dream? He was feeling selfish enough to try as he held Laura in his arms. And what sort of a man did that make him?

Chapter Nine

Laura couldn’t remember the last time she had been in bed so late in the morning. Not that she had been sleeping—no, after their smoking hot session in her kitchen she and Trevor had moved to her bedroom, giggling and laughing all the way like lovestruck teenagers. There they’d made love.
It was definitely making love and not sex
, Laura mused as she lay staring at Trevor’s handsome face, resting on the pillow beside her. Their most recent coupling had been slow, sensual, more of a worshipping of bodies than the heated sex they had previously shared. Trevor had left no inch of Laura undiscovered, had kissed and stroked every part of her body with intent, intimately, and she had done the same to his in return.

They had gazed deeply into each other’s eyes as they’d joined their bodies as one. The rhythm they’d found had been more like a waltz, a gentle swaying of two bodies dancing together, back and forth, rocking and swaying in a calmer mating than the usual frantic pace one expected of sex.

Laura’s orgasm had been slow and drawn-out, sweet—no crashing of waves or molten lava heat this time. This time her crescendo had slipped upon her, brushing over her like silk over skin, a tantalising, lingering pleasure that lasted for what had seemed an eternity. To Laura, it had felt as if their souls had merged—Trevor and Laura, one persona. It was a fanciful notion for a grown woman, but nonetheless her heart had opened. But Trevor had some hidden pain—she could see it buried deep behind his eyes. She remembered the way he’d spoken of his parents, his confession that they were disappointed in him, and wondered what had happened to make him feel that way. Trevor’s life, in Laura’s opinion, was filled with success. He was a renowned sportsman and journalist, highly regarded by his peers. And he was smoking hot and unbelievably giving in the bedroom. Laura could attest to that. He made her happy, filled her with hope of being loved. He had already convinced her she was desirable…more than once. She smiled at her own humour.

“This is the best Saturday I’ve had in way too long to remember. My muscles feel like jelly, I’m so relaxed right now.” She stroked his stubbled cheek and cradled it in her hand, enjoying the warmth and texture of Trevor’s skin. The maleness he exuded made her feel so feminine. Laura had not felt that particular way for an age. She had been mother and provider for so long that being a woman had come way after that. And feminine? Maybe never. Even though she knew she should keep her thoughts to herself, Laura couldn’t.

“You make me feel things I thought were lost to me, Trevor. You have awakened a part of me that was missing, and I thank you for that. But I have to admit in all honesty, I’m a little terrified of what will happen next. I feel this connection to you, and it scares me. Should it be this quick, this intense? Is this real? Should I be feeling so much for you, so soon? Or are my hormones and emotions just confused because of the sex? But I do look forward to this new stage in my life and what happiness it will bring. Having someone to talk to and connect with. Sharing thoughts and dreams. Hopefully more of this—the sex is amazing. It’s been so long for me I’d almost forgotten, and I want more, much, much more.”

Laura saw the hesitation in Trevor’s eyes as soon as she’d blurted out her hopes. She could have kicked herself for her stupidity.

“Laura, there has never been anyone that has connected to me as you have. I’m not sure if this is too fast. It’s the first time I’ve ever felt so strongly for a woman, so complete. Just having you next to me fills my heart with joy. But I don’t think you should count on me. I’m not what I appear to be on the outside. I have what some would say is ‘too much baggage’. You deserve someone that will fill your life with joy and happiness, and I’m worried that I won’t be that person. As much as I want to just stay here with you, forever, I also know that my personal demons will ruin us—ruin you—and just as I have everyone else that was of any importance to me, I will disappoint you in the end. You deserve someone better than me.”

His words just confirmed what she had begun to suspect. She was making more of this than it deserved.

