Laughing Fate (41 page)

They sat like that for hours. They counted stars and talked about everything and nothing. When the sun began to rise they watched in awe. Finally Puck fell asleep and Potter picked her up gently. He loved that she trusted him enough to tell him about her past. He wondered if after today they could rebuild their relationship. Maybe they had just been moving too fast for her? She had learned to distrust men from the rat bastard. They had only been going out for a few months, which would be too fast for many people.

Potter tucked her into bed and wished that he could crawl in bed next to her. He didn’t have the right to that now. He brushed her cheek with the back of her hand and smiled when she snored softly. One of these days he would be in her bed. He couldn’t just walk away from this girl. He watched her for several moments and then walked away.

Potter would have to come up with an ingenious plan to win her love and trust again. He would have to prove to her that what they had could last forever if it had to. He locked the door behind him and drove home. He had some serious thinking to do.

****

Puck woke up with a mother of a headache. She rolled in bed holding her head and wishing that someone would just shoot her. She pried her eyes open and glanced at a clock. It was 10 am. She groaned and sat up. She had a weird memory from last night…

Puck gasped and jumped out of bed. Potter! Had he been here? Had she told him all about Molly and how she had killed her? Puck stumbled on a shoe and cursed as she tripped. When she regained her balance she kicked the shoe and cursed some more.

How could she have told Potter about Molly? She glanced at the bed suspiciously; half expecting to see him curled up in there. But no, he hadn’t stayed. It was just as she feared. How could he love a murderer? He would never want to look at her again.

Puck reminded herself that she’d broken up with him, so it didn’t matter if he hated her or not. She would never see him again…except for around town, at the beach, and at parties. And of course on the skank’s arm. She would definitely see him on her arm because he liked her so much.

Puck walked back into her room, over to the offensive shoe that had tripped her earlier, and kicked it.  Stupid Potter. She didn’t care if he was with that chick. She stomped out of her room and peeked inside Perri’s. She was sleeping soundly in her bed. Puck breathed a sigh of relief and tiptoed a few steps down the stairs. Once she was far enough away from Perri, so that she wouldn’t wake her, Puck resumed her stomp.

She stared around the living room in horror. Man, she really had messed it up. There was whiskey bottles and ice cream everywhere. This had been the worst anniversary of Molly’s death ever. She supposed it was because she had let her defenses down. She wondered if she’d ever be able to get them back up?

Puck spent the morning cleaning her mess up and nursing her hangover. Around noon there was a knock on the door. Puck frowned and went over to answer it. She hadn’t showered and wasn’t wearing a bra. Her hair was a mess and she was pretty sure that there was dirt on her pajamas- how did she get dirt on them?

“
Hello?” Puck said, cracking the door open an inch.

“
Hey.”

Puck knew that voice. She shut the door and ducked beneath the peep hole. Maybe he would think she wasn’t home?

“Puck? Come on, open the door,” Potter said warily.

“
I’m not home.”

“
Puck, please?”

Puck frowned. Did he have to sound so worried? She stood up and peeked through the hole. She got a fisheye view of him rubbing his forehead with his hand. He only did that when he had a headache- was he getting sick? She hoped not. Wait! No she didn’t! She wanted him sick, didn’t she?

Puck sighed and opened the door. “Are you sick?”

“
Huh?” Potter asked confused.

“
Not that I care, I’m just curious. Are you sick? Cause you should drink lots of water and get rest if you are.  Not that I care.”

Potter slowly grinned and leaned one hand against the house. “Are you worried about me, Puck Berri?”

“No!”

“
I think you are,” he teased.

“
Well I’m not,” she said stubbornly. She opened the door wider and stepped back to let him.  “You might as well come in.”

“
Thanks. Listen, Puck we need to talk.”

“
No we don’t.”

“
Yes, we do.”

“
No…no we really don’t.”

Potter sighed and sank down on the couch. “Puck, please. We need to talk about our future.”

Puck looked warily at him and said, “I thought we agreed we had no future.”

“
No, you said we had no future. I still want a future with you.”

“
What, is the skank busy tomorrow night?” Puck winced when she heard the jealousy in her own voice. “Not that I care.”

“
Her name is Betty and I have no interest in her. You are the only girl for me, Puck.”

“
We broke up.”

“
I think you were just scared-

“
Shut up! I’m not scared!”

“
I think that you learned from the past not to count on others. Heck you couldn’t even trust your own sister with your pain! I want to prove to you that you can trust me. That I will always be here.”

“
Just because I may have cried on your shoulder last night don’t mean that I want you here today! I don’t want a relationship with you!”

“
Why? Tell me why, Puck. Convince me that we will never work.” Potter said, his determined eyes locked on hers as he took her hand and gently pulled her onto the couch next to him.

“
Tell me why.”

Puck stared into his eyes and felt her heart melt just a little. She couldn’t think of a single logical thing to say. He was right. She had been scared. She’d jumped on the chance to break up with him because she was scared that he wouldn’t love her once he found out the truth.

But she had told him the truth last night, hadn’t she? She wracked her hazy memories for the answer. He had come over and held her, he’d been so gentle with her. Even after she’d told him the worst truth about herself, he had continued to hold her and gently rock her.

Puck bit her lip and felt her eyes fill with tears. “I don’t know if I can.”

Potter pulled her onto his lap and hugged her to him. “You don’t know if you can what, sweetheart?”

