Laugh Lines: Conversations With Comedians (52 page)

Corey: If we looked at this pilot, whose acting style do you think you compare to?

Dave: I like to think of myself as the thinking man’s Screech—kind of mugging, just glad to be a part of it. That’s the beauty of when you do a sitcom and you’re not an actor. You know you’re doing it wrong, but you just don’t care. I can just go out on the road. Everyone else is freaking out. ‘What are we gonna do?’ They’re thinking about doing porn, and I have another job I can do.

Corey: Do you have a line you use when people are bugging you, want to buy you drinks?

Dave: No, but I have to get that line because after four or five shots, I’m really drunk. I don’t like when people go, ‘Do you want a shot?’ and I say, “No,” and they say, ‘Come on, I want to tell people I bought you one.’ ‘Well, just tell them. If you’re gonna use me in a story, why don’t you tell them you bought me a house?’

Corey: Your bio says you’re very respected in the industry. What industry would that be?

Dave: I guess that would be in the porn-buying industry. I don’t just buy one tape; I get four or five at a time. You get it to hold you for a couple months; otherwise, you’re back there like every week. The industry I would most like to be respected in is the crab fisherman. These guys only get to work like three days a year, and it’s the most dangerous job in the world. Those are the guys I want to drink with.

The first live comedy show I ever saw was with co-headliners Dennis Miller and Howie Mandel, outdoors at the former Riverport Amphitheatre near St. Louis. I had appreciated the silliness and manic energy of Mandel on TV specials and did my best (with the rest of the country) to keep up with the quick-fire and references Miller spewed on “Saturday Night Live.”

It was that combination of silly and smart humor that I would begin to seek out and emulate. I did this interview with Howie when I was in college, a few years after seeing that show.

Corey: Whatever happened to the rubber glove trick?

Howie Mandel: I have doctor’s orders not to do that anymore. I have a note from my doctor. Anybody else is allowed to do it. It’s my personal kind of medical problem.

Corey: You didn’t break any law or anything?

Howie: Only a sinus. I punctured a sinus. I was rushed to the hospital and told not to do it again. And besides that I don’t think it’s a real talent either.

Corey: OK. How else has your stand-up changed over the years?

Howie: I never get a chance to see my show because I’m always up front facing the wrong way. I’ve never been analytical about comedy or my act or anything I’ve done. I kind of went with the flow. Anything I’ve ever been punished for, expelled for or hit for is what I seem to be getting paid for. This was considered a problem as a child; now it’s a career as an adult.

Corey: How do you usually interact with your opening act at the venue?

Howie: Usually it’s slow dancing. I would say the lambada, but you know that’s forbidden.

Corey: What is going through your mind as you’re watching someone else do stand-up?

Howie: Am I on yet? I don’t watch that much stand-up. I’m onstage or I get there two minutes before I go on. Not that I wouldn’t like to, but I haven’t had that much opportunity.

Corey: After working on ‘St. Elsewhere’ for so long, what do you think of these new medical dramas?

Howie: I haven’t seen them but I have read the critical reception and I have read some of the comparisons. The fact that these are so successful critically and commercially, I am proud that I was part of something that is compared to its success.

Corey: What about a reunion?

Howie: It would be nice. This is probably my farewell tour. I probably won’t be available for something like that. I’m gonna do a talk show starting in June. Ed Flanders passed away. We can’t get him back.

Corey: With the success of ‘Bobby’s World,’ you have a younger fan base. Has that changed your comedy at all?

Howie: Absolutely not. People can not bring kids to this show. Stand-up has always been an adult show. The talk show will be clean. It’s daytime. I’ve been doing stand-up for 20 years, so if people are going to go out and buy tickets they probably know enough about me to know not to bring their children.

Corey: Where did the Bobby voice come from?

Howie: Choking on a piece of cake at a birthday party when I was 11.

Corey: It just developed from there?

Howie: It’s amazing to me that this little noise that came out of me has turned into a career and a person and this other guy that does it in syndication in 65 countries every day. It’s in its ninth year of production.

Corey: So when you start to run out of ideas do you attempt to choke on other things?

Howie: I never try to come up with a voice. Everything happens by accident. This whole career is an accident. I was in retail. I was a carpenter. I came out here as a tourist and went to The Comedy Store on an amateur night and got seen by a producer. I got a job and was commuting; then Diana Ross saw me and I became her opening act. One thing leads to another and I’m talking to you—the pinnacle of my career.

Corey: Do you do any vocal exercises before one of your shows?