The pain that lanced through Laura’s chest was sudden, excruciating. What was Trevor saying? She’d had to open her big mouth and scare him off. She knew she had said too much, so now he was backtracking away from her—and fast. Yes, his words were remorseful. He was pretending that it was for her own good, not to expect much from him, she was the best and so on, but it was the ‘him not her’ analogy that angered her the most. The bottom line was she had blown it, but the least he could do was be honest with her and just admit that it had never been meant to be anything but a quick fling, and stop all the guilty rhetoric.

She was a fool.

Of course he wouldn’t want her long-term—she was old. He was still in his prime, probably wanted kids, a family, and she had already done that.

When had she forgotten about their age differences, social differences? She had known them last night, had reminded herself not to get attached. Why had she not heeded her own words? Why had she let herself get carried away by the moment? This wasn’t some romantic novel where the hero fell for the heroine at first glance. This was real life. Laura shut her eyes, broke the connection that she had mistakenly felt was between them.

She needed to pull herself together. Her pride would not let her show him how much he had hurt her. How much she had
let
herself be hurt was probably fairer. She had made it through life without a man and one night was not going to change that. She was strong. She would survive, learn from this experience and maybe one day trust a man again. If she could be bothered!

She turned from him and rolled from the bed. As she stood, she snatched up the robe that lay over the chair, then quickly donned it, hoping that the fabric would help shield her from her pain. The idea of being nude when her heart was breaking was just too much for Laura to bear.

“That’s okay, Trevor. I don’t know what got into me. Of course I wouldn’t expect anything from you. We had a lovely date and you have been very gallant, accompanying me home to face Mitchell. But you’re right—we all have too much baggage in our lives to get into any messy kind of relationship.” Laura could feel her heart tearing. The pressure on her chest was unbearable, the moisture behind her eyes had started to build. She had to get Trevor out of her house, and fast, before she broke down. Her humiliation was already a heavy burden and she wasn’t about to add to the load.

“Well, I’m sure you have things to do. I know I have—paperwork, rosters and things like that. Maybe we should both get on with our days. Thanks for dinner and breakfast and everything. I’ll see you around. I’m just going to grab a shower. Do you think you can let yourself out?”

She spared a quick glance towards her bed, could not stop herself from having one last look at the man lying there. He might have blindsided her with his words, but he was still a sight to behold, naked and sex-rumpled in her sheets.

She was surprised to see what appeared to be a look of uncertainty on his face. Trevor’s mouth gaped open, as if he was trying to find the right words, but she didn’t want to hear any more patronising excuses from him. Didn’t think she could keep from weeping if he tried. So before he had a chance to speak, Laura fled from the room.

Once safely inside her bathroom, the door firmly closed behind her, Laura slid down to sit on the cold tiles of the floor, the chill nothing compared to the ice in her heart. She finally let go, let the misery and humiliation free, using a towel to muffle any sound of her distress.

She didn’t hear any noise that indicated Trevor’s departure from her home and heart, but considering her face had been stuffed against a towel that was not surprising. Finally, after the tears began to slow, then dry on her cheeks, Laura dragged her spent body from the floor. Turning on the shower, she stepped under the stream of warm water and tried to wash away some of the pain. Mitchell would be home soon, and the last thing she wanted was for her son to see her in such distress. Especially since her distress was of her own making. She had let romantic fantasies cloud reality. She didn’t want Mitchell blaming Trevor or doing anything that might impact on his rugby league, and feuding with a reporter would probably not be a great career move.

It was sadly ironic that after years of censoring her life, making sure her actions did nothing to embarrass or negatively impact on her son, Laura had achieved that misery in one night.

Chapter Ten

He still did not know how it had all gone to hell so quickly. One minute he was gazing lovingly into Laura’s iceberg-blue eyes, recovering from the single most awe-inspiring moment of his life. The next, he was in his car, driving back to his empty house. A house he had left with Laura only hours ago. And his bed would still smell of sex and Laura. 

Trevor was so shaken up that he hadn’t even had time for the blackness to take hold. But he was expecting it anytime now. As per usual, he had fucked up. He tried to recall what he had said that had sent Laura running. He’d been trying to explain his problems, his depression, but somehow the words had come out all wrong. He hadn’t wanted her to go—he’d just been trying to warn her that eventually he would disappoint her. He had hoped that she would be strong enough, loving enough to work through the dark times with him. But he had been so wrong.