Puck sniffled against his shirt and shook her head. It felt heavenly to be back in her angel’s arms. He was crooning softly to her and stroking her back with his strong yet gentle hands. And that smell! She couldn’t get enough of that smell. She laid her head against his chest, listening to his strong heart beat.

“I missed you,” She mumbled softly.  She could feel him hold his breath and his hands stilled against her back. Then he was crushing her to him, his warm lip kissing the top of her head.

“
I missed you too, baby!”

“
Don’t call me baby,” Puck said against his shirt. She just wanted to be held like this for a few more minutes. Her thoughts were all in a whirl. Should she tell him? He may know about Molly, but he still didn’t know everything. Like the voice in her head that said that no one could ever love her or the fact that the thought of marriage scared the crap out of her.

Was it fair to Potter to keep stringing him along? Puck felt tears build up because she knew what the answer was.  It would be so easy to curl up next to this man and let him love her. They could be so happy together, but for how long? Eventually he would expect marriage. Heck, he had proposed after their first date. How long would he stick around once he found out that she wasn’t ready for marriage?  That she didn’t believe in true unselfish and pure love?

He may be her angel, but she just wasn’t right for him. He deserved someone ready to commit to him, someone who didn’t feel broken inside.

****

Puck stood behind the counter at work and stared morosely out at the crowd. Breaking up with Potter had been one of the hardest things of her life. That first time, after the volley ball game had been easy because she had been riding on a tide of white hot anger. There could be no fixing it this time. She’d had her chance to trust Potter and she just couldn’t do it.

Puck felt a wave of tears descending and quickly pushed them back. She’d been doing that a lot lately, crying for no reason. She wiped a tear away and forced a smile on her face. She had customers to greet. She may be a basket case right now, but she would be the best gosh darn waitress in the world! She walked over and took their orders and brought them their drinks.

“Miss? We ordered coffee! Not ice tea!”

“
Oh?”

“
Yes!”

“
Okay.” Puck wandered back to the counter and leaned her elbows against it. The problem was that she kept thinking about Potter. She couldn’t get him out of her head. She kept replaying how he had looked when she’d pushed herself off his lap and faced him sadly. He’d known before she opened her mouth. There had been no need to talk. He tried to change her mind, tried desperately to stop her from saying the words, but in the end she’d spoken those words in a broken little voice. He had tried to talk her out of it, but in the end he had left.

“
Miss!”

“
Miss!”

Puck raised her head and saw her table waving glasses of iced tea at her. Huh. They must want a refill. She grabbed the glasses, dumped them out and refilled them with fresh iced tea. She plopped them on the table and went back to her post. She vaguely heard a commotion and saw Sandy bustle over there, but she ignored it. It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered right now.

She remembered thinking before that true love made you stronger. Puck scoffed at her stupidity. It made you stupid was what it made you. She just couldn’t get Potter’s face out of her head. She missed him. She wanted him here, in this diner right now. Her eyes filled with tears again. She wouldn’t ever see Potter in this diner ever again.

If he was smart he was right now asking that skank…er…Betty for a date. He would find himself a new partner. He’d marry her and they would have cute little babies. So she couldn’t miss him. It wasn’t her right. She
didn’t
miss him. He would find himself his true mate. He was just like a wolf. He’d find a mate and be with her for life. And she…well she just wouldn’t have a mate.

Puck felt tears dropping down her face and quickly wiped them away. The door opened, and for a moment Puck wished that it was Potter, but no. It was just that poor shy girl from the country. What was her name? Maisy? Or Daisy? Something like that. Puck shrugged and continued staring off into space. Love seemed to do that to a person. Make them introspective. Well…not love exactly. Probably heart break. God, she was pathetic.

There had been a time when Puck had looked down on Maisy for being so quiet.  She was like a walking door mat. Every time Puck had seen her she would get the urge to poke her until she showed some hint of emotion.  Puck didn’t feel like that now. Now she just wondered what had happened to Maisy to make her so quiet.

Puck could understand not wanting to be noticed. Right now she just wanted to find a deep dark hole and hide in it forever. Puck glanced up again when the door swung open. She refused to admit that she was looking for Potter. Because she wasn’t. Not at all. She scowled at the old ladies that had just come in. Stupid old ladies…

“Puck, dear I love you. I do! But you are chasing away even our regulars!”

“
Oh hey Sandy.”

“
Are you listening to me?”

“
Sure.”

Sandy sighed and looked at her friend with a worried eye. Puck had been like a pod person wandering around the past few days. She had never seen Puck this upset before. She wasn’t eating, she was barely drinking…she wasn’t even yelling. All she’d do is answer in some listless voice. Sandy had tried to talk to her about it, but Puck had just wandered off muttering about geese.

“Puck, why don’t you go home?”

“
Hmm?”

“
Puck, you don’t have to work if you don’t want to. Why don’t you go home and rest?”

“
Did you know geese mate for life?”

“
Umm no I didn’t.”

“
Yeah.”

Sandy rolled her eyes and pushed Puck onto a chair. “Take it easy. You’re scaring everyone.”

“Sure.”

Sandy looked up to see Brad and James enter the diner. She smiled at them and ran to get them a cup of coffee. This was the first time since Puck and Potter had broken up that one of the gang had shown up at the diner.

“Hi! How are you all doing? I haven’t seen you here in a while.”

“
Oh, hi Sandy,” they said in unison. They sat down at a table, looking oddly somber for those two. Brad’s hair hung loose about his shoulders, and a trim little beard now graced his chin. Sandy raised an eyebrow at the new facial hair.