Howie: No. Should I? I usually arrive there two minutes before so there’s no preparation involved. Actually preparation does not help me.

Corey: Just jump right on.

Howie: Jump right on, mostly improvisation. Each show is unique in its own way. It’s a giant party and I just try to be the center of attention for the most part.

Corey: What do you do if the audience isn’t with you for the night?

Howie: For most of the time, they are with me, but there are moments when things fall flat. But those moments have their own entertainment value in themselves, when they are seeing someone that’s not planned and will probably never happen again. There’s something of value to that, too.

Corey: Have your children seen your act?

Howie: Never.

Corey: How about the cartoon?

Howie: Always. They write it. They do actually. The success of the cartoon is that we don’t have to write it. It happened to me or my children or the children of the writers. I’ll ask, ‘What did you do today?’ and ‘Slow down,’ and I’ll take out a piece of paper and write it down and that becomes an episode. Yeah, they do write it. I don’t know if they enjoy it because it’s more like déjà vu when they see it.

Corey: Would you say it’s more flattering or embarrassing for them?

Howie: Um, neither. It’s just what it is. They have nothing to compare it to. They were born into this with their dad on TV or on a cartoon. It’s just what is.

Corey: What plans do you have for the style of your talk show?

Howie: It’s talk/variety, which is a format that was honed more than 40 years ago with Jack Parr. The thing that makes it different is that it’s me. I don’t think any talk show is different; it’s just different hosts. The fact that it’s me and that I will do anything and people don’t know what to expect is what will make it fun for me. I’ll go outside the studio and play with people on the street.

Corey: Are you working on your interviewing skills?

Howie: Yes, right now as we speak. I’m listening.

Corey: What’s the worst thing about being on the road?

Howie: Being away. That’s why I’m going to do this talk show. I hear I have some really lovely children; I’d like to meet them.

Corey: What will you miss about being in front of a comedy audience?

Howie: I think I will get my performance rocks off, as it were, by doing a talk show. I’ll be in front of a live studio audience. I’ll be able to entertain along with everything else I want to do. Go out in the streets and create little video packages like I would if I was doing a special. To being entertained, by sitting back and listening to people. I’m looking forward to it.

Corey: It seems like every week now another comedian has a book. Is this something you’ve been thinking about?

Howie: A pamphlet. I just don’t have much of an attention span.

Corey: Do you have any strange fan stories?

Howie: One. The one in the den. Every time I pull the chain it doesn’t slow down; it just stays at that top speed. It’s supposed to have three different speeds. I don’t know how strange that is, but I paid good money for that.

Corey: Right. What about a person?

Howie: Is that what you mean? I knew. I have no strange fan stories.

Corey: I saw you once and it was a little weird. This woman walked up and tried to give you a gift while you were doing your act.

Howie: People do walk up and give me things. I thought I was being stalked for a while. There was this woman. She knew where I lived. When I ate dinner, she was there. As it turns out it was my wife. I got concerned for a while, until I realized it was Mrs. Mandel. It wasn’t stalking.

Corey: Who would play you in a movie about your life?

Howie: I think it goes without saying: Yaphet Kotto.

Corey: Let’s hope that gets made while he can still do it.

Howie: He can play young.

Corey: You probably know quite a bit about what makes people laugh. What makes you …

Howie: I know absolutely nothing about making people laugh. That was what I was saying earlier, the one thing for me that I can’t be analytical about and I can’t dissect is comedy. Everything I got in trouble for. I just go out there and entertaining myself. If I am having a good time, usually they are, too. I don’t know why something is funny. I don’t know what makes me laugh. When I laugh at something it’s in the moment. If it’s recreated, I don’t laugh again. Laughter is kind of a weird emotion.

Syndicated newspaper humor columnist Dave Barry teamed with other writers like Amy Tan and Stephen King to form Rock Bottom Remainders, a band whose name refers to the discounted books at shops.

Corey: Do you guys get a chance to rehearse much before the shows?

Dave Barry: No, we heard there are bands that do that—rehearse. Then they know the chords. I don’t want to be too technical, but chords are things that go in the songs. We’re thinking about that, rehearse before we perform. Then we would have this chord thing down. Typically, we practice a little before; then we play. Then we say we should have practiced more.

Corey: Does a whole lot of thought go into the set list?

Dave: Yeah, in the sense of, ‘Anybody remember where we left the set list? Who has the set list?’ That kind of thought goes into it more than any content thought.

Corey: When many people read, they like to play the music of a certain artist. What would be a good book to read while listening to Rock Bottom Remainders?