Laura had sprung from the bed as if she had been bitten.

She’d looked so panicked, obviously embarrassed that he had put his heart on the line when he had admitted that he felt for her like he had for no other. He must not have heard her correctly, because the only reason he’d opened up about his feelings had been in response to her claim that she felt a connection. But her gratitude that he had awoken her sex drive must have been just that—a ‘thanks for the fuck’.

Anger simmered underneath his skin. How could he have been such an idiot, such a spineless, gullible fool? It had been a ridiculous notion that he was good enough for someone like Laura Harris. Trevor’s dark side put him way out of her league.

Better yet, Trevor still had the disconcerting knowledge he would have to face Rookie Harris—both professionally and more than likely socially—on a regular basis, which would remind him of his mistakes, his loss.
What a clusterfuck.

“Way to go. This time you have outdone yourself,” he berated his reflection in the rear-view mirror of his car as he pulled into the driveway of his home—his cave, the place he hid from the world when the world felt too big, too hard to navigate. The place that had been filled with Laura just a few hours ago, but was now empty.

“Remember your pills. You really can’t afford to lose it now. There is too much to do,” he reminded himself as he dragged his body from his car. He wondered why his life had to be so difficult—he was always on the edge of despair, the precipice of doom.

“Well, at least I should be thankful this happened so quickly. Surely I can’t have become that invested in her so quickly? My God, it was only one night, one fucking mind-blowing, passion-filled night.” He dragged his fingers through his already mussed hair.

“C’mon, Trev, this isn’t helping yourself, mate,” he mumbled as he stumbled through the doorway, then closed the door, shutting the world out behind him. “Tough it out… Medicate and shower.” Trevor spoke the words aloud, the emptiness of his house echoing the hollow sound of his voice back at him. “Change the sheets, get rid of every reminder of her.”

He needed to wash the scent of Laura from his skin, as well. He could still smell her essence on him, and until that had been removed there was no way he could move forward.

Before he could put any of his plans in action, or even move, he was interrupted by the ringing of his phone.

Last thing I feel like doing is speaking to anyone
, he thought, but really couldn’t ignore the call. It might be about work, about his weekly sports show. Work was something he could focus on to keep his brain from thinking about Laura. So Trevor moved towards the intrusive, noisy device.

“Hughes,” he grunted into the mouthpiece. And, as if by some divining stroke of luck, the voice on the other end of the phone belonged to Brodie James, Trevor’s own personal guardian angel. How Brodie always seem to ring at the most important times in Trevor’s life, Trevor had no clue, but that voice on the line, that familiar sound, connected to his spirit.

“Hey, Trev, it’s Brodie. Glad I caught you. Was wondering if you feel like a gym session? A little birdie just told me that some of my Jets boys have been and gone. I know I’m just the assistant coach, but I feel like if I don’t keep in some sort of shape the boys will get the better of me, and I haven’t hit the gym in weeks.”

“Brodes, don’t know if I’m up for it, mate.” Trevor’s voice sounded flat and even though he tried to keep the darkness from his voice, he just knew Brodie would pick up on it straight away, so he tried to lighten his tone with some humour.

“The missus given you a leave pass or something? Where is your partner in crime? Wouldn’t JT normally jump at the chance to show off his brawn at the gym?” Trevor added, trying to sound better than he felt. But Brodie had already picked up on his mood.

“Trev, you sound a bit flat. Everything okay, buddy? I thought you would be in a better frame of mind after your speedy exit from Mia’s last night. Did it not go well? You and Laura, I mean.”

“Huh, what is it with you, Brodie? Always so touchy-feely, and fretting all the time. Butting into everyone’s business.” Trevor’s tone was sharp, but he couldn’t help the bitterness aimed at his friend. He didn’t really mean the words he had spoken.